Reader “LM” sent us a long email with several questions, so let’s address each in turn.

I’m writing as a BIG fan of your blog. My fiancée (girlfriend at the time) and I started reading your blog last summer, as a way to facilitate healthy conversations about sex. It has been so helpful to have conversation starters from a Christian perspective, and it has helped us have open and honest conversations about expectations for sex inside marriage. We recently got engaged, and are getting married in March. As the big day gets closer, we decided to put together a list of some questions we had, in the hopes that you could provide some insight.

Congratulations on your engagement! It means so much to us to receive emails like this. We write this blog to edify Christian marriages, and we’re very encouraged when we hit our target. (It’s worth linking to an earlier post for newlyweds: Sex Q&A: About to Be Married, First-Time Sex.)

Before we get to LM’s specific questions, I should say that it’s not our place to give or withhold permission for what you do in your marriage — that’s between you, your spouse, and God. Read Can we *BLANK*? for more info, and check out 1 Corinthians 8. Follow the leading of the Holy Spirit with discernment and humility.

Here are the questions.

1) We’re both very excited about role play, however, we had a question. In almost all role playing scenarios (teacher-schoolgirl, KGB agent-American spy, etc), the characters are not married. In this case, are you acting out a scenario (sex between unmarried people) that is not honoring to God? OR is it ok because the people actually having sex (me and my soon to be wife) ARE married?

2) Speaking of role play, have you guys ever played out a scenario which has caused you to lust after an actor / actress? My fiancée is a huge Lord of the Rings / Harry Potter fan, and would love to role play some of those characters. My worry is that that might cause one or both of us to think about the actors or actresses we’re role playing during sex instead of each other.

These two questions are great examples of the need for discernment and wisdom. Strictly speaking, you aren’t sinning if your sexual thoughts are aimed exclusively at your spouse. However, if this kind of role-play causes your sexual focus to wander away from your spouse, then it might be sin for you and you should avoid it. You need to be honest with each other, with yourselves, and with God. Flee from sexual immorality and do whatever most strengthens your marriage and your walk with God.

Sexy Corte and I don’t role-play as characters from pop culture — we make up our own characters, and have quite a collection. Characters from books and movies aren’t real people, so lusting after your-wife-as-Hermione doesn’t seem problematic to me.

Also, make sure you check out Tie, Tease, Trivia: Harry Potter Edition.

3) Have you guys ever had sex to music, and found yourself lusting after the artist singing the song? There is some really sexy music out there, but I’m worried that I might end up thinking about the singer during sex, if it’s someone I find attractive.

We occasionally play music during sex, and lusting after the artist had never occurred to us. If music is a stumbling block for you then don’t use it, or listen to music performed by ugly artists!

4) We’ve seen your recommendations to shave prior to the wedding night, but we’re worried that after one or two days of smooth, things may get prickly and uncomfortable. Is there a way to avoid this?

We’ve written about shaving for husbands and wives, and we both really enjoy the sensations of having smooth skin. Of course, shaved hair grows back! We typically shave every few days in the shower, and it only takes a couple of minutes once you’re proficient. If you don’t want to maintain it so frequently you can try waxing, but the hair will still grow back (and waxing costs a lot more money than shaving). You can also try laser hair removal, which costs even more money but can eliminate the hairs (almost) permanently. It’s really a matter of preference.

5) What do couples usually do when the woman is a virgin and there’s the potential that she’ll bleed in the hotel room? Do you just leave it and let the maid change the sheets the next day? Do you bring your own sheets?

Put down a towel and/or leave a nice tip. Honeymoon nights aren’t unique in dirtying hotel sheets, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Do yourself a favor and don’t inspect your hotel room with a UV light.

6) One of the things we’ve talked about is the idea of dirty talk, particularly if it involves cussing. We think it could be hot, but we wanted to hear your thoughts.

Sexy time is pretty much the only time we swear, and yes, it can be hot. There’s nothing sinful about any particular words — it’s all about how you use them. If the words edify your marriage, then great! If they insult or discomfort your spouse, then don’t use them.

