Sexual responsiveness is critical for creating exciting, pleasurable, and memorable sexual encounters.

Related blog posts:

The Importance of Sexual Responsiveness (http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/the-importance-of-sexual-responsiveness/)

The Importance of Enthusiasm (http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/the-importance-of-enthusiasm/)

Bondage for Beginners: What, Why, and How (https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/bondage-for-beginners-what-why-and-how/)

How to Increase Intimacy During Sex (https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/how-to-increase-intimacy-during-sex/)

Enthusiasm is more important than any other single behavior when it comes to having great sex.

Related blog posts:

The Importance of Enthusiasm (http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/the-importance-of-enthusiasm/)

The Importance of Sexual Responsiveness (http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/the-importance-of-sexual-responsiveness/)

Sexy Adult Jenga (http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/sexy-adult-jenga/)

Naked Marco Polo (http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/stories/naked-marco-polo/)

For Female Arousal, Excitement Is Better than Relaxation 1

Dr. Cindy M. Meston from the University of Texas at Austin explains that the key to female sexual arousal is excitement, not relaxation.

“For years we were told, ‘Have a bubble bath, calm down, listen to relaxing music, do deep breathing exercises, chill out before sex,'” she says.

“But my research shows the opposite, that you actually want to get women in an active state.

“So, you can run around the block with your partner and get them to chase you around the block, or watch a scary movie together, ride a roller-coaster together, even a good comedy act. If you really get laughing, you’re going to have a sympathetic activation response.”

Meston is talking about the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for subconscious muscle contractions that get us ready for the flight or fight mode, like heart rate and blood pressure. She has found that if this system is activated before sex it will help women respond more intensely and more quickly.

Paul Byerly at The XY Code has a great story about excitement:

I recall a time when Lori thought I had fallen off a cliff (I had not). We went home and had really good sex. Now I know the reason for that was the adrenaline running through her system. Likewise, this is why teenage boys used to like to take a girl to a scary movie; their chances of something sexual in the back seat of the car were much better after such a movie.

We write a lot about games, activities, and novelty on our blog because they create excitement! Wives tend to be sexually responsive and usually don’t even realize when they’re becoming aroused!

Men’s subjective ratings of arousal were in agreement with their body’s level of sexual arousal about 66 percent of the time, while women’s were in line only about 26 percent of the time.

“The general pattern that I have seen in my laboratory is that women experience a genital response but do not report feeling sexually aroused,” Chivers told LiveScience.

Husbands and wives should both ponder that statistic for a while: a woman’s body often gets aroused before her mind does, and she won’t even notice.

Do you want to kick up the intensity of your sex life? Here are a few ideas from previous posts:

How do you get your sympathetic nervous system revved up? Leave a comment and let us know!

Spontaneous and Responsive Sexuality 2

Are you ever confused by your own sexual arousal? By what turns you on and when? Or… maybe you’re confused by your spouse. Why doesn’t she ever initiate sex? Why is he always so turned on? The “he” and “she” there are stereotypical — sometimes it goes the other way — but scientists have identified two different pathways to arousal that map onto these common perceptions. The two polarities are called “spontaneous desire” and “responsive desire”, and they lead to very different behavior that can confuse you and your spouse if you don’t recognize what’s happening.

Men typically (but not always) exhibit spontaneous desire. This polarity manifests as sexual desire that isn’t triggered by any obvious external factors. “Hey, I want to have sex!” Spontaneous desire motivates the initiation of sexual behavior. Spontaneous desire leads you to ask for a date, lean in for a kiss, test boundaries for touching, escalate a physical encounter, try new things, and risk rejection. These behaviors can be confusing for the recipient, because it may seem like the sexual behavior is coming out of nowhere — which it is. It’s spontaneous. The recipient of these behaviors may ask themselves things like:

  • “Why is he touching me now?”
  • Why does he want to do that?
  • “Why is he so persistent?”
  • “Again?”
  • “Does he think about anything besides sex?”

