Reader “NI” asks:

What are your thoughts on a Christian wife wearing a discrete collar as a symbol and reminder of her submission to Christ and her husband? It is borrowing from the BDSM lifestyle, but we do already enjoy incorporating some of that kind of play in our intimacy.

Here are a few examples of collar/choker style necklaces. Basically they’re short chains or bands that fit snugly and lay high on the neck.

The short answer to IN’s question is yes, it’s perfectly fine for a Christian to wear a collar or choker necklace. Collars are not inherently immodest or ostentatious, which are the primary Biblical requirements for Christian dress (1 Timothy 2:9).

Digging beneath the surface, let’s also consider NI’s motivation: “as a symbol and reminder of her submission to Christ and her husband”. This idea of a wife wearing a visible symbol of submission to her husband comes from 1 Corinthians 11 — I will excerpt a few verses here; read the whole thing if you’re interested.

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. […] For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 10 That is why a wife ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels [or messengers]. 11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; 12 for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God.

The passage specifically discusses the symbolism of wives covering their heads with a hat or cloth, but head coverings were a culturally-grounded symbol of submission that may be less relevant in our current culture. The essence of the passage is the instruction for wives to wear a visible symbol of submission; the exact nature of that symbol likely depends on the culture. Some Christians argue that this entire passage is irrelevant to the church today. Some Christians believe that their wedding ring (or engagement ring) fulfills the intent of this passage. (We don’t have a strong opinion on this topic — seek God’s glory and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.)

(We have even less of an opinion on what “because of the angels” means in verse 10. The word translated “angels” can refer to human messengers or observers, but that doesn’t do a lot to clarify the sentence.)

So then, back to NI’s question: “What are your thoughts on a Christian wife wearing a discrete collar as a symbol and reminder of her submission to Christ and her husband?”

As a husband, my thought is that collars and chokers are very sexy. I’ve discussed this with Sexy Corte and she thinks they look slutty. As NI recognized in her email, collars are somewhat culturally linked not only with submission broadly, but also specifically with submissive sexuality. For some wives, wearing a public symbol of your sexual submission to your husband may feel uncomfortable or unappealing, but that’s mostly a matter of personal preference not permissability.

If collars or chokers aren’t your thing, here are a few similar ideas:

Husbands and wives, what do you think? Do any of you wear symbols of submission or anything similar?

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will never reveal your name or any other identifying information.

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How to use a wireless vibrator in the wife’s panties to create a secret, naughty adventure while you’re on a date.

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Wearing and Using a Vibrator in Public: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/wearing-and-using-a-vibrator-in-public/

Wearing and Using a Vibrator in Public, Part 2: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/locations/wearing-and-using-a-vibrator-in-public-part-2/

Wearing and Using a Vibrator in Public, Part 3: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/stories/wearing-and-using-a-vibrator-in-public-part-3/

Wearing and Using a Vibrator in Public, Part 4: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/stories/wearing-and-using-a-vibrator-in-public-part-4/

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Rings with engraving on the inner face can be bought online for under $15, so why not create one for your spouse with a sexy secret inside? No one in public will know what’s written there, so you can be as dirty as you want. Here are a few ways you can use your secret message ring:

  • As a signal. A ring that says “I need you inside me”, “I’m going to devour you”,  or “I’m gonna rock your world” sends a pretty clear message about what’s going to happen that evening. Put it on your spouse to set the mood for the day.
  • As a reminder. Did you know that semen can live inside a woman’s body for a few days? Give her a ring that says “I’m still inside you” that she’s only allowed to wear for two days after you’ve had sex.
  • As a secret message. The rings are so cheap that you can buy several outwardly identical ones with different messages. Put one on your spouse in the morning and tell them not to read the inside until they get to work. Create rings for your favorite positions, locations, or sexual activities. Or wear it yourself to signal that sex is on the way, while leaving your spouse in suspense about what exactly is planned.

