If you said, “he ejaculates!”, then you’d better keep reading.

Most people think that female sexuality is more complicated than male sexuality — I love this illustration.

man-woman_machine

And… ok, it’s probably true! But there are still nuances to a husband’s sexuality that may not be obvious to his wife. For example, did you know that your husband’s orgasm isn’t over when he starts ejaculating? Most people equate ejaculation with orgasm, but a man’s orgasm actually begins a few seconds before ejaculation and can last for up to a minute after. There are two different things going on when a man has an orgasm.

First: Emission. Emission occurs several seconds before ejaculation, when the man’s vasa deferentia squeeze sperm out of the epididymis into ducts near the urethra. Men can feel this emission keenly — it’s very pleasurable — and this is the “point of no return” after which the man cannot stop the orgasm from happening. In these ducts the sperm is mixed with fluids from several glands to create semen. This all happens inside the man’s body and is probably unnoticeable to his wife (unless he’s giving you cues).

Second: Ejaculation. A few seconds after the semen is mixed and in position, ejaculation proper begins with repeated contractions by the bulbospongiosus muscle. These contractions move the semen through the urethra and shoot it out of the body. The contractions and spurting of semen are probably the most notable events for the wife, but ejaculation actually occurs only a few seconds into the orgasm — the whole orgasm can then last up to a minute longer.

After ejaculation the muscle contractions continue with decreasing frequency and strength and the penis gradually loses sensitivity as the orgasm winds down. It varies from person to person, of course, but post-orgasm sensitivity seems quite different between myself and Sexy Corte. After she has an orgasm, SC’s clitoris often becomes so sensitive that further stimulation is unpleasant; after my orgasm, I enjoy continued stimulation for a while until the sensations eventually become rather neutral.

As with everything, the key is to talk with your spouse about what he or she enjoys! Wives, you can use this little bit of biological knowledge to maximize your husband’s pleasure when you are leading a sexual encounter: don’t stop what you’re doing right when he ejaculates. Keep going for another minute or so and he’ll melt.

In a completely surprising turn of events, scientists are suggesting that frequent sex may be the key to a happy marriage!

During the 14-day study period, couples reported having sex on an average of 4 days.

Not only was sexual activity associated with same-day sexual satisfaction, but also the researchers found that a single act of sex produced an afterglow that persisted for 2 days.

However, they found that couples who reported a stronger sexual afterglow were more likely to report greater marital satisfaction 4-6 months later, compared with couples with a weaker sexual afterglow.

Meltzer says the study findings are important, as they support previous research suggesting that sex plays an important role in partner bonding.

What would we do without these brilliant scientists?! This is amazing, groundbreaking research.

If you have lots of sex, not only will your marriage be stronger, you’ll also get a promotion at work!

To understand the impact of sex on work, the researchers documented 159 married employees over the course of two weeks, asking them to complete two surveys a day.

Overwhelmingly, employees who had sex were in more positive moods the next day.

And the elevated mood levels in the morning led to more sustained work engagement and job satisfaction throughout the workday.

The effect, which appears to linger for at least 24 hours, was equally strong for both men and women.

If wives don’t get enough sex, they may become angry.

Corrine, a mother of two children aged five and 15 months, made the connection between her mood swings and the state of her love life after her children were born.

‘Before we had children, we’d have sex whenever we wanted and would hardly go a day or two without,’ she recalls. ‘But then parenthood drained our energy and we’d often be too exhausted.

‘As the gaps between our lovemaking became wider, I noticed the difference in my attitude to Matt. Even when we hadn’t had sex for just a week, I’d start to feel like we were drifting apart and it made me frustrated and angry.

Just this week, scientists from Florida State University confirmed the importance of sex in making women happy, revealing it triggers an ‘afterglow’ that lingers for 48 hours and which helps couples to bond. Without it, they become miserable and distant.

You may have noticed the common thread in these three stories (because I bolded it) — the beneficial side effects of sex last for up to 48 hours, and then it’s time for another dose. Even if the lower sex-drive spouse (usually but not always the wife) doesn’t realize it, the marriage itself and both partners individually benefit from frequent sex. We’ve written about “duty sex” before, and even though we don’t like that term we do think that married couples should create the habit of daily sex — the more sex you have, the better it gets. Maybe a better term is “maintenance sex”.

Let me tell you, the “quickie” saved my marriage. I read about it in the book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” years ago where the author explains how important the sex act is to the man and that the woman should give into the quickie.