Women typically (but not always) exhibit responsive desire. This polarity manifests as sexual desire that grows after sexual behavior has started. “Oh, that feels good… I guess I am in the mood!” A person with responsive desire may seem to have a low libido because she doesn’t often initiate sex, and it can take some effort on her part to “get into the mood”. What’s especially interesting is that women often don’t even know when they’re aroused at first.

Men’s subjective ratings of arousal were in agreement with their body’s level of sexual arousal about 66 percent of the time, while women’s were in line only about 26 percent of the time.

“The general pattern that I have seen in my laboratory is that women experience a genital response but do not report feeling sexually aroused,” Chivers told LiveScience.

Women’s bodies often get aroused before their minds do. Crazy, huh? With responsive desire, sexual arousal will follow physical or mental sexual stimulation, and that stimulation usually comes from a husband who is trying to initiate sex. Without understanding this process, a husband may think things like:

  • “Why doesn’t she ever initiate sex?”
  • “I’ll wait for her to initiate this time.”
  • “Why do I have to try so hard to turn her on?”
  • “Isn’t she attracted to me? Doesn’t she want me?”
  • “Why doesn’t she suggest something new?”

Of course, there are no absolutes in life. Some men are more responsive, and some women are more spontaneous. What’s more, a person’s desire polarity may vary over time — especially for women, as their hormones change throughout their menstrual cycles.

Now that you know about spontaneous and responsive desire, what action can you take?

If you and your spouse are both spontaneous… well, you’re probably having sex all the time. Congrats!

If you are spontaneous and your spouse is responsive:

  • Don’t judge your responsive spouse for not being spontaneous.
  • Learn how to elicit sexual response from your spouse and recognize when she is getting turned on.
  • Be enthusiastic and persistent with initiation; don’t get frustrated that you initiate most of the time.

If you are responsive and your spouse is spontaneous:

  • Don’t judge your spontaneous spouse for not being responsive.
  • When your spontaneous spouse initiates sex, don’t immediately see it as an annoyance or distraction! Give your mind a body a chance to respond.
  • Learn to recognize your own arousal when your mind and body respond to your spouse’s initiation. It may not be obvious.

If you and your spouse are both responsive, you’re going to need to be extra intentional. Try one of our sex games or the random foreplay generator to initiate sex when you’ve got time, even if neither of you is particularly in the mood. Once you get started, you can both respond to the heat generated by the game!

Do you have any experiences to share? Any advice? Leave a comment!

Husband's Hands When Wife Is On Top 3

One of our most frequent sex positions is cowgirl, with Sexy Corte straddling me and facing forward while I lay on my back. This is the easiest position for her to reach orgasm, and in this position I’m able to hold off my orgasm until she’s ready. While riding cowgirl her arms and legs are pretty well occupied, but my hands are free to play and roam at will! So, what can the husband’s hands do while is wife is on top?

Here are a few ideas to drive your wife crazy and enjoy her body while her arousal builds.

