Level-Up Your Sex Life 1

We get a lot of email from our readers (thank you!) and there’s nothing more gratifying than hearing from a couple we’ve helped to boost their sex life up to the next level. God is good! If you want to level-up your sex life, then consider these two specific types of stories that we hear pretty frequently.

First and best are accounts from couples where the wife has just had her first orgasm in years, or ever! We hear from women who have been married for decades and never had an orgasm before reading our blog, and wow, nothing makes us happier. Other wives haven’t had an orgasm for years for various reasons — childbirth, kids, illness, or inattentive husbands. From these stories, it seems that the wife’s orgasms are a huge blessing to the marriage as a whole and are foundational for a couple’s sex life. Do whatever it takes to give your wife as many orgasms as she wants.

Ann wrote:

So many [posts] have been of benefit to us but particularly learning that sex toys are not “evil”. Historically, I think I had an easier time than many women reaching orgasm, but my changing 50’s body was betraying me and it was horribly frustrating (and my husband know my body, used many approaches, for extended lengths of time and nothing was working. This was not a case of believing PIV was adequate). I truly wondered if orgasms were no longer a to be part of my life. One little vibrator fixed that! Also, a few links you have shared have been of tremendous help as well. Thank you from the depths of both our hearts and bodies!!

Scott wrote:

Favorite post is “Edge-of-the-Bed Sex Positions”. This related to me because it was something we’d already just recently gotten working well (and has taken over as #1 position when using condoms). Even more recently, since reading it, my wife decided to take the vibrator plunge, and both times it was in this position. Amazingly enough, the second time led to her first (awake) O! Took 12 yr, but we finally got there! Late in intercourse, we transitioned to “Packing the Suitcase” from a related position, and that actually seemed to trigger her final ascent. I don’t think I’d have made the change to the positioning without having read that, so I really think we have your website to thank for contributing to her first time!

And now Scott and his wife are enjoying multiple orgasms!

Did want a drop a note that your post here was extremely well timed. It came right after we got my wife her first multiple-O session ever! As I’ve posted here, she’d never achieved a (non-nocturnal) O until less than 5 months ago, and now we’re getting “success” 95% of the time. I won’t go into detail, but this time she basically said to keep going, and a few minutes (and seemingly massive pleasure) later, she got a spectacular second! Let’s just say I had an unshakeable grin for quite some time afterwards. I’m guessing it’ll only be a once per month (or every few months) thing, but it was so thrilling to see my wife WANT that for himself, plus I got the joy of serving her until she got it. :-)

I appreciate what you write here, and it has contributed to my efforts and improved mindset in achieving new heights for my marriage relationship!

Second-best are accounts from couples where the wife is newly willing to perform oral sex and/or swallow. So many couples write to us overjoyed to have tried oral sex for the first time — the husbands are obviously thrilled, but you might be surprised at how blessed the wives are, too.

K wrote:

K
So… I gave it a go and swallowed for the first time today. Thanks for the inspiration! 

Sexy Corte
That’s great! Thanks for letting us know. Was your husband excited?

K
He was thrilled! It was an amazing way to bond- more than I could have imagined. You guys are awesome- don’t stop writing!!

Thunder wrote:

I took the time to have several respectful and heartfelt conversations about sex in general and about oral sex and swallowing specifically.

Earlier this week she let me finish in her mouth for the first time in 10 years. It was an amazing experience. After starting the morning that way (I was almost late for work, but who cares!), I felt very and completely loved the rest of the day.

rita_m wrote:

I’m a Christian woman in my 40s, married with 3 kids and have an enjoyable sex life with husband. I want to please him and swallowing his semen has seemed like a big step to take. We enjoy oral sex a lot and I enjoy giving very much. We progressed to me first tasting and finally swallowing his sperm and it was very strange, like venturing onto new territory sexually. Like having sex for the first time, I was really nervous, wondering how it would taste and feel like. It’s such a powerful act, ejaculation, that I was afraid of “taking it’s full force” in my mouth. I’m glad I did, he enjoys it a lot and it has brought us closer together. Now I almost insist on swallowing every occasion I get! He likes how I embrace this seed of his that he produces, and I enjoy tasting his most intimate flavors and even enjoy the taste with the variation in taste and texture.

