Our ancestors thought about sex as much as we do (or we wouldn’t be here), and their sexual euphemisms are pretty fantastic. Here are some fun sexual metaphors, presented without much commentary.
From the Bible:
- Adam knew Eve … and she conceived (Genesis 4:1)
- “uncover her nakedness” (Leviticus 18:7) and open his robe to spread it over her
- keliy, “instrument, tool, vessel”, And David answered the priest, “Truly women have been kept from us as always when I go on an expedition. The vessels of the young men are holy even when it is an ordinary journey. How much more today will their vessels be holy?” (2 Samuel 21:5-6)
- qoten, “small one” 1 Kings 12:10 (2 Chr 10:10): “My qotonniy is thicker than the loin of my father.”
- yarek, “thigh” Judges 8:30: “And Gideon had seventy sons who came out of his yarek.”
- The beams of our house are cedars, our rafters are firs (Song of Solomon 1:17)
- His fruit is sweet to my taste (Song of Solomon 2:3)
- He has taken me to the banquet hall (Song of Solomon 2:4)
- I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense (Song of Solomon 4:6)
- …my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock (Song of Solomon 5:5)
- Let my lover into his garden and taste its choice fruits (Song of Solomon 4:16)
- I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride (Song of Solomon 5:1)
- I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit (Song of Solomon 7:8)
- The word that is translated “hinge” (1 Kings 7:50), is the same word that is translated a woman’s secret parts” (Isaiah 3:17)
- “the place of the breaking forth of children” (Hosea 13:13)
- “If my heart have been deceived by a woman.. then let my wife grind unto another, and let others bow down upon her” (Job 31:9,10)
From assorted poetry:
- Afternoon delight
- Assault with a friendly weapon
- Attacking the pink fortress
- Basket-making
- Bedroom spelunking
- Burying the white soft petals fallen from the apple tree
- Burying treasure
- Buttering the biscuit
- Churning butter
- Cleaning the cobwebs with the womb broom
- Counting down to thunder
- Dipping the wick
- Doing the Devil’s dance
- Drinking from the chalice
- Easing the spring
- Eating the sunbeam
- Emptying your basket of figs
- Extreme flirting
- Feeding the kitty
- Filling her out like an application
- Fingering the smooth and polished kernel
- Gathering rosebuds
- Hot beef injection
- Humming around her chamber
- Kindly serving
- Laying pipe
- Lifting the veil
- Looting flowers
- Making the beast with two backs
- My body writes into your flesh
- Nut in the gut
- Pants-off dance-off
- Playing doctor
- Playing dungeons and dragons
- Playing with the box the kid came in
- Puddle-snuggling
- Praying with the knees upwards
- Putting in the seed
- Putting the bread in the oven
- Putting the wand in the chamber of secrets
- Riding the Bony Express
- Rolling in the hay
- Shampooing the wookie
- Sheathing the meat dagger
- Sinking the pink
- Skinning the cat
- Slap and tickle
- Spilling your wine
- Sporting
- Spray-painting the cervix
- Squat-jumping in the cucumber patch
- Struggle snuggling
- Stuffing the taco
- Testing the humidity
- Tickling her tummy from the inside
- Two-person push-ups
- Walking the plank
- Warming her pearls
- Wetting the willy
(Some sources: Ex Minister, Redeeming God, Thought Catalog, Book Riot.)