Got some thoughts to share? Please leave a comment!

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

Merry Christmas everyone! It’s been a while since we rounded up our favorite Christian sex links, so here’s a big list to finish off 2016!

Wives, God created sex for YOU — working to grow your own enjoyment of sex is a huge gift to your husband and yourself.

Don’t let the holidays ruin your sex life! Squeeze in sex during the holidays!

So many posts with gift ideas:

Lots of options for grooming your public hair — we wrote about husbands shaving their public hair and answered a question from a reader about how to ask his wife to shave “down there”.

Duty sex as a stepping stone to great sex — we’ve written against “duty sex”, but viewing it as a step towards something better is a very useful perspective.

Can Christians get sex tips from Cosmo? — I guess you could, but honestly, there’s better stuff on our blog and those we link to! For free.

Fellatio alarm clock — with a strong mint?? That’ll wake him up quick.

Kegel exercises help turn her on and intensify her orgasm — also, squeeze your butt during sex!

Sex positions made easier by the Liberator Wedge — we’ve got these wedge pillows, and they’re great fun.

A husband wants his wife to love his penis — this reminds me: I need to write a post on this topic.

Save time and water by showering together — also sex in the shower and tips for having sex in the water.

Tips for reaching orgasm together — we could do this easily enough every time, but I like to hold back. I find that I enjoy Sexy Corte’s orgasm more when I’m not distracted by my own.

A bunch more sex links from November!

Merry Christmas! If you’ve got a link you want to share, please put it in the comments!

We’ve written about shaving for husbands and wives before, and the practice is increasingly seen as “the new normal”, especially for women. However, despite what most women seem to think, the benefits are primarily sexual, not hygienic.

A new study published in the journal JAMA Dermatology on Wednesday confirmed just how widespread the practice is. Sixty-two percent of a nationally representative sample of 3,316 women said they opted for complete removal of their pubic hair; 84 percent reported some grooming.

But while previous research showed that women groom to facilitate sexual activity, this survey found the overwhelming majority said they did so for hygiene.

That perception troubled researchers. “Many women think they are dirty and unclean if they haven’t groomed,” said Dr. Tami S. Rowen, an obstetrician-gynecologist and the lead author of the study.

Of course, what a person means by hygiene may not line up with the medical definition. Hair “down there” really gets in the way of oral sex — it’s distracting, especially when it tickles your nose or gets stuck in your teeth.

Your mileage may vary, but we enjoy the intense, sensual smoothness of bare skin.

This comes from reader “PL”:

Any suggestions on how to get my wife to shave “down there”? She tried once when we were first married, but she said it itched SO bad that she’d never do it again.

I LOVE giving her oral…but sometimes the jungle is unbearable.

I recently read that introducing new activities to your spouse is like “breaking in a horse”. The concept is that you try something a little bit at a time until it becomes comfortable. Then you go a bit further. Is that how to approach this, or…?

Her other two comments/objections about shaving are: 1) she would look like an adolescent (which I never thought about until she mentioned it, and that’s something I wish I could erase), or 2) that I must have seen the idea somewhere (porn or whatever). So I was quite disheartened because all I wanted was a nicer landscape to traverse… not anything weird.

Any help/suggestions/insight would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for the email! You know, I understand because I also don’t like to shave all the way. However, I have found that if I remove everything except a “landing strip” it is a lot more comfortable. This is also called a “French” style, and it leaves a strip of hair visible in front. Hair is removed from the areas you need to clean, but left on the area where I find shaving to be most bothersome and itchy. It might be a good compromise for her. Like you said, she can remove a little bit of hair at a time based on her comfort level.

You should also definitely explain to her that hair gets in the way with oral — it can be very distracting, especially when it gets stuck in your teeth! I feel the same way when El Fury hasn’t shaved for a while and I’m licking his balls. As an added bonus, El Fury and I have both experienced greater sensitivity after we shave. Your skin feels so clean and smooth, your spouse’s touch or tongue feels amazing!