So if you’re looking to level-up your sex life consider taking these tips from our readers: as many orgasms as the wife wants, and oral sex for the husband.

What have you done to level-up your sex life? Leave a comment and let us know!

Sex Q&A: Oral Sex Positions, Glow-in-the-Dark Tattoos, Multiple Orgasms 2

Here are a few emails from readers that are worth sharing with the community but don’t require long responses from us. (Some of these responses are from Sexy Corte, some are from El Fury, and some are from both of us.)

Reader “TH” asks:

How can I get my wife to read your site without knowing I sent it?

It’s best to cultivate an open channel of communication with your spouse! However, it can be difficult to get the ball rolling at the beginning. We suggest using Mailinator.com to send anonymous emails — you can even use this service to ask us a question if you don’t want to share your real address with! Simply make up a Mailinator address, or use marriedchristiansex@mailinator.com to send your email. (Note: Mailinator is a good way to send anonymously, but it’s hard to get a response back because the service deletes all incoming messages every hour.)

Wife “DO” asks:

Hello! I would like to ask more details on the Old Faithful position. Is it like 69? Does the wife’s butt face the husband’s face?

Just wanted to say thanks for setting up this website, it has been very informative and educational for married Christian couples who need all the help they can get.

For Old Faithful the husband lays on his back and the wife kneels to his side facing him, with her knees spread and near one of his hips. Then the wife bends down over the husband to perform oral sex. The husband reaches up between the wife’s legs to stimulate her at the same time. See also: “New Faithful”, and “Stimulate Both Spouses While One Is Performing Oral”.

Wife “IJ” asks:

My husband and I have been married for ten years and our sex life is AWESOME! And while I know that my husband loves it, I am often the “initiator “ which I don’t mind but I would love for him to be the sex beggar occasionally.

He works hard and doesn’t get enough sleep sometimes so I know he’s tired and I’m a stay home mom of two and I try to do things to make it easy for him at home. For example: I have dinner ready when he gets home, I lay out his towel and washcloth and always have his clothes clean and hung up so that he doesn’t have to lift a finger at home. We were both married before (unfortunately) so I don’t know if there was a lot of rejection there, but I’ve been very open that I’m ok to do it anytime and I’ve never said no. It may just be personality because he does really love it, I want to be clear that there’s no problem there and he’s very considerate of me. I just wonder if you have any advice on how to help him initiate more. Thank you, I just found y’alls website today… I love it.

It sounds like your sex life is pretty great, so yay for you guys!

It’s common for a wife to want/expect her husband to initiate, because women tend to be more “responsive” sexually, and men tend to be more “spontaneous”. Of course, everyone is different and there’s nothing at all “wrong” with you initiating more than your husband.

So, there’s nothing “wrong”, but you’d still like your husband to do more of the initiating. The best thing you can do is tell him! You may be thinking… “but if I tell him to initiate, aren’t I the one initiating?” Maybe, but he can’t read your mind.

Here are some ideas for what to say to him (if these are true):

  1. I love our sex life. You really satisfy me.
  2. I’d love it if you would initiate more. I don’t know if you’re waiting for some signal from me, but don’t bother. I’ll never say no. Just do it and you’ll see. (If he is worried about rejection, tell him explicitly that you won’t turn him away.)
  3. Here are some ways that I’ll signal that I want you: sleep naked, secret message panties, flash my boobs, etc. Make up an “innocent” signal that tells him to hit on you.

