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In America you can vote for President once every four years, but you can pray for our President every single day. Whoever wins the election will need your prayers. So how should you pray?

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

1 Timothy 2:1-4
  1. Pray for peace and quiet. Peace is an exception in human history, and we shouldn’t take it for granted. Most humans have lived under the constant threat of violence. Pray that our political leaders will pursue peace.
  2. Pray for a godly and dignified life. Pray that our political leaders will protect and support our freedom to live lives pleasing to God, and that they’ll recognize and respect the imago dei in each individual.
  3. Pray that people will hear God’s Word and be saved. God’s ultimate purpose in this world isn’t political, it’s spiritual. Pray that our political leaders will do nothing to hinder the reach of God’s Word. Pray that Christ’s church will take every opportunity to share the Gospel. Pray that the Holy Spirit will “convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment”.
  4. Pray with perseverance and thanksgiving. Do not give up on God if he seems slow to answer. Persevere in prayer. We are commanded to cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving in our prayers, so do not allow a “bitter root” to take hold in you.

Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison— that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.

Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Colossians 4:2-6

Time is shorter than ever. If you don’t have time to pray every day for our leaders, then you certainly don’t have time to be reading and posting about politics all day on social media.

(Note: Please do not leave partisan comments on this post; they will be deleted.)

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Friedrich Nietzsche is perhaps most famous for declaring and lamenting that “God is dead.”

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?

But Nietzsche also touched on psychology, and in “Beyond Good and Evil” (in aphorism 194) he wrote some thoughts about desire and possession in marriage. It’s worth noting that despite his amazing mustache Nietzsche never married, often visited brothels, endured numerous physical and mental afflictions, and died at the age of 55.

[I have inserted paragraph breaks below to improve readability.]

The difference among men does not manifest itself only in the difference of their lists of desirable things—in their regarding different good things as worth striving for, and being disagreed as to the greater or less value, the order of rank, of the commonly recognized desirable things:—it manifests itself much more in what they regard as actually HAVING and POSSESSING a desirable thing.

As regards a woman, for instance, the control over her body and her sexual gratification serves as an amply sufficient sign of ownership and possession to the more modest man;

another with a more suspicious and ambitious thirst for possession, sees the “questionableness,” the mere apparentness of such ownership, and wishes to have finer tests in order to know especially whether the woman not only gives herself to him, but also gives up for his sake what she has or would like to have—only THEN does he look upon her as “possessed.”

A third, however, has not even here got to the limit of his distrust and his desire for possession: he asks himself whether the woman, when she gives up everything for him, does not perhaps do so for a phantom of him; he wishes first to be thoroughly, indeed, profoundly well known; in order to be loved at all he ventures to let himself be found out. Only then does he feel the beloved one fully in his possession, when she no longer deceives herself about him, when she loves him just as much for the sake of his devilry and concealed insatiability, as for his goodness, patience, and spirituality.

One man would like to possess a nation, and he finds all the higher arts of Cagliostro and Catalina suitable for his purpose. Another, with a more refined thirst for possession, says to himself: “One may not deceive where one desires to possess”—he is irritated and impatient at the idea that a mask of him should rule in the hearts of the people: “I must, therefore, MAKE myself known, and first of all learn to know myself!”

From Nietzsche’s nihilistic perspective we see three types of men with increasing levels of ambition for possession — not only for possession of a woman, but here using that possession as an example.

  1. The Modest Man is satisfied with controlling the woman’s body and her sexual gratification.
  2. The Ambitious Man additionally requires that the woman give up herself and her desires for his sake.
  3. The Third Man requires all that, but still will not be satisfied unless the woman knows him thoroughly and profoundly, such that she does not deceive herself into thinking that he is better than he is.

When we contrast Nietzsche’s thinking with the Bible we can easily see how his glimpse of the truth was twisted by nihilism. Consider:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:22-33

Some differences that jump out:

  • Instead of possession, the Bible speaks of love.
  • Instead of control, the Bible speaks of submission.
  • Instead of the wife giving herself up for her husband, the Bible says that the husband gives himself up for his wife.
  • Instead of loving devilry and goodness alike, the Bible teaches that we can be washed clean and made holy.

And yet buried within Nietzsche’s nihilism is a profound truth: we all have the desire to be “thoroughly, indeed, profoundly well known”, and this craving to be known is interwoven with our need to love and be loved. The great chapter on love, 1 Corinthians 13, decimates Nietzsche’s ambition to merely possess and concludes with a deeply satisfying promise that through love we will ultimately know and be known.