  • Kiss! Who doesn’t love kissing? I find it extremely hot when my tongue is in Sexy Corte’s mouth during penetration.
  • Play with her breasts. Pretty obvious, and the topic deserves its own post. Your wife probably has a favorite way for her breasts to be touched, and when she’s on top it’s a great time to experiment and find out what she likes.
  • Suck on her nipples. I mean, they’re right there in front of your face! How can you not?
  • Touch her face. Trace your fingers over her ears, cheeks, and lips. Put your finger in her mouth to suck. Hold her cheek up against yours. Let her bury her face in your neck, or vice versa.
  • Rub her back. There are a million ways to rub her back, and usually I let my touch get firmer as she gets closer to orgasm. When we start I glide lightly over her skin with my fingertips, but as she gets close to orgasm I grab her firmly.
  • Play with her butt. I love Sexy Corte’s butt, and when she’s on top I can’t keep my hands off it. Rub it, grab it, pinch it, spank it, whatever you both enjoy. When a woman is aroused it’s common for her pain threshold to increase, which means that she may enjoy a little more roughness than she would otherwise. Make sure to communicate about what she does or doesn’t like.
  • Trace down the length of her body. She’s naked, and because she’s kneeling the full length of her body is within arms reach. Trace your fingertips from her fingers to her shoulders, then down her sides, over her hips, down her thighs and calves, and then to the tips of her toes. Then go back up!
  • Grab her hips. When the wife is on top, her hips are where the action’s at. Follow her movements with your hands, or take control and guide her hips the way you want. You probably can’t use your strength to make her move faster, but you can do one of two things: slow her down, or pull her deeper onto you. Slowing her down can help you hold off your own orgasm if necessary, and pulling her deeper can give her a burst of stimulation. I often use my thumbs to trace over Sexy Corte’s hip bones, which drives her nuts.
  • Rub her throat and upper chest. The breasts are obvious, but you can also get a lot of mileage from touching your wife’s throat and upper chest. Light touches here are definitely best! If she’s aroused and working hard, you might be able to feel her pulse in her neck with your fingertips, which I find to be pretty hot.
  • Tickle. Ok, Sexy Corte hates being tickled in any context, but when she’s on top and aroused it drives her crazy when I lightly touch under her arms. It doesn’t seem to tickle, but it definitely gets a strong positive reaction.

When she’s ready to explode, here are three tricks for helping her over the edge.

  • Classical conditioning. Pick a spot on her body to focus your touch on every time she orgasms — I use Sexy Corte’s upper back, right between her shoulder blades. When she climaxes, I rub my hand in a circle on this spot on her back (not exclusively, but frequently). As a result, her body is conditioned to orgasm in response to this touch. It’s not magic, but when she’s close to orgasm I can often push her over the edge just by tracing a circle on her upper back. A fun side effect is that the same touch often elicits a shiver and a purr from her even when we’re not in bed!
  • Hold the vibratorFor the most part our wireless vibrator will stay wedged between us against her clitoris without me holding it, but as she gets close to orgasm and moves more vigorously I often slip a hand down to hold the vibrator in place. If the vibrator slides out of position at a critical moment it can really disrupt the progression to orgasm.
  • Pull back her clitoral hood. If I’m holding the vibrator in place, sometimes it’s beneficial to use my other hand to pull upwards on the skin above her mons pubis. This skin is connected to her clitoral hood several inches below, and gently pulling it up will help expose her clitoris more directly to the vibrator, without risking dislodging the vibrator by shoving a (second) hand down there. This isn’t always necessary or good, but if she’s having trouble getting over the edge to orgasm this trick can make the difference.

Finally, how can you tell what she likes?

  • Words. Ask her to tell you what she likes! And wives, don’t be shy — your husband wants to know how to please you!
  • Moans, groans, and screams of pleasure. When she reacts positively to something, make a mental note to revisit it later. You don’t need to keep doing the same thing the whole time (unless she requests it), but make sure to revisit the touch that made her moan and see if it has the same effect again.
  • Vaginal tightening. Oftentimes your wife’s vagina will tighten on you in response to pleasurable stimulation. Sometimes it just means that she’s getting closer to orgasm, but a pulse of tightness can be an unconscious indication of intense pleasure.
  • Throwing her body backward or collapsing forward. If your wife is holding a body position and then suddenly surges forward or backward this can be an indication that she was momentarily overcome with intense stimulation and her body needed to reposition itself in response. Stimulation that’s too intense is uncomfortable, but as your wife gets more aroused her stimulation threshold will increase and you can revisit a touch that might have been too intense just a few minutes earlier.
  • Post-sex debriefing. After sex, talk with each other about what you each liked best. What do you want more of? Less of? None of? What was your favorite way to give pleasure? Receive pleasure? Don’t debate or challenge each other, there aren’t any wrong answers. Just talk openly and honestly.

