Reader “QB” writes:

Hello,

My husband and I have enjoyed your site! Thank you.

We’ve been married for ten years and we have two young children. We’re planning to have another baby but we aren’t ready to get pregnant yet, and we’ve been talking about contraception. My husband doesn’t like to use condoms, and he asked that we make our “protection” more appealing to him… suggesting a “pearl necklace” that apparently “some guys” are into.

I said I didn’t think any women would really want that and he said maybe some would. I personally would find it degrading. He’s much more sexually adventurous than I am, which is an ongoing issue. I know he has watched porn in the past, and I’m worried that it has twisted him a bit. I don’t know how to approach this topic because it makes him very defensive.

Do you think a “pearl necklace” is an ok thing to do? I just wonder why any husband would want to 🙁 You usually seem to say that between two married consenting spouses, anything goes, but what do you think? I might consent if it’s not something always seen as degrading.

Please help! Any insight is hugely appreciated.

First of all, it’s great that you and your husband are able to discuss your sex life so openly. Most people who write to us don’t, so good for you. Couples often have a great deal of trouble sharing their sexual desires out of fear of ridicule or rejection, so please appreciate your husband’s bravery in sharing with you.

Second, yes, pretty much anything is acceptable within the bounds of marriage, and we’ve written about in “Can we *BLANK*?” The boundaries are simple — sex should:

  • Involve only the married couple
  • Be be mutually consensual
  • Lead to satisfaction for both spouses
  • Be done in faith

So, there’s nothing inherently wrong about your husband wanting to ejaculate on your body. Most men don’t want to do this constantly, but some men find it arousing occasionally. Sexy Corte and I have tried it, but it just isn’t our thing. We wrote about it in a previous Q&A: “Mutual masturbation and finishing on her body”. It’s very likely that your husband will enjoy it once or twice and then decide that it’s more fun to ejaculate inside you. (Hint: he might be happy to use a condom if you let him take it off to ejaculate in your mouth, and he may even love it.)

A key element of your email is your statement that: “I personally would find it degrading.”

That’s understandable. As with all sex play, it’s important that it’s play and not real. For example, I enjoy spanking my wife’s butt, but it’s a form of sexual play, not a “punishment”. The play gives me a sense of power, and gives her a sense of submission.

Similarly, your husband probably thinks that ejaculating on your face or body will be a sexy, dominant thing for him to do because it requires your submission. Your submission is part of the sexiness. Your willingness to submit to his pleasure and do something you don’t care for is part of the turn-on. (You may find that you enjoy being trusting and submissive, even if the sex acts themselves aren’t directly stimulating to you. Or you may not!)

Now, sex should be mutually edifying and satisfying for both spouses, and honoring to God. Your husband shouldn’t actually degrade you — but it’s ok if both of you want to play with dominant and submissive behavior. You may not get much arousal from him ejaculating on you, but if you participate in fulfilling his fantasy then he should be eager to “pay you back” by making sure that your quirky sexual needs are also met. (C’mon… you probably have something you want that you’ve been too shy to share.)

You also wrote: “I know he has watched porn in the past, and I’m worried that it has twisted him a bit.”

I’ll quote from an earlier post about “Weird sex”:

Porn didn’t invent anything it depicts. As Ecclesiastes 1:9 says:

What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done,
and there is nothing new under the sun.

Our ancestors were no more virtuous or innocent than we are. The Bible is full of sex. Shakespeare’s works are full of sex. Some of the oldest known works of art are pornographic. Ancient Roman graffiti was largely pornographic. A modern person may learn about a sex act from the internet, but our ancestors did everything we do.

Humans are kinky creatures, and porn didn’t cause that, it merely reflects our kinkiness. God’s desire is that sex with your spouse is a bonfire compared to the sickly, sputtering candle of pornography.

We suggest that you continue talking with your husband about his desires (and yours). You’re not obligated to perform a specific sexual activity with him, but we encourage you to lean towards “yes” when you can.

Updates:

First, a response from “QB” who asked the question above.

Thank you so much for all the information and your honesty.

I think sometimes my go-to response to my husband is either “no” or “why would you want to…”. So your perspective really helps. I may come from a place of judgement when really I should like you said be open and happy we’re communicating.

I will try to lean towards “yes” when I’m able.

Thank you so so much!

And below, here’s a great comment from the wife at Marriage 4:29:

I can understand why it might not be anyone else’s thing, but I wanted to throw my thoughts in there because it is TOTALLY our thing.

I love watching my husband ejaculate (the way his body shakes, the face he makes, the flow of his semen shooting out) because I know that I alone am responsible for that sensation.

Especially if I’m not necessarily in the mood for intercourse, a mutually satisfying compromise is always him standing, me on my knees pleasuring him with my hands and/or mouth (WITH THE LIGHTS ON—more vulnerable for the both of us and therefore more intimate in my opinion).

When he reaches climax I’ll take his semen wherever (but I’m right in front of him…it might as well be on me—that way we know exactly where it went for easy cleanup LOL) but what drives him wild is when I sometimes say “Cum all over my [redacted]” It a little naughty, but it’s a fun way to play with my beloved…and it makes him feel loved that I loosen up and allow myself to enjoy this kind of stimulation too so it’s not just one sided pleasure.

Thanks to everyone who is sharing in the comments!

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

Here’s a fun game for you and your spouse : one spouse (the Storyteller) tells a naughty story while the other spouse (the Distractor) attempts to distract the Storyteller sexually.

Step 1: Decide who is the first Storyteller. Sock wrestle if you can’t decide some other way.

Step 2: Print out the roll-all-the-dice naughty story table and grab some dice. Alternatively, pull up the naughty story generator on your mobile device.

