Historical Sexual Slang 1

Next time you’re giving your wife the business you can throw in some historical sex slang from her favorite century to liven things up before ringing her bell. Just make sure you pick some chronologically consistent slang… anachronisms really kill the mood.

Slang timeline for sexual intercourse.

Slang timeline for other sexual acts.

Slang timeline for orgasms and various secretions.

Slang timeline for the vagina.

Slang timeline for the penis.

Tea Time 2

The kids have an annoying electronic toy tea pot that sings a really catchy song that frequently gets stuck in our heads. Sexy Corte and I like to change the words around, and we think it’s pretty funny to substitute sexual stuff into the song. So last night while I was getting ready to brush my teeth and SC started singing the song I just groaned. “I don’t want that stuck in my head!”

She laughed and said, “I’ll just go lay down over the edge of the bed by myself then. Don’t forget your tea bag when you come back.”

Naturally this made it pretty tough to brush my teeth, so I abandoned that and followed SC to bed, but she stopped me. “Aren’t you going to brush your teeth? You know how I like distracting you.”

So that’s how I ended up attempting to brush my teeth while SC licked and sucked on my balls while hanging her head upside-down off the side of the bed. Needless to say, my teeth got a very thorough cleaning.

(I guess it’s time to write a post about the benefits of shaving your balls.)

Sexy Adult Jenga Review 3

Yesterday El Fury posted about our game, Sexy Jenga. Last night we tested it out. We had a blast! I decided to play to win, so I wore an extra distracting outfit. We put on some sexy music and set up the game at the foot of our bed. One of the great things about being married, is that you have nothing to be embarrassed about. So we didn’t hold back at all. It was fun to get into the role-playing numbers. We were sort of bummed when the tower fell the first time, so we played again. Most of the numbers we had already played came up again, so we added one… or ten… whatever it took to try a new one. By the time the tower fell the second time we were both so aroused that we were ready for the game to end. If you are looking for a way to spice up a night with your spouse, I definitely recommend Sexy Jenga.

Sexy Adult Jenga 4

Here’s a fun game that Sexy Corte and I came up with: Sexy Jenga! (Here’s how our game went when we played.)

Setup: Write the numbers 1-48 on the wooden blocks of your Jenga set. Print out the list below and perform the indicated activity when you pull the block with each number. Each activity should be performed for about one minute, and the game is over when the tower falls or you can’t avoid having sex.

  1. Distract your spouse with your hands while they draw their next piece.
  2. Distract your spouse with your mouth while they draw their next piece.
  3. Distract your spouse visually while they draw their next piece.
  4. Distract your spouse by footsie while they draw their next piece.
  5. Remove an article of your clothing. If naked, play with yourself.
  6. Remove an article of your clothing. If naked, play with yourself.
  7. Remove an article of your clothing. If naked, play with yourself.
  8. Remove an article of your spouse’s clothing. If naked, your spouse plays with themself.
  9. Remove an article of your spouse’s clothing. If naked, your spouse plays with themself.
  10. Remove an article of your spouse’s clothing. If naked, your spouse plays with themself.
  11. Lap dance
  12. Make out, focus on breasts
  13. Make out, focus on butt
  14. Make out, focus on husband’s body
  15. Lick/suck your spouse wherever they like, focus on using your lips
  16. Lick/suck your spouse wherever they like, focus on using your tongue
  17. Lick/suck your spouse wherever they like, focus on kissing
  18. Perform a sexy massage
  19. Spank your spouse. Tell them how they were naughty.
  20. Receive a spanking from your spouse. Confess how you were naughty.
  21. Rub your fingertips over your spouse’s exposed skin
  22. Tell your spouse a sexy story
  23. Slow dance to a song of your choice
  24. Sexy dance for your spouse to a song of their choice
  25. Serenade your spouse
  26. Put your fingers wherever you want
  27. Put your spouse’s fingers wherever you want
  28. Put your mouth wherever you want
  29. Put your spouse’s mouth wherever you want
  30. Describe a sexual fantasy
  31. Turn off the lights and grope each other
  32. Fake an orgasm
  33. Draw your spouse in the nude
  34. Take off your clothes as quickly as possible
  35. Take off your spouse’s clothes as quickly as possible
  36. Hold your hands behind your back while your spouse ravishes you
  37. Kiss and lick your spouse’s neck
  38. Kiss and lick your spouse’s inner leg, as high up as is currently bared
  39. Tease your spouse, make them beg for more
  40. Each spouse: pick a part of your spouse’s body and write a couplet about it
  41. Pick a toy or prop for your post-game lovemaking
  42. Role-play: pick up your spouse at a party
  43. Role-play: you’re a photographer; pose your spouse and take pictures
  44. Role-play: your spouse is your professor and you’re going to fail the class if you don’t change their mind
  45. Role-play: your spouse is a cop and you really don’t want to get another speeding ticket
  46. Game: Sexy staring contest
  47. Game: Blindfold yourself and catch your spouse (Marco Polo)
  48. Game: Sexy thumb wrestling, use your free hand to distract by any means