Do you have any tips to share? Wives, what do you like your husbands to do with his hands when you’re on top? Leave a comment!

How to Increase Intimacy During Sex 4

On this blog we tend to spend the most words on the physical and mental dimensions of sex with your spouse: topics like games, positions, role-playing, toys, and having more sex. We also talk a lot about the spiritual dimension of sex, about how God wants sex in your marriage to be awesome and fulfilling. Today I want to talk about the fourth dimension: emotion. As your marriage matures and grows, the emotional intensity of sex with your spouse can wane over time. Sex can be fun and frequent, but the emotions may fade to the background as you grow comfortable with your spouse.

It may not be realistic to expect to recapture all the joy and wonder of your honeymoon and maintain it for decades, but here are a few ideas for increasing the level of intimacy in your sex life.

  • Eye contact. Instead of closing your eyes and focusing inward, keep your eyes open and on your spouse. Look each other in the eyes while you touch each other and when you climax. Eye contact is one of the most primal, direct forms of intimacy in any social situation. It shows that your attention is completely focused on one thing only: the person you’re looking at. You can’t make eye contact with two things at once! Eye contact during sex may feel awkward, embarrassing, or vulnerable at first, but with a little practice (and humor) it can add a lot of intimacy to your sex life.
  • Kiss more. Remember how much you made out when you were dating? Sexy Corte and I would make out for hours while “watching a movie”, and not even remember what we supposedly watched. Instead of jumping straight for the genitals, make kissing a significant part of foreplay and sex.
  • Responsiveness. Moan, scream, talk explicitly about what feels good and where. As I wrote in the linked post: “What’s more intimate than crying out your spouse’s name when you climax? When you’re sexually responsive to your spouse you’re sharing the most personal, internal details about yourself, private knowledge about your secret inner workings that no one else gets to experience. If you’re shy about being overtly responsive then work intentionally to overcome that barrier and share yourself more fully with your spouse.”
  • Enthusiasm. As the song says, “I want you to want me / I need you to need me”. Enthusiasm and eagerness for sex increase intimacy — no one needs to feel pressure ask for sex in the “right” way, to perform, or to look a certain way. Enthusiasm builds your spouse’s confidence and breaks down the walls of insecurity that hinder intimacy.
  • Hold hands. Even if you’re in a position that limits eye contact, it’s often possible to hold hands during sex. Holding hands is an innocent intimacy, and a special sign of love and friendship.
  • Orgasm together. This can be difficult unless you’re really in tune with each other. I always try to make sure that I don’t climax before Sexy Corte — because that’s just disappointing — and it’s tricky to hit my peak just when she hits hers. If you want to try this, have the wife do her best to give her husband a few seconds warning before she actually reaches orgasm, and then let him follow as best as he can.
  • Vulnerability. Intimacy is increased when one person trusts another enough to show vulnerability, and that trust is rewarded and respected. Vulnerability can be mental, emotional, or physical. It can be embarrassing to tell your spouse, hey, I’d really like to play Sexy Jenga, or, I’d really like you to swallow — there’s a risk of judgement or rejection. Similarly, there’s physical vulnerability involved with bondage or spanking, and emotional vulnerability to wearing lingerie or asking for more sex. But each time one of you offers vulnerability and the other rewards and respects it, the door is opened for greater vulnerability, trust, and intimacy. The surest way to shut down intimacy is to punish vulnerability from your spouse.
  • Speak your spouse’s love language. Your spouse will receive your love best when you speak his love language. Our inclination is to show love in our own love language, because it’s the most natural for us, but that’s not the best way to touch your spouse’s heart. Learn his or her love language and use it during foreplay and sex.
  • Stay positive. Not every sexual encounter will go perfectly. Not every game, toy, or position you try will work. Not every date will be magical. Not every disagreement will go your way. Despite all these realities, fight hard inside yourself to stay positive about your sex life. Be willing to say yes again and again. Work to improve yourself. Communicate with your spouse, especially when it’s embarrassing or awkward. Laugh together, forgive quickly, and go have great sex with a smile on your face.

