This sex activity makes the wife the center of attention, while also requiring her energy and focus to make the most of the experience. Even though the husband will be doing most of the active work, the wife will be in a position that is likely unfamiliar to her, which might make it harder for her to reach orgasm. We recommend trying this position when you have plenty of time and energy to devote to it.
(For the purposes of description we’re going to have the wife in the receiving, submissive role and the husband in the giving, dominant role — but feel free to swap roles and have the wife give pleasure to her husband instead!)
We recommend a few bondage implements to make this work, but you can improvise or omit elements that aren’t appealing to you.
Handcuffs. We like the fuzzy, comfy kind that are easy to slip off if required.
Load-bearing attachment point. You need a sturdy attachment point that’s higher than the wife’s head. A doorway chin-up bar can work, or you can screw a garage hook into a joist in your ceiling. Make sure that whatever you use is the right height and strong enough for the wife to pull on.
Vibrator. We recommend a wand vibrator for this activity, but use whatever will be most effective for the wife. This position is already challenging enough, so use her favorite vibrator!
Lube. This activity can take a while, so make sure the wife is sufficiently lubricated. Keep it handy so you can re-apply it as necessary.
Blindfold. Helps to focus the wife’s mind.
Spreader bar. Keeps the wife’s legs apart during intense stimulation.
Husband: prepare everything beforehand so your wife isn’t waiting around!
When you’re both naked and ready, here’s what to do.
Turn up the heat so the wife doesn’t get cold.
Put on some sexy music. This activity will benefit from a lack of talking, and music will help the wife attain the required frame of mind.
Cuff the wife’s hands over her head.
Connect the cuffs to your attachment point — don’t make this too high! Her shoulders will be lower than normal once her legs are spread, so ideally her cuffed hands will be right above her head.
Put her ankles in the spreader bar. This will open her up, and also begin to put some strain on her legs. Despite the picture at the top of this post, the wife shouldn’t be on her tip-toes unless she’s really up for a challenge.
Give her a kiss and put the blindfold over her eyes.
Wife: Allow yourself to relax; allow your mind to let go and focus on the sensations in your body; fall into a meditative, dissociative state; take deep breaths; try not to talk; convey your pleasure without words. Your only responsibilities are to enjoy the focused attention from your husband and to open yourself up to an orgasm.
Husband: Now that the wife is suspended and bound, it’s time to begin focusing on her pleasure. Husband, let your imagination run wild as you touch and kiss your wife. Your goal isn’t to bring her to climax as fast as possible, but rather to explore every inch of her body and lead her to an intensely pleasurable orgasm over a prolonged period of time. Here are some ideas for what you can do with her, spending one to two minutes on an activity before switching to another.
Intermittent vibration. Use the vibrator on your wife intermittently for one to two minutes at a time, and then remove it. Alternate between the vibrator and the other activities in this list. Gradually increase time with the vibrator and bring your wife to the edge of orgasm without letting her go over until you’re ready.
Kiss her all over. And don’t forget to kiss her lips!
Perform oral sex on her. With her legs spread it should be easy to reach her lady bits. You’ll probably want to focus on this before applying lube — unless you have some flavored lube!
Finger massage. Press the tips of your fingers into her skin and drag them across the surfaces of her body. Spend a while with medium finger pressure, then come back to this activity later with feather-light pressure.
Tickle her. Sexy Corte really dislikes tickling, but maybe your wife will enjoy it!
Rub her g-spot. Curl your fingers and reach inside her to stimulate her g-spot. Doing this while using the vibrator is sure to drive her crazy.
Enter her vagina with your fingers or penis. Tease the opening of her vulva and work towards deeper penetrations on subsequent visits to this activity.
Lick or tease her nipples.
Spank her. You should probably ask if she’s up for this before you surprise her with a spanking while she’s blindfolded!
Rub her thighs. Her thighs will be stressed because of her suspended position, so there will be extra blood-flow to the region; it will feel relieving and comforting if you massage her inner and outer thighs.
Play with her anus. Use a lubricated finger to stimulate her anus. (Be sure to wash your finger off before touching another part of her body with it.)