Wife “TJ” asks:

Thank you so much for this site. It has helped me and my husband so much!  We have been married for over 24 years and we have only just begun to view sexual intimacy and pleasuring one another in the correct way. I was much too uptight and focused on being a proper, good church girl. I wouldn’t dare admit I was enjoying our sexual encounters, nor would I give him a lot of attention sexually. It’s very sad looking back. We’ve both talked very openly about this over the last few weeks and it’s like we’re on a honeymoon period!  We’re trying things on your site and it’s incredible how close our relationship has become from the sexual intimacy we’ve been sharing. So, thank you so much!

My question is this: I’m having a harder time climaxing from clitoral stimulation (or any kind of stimulation).  We have sex daily, and on most days multiple times.  I’ve talked with him and he understands that I don’t expect to have an orgasm every time we have sex, but he wants me to at least once a day.  Is this difficulty coming from us having sex so often that I can’t get aroused enough to climax, as I did when we went days (and sometimes weeks) between intercourse?

Have you encountered this before?  Do you have suggestions to help me?  Is it possible for a woman to have an orgasm daily or multiple times every day?

Sexy Corte responds:

This is our favorite type of email to receive. I will say that I’m the same, it’s hard for me to have an orgasm every day. I do alright two days in a row, but if I try for three it’s a lot of work! I do best having 2-3 orgasms per week. Other times, I’m happy to have sex without an orgasm because El Fury does want to have one every day. Also, there’s a big difference in the time required — it takes him less than 10 minutes, for me it takes 20-30. I hope this helps and that your sex life with your husband continues to be fun!

And finally, a recommendation from wife “BA”:

I recommend that you try glow in the dark temporary tattoos! I put them all over my breasts, charged them up with a cell phone flashlight, and it made quite the impression in a dark bedroom. Husband keeps searching for them on Amazon now!

We will have to check those out!

We love to hear from our readers, so drop us a line.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 3

We hope the winter weather isn’t getting you down! Here are a few links that might warm things up for you.

Dancing for my husband: finding my inner sexy — Sexy dancing is sexy, and the appeal is the enthusiasm as much as the optics.

She loves foreplay — If he isn’t enjoying foreplay too, maybe you’re doing it wrong. Check out Old Faithful or any of our sex games.

Be a better lover, go out of your comfort zone — Make the most of your sexuality, you only live once.

Use multiple choice questions to learn about your spouse — Great idea! Someone needs to put together a list of multiple choice questions.

Instead of saying, “What do you need from me in bed?” I say, “What is the most important thing from me in bed? A) Paying attention to a particular body part, b) letting you do things to me even if I don’t think I’m in the mood, or c) doing something outside my comfort zone?”

5 ways to flirt — I like the “code words” idea… reminds me of secret message panties.

4 ways to love your husband when he’s being unlovable — #4 is “seduce the dude”, which I can confirm is effective.

Go ahead, be that couple — A little PDA won’t hurt anyone.

Time and sex — Suggestions for being more direct, which may seem unromantic but could nevertheless be helpful in this busy age.

Leave a note saying “Sex for both of us till 10, sex for just you till 11:30, and don’t even look at me sideways after midnight.”

Sleeping arrangements when you’ve got kids — Your bedroom is your sex room, no kids allowed! When I was a kid, I rarely even entered my parents’ bedroom.

Multiple orgasms for men — Kegels, prostate control…. I should try this out, but I’m skeptical. Giving Sexy Corte multiple orgasms is super awesome though.

Wives with higher sex drives — A series with multiple parts. Did women used to have higher sex drives than men?

Love dialects — We’ve written about love languages and sex, and here’s an example of digging deeper into quality time and physical touch.

If you want to share a link or your thoughts, leave a comment!

Bondage for Beginners: What, Why, and How 4

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #006: Bondage for Beginners

It seems like there’s a lot of interest in bondage these days, and many couples are experimenting with stuff they never would have thought of before. If you’ve never tried bondage you may be wondering what the big deal is — why would anyone want to be restrained during sex? Well, we know nothing about the BDSM “scene” so we can’t speak very broadly, but we can tell you in one word why Sexy Corte and I periodically enjoy adding some light bondage to our sexy time: vulnerability.