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

We love hearing from couples who enjoy reading our blog together! Reader “J” sent in this quick tip that’s simple to apply in any marriage: get wet and naked together!

We have really enjoyed reading your blog. My wife and I were talking about this site and wondering what we did different that we would like to add to the discussion. Here’s one thing we came up with:

For all of our marriage my wife and I have talked best when either in the bath or shower together. It’s easy to talk about anything if you’re naked… On top of that one of the greatest things I have ever learned to do for her is to shave her legs. It takes time and patience and it apparently makes her feel cared for and pampered. I’d highly recommend every guy try that with his wife. Plus you get to play with her legs… What’s not to like about that?

Sounds nice and intimate to me! Here are some tips for having sex in the water. We’d love to hear from you too, so leave a comment or contact us using the links on the left.

Husbands: if you want you wife to be more enthusiastic about sex then it’s important to maintain proper hygiene. Most of the tips in this post are common sense male upkeep, but it never hurts to review the basics. Some of the items are matters of taste — yours or you wife’s. That doesn’t mean that you have to do whatever your wife says, but at least have the discussion with her and be intentional; don’t pick something she finds repulsive.

Wives: feel free to send this post to your husbands if they need some help.

(For other posts with advice for husbands, check out Basic Male Fashion and Do You Even Lift?)

Hands. Wash your hands frequently. It’s good for your health, and it feels better for whomever you touch. Wash your hands when you get home, after you change a diaper, after you play with your pet, after you use the bathroom, after you pick your nose, before you cook, before you eat, and before sex.

Shower. It’s not rocket science: take a shower every day, preferably before bed or whenever you’re most likely to have sex. I don’t wash my hair every day, but I do rinse it out. I find that maintaining some of the natural oils in my hair makes it feel and smell better, but this is a matter of taste.

Wash your feet, don’t just let shower water run over them and assume they’ll magically get clean.

Shave. Sexy Corte likes the feel of my face when it’s smooth, but likes the look when I have a short beard or stubble, so I change it up sometimes. It’s fine if you want to wear facial hair, but it needs to be maintained. Beards that accentuate the jawline make your face look strong, so shave your neck if you wear a beard. Here’s Hugh Jackman pulling it off.

hugh jackman

Also be a man and use a real razor, not an electric shaver or a disposable. I just bought a Edwin Jagger Kelvin razor that’s pretty sweet — you can find lots of options on Amazon for around $30. It doesn’t matter what you get, anything will be better than what you’re using.

Shave with the hair rather than against it, and touch up any strays that aren’t cut the first time.

Eye brows. You don’t need to go to a salon to get waxed, but get some control over your brows. Do you think it’s unmanly to discipline your eye brows? You can look like a unibrowed cave troll if you want to, but you’re leaving money on the table. Once you have a real razor instead of an electric shaver you can use it to at least shave around your eye brows and keep them in their intended place. Once you’re ready for advanced mode, get some tweezers and pluck the hairs that are out of bounds. It isn’t hard, and it will add some crisp lines around your eyes, so you don’t look like a big hairy smudge.

Nose. If you have hair sticking out of your nose you need to do something about it. You can pluck it, but ouch. In this case, an electric trimmer is your best option. Get one that looks like a tiny comb instead of the kind that looks like a tube. You’ll know what I mean when you start looking.

Blow your nose or clean it out in the shower. Don’t pick it in public or sniff constantly if you aren’t deathly ill.

Ears. Same as nose hair: eliminate. Wash around and inside your ears. Use an ear cleaning kit to remove the wax buildup. You’ll hear better, too. Scrub around the backs of your ears.

Face. Wash your face with face soap that removes the oil and dirt from your pores. Scrub it a little with a washcloth to remove the dead skin. Use acne cream if you need to. If your face gets oily during the day, take some time to wipe it off.

