My wife recently allowed me to ejaculate on her breasts, which has been a desire of mine for quite some time. She was reluctant, but agreed. I could tell she wasn’t real excited about it, after the act. I had a wet washcloth there to clean her, afterwards. She has never liked to have my semen on her, even when some just gets on her thigh, etc , which is a little disappointing. Unfortunately, I don’t think this will continue to be part of our sexual routine.
But at least they tried something new right? That’s a win all by itself!
Just wanted to give a HUGE shout-out to Communication!!
The night after the experience mentioned above, my wife and I had an awesome conversation about sex. Just laying in bed together, I asked her how she felt about what I had done, and if I had upset her. Much to my surprise, she said (and I’m paraphrasing) “No, in fact, the warmness of you on me felt kinda good.” Turns out, the wet washcloth I had waiting, had turned ice cold while we were having sex, and that’s the part that she didn’t like (haha, note to self, HOT washcloth!)
We continued our conversation for nearly 2 hours, talking about likes/dislikes/boundaries, etc. It was great, and I think will lead to even better sexual encounters ahead!
Thanks again for the great blog, and encouraging all of us to make our physical love a top priority in our marriages!!
Sexy Corte and I are always excited to read emails and comments like this. It brings us great joy to hear that we’ve played a tiny part in helping a married couple improve their sex life — and we believe it pleases God too! Please don’t hesitate to email or comment to share your sexual victories with us.
My wife and I have been reading your blog for a couple months and we are fans of your style. My wife and I recently introduced mutual masturbation into our relationship. We both enjoyed it but felt a bit out of our comfort zone. We were wondering what you and Sexy Corte’s take on mutual masturbation is, both from a Biblical and enjoyability standpoint.
At the risk of being overly graphic: We recently introduced masturbating to orgasm together, in front of one another. It was actually not something we planned, we were engaging in foreplay and she began touching herself and asked if I liked what I saw. I did and decided to go along with her idea and we both ended up finishing together. We were discussing afterword and we both agreed we enjoyed it, but she expressed some awkwardness about having me finish on her (rather than inside as usual).
I think I would enjoy working this “into the rotation”, but it certainly isn’t a replacement for sex. I don’t know how I feel if she’s not comfortable being finished on. I told her I would find it extremely fun to finish on her breasts but she seems uneasy. This confuses me because we both regularly engage in oral sex and she has been finishing me in her mouth for some time.
I suppose why we are really reaching out is how to handle the awkwardness and issues with where to finish, as I don’t think I’d be totally game for kleenex/towel/shirt etc.
There are at least two topics here, so let’s take them one at a time!
First: mutual masturbation, is it wrong? We think the answer is clearly no, there’s nothing wrong with you and your spouse masturbating together as long as the activity is consensual, mutually satisfying, and done in faith. Sexy Corte and I recommend that you don’t let mutual masturbation dominate your sex life with your spouse — there’s nothing wrong with putting it “in the rotation” but we think it’s still important to frequently engage in intercourse.
Second: where to finish? Semen is a very powerful symbol and we completely understand your reluctance to ejaculate into a towel. If your wife enjoys oral, then one obvious suggestion is to finish in her mouth and ask her to show it to you on her tongue before she swallows. However, if the visual aesthetics of finishing on her body is specifically important to you, then there are a few ways you might relieve her anxiety.
Do it right before she’s planning to shower anyway.
Give her a washcloth to hold before you get started.
Ensure she’s in a position that feels “safe” — laying on her back might be more comfortable than kneeling in front of you.
Promise that you won’t get it on her face, hair, eyes, or wherever she’s sensitive about.
As for enjoyment, your mileage may vary. Until we received your question, Sexy Corte and I had never experimented with me ejaculating on her body — so thanks for bringing it up! Because of your question we decided to try it, but honestly it wasn’t a huge turn-on for either of us; it’s more pleasurable for both of us when I ejaculate inside her. The sight of her ready and willing to receive my semen was very sexy, but ultimately the experience was nothing special. Still, husbands are visual creatures and your wife should be the pinnacle of sexuality in your eyes, so it isn’t surprising that many husbands find it intensely erotic to ejaculate on their wives. There’s nothing wrong with that! We applaud you and your wife for experimenting outside your comfort zone.
Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.
It seems like there’s a lot of interest in bondage these days, and many couples are experimenting with stuff they never would have thought of before. If you’ve never tried bondage you may be wondering what the big deal is — why would anyone want to be restrained during sex? Well, we know nothing about the BDSM “scene” so we can’t speak very broadly, but we can tell you in one word why Sexy Corte and I periodically enjoy adding some light bondage to our sexy time: vulnerability.
To understand bondage let’s talk first about the goal, then the methods, then why it’s fun. The goal is simple: voluntarily restrain one spouse to enhance his or her vulnerability and submission. It seems most common for the wife to be restrained, but I’ve had Sexy Corte tie me down and tease me and it was lots of fun. Usually though, it’s me restraining her. The purpose of the restraint is to give control of your body to your spouse, not to be painful or uncomfortable. Submitting to bondage is a huge demonstration of trust to your spouse because it puts your naked body into their control and makes you supremely vulnerable. The bondage benefits both the dominant and the submissive spouse by giving the dominant person permission to act, and the submissive person permission to let go. The various toys described below are only used to accent the submission that has already been agreed to.
There are limitless methods of bondage, but they generally share a few common features.
Nakedness. The submissive spouse will usually be restrained naked, or at least with her sexy bits exposed. Being naked with your spouse is already a big show of trust, and being restrained kicks it up a notch.
Hand restraint. Often the submissive’s hands are restrained to prevent her from “protecting” herself. (I use quotes, because of course nothing should be happening against the submissive’s desires.) Hands can be restrained above the head (for example, tied to the headboard), behind the back, in front (for front-to-back positions), or even attached to the ankles. Hand restraint is probably the most common element of light bondage. Get those hands out of the way!
Leg restraint. Legs, ankles, and knees can be restrained to keep the wife’s legs spread or to prevent movement in general. Leg restraint is an important element of position restraint and orgasm control.
Head restraint. Head or neck restraint could be uncomfortable or even dangerous. This isn’t something we do.
Eye restraint. Covering the submissive’s eyes can add another layer of trust and enhance vulnerability. Using a blindfold can really make extended foreplay exciting.
Mouth restraint. Sometimes you just want to hear your spouse moan with pleasure instead of talk. Sometimes talking is distracting. Taking away the option to talk can be liberating for the person who is restrained. Always be sure that anyone whose mouth is covered can breathe freely and can signal a desire to stop.
Position restraint. A combination of restraints can be used to hold the submissive spouse in a certain position, say for spanking. This can be critical for orgasm delay and multiple orgasms, which we’ll talk about below.
So what are the actual devices that can be used for bondage play? Almost anything you can imagine can be incorporated, but here are a few ideas. Each of these items probably deserves its own post!
Wedge pillows. Sexy Corte and I enjoy these a lot for positioning, and they include attachments for…
Hand cuffs. We use some padded strips with velcro for closures and plastic clips that can be attached together or to the wedges. We’ve tried metal cuffs in the past, but they’re quite uncomfortable if you’re laying on them.
Under-the-mattress restraints. Looks complicated, but it’s not. The cuffs can be tucked under the mattress when not in use. These are especially useful if you don’t have a headboard suitable for tying to.
Blindfold. If you want to improvise, use a neck tie or panties.
Gags can be similarly improvised, or you can buy one.
Sex swing. We have one that can be quickly hung in a door frame and be used for a ton of positions. It’s easier than it looks.
Spreader bar. Keeps those legs apart. Can be used in many positions, including standing, but isn’t great for missionary. I made ours with a wooden dowel and some eye screws.
Pull-up bar. These can be mounted in a door way and used as a restraint point for securing someone in a standing position. Also great for getting ripped.
Vibrator. There are many kinds, but we find the egg vibrator to be the most versatile. We buy cheap ones (around $7 from Amazon) and replace them once or twice a year when they wear out. We also keep rechargeable batteries charging in our bedroom. A wand vibrator can also be useful for longer duration games or when you need more reach.
