Marriage Sex Tips from a Reader

We get a lot of emails from readers asking questions, but I wanted to share an email from Ellie with a list of tips that work for her and her husband. Every marriage is different, but I always find it encouraging to hear from people who have healthy, exciting sex lives. Maybe something in here will give you an idea for edifying your marriage!

Here’s Ellie’s email, with light editing and a few links back to related posts.

These are just my opinions and what works best for me and my husband. We have been married for 12 years and are intimate literally everyday! And usually at least three times a day!

Overall

  1. You are husband and wife. Don’t be afraid to voice your desires. After all his penis has already been in you, I mean how more intimate can it get than that?
  2. Women are like ovens, it takes a while for us to warm up. Do something out of the ordinary, talk about what you’re going to do to her later, or just pull her to the closet and give her a passionate kiss. Girls, wear some sexy underwear or none throughout the day!
  3. Be conscious of her monthly hormones. Women are more likely to try more things when we’re fertile and hormones are raging.
  4. When you have sex, leave on a light! (Men are visual and love to watch.)
  5. Be vocal! Nothing sounds better the sounds of pleasure from your spouse.
  6. Try new positions! After 12 years of marriage we find new ones on accident! This past week his foot ended on my head pressing me to the mattress and believe or not it was amazing.
  7. Make date night or lunch a priority, especially if you have kids! If the kids can crash at the grandparents house take them up on EVERY opportunity!

Oral Sex

  1. Hygiene and shave: it will make it more enjoyable for both!
  2. Watch your diet. Fruits and lots of water will lead to better tasting experience for both. Stay away from asparagus and onions.
  3. If you want her to swallow make sure you are not going to give her a full load. More is not always a good thing in this department. And let her know how much you enjoy it.
  4. Women, practice with your fingers and don’t worry if you gag, I don’t think any man would complain! It actually excited my husband more! If you feel as if you might vomit take a break and concentrate on his friends below — some kisses and licks will do the trick. After you recuperate get back to it!
  5. Make eye contact with your spouse to create a very intimate experience.
  6. Sometimes women do not know how amazing giving oral sex to a man can look. Record it and watch it back together later!
  7. Husbands, don’t forget about her! Ask her where she likes it and let her grab your head to steer you in the right direction.

Anal

  1. When my hubby first asked I thought he was crazy. We both have high libidos and “that time of the month” seems like eternity. I never in a million years thought I would enjoy it, but now we both have had some amazing orgasms this way.
  2. Prep! Just like for any other intimate act, cleaning is essential! Eat less that day. About two hours before sex I always feel better with a water enema to make sure every thing is clean. This might be TMI but I also inject about a tablespoon of organic coconut oil in my anus, right before we begin. That way you won’t have to stop during foreplay to lube up. Plus coconut oil is a natural anti-bacterial! We have used it for years, and it’s great lube for the vagina, too!
  3. Foreplay, and lots of it! Take it slow when you are entering. Very slow! And don’t pound as you would in vaginal sex.
  4. Position: Laying face down and bottom up seems to be easiest for beginners.

Accessories!

  1. One word: Magic wand. She will orgasm uncontrollably and you won’t even have to move! Even better to add during sex. My husband says my vaginal contractions are amazing when we use this. She might ejaculate too so don’t be surprised, she is not peeing! Taste it! It actually taste like sweet water.
  2. Straps! No need to spend a lot of money. Get heavy duty ace bandages and tie them to the bed post. Our favorite position is when I lay on my back and he ties my feet above my head.
  3. Ben wa balls and kegels. It will make sex more pleasurable for both of you and the orgasms will be even stronger!
  4. Doggy style tummy strap!
  5. Chairs! Enough said! Let your imagination run wild.

Got a question for Ellie? Want to share some of your own tips? Leave a comment!

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

10 comments

  1. Just a question about anal…where would you normally finish? Inside, outside, or in a condom? It sounds interesting to me but I don’t know if my wife would be up for trying at this point. Just like to have the information stored away for a later date. Thanks

      1. Thanks for the information. Is there any issues with clean up that way or is there any potential physical problems with that method?

        1. Clean up is easy. She just goes to the bath room like a bm and it all comes out. Plus coconut oil is an antibacterial so if you slip up with the wrong hole you will be less likely to have a bacterial infection. We have actually used both entrances back and forth with this several times and not have had issues before since the rectum was free of debris. But it is not adviced to do a lot of enemas bc this can lead to a dependency on them. Also if it hurts stop. You know your body more than anyone else!

  2. After 42 years of marriage, we enjoy each other frequently. Of course we have “slowed down” a bit, but there are certain perks to our age:
    1 – We stopped placing pressure on each other years ago. If either one of us “needs / wants” release, we can ask and receive it freely.
    2 – Our house is empty – so touching, laughing and giggling about certain aspects of sexual play is spontaneous.
    3 – The pressure is off of performance and we can (and have for a long time) appreciate each other’s differences. Conversations flow easily and turn into sex or not, no forcing each other or begging.

    Some good experiences come with age. Of course some negatives are inherent as well. Enjoy every wonderful segment of your married sexuality. Kids at home? be spontaneous and supportive for each other’s needs. When you become “empty nesters” enjoy that freedom as well. Don’t harp on any physical limitations, adapt and appreciate the newest freedoms allowed by law!

    Most of all have fun with each other! Life is way toooooooo short to spend any moment creating toxins in your life-mate.

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  3. Neglected times for intense intimacy/sex is that much of your time together wasted. Sex isn’t all there is to your marriage; but without it – lots of it! – you miss out on a great deal of sweet opportunity for mutual up-building joy.

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