Step 3: The Storyteller either rolls the dice or loads the story generator to get her challenge. Start telling the story — make it naughty and coherent.

Step 4: The Distractor uses his mouth, tongue, hands, fingers, or sexy movements to distract the Storyteller from her task. Advanced mode: every time the Storyteller says “uhhhh” or stalls she gets a swat on the butt.

Step 5: When the story is done, swap roles. Repeat until you give up and have sex.

It’s a simple game that adds a little challenge to your encounter with your spouse. Let us know how it goes for you!

Chair sex can be pretty fun for a quickie, and you’ve got several positions available. Many people put chairs in their bedroom anyway (to sit or to help get dressed), so you may as well “explore the space” and use your chairs for sex! Of course, chair sex doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom.

First off, make sure that you’ve got an appropriate chair: for intercourse you’re going to really prefer a chair with no arms. Chair arms really interfere with girl legs and limit your options. Your chair should also be sturdy enough for two and sans wheels. You don’t want anyone falling off, do you? Finally, get a chair that’s the right height for the wife’s feet to reach the ground while she’s sitting on her husband’s lap. Saw the legs down if you have to! If the wife is at the right height, she can really go to town.

The two most obvious positions are with the husband sitting in the chair and the wife sitting on top.

  • Face-to-face in a chair is a great position. If the chair’s the right height the wife can straddle her husband and move around in every direction (up, down, forwards, backwards, side-to-side, hip rolling, etc.). This is similar to a wife-on-top position in bed, except she has a greater range of motion since she’s on her feet rather than her knees. Since she’s higher up her thighs won’t tire as quickly, so you’re in for a great ride! The husband should slouch down in the chair to best take advantage of his length. He should play with her clit and breasts and make sure her efforts are appreciated!
  • Front-to-back in a chair also works well. Every guy loves Reverse Cowgirl, but if you’re on a bed the position is really hard for the girl — it’s basically super-deep squats. However, when the husband is in a chair the wife will be higher off the ground and will have much better leverage with her legs, so she won’t tire as fast. Front-to-back can really benefit from an adjustable-height chair and doesn’t suffer much from chair-arms, so an office chair can work well as long as you can keep it from rolling (move it to the carpet). Depending on the angle of the husband’s penis the wife might need to lean back towards him to avoid bending him, or the husband can “reverse slouch” to angle himself more downward. Ideally the wife should bear all her weight on her own legs to give herself the greatest range of motion. As with all front-to-back positions the view for the guy is great, and it’s fun to grab her hips and spank her ass while she rides. Unfortunately, front-to-back positions aren’t usually as climactic for the woman.

In addition to front-to-back and face-to-face, chairs also enable some other fun.

  • Blow jobs, of course. A lower-than-normal chair can be beneficial to position his penis at the right height, and chair arms probably don’t matter. Make him feel like a king on his throne!
  • Side-saddle is much easier in a chair than on a bed. It’s basically just what it sounds like: the wife turns herself sideways (90 degrees) from her husband and sits on him. This is a great position for making out and snuggling.
  • Bent-over also works with a chair, but this position isn’t very chair-specific. You can bend your wife over pretty much anything.
  • Tied-up: it’s easy to introduce some bondage play when you’re using a chair, and it should be obvious how to tie up a man while he’s sitting. It can be more challenging to tie a woman to a chair and keep her important bits accessible! One possibility is to lay the chair on its back on the floor and have your wife kneel on it. Put her knees in the corner where the back and seat of the chair meet, and lay her torso down across the legs of the chair. Now you can tie her feet to the top of the back of the chair (get a ladder-back chair) and her wrists to the rear feet of the chair (near the floor). This will hold her in a doggy-style position, but make sure her knees are padded or it will get uncomfortable.

Do you have any other great chair sex positions or ideas? Share them in the comments!

Should you spank your wife?  Of course!  I highly recommend it.  Sex starts long before penetration, and spanking is a fun way to build sexual tension.  Spanking is a power move, a move of possession, and a not-so-subtle way for you as the husband to prime the sexual pump and set expectations.  A smack on the ass says you are my woman, prepare to be boarded.

So how to do it right?

  • I love to pat Sexy Corte’s butt whenever it is in reach.  She has a fantastic rear, and I feel like it deserves to be touched and admired. These love-taps are pretty expected by now, to the point where I sometimes catch myself doing them in public.  Haven’t had a complaint yet!
  • When there’s time for a kiss, you can escalate with a spank.  This always gets a friendly wiggle and purr.  Feel free to grab a cheek while you’re down there if the kiss lingers.
  • If you really want to get your wife’s attention, spank her a bit harder so she jumps and lets out an “oh!”  If she turns back to you with a how dare you look (real or pretend) just smile and say something naughty.  “I have got to have that ass later tonight.”

Spanking as foreplay works great, especially when it’s an unexpected surprise.  Spanking is also a great accent move for when you’re having sex, but it doesn’t work in Missionary Position.  Here are some ideas:

  • Wife on top.  No matter which way she’s facing you should be able to work in a few spanks just as she’s reaching orgasm.
  • Doggy-style gives you clear access to your target, and this is already a powerful position for the husband. Avoid the temptation to go overboard.
  • Wife standing, bent over.  This position is great for quickies, and a spank is great for getting a reaction if your wife is trying to be quiet because you’re being naughty in a semi-public place.

Arousal and orgasm generally increase a woman’s pain threshold, and she might enjoy a little more force when you’re in the throes of passion.  As always, communicate.

Do you and your spouse spank?  Got any tips to share?

Update, this evening:

After getting the kids out of the tub, Sexy Corte caught me in our room getting ready to shower.  She said “how about a quickie?” so I laid on the floor and she started riding me.  She must have liked this post because she said, “Don’t forget to spank me!”  Solid.