We get emails from people every day who are having problems of various kinds in their marriage, and the simplest, most direct solution is often just have sex. Obviously this isn’t true in every single case, but you’d be surprised how often sex itself can smooth over differences and disagreements.
How does it make you feel when your partner is cold and distant? Or when they’re critical and prickly? Does it make you want to rip their clothes off, order in a vat of whipped cream and install a chandelier to swing from?
No? Well there’s your problem – according, at least, to Michele Weiner-Davis, the marriage-guidance counsellor whose Ted talk explaining her unconventional advice to warring couples has been viewed almost 3.5 million times online.
Her advice couldn’t be simpler: shag. Do it even if you don’t want to, do it especially if you don’t want to and, most important of all, do it frequently whether you want to or not. To make it even clearer, she’s borrowed one of the most famous advertising slogans of recent times: Just Do It. “Your partner will be grateful, happier and therefore nicer, too,” she explains from her clinic in Colorado. “It’s a win-win situation for both of you!”
Over the years, Weiner-Davis has honed her message. She’s now stripped it back to what she believes is the essence of a successful marriage. Gone is any therapeutic consideration of a couple’s history; of their emotional travails; of cause and consequence. Now she is entirely one-track minded: no matter how appalling the state of a marriage, she believes that kind, generous and frequent sex can bring it back from the teetering edge of collapse.
Let’s expand on the idea a little! Here are a bunch of related posts.
- Create the Habit of Daily Sex: Make it the baseline assumption that you’ll be having sex every day, unless you talk about it and explicitly decide not to have sex that day. Don’t let your baseline be “no sex”.
- Do Whatever It Takes to Give Your Wife as Many Orgasms as She Wants: Your wife (or husband) will want to have sex more if she (or he) is having orgasms. This isn’t rocket science.
- The 7 (Sex) Habits: #3 Put First Things First: Make sex your top priority for a while and see if it pays off.
- Are Facebook and Netflix Damaging Your Sex Life?: Put away your televisions, phones, tablets, and laptops — banish them from the bedroom if you have to!
- Science: “The ‘quickie’ saved my marriage”: Have more quickies.
- Great Sex Only Comes From Frequent Sex: The more you have sex the better it will get.
Sometimes we can get so wrapped up “communicating” that we forget the importance of body language. Maybe you should quit talking about your problems for a while and go have sex!