Do you have any tips to share to increase intimacy during sex? Leave a comment!

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 5

It’s that time of month again! No, not that time. The time to share awesome Christian sex links!

Periods… it’s both your probs — A week of blow jobs and shower sex.

3 Reasons I Delight in Giving My Husband Oral — Yeah, I put this on top because I know you’ll click it.

An intimate gift for Hubby — “Wives, if you want to give Hubby a really intimate and special treat, allow him to watch you masturbate, all the way to orgasm.” Here are a few tips about masturbating for your husband.

Are You Thinking Sexy Thoughts About Someone Other Than Your Spouse? — James 1:14-15 warns about the progression from temptation, to sin, to death. Be wary of opposite sex friends. Fallen as we are, temptation is to be expected. Prepare for it by nurturing your marriage so that temptation cannot take root and grow into sin, by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Intimacy in Marriage’s top sex posts of all time — Shockingly, only one post explicitly about oral sex!

Ban “I don’t know/I don’t care” from your bedroom — And a few other tips, but this is my favorite.

Are you sexually alive? — Your bodies are an amusement park of orgasms, and nothing is sexier than enthusiasm.

“How do I get my turn?” — Asked by a wife, but could be asked by a husband as well. Each spouse needs to take responsibility for asking for what he/she wants and making sure the other spouse gets what she/he desires. If you don’t ask or you don’t give then fix yourself first!

Have sex twice in one day — For us this is usually Sunday, for whatever reason. See also our posts on double features for him and her.

Why do some women shake when they orgasm? — Sexy Corte does, and it drives me crazy. Let go of your inhibitions and amplify your responsiveness during sex.

Choosing to enjoy what she enjoys — It’s about pecan pie, but applies to sex, too. Maybe the thing your spouse loves isn’t your favorite, but you can choose (and learn) to enjoy it as a blessing to her.

One way to help women feel more “in the mood” — Hint: foreplay begins long before sex. Try one of our sex games to get things started. I’m working on a post like this, but aimed at turning on your wife.

If you’ve got a thought or link to share, do it! Do it!

Losing Control 6

“I never grow tired of your sexuality.” El Fury said these words to me a few weeks ago and ever since I’ve been percolating on them. Those words make me feel alive and treasured. God wired us to be sexual and gave us a great gift of sex to be experienced in marriage. This is something to be celebrated! There have been times that I have felt self conscious of my sexuality, wondering if I look funny or sound weird or think about what EF might think of me when I give into the moment. But I think that when I allow myself to lose control, it is those moments that EF cherishes the most. It is in those moments that we feel most connected. The marriage bed is a safe place where you can let go of your self consciousness and give into your passion. For women (at least me!) this can be hard to do at times. When you are in those moments, try to follow the direction your body is telling you to go, to lose yourself, to set aside your inhibitions. Your husband loves you and wants to pleasure you and experience your sexuality!

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 7

Hey there, it’s been a while! Time for some awesome sex links. We’ve got some catching up to do!

The ONE Tip That Will Make Sex Feel Great!

When you’re making love, simply ask yourself these two questions:

What feels good right now?

and

Where do I want to be touched right now?

What Does He Really Want Sexually? — Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. It’s hard to share what you really want.

Slow Side by Side Sex — A relaxing position.

Why are men obsessed with breasts? — Because they’re awesome? Also some survey results about rough sex.

Don’t have sex in the dark — Watching your spouse orgasm is amazing. Maintain eye contact.

“My Husband Can’t Make Me Submit to Him or Respect Him!” — Husbandly love and wifely submission are not optional, they are commanded by God.

10 Foam Roller Exercercises To Relieve Muscle Soreness And Better Sex — Shoot, we just threw our foam roller away!

Sleeping Naked: 5 Amazing Reasons It’s Good For Your Health — We used to do better with this… but kids.