(Let me point out that you don’t actually need any toys! This post is getting long enough, so I won’t go into detail, but look forward to a future post on mental-only bondage.)
Finally, what’s fun about bondage anyway?
Intimacy. Like I said at the beginning: the essence of bondage is vulnerability, and vulnerability is the key to intimacy. Bondage will teach you new things about your spouse’s mind and body. Bondage will let you explore new levels of sexual trust. Bondage exposes you to each other in amazing ways.
Passion. Let’s face it: there can be something hot about dominating your spouse or submitting to his or her will. Maybe your sex is normally gentle and loving, and bondage lets you get a little rougher and more physically intense.
Foreplay. Bondage requires time to execute, and all that time can be used as foreplay focused on the spouse being bound.
Orgasm delay. Also known as teasing or edging. When the submissive spouse is free to move she can position her body just the right way to reach orgasm, and bondage can take away that ability and give control to the dominant spouse. It can be extremely difficult for a person to willingly back off from an orgasm when it’s close, but when using bondage the dominant spouse can pull back and keep the submissive spouse right on the edge without going over. This can make the orgasm incredibly powerful when it eventually comes.
Multiple orgasms. After a woman orgasms her clitoris may become intensely sensitive, such that further stimulation is uncomfortable. If her hands and legs are free she may push the stimulation away for relief. However, if she is bound such that she can’t “protect” her clitoris her husband can continue with the stimulation and bring her to multiple orgasms. Sexy Corte describes these as an unending plateau of orgasm, rather than the peak and descent of the normal experience. They’re also quite exhausting, so this probably isn’t something you’ll do every day. As a husband, giving my wife multiple orgasms is one of my absolute favorite things.
Fantasy. Bondage can be used as an element of fantasy or role-playing. It feels naughty, and once you’re in the naughty mindset you can free yourself to try some things that you normally wouldn’t. He’s the villain and she’s the kidnapped princess? She’s the super-spy and he’s the captured rogue agent who knows where the bomb is hidden?
Exploration. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for our sexual desires, even when the marriage has good communication. Bondage can be an avenue for exploring desires that are difficult to speak out loud but perhaps easier to request non-verbally while in the moment. New experiences can break old habits, and you’re already feeling naughty, right?
Escapism. Maybe it’s a minor form of dissociation, but bondage be a form of escapism from everyday life into a secret world of sex with your spouse.
Novelty. Bondage introduces a myriad of new sexual options, new ways to play, new positions, new toys, and maybe even new desires.
In the end bondage should be fun and promote intimacy and vulnerability in your marriage. As always, enthusiasm and responsiveness will ensure that you get the most from your sexual experience.
Let us know what you think in the comments! What are you experiences? Do you have any suggestions to add?
We’ve been promising to write about enthusiasm for a while, but we’ve been having trouble wrapping our heads completely around it. Basically, our opinion is that enthusiasm is more important than any other single behavior when it comes to having great sex. [Tweet this] We know that’s a bold claim, but let’s see if we can convince you.
So what is enthusiasm? Our favorite definition is “lively interest”. Both of those words are important. I should be interested in sex with my spouse. I should think about it, plan for it, pursue it. Sex with my spouse should be one of my favorite hobbies. And my interest should be lively: active, self-motivated, dynamic.
What does enthusiasm look like? Enthusiasm for sex with your spouse isn’t just important while you’re having sex — it encompasses a lot of behaviors.
Saying yes. Pretty basic, but it’s a lot better than when your spouse tells you no! As we’ve written before, yes should be the default answer when it comes to sex with your spouse. [Tweet this] There may be a reason to say no for a moment, but we’ll go out on a limb and suggest that the answer should be yes at least 90% of the time. Just like with your other hobbies, you find a way to say yes when you’re invited.