Carrying a sexy secret in public between you and your spouse is a lot of fun, and we’ve written a few other posts on the topic:

Leave a comment to tell us what you think!

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If you enjoyed the Adult Advent Calendar and Sexy Jenga, then here’s a new game for you: Hidden Note Sexy Activity Game. Ok, I admit, the name isn’t great… maybe I can come up with something better before I hit “publish”.

Anyway, the idea behind the game is simple:

  • List: Each spouse uses a journal to create a numbered list of sexy activities, one activity per page; create as many as you want, but the game will begin with one dozen per spouse. Put the journals in an easily accessible place in your bedroom, and agree not to peek at each other’s book.
  • Notes: Each spouse then writes the numbers one through twelve on colored note cards, using different colored notes for the husband and wife.
  • Hide: Hide your notes around the house in locations that your spouse will eventually find them.

During the course of your everyday life you will stumble upon your spouse’s notes, and that’s when the real fun begins! When you find a note of the appropriate color you have to do three things:

  1. Don’t say anything about finding the note. Try to surprise your spouse with his or her request! Don’t ask questions or make an announcement.
  2. Follow the instructions on the note to the best of your ability (guided by reason and logic). Use the number on the note to look up the activity in your spouse’s journal (no peeking at anything else!). Don’t ruin the surprise by asking for clarification, just follow the intent of the instructions in the way that seems best to you.
  3. Hide a new note of your own. This is how the game keeps going! Add a new activity to your journal and then hide a new card that points to it. By replacing your spouse’s note with one of your own, you increase the likelihood that one of your notes will be the next one found. The number of notes “in the wild” remains constant, and there’s always something new to find.

This game is awesome for several reasons:

  • It never ends! You could find a note at any time.
  • Even though you know what you requested, you never know when each note will be found.
  • If your kids or relatives find a note all they’ll see is a meaningless number. Only the two of you can decode the sexiness.

If you need ideas for activities check out Sexy “Would You Rather”, Sexy Jenga, the Sex Adventure Generator, and the Naughty Story Generator. Here are a few examples:

  • Go put on a skirt with no panties.
  • Sleep naked tonight.
  • Pick a place to have sex that we’ve never done it. Lure me to the spot and ambush me.
  • Give me 10 passionate kisses before the end of the day.
  • Bring me a drink and surprise me with oral sex.
  • Fix a bath for the two of us after the kids go to bed.
  • Write me a naughty note describing what you want me to do to your body.
  • Blindfold me, take off your clothes, and start playing Naked Marco Polo.

Leave a comment with some of your ideas for notes!

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When Sexy Corte and I were dating, I somewhat randomly drew on her a couple of times with a sharpie and we both found it to be fun and sensual. A few weeks ago, she suggested I use henna to create temporary tattoos on her body. I was game, but also intimidated — she’s the artistic one in the family, and I’ve never done anything like it before. She sent me this video of design ideas and then told me to draw whatever I wanted on her. No pressure, right?

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58CHvTE6w54&w=560&h=315]

I did a bit of research and decided to buy a jagua tattoo kit. Apparently henna can cause skin irritation for some people, so I decided to try an alternative considering the intimate areas involved. The kit included all the tools required to mix the ink and apply it to the skin, and simple instructions for a beginner. (Now that I’ve got a bit of proficiency I will probably just buy the ink next time.)

As for the design, I really debated — and in the end I didn’t use any of the patterns from the video above. The first tattoo I created was a design I stole from one of our board games (so geeky) that I drew on the lower front of SC’s hip (about half-covered by her panties). The second tattoo was simple: I wrote my name across her right breast in cursive.

The application process was great foreplay. She laid naked on the bed with a wand vibrator between her legs (and tried to hold still) while I used the tiny applicator to draw intricate lines on her body. By the time the tattoos were done we were both eager to get down to business!

So what’s fun about tattooing your spouse?

