Sexy Corte and I have a lot of married friends who are shocked and surprised when they learn that we always lock our bedroom door at night. It seems that most of our peers not only keep their doors unlocked, but often sleep with their doors open or with their kids in the sex bed!

This is wrong. How are you going to get it on when kids can burst in any any time? Or when kids are in bed with you? The master bedroom is a place of intimacy, privacy, and sexual abandon!  It’s your pleasure garden. The kids need to be kept out.

You need to think of your master bedroom as the sex room. Sure, you should have sex all over the house when possible, but if you have kids then most of the time you’ll be getting it on in your sex room. Your bed is the sex bed. In the sex room, sex can happen at any time. The sex bed is for doing dirty deeds with your spouse, not cuddling your kids.

Your kids should rarely enter the sex room, and certainly not without permission. If you’re in the sex room, you should be either preparing to have sex, actually having sex, or half-conscious from amazing sex. (Or asleep, I guess.) You don’t want your kids walking in on that, do you?

Most of sex is mental and emotional, not physical. If you think of your bedroom as your sex room, guess what? Your mind and emotions will shift to make it true. Guard your intimacy and your privacy with your spouse, because if you don’t respect them then your kids certainly won’t.

We love guacamole, and love to make guacamole. It used to be an elaborate process, involving a multitude of fresh ingredients, such as salsa, cilantro, parmesan, and for a little extra kick, serrano peppers. One particular night, El Fury made this concoction. We ate, we enjoyed, and then we relaxed on the couch watching a show.

After a while we must have gotten distracted because we started kissing, which led to other things. I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination, but I felt a nice warmth. It wasn’t long before that nice warmth turned into a soft burn, and then what felt like a raging fire in my lady bits. Needless to say, the mood went straight from sexy to “make it stop!” pretty quick. I awkwardly ran upstairs and jumped in the shower. Seeing as the burning was coming from inside me, this didn’t really help all that much. El Fury helped by washing his hands then standing nearby asking for status updates.

If anyone has ever cooked with chiles, you know the oil doesn’t really wash off, it just takes time to come off. So was the case with my lady bits. After a while the burn cooled to a simmer, then subsided completely. When the incident was fresh I felt pretty wounded. After some time passed, we started to laugh about it, and eventually it became one of our favorite sex stories, even though we didn’t even have sex that night!

I did learn that sex can be funny! That’s the amazing thing about sex with your spouse, nothing is embarrassing. It’s not always perfect, and the imperfect times can give you something to laugh about. Has anyone else had a run-in with chiles? Or have any funny sex stories?

Should you spank your wife?  Of course!  I highly recommend it.  Sex starts long before penetration, and spanking is a fun way to build sexual tension.  Spanking is a power move, a move of possession, and a not-so-subtle way for you as the husband to prime the sexual pump and set expectations.  A smack on the ass says you are my woman, prepare to be boarded.

So how to do it right?

  • I love to pat Sexy Corte’s butt whenever it is in reach.  She has a fantastic rear, and I feel like it deserves to be touched and admired. These love-taps are pretty expected by now, to the point where I sometimes catch myself doing them in public.  Haven’t had a complaint yet!
  • When there’s time for a kiss, you can escalate with a spank.  This always gets a friendly wiggle and purr.  Feel free to grab a cheek while you’re down there if the kiss lingers.
  • If you really want to get your wife’s attention, spank her a bit harder so she jumps and lets out an “oh!”  If she turns back to you with a how dare you look (real or pretend) just smile and say something naughty.  “I have got to have that ass later tonight.”

Spanking as foreplay works great, especially when it’s an unexpected surprise.  Spanking is also a great accent move for when you’re having sex, but it doesn’t work in Missionary Position.  Here are some ideas:

  • Wife on top.  No matter which way she’s facing you should be able to work in a few spanks just as she’s reaching orgasm.
  • Doggy-style gives you clear access to your target, and this is already a powerful position for the husband. Avoid the temptation to go overboard.
  • Wife standing, bent over.  This position is great for quickies, and a spank is great for getting a reaction if your wife is trying to be quiet because you’re being naughty in a semi-public place.

Arousal and orgasm generally increase a woman’s pain threshold, and she might enjoy a little more force when you’re in the throes of passion.  As always, communicate.

Do you and your spouse spank?  Got any tips to share?

Update, this evening:

After getting the kids out of the tub, Sexy Corte caught me in our room getting ready to shower.  She said “how about a quickie?” so I laid on the floor and she started riding me.  She must have liked this post because she said, “Don’t forget to spank me!”  Solid.

We recently went through a marriage class at our church that focuses on 7 areas of marriage and how to improve each area. These are topics such as communication, money, conflict, etc. Surprisingly, we found the topic of sexual intimacy to be the best. We have found that this topic in Christian circles can be awkward or only lightly touched on. We were excited to come away from this meeting with lots of good thoughts to discuss. Here are some of the key points:

  • Sex is a gift from God to be experienced inside of marriage. It is meant for physical and emotional pleasure.
  • Men and women are different. We have different drives, different ways of being aroused, different needs. Be a student of your spouse. Learn what each other likes! Talk about it, pay attention to their response in the bedroom, show each other.
  • Communicate about sex! The more you talk about sex with each other, the easier it is to talk about. Praise on another when they do something right. Keep changing and growing. There are lots of ways to spice things up, be open to trying new things!
  • Guard your sex life! Make it a priority.

How often should you and your spouse have sex? From the Bible, the answer is basically “as often as your spouse wants”. Here’s the most directly relevant passage; check it out, and then we’ll talk about “conjugal rights” other than sex.

1 Corinthians 7:1-7

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

The literal interpretation of this passage is pretty clear: your spouse is entitled to “conjugal rights”… but what does that mean? It’s more than sex.

In addition to exclusive sexual relations, conjugal rights also include affection and companionship, shared property, presumed legitimacy of offspring, co-habitation, domestic and labor services, and affinity with your spouse’s family. The Greek word is opheilē and it refers to a an obligation or a debt that is owed to another. When we choose to get married, we voluntarily take on this obligation to our spouse. If we deprive our spouses of these rights we are in sin and need to repent.

Let’s also consider the use of the word “authority” in this passage. The Greek word here is exousiazō, and it means exactly what you think: “to have power”, “to be master”. You are the master of your spouse’s body, and your spouse is the master of your body. When you got married, you gave up control of your body to your spouse.

Now, this should be obvious but I’ll say it anyway: God expects you to use your authority in a Christlike manner.

Galatians 5:22-23

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

There is no place for coercion or manipulation in a Christlike marriage, only for mutual self-sacrifice and love.

El Fury: Do you want to go to bed?

Secy Corte: What ever gave you that idea?

EF: In the shower you were sucking my dick in a kinda sexual way.

SC: No, that was just a friendly suck.  Sorry to give you the wrong impression.

EF: Well, this is awkward.

(Of course, we did go to bed.)