Communication.Enthusiastic spouses tell each other what they like, what they want, and what they need. You can’t wait to talk to your friends about your other hobbies, right? Don’t make your spouse drag it out of you — offer your thoughts and opinions. Be eager to listen to your spouse’s desires. Be as explicit and specific as necessary! Tell your spouse exactly what you want. These conversations can take place any time, but they seem ideal for when you aren’t in the middle of sex or immediately before or after. Make some time to talk during the day. (Which may lead to sex.)
Improvement. Enthusiasm means you want to be the best sex your spouse has ever had. This is the part where you follow-through on the communication. If your wife wants you to tickle her g-spot more before penetration, you can’t wait to please her. If your husband wants a quickie, shut the door and drop your panties. Your spouse has told you what they want, so hop to it! And not just the one time — be a student of your spouse and incorporate your new knowledge into your permanent expertise. When you’re invested in a hobby you work at it to improve, right? You read about it, study it, test out new ideas, and learn from experience. Sex with your spouse should be the same way.
Responsiveness.Now we’re getting to what enthusiasm looks like during sex. When you’re having sex, be there, in the moment. Be fully engaged. Look your husband in the eyes and moan when he enters you. Tell your wife how amazing she looks when she rides you. Responsiveness at any given moment is mostly the responsibility of the submissive, receiving partner. The person in the receiving role may stay the same throughout a sexual encounter, or it may change several times before you’re done. The point of responsiveness is that the receiver needs to demonstrate their pleasure to the dominant, giving partner. Don’t just lay there like a rug while your spouse goes to town. If you want your spouse to improve, give them the feedback they need! It’s especially important to clearly communicate to your partner when you’re close, and when you’re having an orgasm. The topic probably deserves its own post, but here are a few ways to be responsive: talking (“more!”, “yes!”, “almost there!”); kissing; moaning; using your spouse’s name; clutching with your hands or legs; connecting with your eyes; writhing with your hips; deepening penetration; or changing speed.
Experimentation. This goes for before and during sex: be open to new ideas, and don’t get frustrated if something doesn’t work. Sure, every couple has a repertoire of reliable positions that are guaranteed to please both spouses, and that’s great. You don’t have to try something new every time; most of the time your basic method is just fine. But when your spouse suggests something new, say yes! Maybe it won’t work, but don’t pre-judge it; chances are, your spouse has been working up the nerve to ask you for a while. When you say yes, don’t wince or roll your eyes, even if you’re skeptical. Don’t use the dreaded, “eh, if you want to” line either. That’s resignation, not enthusiasm. When your spouse wants to try something new with you, consider it a gift. This is an experience they’ve planned just for you and no one else in the world. Later (but not immediately afterwards), the two of you can talk about it and decide if its something you want to do sometimes/always/never. Just remember: unlike other hobbies, you’re the only appropriate sexual partner for your spouse; if you say no, that closes a door on your spouse’s desire forever.
Fun. Why so glum, chum? Sex is serious business, but it should also be seriously fun. Sex with your spouse is your own private amusement park! Ride all the rides. Eat everything in sight. Laugh, joke, tickle, wrestle, tease, snuggle, play! Sex isn’t just about having babies and orgasms. What do you like best about your other hobbies? Find ways to incorporate those qualities into your sex life. For example, Sexy Corte and I like playing games, so we created Sexy Adult Jenga and Naked Marco Polo. No matter what you enjoy, you will likely be able to bring some aspects of your hobby-personality into your sex life. When your spouse introduces these interests into your sexual encounters, remember to say yes!
Orgasm. Right, so sex isn’t only about orgasms, but let’s face it: orgasms are awesome. You don’t need to have an orgasm every time you have sex, but you should have an orgasm as often as you want to — and so should your spouse. Enthusiasm is hungering for an orgasm from your spouse, and craving an orgasm for your spouse.[Tweet this] Men can be very goal-oriented and focus excessively on the orgasm, so husband, make sure to listen to what your wife wants in the moment. Wife, your husband can’t read your mind, so make sure you are as responsive as possible.
Whew! That’s a long post; I hope it makes sense. If you want to kick your love life up a notch, foster some enthusiasm for sex. Please leave a comment and tell us your perspective on enthusiasm!