Winning: winner decides how to start having sex.

Repetition: some pieces of wood are larger than others, so if you seem to get the same activities every time you play you can just add 1 to your numbers.

Great Sex Only Comes From Frequent Sex 5

The Generous Husband writes: great sex only comes from frequent sex.

Anything more than good sex requires a solid relationship, with trust, love, and real knowledge of each other. It requires time and effort. Incredible sex requires more of the same – probably several years. Really mind blowing sex may take a decade or more, depending on how much baggage you each have and how dedicated you each are to having a deep and intimate relationship.

Beyond trust, knowing, and a real connection, great sex only happens as part of frequent sex. It is like anything else from bowling to dance – you can enjoy doing it on occasion, but to be good at it you have to do it over, and over, and over.

Over and over and over with the same person, of course. Multiple studies show that married people have more and better sex than single people. (Of course the linked-to article tries to put a negative spin on the positve results, but hey.)

“Studies have found that married people have more sex than single people, and they also have more varied sex,” says sexual health expert and best-selling author Dr. Laura Berman, who hosts “In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman” on OWN. ”Oral sex is also more common among married people.”

One of the most comprehensive studies on the subject, which was released in 2010 by the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, confirmed this, compiling statistics on sexual attitudes and habits of 5,865 people between ages 14 and 94. An average of 61 percent of singles reported that they hadn’t had sex within the past year, compared with 18 percent of married people. Looking specifically at those between the ages of 25 and 59, 25 percent of married people reported that they were still having sex two to three times per week versus less than five percent of singles.

The negatives in the article are basically a twisted explanation of the investment that a good marriage requires. Marriage creates a potential: if that potential is nurtured and cherished it will grow into an amazing relationship; if the potential is neglected and abused it will whither into a dried-up husk. (But apparently you’ll still be having more sex than your single friends.)

Since we’re writing to married people here, the point is simple: if you want better sex, have more sex.

Sexy Corte 6

Sexy Corte is a dance move in the Tango. As the name implies, it is a very sexy move. It comes from a move simply called the Corte, which is when the dancers pause for a beat, and the woman extends her left leg out and looks over her left shoulder. The Sexy Corte starts with the regular Corte, but then the woman takes her left leg and very slowly slides it up and around her partner’s leg, and back down again. It is very sultry and seductive.

If you are looking for a way to spice up your marriage, I would recommend studying the Tango. El Fury and I took ballroom dancing for a while, and it was a lot of fun. The Tango was definitely our favorite. It is a spiteful, jealous dance that gives you the thrill of pursuing and being pursued. Especially once you learn a few moves and get over the awkward fumbling of beginning ballroom dancing, it is impossible not to feel sexy while doing this dance. It always made me want to rip El Fury’s clothes off right there. We don’t go to class anymore, but once in a while after the kids go to bed you can find us refreshing our Tango moves at home.