Best…I mean BEST…sex advice I ever received!!! Long live the quickie!!

What about your marriage? Would it improve if you had sex more often? What’s your target frequency? Are you hitting it?

I thought this would be a fun discussion topic for a Friday: a new study is investigating how people feel immediately after sexual activity.

“There are a wide range of responses in the period of time immediately following consensual sexual activity, known as the resolution phase,” says Robert Schweitzer, a psychologist leading the research team at the Queensland University of Technology in Australia.

“For example, some people like to cuddle, others like to be alone and there are others, as we have found in previous research that experience what is described as post-sex blues.”

So how do you feel immediately after sex? What do you do? Let us know in the comments.

If you’re a husband like me, then you love giving your wife a huge, body-shaking, scream-inducing orgasm. There’s just about nothing better. Most advice for more and better orgasms focuses on techniques you can use in the bedroom, but some researchers have looked in a different direction: qualities of men who give great orgasms. Here are the male traits that lead to more and better orgasms for their partners, as identified by the study, along with some related links from our site.

The researchers wrote: “Orgasm intensity was related to how attracted (women) were to their partners, how many times they had sex per week and ratings of sexual satisfaction.”

“Those with partners who their friends rated as more attractive also tended to have more intense orgasms.”

“Sexual satisfaction was related to how physically attracted women were to their partner and the breadth of his shoulders.”

“Their partner’s sense of humor not only predicted his self-confidence and family income, but it also predicted women’s propensity to initiate sex, how often they had sex and it enhanced their orgasm frequency in comparison with other partners.”

It’s important to realize that all of these qualities are relative. You don’t have to be the richest, handsomest, funniest man in the world — you just have to display some measure of these qualities to your wife! Husbands, however you rate yourselves now, consider ways to move up a notch. Lay off the snacks. Lift some weights. Do some power poses in the bathroom before you go to bed. Buy some shirts that fit.

We’ve written a lot about how good sex is for your health, so it shouldn’t surprise you that sex is also helpful for reducing the risk and impact of atherosclerosis (the build up of fatty deposits in the arteries that can lead to heart disease and stroke).

According to von Borstel, exerting yourself between the sheets is one of the most beneficial exercises you can do for your heart. “As well as an entire cardiac workout, before and during intercourse there is a big release of hormones that have a protective effect on our cardiovascular system,” he explains.

An orgasm can release 50 different chemical messengers. One substance, oxytocin, the so-called cuddle hormone, triggered by affectionate physical contact, is proven to lower blood pressure, promote the healing of wounds and reduce stress.

Endorphin is another useful hormone released during sex – this helps to lower heart rate and blood pressure to the heart muscle during exercise. Meanwhile, both oestrogen, which is anti-inflammatory, and testosterone, which lowers cholesterol levels in the blood, receive a boost through sex, too. High cholesterol causes fatty deposits in blood vessels to attach to artery walls, causing clogging and arteriosclerosis, says von Borstel, who recommends having “as much loving sex as possible”.

As for garlic, it’s obviously the king of seasonings, but did you know that it’s neither a spice nor an herb? It’s technically an aromatic vegetable like its relation the onion — and a member of the lily family. Lilies? Where have we read about those before?

Song of Solomon 2:1-2

She

I am a rose of Sharon,
    a lily of the valleys.

He

Like a lily among thorns
    is my darling among the young women.

If wood is the ancient metaphor for the penis, the equivalent image for the female is the flower. The Lover’s member is a massive cedar, and his Beloved’s girly bits are a beautiful lily — compared to her, the other young women are thorns and thistles.

Eat up! (Although I grant that “lily” is a more appealing metaphor than “garlic” when it comes to a wife’s intimate parts.)

In addition to tasting great, eating garlic (and onions) can help promote the health of your circulatory system.

“Vegetables and fruits have secondary phytochemicals that have the same effect as different [heart protective] medications but not in a dose that is dangerous for your body,” says von Borstel. He cites ginger, onions and garlic as blood thinners which promote blood flow through vessels and improved blood supply to organ and tissues, and recommends grating a teaspoon of root ginger or two or three teaspoons of grated garlic into a glass of water a day to naturally reduce blood pressure.

“As long as you eat in a balanced way, it is no problem to eat these every day,” he says. Allicin, the key ingredient found in garlic and onions, is thought to act on the kidneys, changing levels of hormones and dilating the blood vessels. Research by the Institute of Food Research found that eating a 100g to 200g serving of onions (one to two onions) had the biggest impact on inflammation.