Teeth. Brush them at least twice a day, and don’t forget to brush your tongue! An anti-bacterial mouthwash will also improve your breath for a little while and may improve general mouth health. Floss before bed. Floss? Apparently daily flossing can add years to your life by reducing inflammation in your gums. It sounds crazy, but flossing is good for lots of other reasons.

Arm pits. Use antiperspirant deodorant.

Nails. Clip and file your nails instead of biting them. Your wife’s lady bits will thank you. Keep your toenails short so you don’t scratch your wife’s legs up when you’re spooning.

Clothes. Wash your clothes regularly. Don’t weak stuff that stinks. Even if you “just wore it around the house” yesterday, it’s not clean anymore.

Sheets. Wash your sheets at least once a week. Just because you shower before bed doesn’t mean you never need to wash your sheets, trust me.

Moisturize. Especially important in dry weather, not just for soft skin but to prevent cracking. Keep some lotion outside the shower and slap some on when you get out. Don’t buy anything expensive — a very thin rub of Vaseline will do nicely, and it’s dirt cheap.

Sneezing and coughing. Don’t sneeze or cough into your hand, use your elbow. It’s a lot more sanitary.

sneeze

Penis. Pretty important to keep him clean if you want your wife’s face to spend any time with him. Make sure to give him a good washing when you’re in the shower, pulling back the skin if necessary. I also rinse and dry him off after I pee to avoid unpleasant smell or taste in spontaneous situations. It wouldn’t hurt to let your wife know you’re keeping him clean, in case she has any concerns or suggestions.

Balls. Shave the whole area. You and your wife will be pleased. Even if you don’t take my advice to shave, you’ve got to discipline your pubic hair and trim it back. You’ll smell better, stay cleaner, and your penis will look larger.

Butt. Wash your butt crack when you shower. Get in there and scrub it clean. Again, it won’t magically get clean just because water runs down your body.

Get a bidet attachment for your toilet like the Luxe Bidet Neo 120 so you can clean your butt every time you poop. They’re easy to install and cost less than $50. You’ll love it, and your wife can use it to clean herself too, front and back. If you got poop in your hair you wouldn’t just wipe it off with a piece of paper and call it good, would you?

bidet

 

Got any great male hygiene tips to share? Leave a comment!

We hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day!

Mom knows best. Eating together at the table as a family is awesome. Ok, this isn’t sex-related, sorry.

Smooth as a Baby’s Butt. Yes, men should shave down there, too. You’ll both enjoy it.

What does he mean by “oral sex”? (It may not be what you think.) Or it may! But really, mouths are extremely versatile and there’s a lot you can do with them.

Faith in your marriage. “Society and the media will tell you that marriages ultimately decline. It’s a lie. If you walk in the truth of beliefs 1 and 2 above, then it is entirely possible to continually grow closer regardless of how long you’ve been married.” Amen!

Why mirrors are great to use during sex. How many people do this? We haven’t tried.

Tenderness. (A poem.)

Let’s talk time wasters. A great reminder of the importance of properly categorizing the urgent and important.

And if you want to read more sex/marriage posts, check out Happy hour.

Have a great week!

Nothing says “welcome home!” like a warm embrace from your spouse. Travel can be frantic, and if you have to travel for work it can be a stress on your marriage. Sexy Corte and I are fortunate that we don’t have to travel separately all that often, but when we do the old saying definitely holds true: absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or, as Solomon wrote three thousand years ago:

Proverbs 13:12 — Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.

Whether you’re separated for a long time or just a couple of nights, there are lots of things that the traveler and the spouse at home can do to make the reunion extra special.