Hug her. Envelop her body in your arms. Nuzzle her neck with your face. Squeeze her tight.
Talk dirty to her. Whisper sexy fantasies into her ear. Tell her what you’re going to do to her next. Tell her what you want her to do to you. You can do this while you’re applying the vibrator as well.
Put your fingers in her mouth. Have her pretend she’s performing oral sex on your fingers.
Make her beg for an orgasm. Before you let her climax, make her beg for it. Don’t make her guess what to say — tell her what to say.
When you’re ready for your wife to orgasm you’ll both have to ascertain if she will be able to climax while standing in this position. The husband shouldn’t push her into it, but the wife should give it her best effort. If it’s just not going to happen, release the wife from the spreader bar; leave the cuffs and blindfold on, while removing the cuffs from the attachment point. Husband, guide your wife down onto the bed and into whatever position is best for her to orgasm. Do whatever you have to do to fulfill the the promise you made her body!
After you’re both done, remove all the bondage stuff and cuddle for a while. When the time is right, you can talk about what you each liked or didn’t like about the activity, and what you would change if you ever do it again.
As a final note: you can also use this activity as an element of a sexual role-playing scenario like Professor and Student or Bratty Wife. It also works well in a scenario where one of you has been “captured” as a pirate, spy, prisoner, etc.
Do you have any suggestions for other activities to do in this standing o-vation position? Leave a comment!
‘At work, we emphasize the spirit of 996. In life, we should follow 669,’ Ma said. His remarks were a wordplay on the firm’s controversial 996 work schedule, which expects staff to submit to 12-hour shifts between 9am and 9pm during a six-day week.
‘What is 669? Six days, six times, with duration being the key,’ Ma said to the 102 couples dressed in wedding dresses and suits at the ceremony. In Chinese, the word ‘nine’ is a homophone with the word for ‘long’.
“996” doesn’t sound great to me, but “669” is a good recipe for building a great sex life with your spouse. Check out the frequency tag here on the blog for a bunch of posts about why having sex with your spouse frequently is important. Here’s a selection.
How often should you have sex with your spouse? Create a habit of daily sex. Ma’s prescription of six-times-a-week sounds like a fine destination, but we think you should aim for daily sex. You won’t hit the mark every time, but when you don’t have sex it should be an intentional decision, not an oversight.
When Ma says “duration is the key” we think he’s hinting at the importance of the wife’s orgasms. Husbands tend to climax more quickly and easily than wives, so it might take extra focus as a couple to make sure that the wife has as many orgasms as she desires. She might not want an orgasm every time you have sex, but when she wants one you should both make sure to take the time required to deliver. Learn about the female orgasm and figure out what the wife needs.
Finally, we think that the wedding ceremony is too late for Ma to be broaching his “669” idea with the newlyweds. Couples who are seriously considering each other for marriage should talk about sex long before they get to the altar. If you’re already married it isn’t too late to have this discussion about expectations and desires, but it’s harder to change course once your marriage is set in its ways. Young people should think about these things before they even get engaged.
So what do you think about “669”? What’s your approach to frequency and duration? Let us know in the comments.
Most everyone agrees that the female body is more aesthetically pleasing than the male, and women are much more commonly portrayed as reifications of beauty than are men. (Perhaps the most famous exception is Michelangelo’s David, above.) Men aren’t generally depicted for their beauty, but perhaps we can learn a bit about the historical “ideal male body” by examining some artwork of men who were at the top of the social hierarchy for another reason: martial prowess.
I’m going to take some time to talk about a man named Paulus Kal. Kal was a fencing master who wrote a treatise on the knightly arts, and had a long career as a knight in various capacities, served some civic functions for Nuremberg, and was sworn in service to a couple of dukes. In the 1480s (probably), he wrote his treatise, which contained a fair amount of art.