When Bad Language is a Turn On During Sex. Is This Okay? — Yes.

Can Sex Be Used as Comfort? Yes, But… — Good post. Do you and your spouse use sex to comfort each other? I don’t think Sexy Corte and I do, but maybe we could try?

What a quickie taught us about sexual intimacy. — “He told me what he wanted: a good orgasm that happened as soon as possible.”

Sometimes, Your Husband Needs a Girlfriend — Remember how we acted when we were dating?

That’s it for now! If you’ve got a link you want to share please post it in the comments.

Bondage for Beginners: What, Why, and How 8

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #006: Bondage for Beginners

It seems like there’s a lot of interest in bondage these days, and many couples are experimenting with stuff they never would have thought of before. If you’ve never tried bondage you may be wondering what the big deal is — why would anyone want to be restrained during sex? Well, we know nothing about the BDSM “scene” so we can’t speak very broadly, but we can tell you in one word why Sexy Corte and I periodically enjoy adding some light bondage to our sexy time: vulnerability.

To understand bondage let’s talk first about the goal, then the methods, then why it’s fun. The goal is simple: voluntarily restrain one spouse to enhance his or her vulnerability and submission. It seems most common for the wife to be restrained, but I’ve had Sexy Corte tie me down and tease me and it was lots of fun. Usually though, it’s me restraining her. The purpose of the restraint is to give control of your body to your spouse, not to be painful or uncomfortable. Submitting to bondage is a huge demonstration of trust to your spouse because it puts your naked body into their control and makes you supremely vulnerable. The bondage benefits both the dominant and the submissive spouse by giving the dominant person permission to act, and the submissive person permission to let go. The various toys described below are only used to accent the submission that has already been agreed to.

There are limitless methods of bondage, but they generally share a few common features.

  1. Nakedness. The submissive spouse will usually be restrained naked, or at least with her sexy bits exposed. Being naked with your spouse is already a big show of trust, and being restrained kicks it up a notch.
  2. Hand restraint. Often the submissive’s hands are restrained to prevent her from “protecting” herself. (I use quotes, because of course nothing should be happening against the submissive’s desires.) Hands can be restrained above the head (for example, tied to the headboard), behind the back, in front (for front-to-back positions), or even attached to the ankles. Hand restraint is probably the most common element of light bondage. Get those hands out of the way!
  3. Leg restraint. Legs, ankles, and knees can be restrained to keep the wife’s legs spread or to prevent movement in general. Leg restraint is an important element of position restraint and orgasm control.
  4. Head restraint. Head or neck restraint could be uncomfortable or even dangerous. This isn’t something we do.
  5. Eye restraint. Covering the submissive’s eyes can add another layer of trust and enhance vulnerability. Using a blindfold can really make extended foreplay exciting.
  6. Mouth restraint. Sometimes you just want to hear your spouse moan with pleasure instead of talk. Sometimes talking is distracting. Taking away the option to talk can be liberating for the person who is restrained. Always be sure that anyone whose mouth is covered can breathe freely and can signal a desire to stop.
  7. Position restraint. A combination of restraints can be used to hold the submissive spouse in a certain position, say for spanking. This can be critical for orgasm delay and multiple orgasms, which we’ll talk about below.

So what are the actual devices that can be used for bondage play? Almost anything you can imagine can be incorporated, but here are a few ideas. Each of these items probably deserves its own post!

liberator

Wedge pillows. Sexy Corte and I enjoy these a lot for positioning, and they include attachments for…

Hand cuffs. We use some padded strips with velcro for closures and plastic clips that can be attached together or to the wedges. We’ve tried metal cuffs in the past, but they’re quite uncomfortable if you’re laying on them.

under-mattress

Under-the-mattress restraints. Looks complicated, but it’s not. The cuffs can be tucked under the mattress when not in use. These are especially useful if you don’t have a headboard suitable for tying to.

blindfold

Blindfold. If you want to improvise, use a neck tie or panties.