Eating a “lily” probably wouldn’t hurt either! Can anyone suggest a new heart-healthy bifecta that brings together sex and garlic in a fun and exciting way?

It’s been a while since since we’ve done a link round-up!

How it feels to undress in front of your spouse: goofy! But here are some tips for how to do a strip tease and three reasons its sexy to strip for your husband. If you’ve only got a few seconds, just flash him your boobs. And if he’s feeling down, offer to let him touch your breasts.

What’s on your sexual menu? — House favorites, appetizers, lighter fare, daily specials, and dessert.

Easy exercises for women on the go — Kegels, push-ups, and squats. Exercise improves sex in all sorts of ways.

A collection of recent sex studies — I’m throwing out my polyester.

I’d rather have an orgasm than fake one — perhaps surprisingly, husbands and wives both do it.

Do men like having their balls played with? — Uh, yes.

Your definition of gross changes when you’re aroused — You might need to try something while aroused rather than just talking about it. Challenging your own preferences can help you expand your limits and have more fun.

Sex socks — Winter is coming, so get your wife some warm socks to sleep in (and nothing else!).

Wives: when you’re making love, squeeze your butt — and all your pelvic muscles.

If you want to share a link, put it in the comments!

Here’s a fascinating study about using light therapy to increase the libido of men with low sex drives. Don’t worry, it’s not some hippy thing!

Exposure to bright light – similar to daylight – boosts levels of the male hormone testosterone and can triple sexual satisfaction, the research found.

“Before treatment, both groups averaged a sexual satisfaction score of around two out of 10, but after treatment the group exposed to the bright light was scoring sexual satisfaction scores of around 6.3 – a more than three-fold increase on the scale we used. In contrast, the control group only showed an average score of around 2.7 after treatment.”

While average blood levels of testosterone in the “control” group remained at around 2.3 nanograms per millilitre (ng/ml) before and after the study, those of the men receiving active light treatment rose from 2.1 ng/ml to 3.6 ng/ml.

“The increased levels of testosterone explain the greater reported sexual satisfaction,” said Prof Fagiolini. “In the northern hemisphere, the body’s testosterone production naturally declines from November through April, and then rises steadily through the spring and summer with a peak in October. You see the effect of this in reproductive rates, with the month of June showing the highest rate of conception. The use of the light box really mimics what nature does.”

The article doesn’t mention it, but testosterone is also essential for women’s libido. (Though, of course, at lower levels of the hormone than men require.)

And best of all, you don’t need a fancy “light box”! Just go outside and bare some skin to that giant ball of fire in the sky that God helpfully provided — for free! The study quoted above indicates that as little as 30 minutes per day in the sun will have an effect, so go get some exercise.

The results from this study on co-sleeping aren’t surprising in the least!

While some parents find co-sleeping helps to make nights with a baby more manageable, others find the constant caregiving and interrupted sleep to be exhausting.

Beth Day and her husband, of Seattle, slept in the same room with their son and found he started waking more and more frequently around 12 months. As soon as they moved him to his own room, he started sleeping through the night.

“Once I got my personal space back, my relationship with my kid and my husband improved immensely. I don’t think I realized how I had such a feeling of invaded personal space until it wasn’t any more,” Ms. Day said. Getting better sleep helped, too. With the fragmented nights of co-sleeping, “I was really irritable with my son and my husband, and didn’t have the energy to really play or interact” with her baby, she said.

Your master bedroom should be reserved for marital intimacy, which includes sex but so much more!

One of the most common questions about co-sleeping is how it impacts a couple’s sex life. Parents say that when a baby is sleeping in the same room, maintaining intimacy can require creativity.

“We don’t have sex in our bed anymore, but there are other places to have sex,” said Leah Nilson of Vancouver, British Columbia. She and her husband have co-slept with their 2-year-old son from birth. “It has not negatively impacted our relationship in the slightest. Parenting in general has, but bed-sharing is one of the more pleasant aspects of parenting.”

Yes, there are lots of places to have sex besides your bed, but be honest — if you remove your bed from the equation, the frequency of sex is going to go way down.

When you have a new baby it’s easy to become completely focused on that wonderful new life. Babies are awesome! But your marriage relationship should always be your top priority, and it’s hard to prioritize it when you have an infant sleeping in your bed.

Despite how much you love your baby, you need to give yourself and your spouse permission to have your own space. You need to put the kids to bed and make time for yourselves. Keeping Mom and Dad healthy is the best thing for baby, and protecting your marriage will pay dividends for years.