  • Sexting. Nothing gets me and SC as excited to see each other as some flirtatious texting. You can be as graphic as you like with your spouse, but we usually focus on words and not images. Telling your wife what you’re going to do to her when you get home, or your husband that you need to feel him inside you is sure to prime the pump.
  • No kids. It really depends on your logistics, but you can really get things going if the kids away or in bed when the traveler gets home. If the traveler is really missing the kids, the one at home can still get them ready for bed so that the traveler can see them before switching the couple time.
  • Food. If the kids are in bed, Sexy Corte and I usually have sex before we make time for eating. But, however you sequence things, having some food ready for your traveler will always be welcome. After the kids go to bed you can have a stay-date to celebrate your reunion and have a grown-up meal, even if the kids had chicken nuggets an hour ago.
  • Grooming. When I’m traveling I usually use the last night of the trip to shave my man bits. It’s somewhat time consuming and doesn’t need to be done very often, and we find that smooth skin makes our homecoming sex all the sweeter. You can read more at the link — husbands, if you haven’t tried it you’re missing out. Both spouses should make an effort to clean and prepare themselves for sex, before the traveler gets home if possible. Airplane travel especially feels gross, so wash your hands and face when you get off the plane and don’t walk in the door like a stinky slob.
  • Naked greeting. I love it when SC greets me naked at the door when I come home. Sometimes she can’t — darn kids! — but it’s extra-special when she does. After several days of sexting and flirting and longing, being greeted at the door by a spouse who’s ready and eager for sex is the best.
  • Bonus. If you make time to have sex right when the traveler gets home then you can do it again before bed. Bonus sex!

Do you have any tips for welcome home sex? Leave a comment!

Dr. Evil shaved his balls and you should too! Sure, it was an awkward joke in Austin Powers, but the truth is that ball licking feels incredible and your wife will appreciate it too — which means more licking! Both of those links have great tips and tricks for the ladies on how to pleasure their husband’s jewels, so check ’em out. The rest of this post is for the husbands.

So you’ve got a few questions before taking the plunge? Let me address some of the most common concerns.

  • “It’s weird!” Well, I don’t have any statistics about how many men shave, but I’ll tell you this: no one will be able to tell by looking at you when clothed. Unless you’re stripping down in front of people frequently, your shaving can be completely secret. Considering how many women shave, I bet the number of men is higher than you think.
  • “Shaving will hurt!” It doesn’t. It can be nerve-wracking the first time you put a safety razor down there, but if you use common sense you’ll be fine. You shave your face routinely, right? I personally shave in the shower with a cheapo disposable razor and don’t use any shaving cream or soap. The warm water is enough to lubricate the skin and razor, and the hairs just wash away. I’ve nicked myself a few times, but the spots of blood stop themselves before I get out of the shower.
  • “My bare balls will itch or chafe!” Actually the smooth skin feels awesome. No more hairs to be pulled or caught in skin or clothing. Once you go bare you’ll never go back.

There are numerous benefits.

  • First and foremost, I guarantee you will get more blow jobs. What’s that worth to you?
  • It will feel crazy intense when your wife licks your bare balls. You will love it.
  • Your wife will like not flossing with your pubes while she’s down there. The whole area will be cleaner, smell better, and be more inviting.
  • It feels great during intercourse too, especially if your wife is bare. No more hair to get caught or pulled, and lots more skin-on-skin contact in the most important places.
  • Your erection will look bigger.
  • Tea bagging is easier and awesomer when your balls can hang loose and slide into her mouth.

Do it! You won’t regret it. Tell us how it works out for you!

The kids have an annoying electronic toy tea pot that sings a really catchy song that frequently gets stuck in our heads. Sexy Corte and I like to change the words around, and we think it’s pretty funny to substitute sexual stuff into the song. So last night while I was getting ready to brush my teeth and SC started singing the song I just groaned. “I don’t want that stuck in my head!”

She laughed and said, “I’ll just go lay down over the edge of the bed by myself then. Don’t forget your tea bag when you come back.”

Naturally this made it pretty tough to brush my teeth, so I abandoned that and followed SC to bed, but she stopped me. “Aren’t you going to brush your teeth? You know how I like distracting you.”

So that’s how I ended up attempting to brush my teeth while SC licked and sucked on my balls while hanging her head upside-down off the side of the bed. Needless to say, my teeth got a very thorough cleaning.

(I guess it’s time to write a post about the benefits of shaving your balls.)