We think Kal depicted himself in the middle here, wearing the red/pink suit. He’s helping a knight (right) prepare for a duel. Take a look at Kal and a look at the anonymous knight for a moment. Kal doesn’t look the way we think of as “fit” today. He has a noticable belly, no definition of arm muscles, stout legs. He looks very similar in other images, even from (possibly) different artists. Now take a look at the arming knight: again, no muscle definition, the man in fact looks quite thin. It’s the same in most of the images throughout the treatise.
Aside from these fencers, PartyMoses also points to “Kal’s Birdman”:
I have eyes like a hawk, so you do not deceive me. I have a heart like a lion, so I strive forward. I have feet like a hind, so I can spring to and fro.
Obviously the ideal man is not an exquisite corpse or a nightmarish fusing of animal with human, but we are supposed to understand the animal-like features of the ideal fencer. Eyes that can’t be deceived, courage that won’t falter, quick feet. But look at the body of this ideal man. No muscle tone, nearly anywhere. An exaggerated waist even with a bit of a gut, thin arms, tapering legs.
(Follow the link above for commentary and many more pictures.)
Did 15th-century women swoon over these emaciated birdmen? Unfortunately I couldn’t find any depictions of men created by women of that era… maybe someone more proficient with art history would know the answer.
Women: are you familiar with any artwork that portrays an attractive male figure? Leave a comment and let us know.
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If you begin and end oral sex on your husband with him as hard as a rock, you’re both missing out — oral sex on a relaxed penis is an opportunity for intense pleasure and intimacy! But there’s one obvious problem, right? When a soft penis is stimulated it doesn’t stay relaxed for very long. You’ve got two options.
First, you can surprise your husband and take his penis into your mouth before he has a chance to get hard. Skip the kissing, hugging, rubbing, and whispering that might normally precede oral sex and jump straight on it before he knows what’s happening. I guarantee your husband will not object. This is a great way to kick things off, but you’ll probably only get to enjoy his soft penis for about 30 seconds, so…
The second option is to go down on your husband after he’s had an orgasm. When you’re done with sex and you’ve both climaxed, your husband is likely to be exhausted and you’ll have a longer opportunity to admire, delight, and nurture his relaxed penis. You don’t have to work hard at it, because you’re not trying to bring him to orgasm. During his refractory period your husband may start to become erect again without being ready to have another orgasm — if you continue to stimulate him slowly and gently the semi-erection may pass (and he might just fall asleep). The sensation for him will be powerfully intimate and refreshing — what a way to bless your husband with love and acceptance!
Why should you go down on your husband when he’s soft? There are a ton of benefits:
Intensity. When your husband’s penis is erect its nerves are spread out over a larger area, which dilutes the intensity of oral stimulation over a larger surface area. When his penis is soft its nerves are more tightly packed and stimulation will feel much more intense.
Take it all in. You may not be able to fit your husband’s entire erect penis in your mouth without deep-throating, but when its soft you can take it all much more easily. He will enjoy the sensation of your mouth covering his whole penis.
Feel it grow. Your husband will love the feeling as he gets hard inside your mouth, whether he’s had an orgasm already or not.
Intimacy. Men are often very goal-oriented with sex, always aiming for an orgasm. It can be difficult for a husband to appreciate and revel in the intimacy of sex apart from the orgasm, because after his penis gets soft it is banished from the area. It doesn’t have to be this way! Extend intimacy beyond your orgasms.
Relaxation. When you’ve already accomplished your goal, you can both relax and take things slow — let your minds wander while you play with each other and luxuriate in the sea of pleasure.
More sex. Eventually he’ll get hard again, so have more sex! After that his penis will really be down for the count. Probably.
So wives, what do you think about performing oral sex on your husband while he’s soft, before or after sex? Husbands, do you (or would you) enjoy it? How would it make you feel? Leave a comment below!
Husbands, if you want your wife to be more enthusiastic about sex then it’s important to maintain proper hygiene and basic physical fitness, and we’re going to give you some very practical tips in both of these areas.
We love to hear from readers who have recently expanded or enhanced their sex life with their spouse — especially if our blog was a catalyst for the new experience! But whether it’s because of us or not, please leave a comment below telling about a new sexual experience or accomplishment you’ve had. Here are three examples.