To understand bondage let’s talk first about the goal, then the methods, then why it’s fun. The goal is simple: voluntarily restrain one spouse to enhance his or her vulnerability and submission. It seems most common for the wife to be restrained, but I’ve had Sexy Corte tie me down and tease me and it was lots of fun. Usually though, it’s me restraining her. The purpose of the restraint is to give control of your body to your spouse, not to be painful or uncomfortable. Submitting to bondage is a huge demonstration of trust to your spouse because it puts your naked body into their control and makes you supremely vulnerable. The bondage benefits both the dominant and the submissive spouse by giving the dominant person permission to act, and the submissive person permission to let go. The various toys described below are only used to accent the submission that has already been agreed to.

There are limitless methods of bondage, but they generally share a few common features.

  1. Nakedness. The submissive spouse will usually be restrained naked, or at least with her sexy bits exposed. Being naked with your spouse is already a big show of trust, and being restrained kicks it up a notch.
  2. Hand restraint. Often the submissive’s hands are restrained to prevent her from “protecting” herself. (I use quotes, because of course nothing should be happening against the submissive’s desires.) Hands can be restrained above the head (for example, tied to the headboard), behind the back, in front (for front-to-back positions), or even attached to the ankles. Hand restraint is probably the most common element of light bondage. Get those hands out of the way!
  3. Leg restraint. Legs, ankles, and knees can be restrained to keep the wife’s legs spread or to prevent movement in general. Leg restraint is an important element of position restraint and orgasm control.
  4. Head restraint. Head or neck restraint could be uncomfortable or even dangerous. This isn’t something we do.
  5. Eye restraint. Covering the submissive’s eyes can add another layer of trust and enhance vulnerability. Using a blindfold can really make extended foreplay exciting.
  6. Mouth restraint. Sometimes you just want to hear your spouse moan with pleasure instead of talk. Sometimes talking is distracting. Taking away the option to talk can be liberating for the person who is restrained. Always be sure that anyone whose mouth is covered can breathe freely and can signal a desire to stop.
  7. Position restraint. A combination of restraints can be used to hold the submissive spouse in a certain position, say for spanking. This can be critical for orgasm delay and multiple orgasms, which we’ll talk about below.

So what are the actual devices that can be used for bondage play? Almost anything you can imagine can be incorporated, but here are a few ideas. Each of these items probably deserves its own post!

liberator

Wedge pillows. Sexy Corte and I enjoy these a lot for positioning, and they include attachments for…

Hand cuffs. We use some padded strips with velcro for closures and plastic clips that can be attached together or to the wedges. We’ve tried metal cuffs in the past, but they’re quite uncomfortable if you’re laying on them.

under-mattress

Under-the-mattress restraints. Looks complicated, but it’s not. The cuffs can be tucked under the mattress when not in use. These are especially useful if you don’t have a headboard suitable for tying to.

blindfold

Blindfold. If you want to improvise, use a neck tie or panties.

Gags can be similarly improvised, or you can buy one.

swing

Sex swing. We have one that can be quickly hung in a door frame and be used for a ton of positions. It’s easier than it looks.

spreader_bar

Spreader bar. Keeps those legs apart. Can be used in many positions, including standing, but isn’t great for missionary. I made ours with a wooden dowel and some eye screws.

pull-up-bar

Pull-up bar. These can be mounted in a door way and used as a restraint point for securing someone in a standing position. Also great for getting ripped.

an-unassuming-silver-bullet-vibrator-apparently-inspired-some-bawdy-attention-from-a-tsa-agent-who

Vibrator. There are many kinds, but we find the egg vibrator to be the most versatile. We buy cheap ones (around $7 from Amazon) and replace them once or twice a year when they wear out. We also keep rechargeable batteries charging in our bedroom. A wand vibrator can also be useful for longer duration games or when you need more reach.

Rope. Check out our intro to shibari for some awesome ideas!

karada

(Let me point out that you don’t actually need any toys! This post is getting long enough, so I won’t go into detail, but look forward to a future post on mental-only bondage.)