Gags can be similarly improvised, or you can buy one.

swing

Sex swing. We have one that can be quickly hung in a door frame and be used for a ton of positions. It’s easier than it looks.

spreader_bar

Spreader bar. Keeps those legs apart. Can be used in many positions, including standing, but isn’t great for missionary. I made ours with a wooden dowel and some eye screws.

pull-up-bar

Pull-up bar. These can be mounted in a door way and used as a restraint point for securing someone in a standing position. Also great for getting ripped.

an-unassuming-silver-bullet-vibrator-apparently-inspired-some-bawdy-attention-from-a-tsa-agent-who

Vibrator. There are many kinds, but we find the egg vibrator to be the most versatile. We buy cheap ones (around $7 from Amazon) and replace them once or twice a year when they wear out. We also keep rechargeable batteries charging in our bedroom. A wand vibrator can also be useful for longer duration games or when you need more reach.

Rope. Check out our intro to shibari for some awesome ideas!

karada

(Let me point out that you don’t actually need any toys! This post is getting long enough, so I won’t go into detail, but look forward to a future post on mental-only bondage.)

Finally, what’s fun about bondage anyway?

  1. Intimacy. Like I said at the beginning: the essence of bondage is vulnerability, and vulnerability is the key to intimacy. Bondage will teach you new things about your spouse’s mind and body. Bondage will let you explore new levels of sexual trust. Bondage exposes you to each other in amazing ways.
  2. Passion. Let’s face it: there can be something hot about dominating your spouse or submitting to his or her will. Maybe your sex is normally gentle and loving, and bondage lets you get a little rougher and more physically intense.
  3. Foreplay. Bondage requires time to execute, and all that time can be used as foreplay focused on the spouse being bound.
  4. Orgasm delay. Also known as teasing or edging. When the submissive spouse is free to move she can position her body just the right way to reach orgasm, and bondage can take away that ability and give control to the dominant spouse. It can be extremely difficult for a person to willingly back off from an orgasm when it’s close, but when using bondage the dominant spouse can pull back and keep the submissive spouse right on the edge without going over. This can make the orgasm incredibly powerful when it eventually comes.
  5. Multiple orgasms. After a woman orgasms her clitoris may become intensely sensitive, such that further stimulation is uncomfortable. If her hands and legs are free she may push the stimulation away for relief. However, if she is bound such that she can’t “protect” her clitoris her husband can continue with the stimulation and bring her to multiple orgasms. Sexy Corte describes these as an unending plateau of orgasm, rather than the peak and descent of the normal experience. They’re also quite exhausting, so this probably isn’t something you’ll do every day. As a husband, giving my wife multiple orgasms is one of my absolute favorite things.
  6. Fantasy. Bondage can be used as an element of fantasy or role-playing. It feels naughty, and once you’re in the naughty mindset you can free yourself to try some things that you normally wouldn’t. He’s the villain and she’s the kidnapped princess? She’s the super-spy and he’s the captured rogue agent who knows where the bomb is hidden?
  7. Exploration. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for our sexual desires, even when the marriage has good communication. Bondage can be an avenue for exploring desires that are difficult to speak out loud but perhaps easier to request non-verbally while in the moment. New experiences can break old habits, and you’re already feeling naughty, right?
  8. Escapism. Maybe it’s a minor form of dissociation, but bondage be a form of escapism from everyday life into a secret world of sex with your spouse.
  9. Novelty. Bondage introduces a myriad of new sexual options, new ways to play, new positions, new toys, and maybe even new desires.

In the end bondage should be fun and promote intimacy and vulnerability in your marriage. As always, enthusiasm and responsiveness will ensure that you get the most from your sexual experience.

Let us know what you think in the comments! What are you experiences? Do you have any suggestions to add?