… but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. [snip] For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:10-12

(Side note: Some Christians are dissatisfied with the teachings in Ephesians 5, especially with regard to love and submission, but be sure to notice the stark contrast between the Bible and Nietzsche. Nietzsche was one of the greatest secular minds in history and has had a profound impact on modern culture. It you “kill God” you must yourselves “become gods” to replace him, and don’t be so sure that you’ll do a better job of it. Nietzsche died alone and insane.)

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Reader “AE” brings up a topic that we’ve received numerous emails about over the years but haven’t yet addressed.

My husband is an incredible and selfless man. I have zero complaints about him as a husband, and he has always been so willing to do anything to be the best husband he can be. He has a history of promiscuity before we were married as well as pornography. When he gave his life to the Lord before we were married, he surrendered all of that, and we both know he has been forgiven and absolutely redeemed.

However, our sex life is, as you call it, very vanilla. He has always been pretty closed to exploration, and when I have gotten adventurous, it seems to shut him down instead of turn him on (which has been tough on me). Your website has given us an incredible place to start from to dig into what’s holding each of us back in the bedroom. We’ve been using your articles to discuss things we’ve never even known we need to talk about. In one of those conversations, he realized that anything remotely risque triggers memories for him from those years before we were together. He is so determined to keep his focus on me and his mind pure, he’s shutting everything down mentally, including his own interest. I should note, he has never had any issues “rising” to the occasion. If I go all in, he’ll meet me there. But most foreplay is limited if not non existent.

We’ve realized, our bedroom is like a minefield for triggering his memories and it’s keeping us from enjoying the freedom the Lord has intended for us. We both believe there’s better for us and we’re both willing to work on it. Your site is already giving us ways to fight for that. But do you have any strategy for how we can explore together in the Lord’s favor the things he once explored inappropriately without triggering these thoughts and memories that take his mind off of me and the moment we’re in? Is there anything I can do to help him?

Thank you for any help! And thank you and SC for this safe place to find permission and strategy and FUN.

First off Mr. and Mrs. AE, don’t feel alone with this challenge! Many Christians fall short of God’s perfect standard that sex is intended for married couples only. Sexual sin can lead to serious, life-altering consequences — not to mention the harm it can do to your relationship with God. And yet, God is always eager to offer us forgiveness when we repent, thanks to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Even when we’re forgiven, however, it isn’t always easy (or possible) to be completely free from the natural consequences of our sin during our lives on earth. The difficulty Mr. and Mrs. AE are experiencing is a natural consequence of sexual sin. Memories can be stubborn.

Caveat: We’re not trained therapists, and it’s possible that a couple in the position AE describes would benefit from talking together or separately with an expert who can advise them based on their specific circumstances. Every person and every marriage is different. The advice we’re going to give here is connected to the Bible and based on our experience, but it may not be right for you. We offer this caveat because we can imagine a direct approach, like we’ll describe, doing more harm than good for some people.

Ok, try this: don’t think of an elephant.

Could you do it? Probably not. It’s basically impossible to pick a specific thing and not think about it. In the most well-known Bible passage about anxiety Paul writes:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:4-8

The bolded action words in the passage make our point: you can’t simply “do not be anxious” without replacing anxious thoughts with something else. Instead of merely commanding a negative, God teaches that the positive drives out the negative.

Mr. and Mrs. AE are dealing with a form of sexual anxiety and we think the principle from Philippians 4 can be applied. Instead of trying to banish distracting, undesired, harmful, or sinful memories by sheer force of will, we should work to replace them with “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable”.

Application: replace negative sexual memories with new, positive sexual memories created with your spouse. Confront the negative memories head-on and create new memories that overwrite the old ones. This won’t happen all at once, but over months and years you’ll have sex with your spouse hundreds and thousands of times. When something “risque triggers memories” from your past, go straight at that memory and re-do it with your spouse. Your sex life with your spouse is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable. Even if that risque memory seems weird don’t shy away from it: face it and rewrite it.

Now, some prudence is in order. Sex that is non-consensual or involves people besides the married couple has no place in a Christian marriage — but just about anything else can be done in faith and can be part of a mutually satisfying sex life. Be patient and courageous with each other; your sex life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Don’t force your spouse to go faster, but don’t drag your feet either. Put some effort into it and you’ll both be rewarded.

After sharing these ideas with AE she wrote back:

Awesome!! This is the strategy we talked about trying. We both had a few concerns that it could backfire, so we reached out to you to hopefully confirm, which you did!