Finally, what’s fun about bondage anyway?

  1. Intimacy. Like I said at the beginning: the essence of bondage is vulnerability, and vulnerability is the key to intimacy. Bondage will teach you new things about your spouse’s mind and body. Bondage will let you explore new levels of sexual trust. Bondage exposes you to each other in amazing ways.
  2. Passion. Let’s face it: there can be something hot about dominating your spouse or submitting to his or her will. Maybe your sex is normally gentle and loving, and bondage lets you get a little rougher and more physically intense.
  3. Foreplay. Bondage requires time to execute, and all that time can be used as foreplay focused on the spouse being bound.
  4. Orgasm delay. Also known as teasing or edging. When the submissive spouse is free to move she can position her body just the right way to reach orgasm, and bondage can take away that ability and give control to the dominant spouse. It can be extremely difficult for a person to willingly back off from an orgasm when it’s close, but when using bondage the dominant spouse can pull back and keep the submissive spouse right on the edge without going over. This can make the orgasm incredibly powerful when it eventually comes.
  5. Multiple orgasms. After a woman orgasms her clitoris may become intensely sensitive, such that further stimulation is uncomfortable. If her hands and legs are free she may push the stimulation away for relief. However, if she is bound such that she can’t “protect” her clitoris her husband can continue with the stimulation and bring her to multiple orgasms. Sexy Corte describes these as an unending plateau of orgasm, rather than the peak and descent of the normal experience. They’re also quite exhausting, so this probably isn’t something you’ll do every day. As a husband, giving my wife multiple orgasms is one of my absolute favorite things.
  6. Fantasy. Bondage can be used as an element of fantasy or role-playing. It feels naughty, and once you’re in the naughty mindset you can free yourself to try some things that you normally wouldn’t. He’s the villain and she’s the kidnapped princess? She’s the super-spy and he’s the captured rogue agent who knows where the bomb is hidden?
  7. Exploration. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for our sexual desires, even when the marriage has good communication. Bondage can be an avenue for exploring desires that are difficult to speak out loud but perhaps easier to request non-verbally while in the moment. New experiences can break old habits, and you’re already feeling naughty, right?
  8. Escapism. Maybe it’s a minor form of dissociation, but bondage be a form of escapism from everyday life into a secret world of sex with your spouse.
  9. Novelty. Bondage introduces a myriad of new sexual options, new ways to play, new positions, new toys, and maybe even new desires.

In the end bondage should be fun and promote intimacy and vulnerability in your marriage. As always, enthusiasm and responsiveness will ensure that you get the most from your sexual experience.

Let us know what you think in the comments! What are you experiences? Do you have any suggestions to add?

Setting Sexual Records 5

Sexy Corte just posted about her wifely “double feature” and mentioned setting orgasm records… so, if you’re not too shy, leave a comment and share some records you’ve set with your spouse!

  1. Number of her orgasms in a single session.
  2. Number of her orgasms in a single day.
  3. Number of his orgasms in a single day (or session??).
  4. Duration of sex play in a single session.
  5. Duration of intercourse.
  6. Number of different locations in a single day.
  7. Favorite location other that your usual spots.
  8. Number of positions in a single session.

I’m sure there are more records you’ve enjoyed with your spouse, so leave a comment and inspire me!

"Double Feature" for the Wife! 6

Recently El Fury did a post on his version of the double feature. In my head, every time I have 2 orgasms I think of it as a double feature. Or triple feature, etc. Husbands, when was the last time you gave your wife multiple orgasms? Tell her that is your plan for the evening and see how many “features” you can get!

Once in a while El Fury will surprise me and set up our room in a way that I know the focus is going to be on me for a while. He likes to try to set new records for number of orgasms I can have in one night. He usually gets out the wedges and the vibrator. I get to just lay back and have fun! I love knowing how much he enjoys giving me an orgasm. It adds a whole other layer to my sexual satisfaction and really makes me feel loved. Tell your wife and then show her just how much you enjoy giving her pleasure!