We already know that it’s common for a husband to underestimate his wife’s sex drive — women tend to be a lot more subtle than men, to such an extent that your wife herself might not even know when she’s aroused!

Men’s subjective ratings of arousal were in agreement with their body’s level of sexual arousal about 66 percent of the time, while women’s were in line only about 26 percent of the time.

“The general pattern that I have seen in my laboratory is that women experience a genital response but do not report feeling sexually aroused,” Chivers told LiveScience.

So how can a husband know when his wife is interested? Being direct and verbal can be effective, but can also risk “ruining the mood”. Women like to be romanced and wooed — even after years of marriage! — and “Hey, wanna go upstairs and *blank*?” may not make her tingle.

Every husband should be a student of his own wife: learn everything about her, especially her sexuality. Every person is different, but here are a few behavioral signs a husband can watch for that may indicate his wife is more interested in sex than is immediately obvious.

  • Physical touch. Casual touching is always an indicator of affection and openness. If your wife initiates touching then she’s definitely happy with your relationship and receptive to your overtures. Physical touch doesn’t mean that she definitely wants sex — she may just want to cuddle for comfort after a hard day at work. Touches from hands, fingers, and lips — as well as “accidentally” brushing against you — are likely to be greater indicators of sexual interest than are hugs and cuddles.
  • Eye contact is always a sign of intimacy, and longer is better. You should hold eye contact until she breaks away — it will signal your confidence and dominance. If she breaks eye contact with a submissive downward gaze and a smile, she’s practically naked.
  • Posture and attention. Body language says a lot. Look for open postures: face and shoulders straight at you, rather than with a shoulder towards you; arms and legs uncrossed; leaning towards you; shoulders back, breasts pushed forward; close proximity, inside personal space. Also watch for mirroring, which is generally a sign of rapport and intimacy.
  • Self-touching and grooming. Touching her hair, adjusting her clothes, playing with her jewelry, and other kinds of self-touching — especially around the mouth, face, and neck. Licking or biting her lip, or sucking on a straw or toothpick, is a strong sign.
  • Vulnerability shows a desire for intimacy. Signs include: revealing more skin; exposing her underarms, wrists, or neck; submissive positioning or postures.
  • Verbal cues. In addition to non-verbal indicators, your wife’s language can also indicate sexual interest: giggling; using your nickname; playful teasing; mismatched words and body language (e.g., laughing while disagreeing); complimenting you; soliciting compliments or approval; re-starting the conversation when you stop talking.

Husbands, when you learn to read your wife’s indicators of interest she’ll feel like you really understand her, like you’re reading her mind, like you’re in sync. She’ll feel good about your relationship, your intimacy will increase, and you’ll have more sex.

Wives, what do you think? It’s probably pretty easy to know when your husband is interested in sex… or is it? Husbands, do you have any tips to share? Leave a comment!

If you need yet another sciencey reason to have more sex consider this: sex releases oxytocin, and oxytocin helps keep you slim.

Forget eating salad and pounding on the treadmill – regular sex can help dieters keep slim.

On top of burning around 100 calories an hour, it also triggers the release of a hormone which may stop us overeating, new research suggests.

Oxytocin, dubbed the love or cuddle hormone, is released after sex to induce feelings of trust and affection, bonding couples together.

‘Oxytocin enhances prosocial and related behaviors. Increases in oxytocin tend to decrease appetite – especially the consumption of sweet carbohydrates,’ she said.

And that’s not all! Not only does your body produce its own oxytocin when you have sex, but wives also absorb oxytocin from their husbands’ semen — improving their health and mood.

Vaginal tissue is very absorptive. It’s richly endowed with blood and lymph vessels. Given vaginal absorptiveness and all the mood-elevating compounds in found in semen, Gallup, Burch, and SUNY colleague Steven Platek wondered if semen exposure might be associated with better mood and less depression. They surveyed 293 college women at SUNY Albany about intercourse with and without condoms, and then gave the women the Beck Depression Inventory, a standard test of mood. Compared with women who “always” or “usually” used condoms, those who “never” did, whose vaginas were exposed to semen, showed significantly better mood–fewer depressive symptoms, and less bouts of depression. In addition, compared to women who had no intercourse at all, the semen-exposed women showed more elevated mood and less depression.

So next time you’re feeling down or craving something sweet, grab your spouse instead of a treat!