It is not hard to be patient with this man of mine. He is such a good man and husband and daddy. Besides, this problem stems from his desire to honor and respect his commitment to me, even with his thoughts, so how could I not respect that. I’m incredibly excited to find freedom together and get our sex life to the level of the rest of our marriage.

You are absolutely welcome to use our question. It is tough being one of the few women who have a higher sex drive than her husband. I relate more to men in the stereotypical sex conversations, and it’s a challenge to not feel like something is wrong with me. So if my question can make another woman like me feel less alone, that’s great.

Thanks again, you two!

It’s always extremely gratifying to hear that our ministry is edifying to peoples’ marriages! If you have any thoughts or ideas to share, please leave a comment below.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

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We get emails from people every day who are having problems of various kinds in their marriage, and the simplest, most direct solution is often just have sex. Obviously this isn’t true in every single case, but you’d be surprised how often sex itself can smooth over differences and disagreements.

How does it make you feel when your partner is cold and distant? Or when they’re critical and prickly? Does it make you want to rip their clothes off, order in a vat of whipped cream and install a chandelier to swing from?

No? Well there’s your problem – according, at least, to Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor whose Ted talk explaining her unconventional advice to warring couples has been viewed almost 3.5 million times online.

Her advice couldn’t be simpler: shag. Do it even if you don’t want to, do it especially if you don’t want to and, most important of all, do it frequently whether you want to or not. To make it even clearer, she’s borrowed one of the most famous advertising slogans of recent times: Just Do It. “Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too,” she explains from her clinic in Colorado. “It’s a win-win situation for both of you!”

Over the years, Weiner-Davis has honed her message. She’s now stripped it back to what she believes is the essence of a successful marriage. Gone is any therapeutic consideration of a couple’s history; of their emotional travails; of cause and consequence. Now she is entirely one-track minded: no matter how appalling the state of a marriage, she believes that kind, generous and frequent sex can bring it back from the teetering edge of collapse.

Let’s expand on the idea a little! Here are a bunch of related posts.

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up “communicating” that we forget the importance of body language. Maybe you should quit talking about your problems for a while and go have sex!

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God’s best plan is for people to have amazing sex inside marriage, and zero sex outside marriage. This plan is obviously extremely counter-cultural, and some people even claim it’s impossible “in this day and age” — as if our ancestors were less sexual than we are. By God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit it is possible to have a sex life that’s awesome and that pleases God (even if you’ve made mistakes). It’s also natural to wonder “what if?” Are there sexual experiences you’re missing out on? Is there a way to have variety without cheating? Jordan Peterson answers this question from one of his listeners in the video below:

I married young and have had only one sexual partner. Now I desire variety, but value my marriage and will not cheat. Any insight on overcoming this conflict?

(The video is queued up to start at this question.)

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-kWEDr6VS0?start=1255]

We’ve got a million posts here on our blog with ideas for creating variety in your sex life with your spouse! Hopefully we’ve created a valuable resource, and we personally appreciate all the contributions from our readers.

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Have you ever wanted to have sex in space? This in-depth analysis makes space-sex sound like a lot of work.

“Even the lightest touch can make it difficult to stay in contact if both persons are not properly anchored.

“The astronauts would need to brace themselves against the space station, and even each other.

“A shared sleeping bag, or similar, would perhaps be the most useful.”

Or velcro-covered suits with strategically-placed openings?

 

“Because of the micro-gravity environment sweat and tears don’t run down the astronaut’s bodies like it does hear on Earth, instead it pools like small ponds of fluid near where it was secreted.

“If the motion is vigorous enough it could be ejected from the surface of the body.

“That seems decidedly un-romantic while also possibly bringing challenges to physical movements.”

However, the academic believes that despite the difficulties a couple “could certainly become aroused and reach climax in space. “

There was a report several years ago that NASA had performed space-sex “experiments”, but it turned out to be a hoax.

In his book The Last Mission, French author Pierre Kohler claimed that NASA had commissioned a study on sexual positions in outer space. He cited a fictional document, widely available online, that describes subjects experimenting with 10 different positions, six of which required an elastic band or sleeping-baglike tube to keep the couple together in zero gravity.

I haven’t been able to find the “widely available” document, but if anyone sees it please post a link in the comments! In the meantime, scientists can only speculate:

He said: “Any mechanism that would help keep the bodies of the couple pressed together, like a sleeping bag anchored to the wall, would help facilitate intercourse. “In that situation – a couple in a sleeping bag – the natural positions would either be missionary – face-to-face – or in a spooning position. “So, I would guess that either of those positions would be the most likely to succeed.

Where would you most want to have sex if you could get away with it? Let us know in the comments.