Surprise Your Husband 7

One of my most memorable dates with El Fury involved our car, a napkin, and a skirt. We had had a crazy day with the kids and both of us needed a little break. Last minute we asked a friend to watch them so that we could get out for a few hours. I threw on a skirt and a nice top, we dropped the kids off and went out for ice cream. El Fury didn’t know that I had a little trick up my sleeve.

In the middle of our date, I wrote him a note on a napkin and slid it over to him. He unfolded it, read it, and got a sly smile on his face. The note simply said, “I’m not wearing any panties”.  He was too distracted after that, so we immediately finished our ice cream and got out of there. We drove to the nearest dead end we could find. All he had to do was pull down his pants a little, and all I had to do was hop on. We had amazing sex, definitely in my top 5!

I love it when El Fury is thoughtful and romantic. For him, and probably most men I would guess, it meant a lot to him that I thought out and planned a sexual surprise. He likes knowing that I think about and initiate a lot of our sexy time. Something so simple can go a long way. Women, think of a way to surprise your husband sexually.

Don't Let "Life" Ruin Your Marriage 8

Gerad exhorts husbands specifically: “life” is a marriage killer. He writes:

Your marriage goes from “the two of us are the priority”, to “now that we have kids, we can’t be the priority right now”. And you might even convince yourselves that “it’s only for a little while”, or “when the kids are gone, we’ll pick up where we left off!”, but it’s not, and you won’t.

When all that “life stuff” starts taking over the priorities, you and your wife start what I call a“slow drift” apart from each other. Slowly but surely, “life” starts to sit in between you and your wife, and before you know it, you realize that you haven’t had sex in two weeks, and you’re crabby with each other, but you don’t really remember why, and the kids are acting out, because they’ve noticed something’s up with mom and dad, and life just seems miserable.Ever been there? I know we sure have. And you know what the cause is? Life. Plain, simple, boring, LIFE.

Like many problems, it’s a matter of priorities. Everything in life seems so important, but for the most part that’s a delusion. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the life of John the Baptist. He only lived about 30 years. What do we know of him from the Bible? He lived in the wilderness, baptized a bunch of people (including Jesus), and got executed by Herod. Those are the only aspects of his life that were important enough to God to write in Bible. And what does Jesus say about John? “Truly, I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist.”

Having sex with your wife is the most important thing you’ll do most days. Make it a priority. Your kids, your job, your lawn, your hobbies… they’ll still be there after you’ve given her an amazing orgasm. Do it today.

Car Date 9

El Fury and I found ourselves on an unexpected date recently. We were in the middle of a 3 1/2 hour car ride. The kids were all asleep in the back. We were listening to old music, talking, laughing. The sounds of the 90’s reminded us of high school. It was a blast! We lost track of time as the miles flew by. I realized I felt like I was on a date with my husband. It was reassuring to know that we could still spontaneously connect, even with all the kids in the car.

What are ways you have found to “date” while not on a date?

Wedge Pillows 10

When we got married I surprised Sexy Corte with a set of Liberator wedge pillows (which were, at the time, on sale at Amazon). I think she was skeptical at first, but in the years since we’ve gotten a lot of use out of them. If I could introduce any couple to one new toy, it would be these pillows. (Assuming they already have an egg vibrator. Hopefully SC will post about those soon.)

The primary use of the wedges is for positioning. They’re firm and have a velvety texture so they grip against your bed and each other, which means you can set them up in limitless configurations to position your bodies at all sorts of different heights and angles. (The pillows came with a booklet of suggested positions; you can find it on the site above, but it has nudity so I’m not linking it.) They’re great for laying on, bending over, leaning on, or sitting against. We’ve even turned the big one on it’s side and used it to support SC’s legs so they don’t flail in the air when she’s laying on the edge of the bed.

You’ll notice that we bought the “black label” edition of the wedges which come with handy attach points for clip-on cuffs. We don’t use the cuffs as often as the pillows themselves, but occasionally I have a blast cuffing SC down and teasing her for a while. Not to brag, but our record is seven orgasms for her in 45 minutes. So, husbands, if you want to give your wife a ton of orgasms till she almost passes out and begs you to stop you might want to check these out. (I should get a commission.)