  • Marking your territory. It was awesome to use SC’s body as a canvas for my creativity, and she enjoyed coaxing it out of me. As I mentioned, I don’t have a lot of artistic talent, but there was something primal about marking my wife — especially with my name written across her breast.
  • Submission. SC made a few suggestions and requests (e.g., the tattoos should be concealable with clothing), but it was extremely sexy to be given carte blanche to draw on her body however I wanted. That she wanted me to express myself on her body was a huge turn-on.
  • Durability. Most sex is over when it’s over, but temporary tattoos can last two weeks! Whenever SC looks at herself in the mirror she is reminded of me and her act of submission, and whenever I see her I’m reminded of my dominance. For us, that’s sexy! Just seeing the tattoos on her skin turns me on and makes me want her. (Similar to why trying-to-get-pregnant sex is some of the best sex.)
  • Creative. You can draw anything, anywhere. A picture, a love letter, an abstract pattern, a symbol, a poem, anything you can imagine.
  • Vulnerability. It takes vulnerability to be creative, and vulnerability is sexy. I was pretty nervous about tattooing SC — afraid it would look bad or be silly — but her enthusiasm and encouragement nudged me along. And, of course, she was even more vulnerable than I was, since she was the canvas!
  • Secret. Hidden tattoos are a sensual inside joke to share with your spouse. If the drawings are on intimate areas, you can even flash them discreetly to get your spouse’s attention in public.
  • Temporary. The tattoos are durable, but they eventually fade… and then you get to draw something new! I’ve already got several ideas for our next round of tattooing.

Here are a few tips that will make your tattooing experience as awesome as possible.

  • Prepare your kit in advance. I started mixing the ink after SC was already naked, so I rushed while she waited.
  • Set expectations. Make sure you agree on where and what are desirable.
  • Keep it simple. Don’t make the tattoo too complicated, especially if it’s your first time. Pick a simple pattern and practice it on the skin with magic marker.
  • Stimulation during application. Figure out a way to physically stimulate each other during the tattooing process. In this instance, with SC on her back, we used a wand vibrator. Next time I’m planning to tattoo her butt, and we’ll try doing it doggy style.
  • Plan for drying time. The tattoos take 30-40 minutes to dry, so plan accordingly. In our case, we did the hip tattoo first since it would be hard to avoid smudging it during sex.

So there you have it, our first experience with temporary tattoos! Have you ever done this kind of thing with your spouse? Got tips or questions? Leave a comment!

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Our Sensuelle Wireless Bullet vibrator finally bit the dust a few days ago after almost a year of thrice-weekly use. You may remember that we originally bought this vibrator for Sexy Corte to wear in public with my finger on the button, and it was great for that purpose! However, the vibrator was so good that it became our go-to toy almost every time Sexy Corte wanted an orgasm. (We don’t use affiliate links or anything like that, but you can easily find the product on Amazon or many other websites.)

The most common way we used the bullet was with SC on top and the bullet wedged between us, up against her clitoris. Sexy Corte doesn’t have orgasms from penetration alone (75% of women don’t) and the vibrator has been a fantastic tool for bringing her to climax while I’m inside her. We had previously used an egg vibrator for the same purpose, but the wire kept getting pulled and tangled when we moved — even pulling off once, breaking the ($10) vibrator and the mood! It’s much easier to put the wireless vibrator in position and then do our thing without distraction. I’m able to use the remote to change settings whenever desired, and then put it out of the way when we’re ready to climax.

We’ve written about how to use a wand vibrator, and wands are great for many activities, but they’re just too big for face-to-face intimacy. (And certainly too big to hide in your panties!)

The bullet we bought has ten different vibration patterns, but for the most part we never used anything but the simple low, medium, and high settings. The other seven patterns were fun to play with in public to tease SC, but they weren’t effective for actually bringing her to orgasm. Extra patterns are a feature that’s cheap for manufacturers to add to a product so you’ll probably see them on every wireless vibrator, but I wouldn’t pick a vibrator based on their presence or absence.