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“Can we *BLANK*?” is one of the site’s most popular and frequently referenced posts. You can go read the details, but the short version is that just about any sexual activity is acceptable within marriage! But it may not surprise you to learn that people in the middle ages had a different view on sex.

If it’s not procreative, it’s fornication. If it’s done on a holy day, it’s fornication. You see above what happens if it’s oral: you get a life sentence of penance.

The penitential writers saw marital sex as a concession, not as a right or even a gift from God. The pleasure it brought was inherently sinful, a gateway to lust, so sex within marriage should be carefully contained and scheduled to ensure the most possible procreation and the least possible pleasure. Married couples had to abstain regularly or the very state of their marriage would degenerate into an illegitimate and sinful union. Even the children born of sex during a period where the couple should have abstained — mainly based on the Church’s liturgical calendar and on the wife’s reproductive cycle — were to be considered bastards.

There’s even a handy flowchart!

It’s no surprise that Christians often bring so much baggage into their marriages! These man-made rules and fears can steal away the joy of sex with our spouse.

Of course, people then weren’t much different than people now — it’s one thing to write a bunch of rules, and it’s another thing to follow them. Fortunately God hasn’t created nearly as many rules as people have.

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Yet another post about how science indicates that sex is good for you! In this case, a long-term study followed adult men for 18 years and found that frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer.

It found that men ages 20 to 29 who ejaculated 21 times or more each month were 19 percent less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than those who ejaculated less often, between 4 and 7 times per month.

And it wasn’t just young guys who saw the benefit: Men 40 to 49 who ejaculated at least 21 times per month reduced their risk of developing prostate cancer by 22 percent.

Won’t be having sex 21 times this month? Don’t worry: The study showed a dose-dependent relationship with ejaculation and prostate cancer risk, meaning that the more you do it, the more your risk decreases, she says.

So even ejaculating just a few more times each month can likely bring some benefits to your prostate.

Twenty-one times a month means having sex about five times a week on average, which is more than most married couples. However, if you follow our steps to make sex a daily habit you can at least improve your batting average. If you have a family history of prostate cancer this can be even more important.

And wives, don’t do it just for your husbands — check out some of these links to learn about how sex is good for women’s health:

Frequent sex with your spouse is as important for your health as eating right and exercising.

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Almost three years ago (!) we wrote about “Old Faithful”, so-named because it is reliable and one of our most frequent positions:

The position is pretty simple: I lay on my back while Sexy Corte kneels over my body at a 90-degree angle with her legs spread. I play with her lady bits while she performs oral sex on me. I’ll use my fingers to play all around outside and inside her body (see: Zoom Technique) to the point that she usually loses focus and forgets what she’s supposed to be doing.

The best part about Old Faithful is when Sexy Corte climaxes with me in her mouth. But, the worst part about Old Faithful is that SC has to do all the work. So, after extensive research we’re excited to announce a new position we’ve created: “New Faithful”!

In New Faithful, Sexy Corte lies on her back with her head on her pillow and her right arm outstretched. I get upright on my knees, straddle her outstretched arm, and scoot towards her until my manhood is over her face. From this position she can perform oral on me and I can use my fingers on her how she likes, while she gets to relax on her back. It’s a great position for frenulum technique, tea-bagging, and zoom technique. As an added bonus, I discovered something new that I like! Because her head is stationary and I’m free to move, I’ve realized that it feels pretty incredible for me to (gently!) thrust in and out of her mouth.

So there you have it: a new sexual position for you to try that no one in all of human history has ever experienced. Have fun!

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #014: A Few Sexy Halloween Games

In the Victorian era, Halloween was less about scares than about finding true love. If you think modern Halloween is excessively sexualized, you may not want to read about how they partied in the early 20th century.

A century ago, the rituals surrounding the celebration at the end of October emphasized love. Newspapers recommended parlor games that promised to reveal romantic fortune. Even the cast of characters was more oriented toward matters of the heart.

“Halloween in the early 20th century had far less emphasis on blood, gore and scary monsters, and much more emphasis on courtship, romance and the opportunity for love,” Daniel Gifford, the former manager of museum advisory committees for the Smithsonian National Museum of American History explained in a museum blog post last year.

“In fact, the image of Cupid was often interspersed among the more familiar black cats, witches and jack-o’-lanterns.”

For Halloween maybe you and your spouse can play a fun Victorian game like snap apple! The image above will give you an idea of how to get started — it’s a seasonal bifecta! You can also check out the sexy Halloween games we posted way back in 2014, and leave your own ideas in the comments below.