Is it strong enough? This is the most common question asked by shoppers and reviewers. Vibration strength is an advantage that wired vibrators have over wireless (because of larger batteries or being plugged into the wall) and it’s a property that’s very hard to quantify. Every vibrator is different, and every woman is different. This wireless bullet is weaker than the wired egg we were used to, and at first Sexy Corte was concerned that the highest power setting wouldn’t be enough for her. However, she did reach orgasm the first time we used it and every time since. It seems that a woman can adapt to a lower level of stimulation over time, even if it doesn’t meet her expectations at first.

How long do the batteries last? We always put the vibrator on the charger between uses, and it always had plenty of power and duration for our encounters. The only times we ran the battery out were when we used it in public, and in those cases we got about 40 minutes of continuous vibration time (spread out over the whole date). It would be fantastic if the batteries lasted longer, but 40 minutes is pretty respectable.

Durability: I estimate that we got about 150 orgasms from the vibrator over the course of a year — maybe 3500 minutes of use. That’s a very rough estimate, of course, but it’s in the ballpark. At a price of $30 for the vibrator, that’s only $0.20 per orgasm. The vibrator worked perfectly until it failed — the power suddenly dropped while we were using it, and then it kicked on and off randomly when we shook the device. (A wire probably came loose inside, but fixing it myself would be more trouble than it was worth.)

Final thoughts: Even if you have other toys, you should get a wireless bullet vibrator. They’re super fun, and they enable very intimate face-to-face orgasms. The Sensuelle Wireless Bullet is a solid product, and we ordered another one immediately. Just writing about it makes me eager to use the new one in public on our next date night!

(We don’t make any money from this site, and have never received any free products to review from anyone.)

Do you use a wireless or wired vibrator? In public? In private? Share your experiences in the comments.

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #010: How to Use a Wireless Vibrator in Public

We finally had our date night and tried the remote controlled vibrator! It was a naughty adventure. Going out with your spouse and having a sexy secret between the two of you is intoxicating. It doesn’t have to be a remote control vibrator. It could be lingerie, no panties, etc. Or it can be something you plan and share with your spouse partway through the date. One of my all-time favorite dates with El Fury was going out in a skirt, then writing “I’m not wearing panties” on a napkin and sliding it across the table to him. Completely changed the tone of our night together.

Back to last night. The first few times he buzzed me, it was startling and I jumped and gasped a little. So I recommend giving it a few test runs before you’re actually out in public. The car ride to our date location was very distracting (for both of us). It was definitely arousing, but not enough for me to orgasm. I thought it was really sexy to know that EF was thinking about pleasuring me, and loved seeing the sly smile on his face whenever he would use the remote control. Whenever we found a quiet corner I pulled him to the side to make out and fondle him a little. Letting him have that control was a huge turn-on. At one point he let it go so long I started unintentionally touching him to the rhythm of the vibrator. I felt very close and connected to him.

Needless to say, we had sex when we got home!

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For the wives: maybe you want to get your husband worked up all day, or maybe you’re feeling a little shy, but here’s a fun idea for using your panties to send a secret message to your husband.

Basically, the concept is simple – she picks (or randomly chooses) a specific color of panties to wear that day / night when she wants to do something specific. Then she figures out the “menu” and sends it to me via a text or hands me a dirty note. This is my signal that the game is on. It might read:

  • White means slow and gentle
  • Red means go hard and fast, don’t worry about me
  • Blue means lick me til I cum
  • Grey means I want your cum all over my face
  • Green means I want something in my ass but I’m afraid to ask
  • Black means I want to tie you up
  • Polka Dots means use a toy
  • No panties means anything goes
  • Etc. (you can kink up or kink down based on your personal preferences)

Then when we get suitably in the mood, I just pick up on what she’s feeling based on her choice of underwear without ever having to awkwardly discuss how kinky she is feeling that particular night.

You can add a little mystery by getting dressed in the dark, or by making your husband work to catch a glimpse of your panties after sending him the menu.

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