How to Create Your Sexual Bucket List and Share It With Your Spouse 1

A survey of 2,000 sexually active American adults has revealed the top activities that are on our sexual bucket lists. (It’s a little hard to read, but that’s the best image I could find.)

How to Create Your Sexual Bucket List and Share It With Your Spouse 2

It may not surprise you that the bucket lists for men and women are different, but there are five overlapping wishes! Both men and women say they want to:

It’s surprising to me that three bondage-related activities make the top-10 for women (being tied-up, being handcuffed, and being blindfolded) while zero make the top-10 for men. We’ve written several posts about bondage, and they’re some of our most popular.

Husband: if you want to try bondage but have been embarrassed to bring it up with your wife, these bucket lists indicate that you might be in for a fun surprise!

The only items on these top-10 lists that are off-limits for Christians are threesomes and one night stands.

So, now that you’ve read the results from this survey you’re probably thinking, how can I use this? Here are a few ideas.

  • Show the bucket lists above to your spouse. Talk about what’s on each list, and maybe it will open up a dialog between the two of you that reveals some new activities you’d both enjoy — or at least be willing to try!
  • Create your own bucket lists. You and your spouse can create your own top-10 lists to share with each other. If you need inspiration, check out our “Would You Rather?” sex game — it has dozens of activities you can talk about, accept, or reject. If you’re too shy for that, you can use an online sex questionnaire that hides any mismatched ideas from your spouse to avoid embarrassment.
  • Roll the dice. After you’ve made your bucket lists, put the the items in a hat or roll dice to randomly select an activity to do together. Add the items to your sexy jenga list!
  • Check things off. If you’re like us, the best thing about a list is getting to check things off. If you do one bucket list item each week you’ll be amazed at how fast you’re trying new things.
  • Talk about it afterwards. After you check off one of your items, talk about it together. Did you enjoy it? Would you do it again? How could it be more fun next time? Maybe it’s a once-a-month activity, or only for special occasions, or maybe you want to do it again right away!

What’s on your sexual bucket list? Inspire the rest of us by leaving your ideas in the comments.

Sexy "Would You Rather" 3

We’ve linked to some great tools that can help you and your spouse discover new sexual activities that you might enjoy, and today I want to share a game-like tool that will help you and your spouse discover your preference levels for various sexual activities. The game is played like “would you rather…?”, with the addition of a tournament layer that will help your top preferences float to the top. Don’t worry, it’s easy.

(If you’re interested, the game is basically a pairwise preference assessment that uses a tournament rather than a matrix to generate a loose ordering. If you want to do the work, feel free to use the matrix method!)

Don’t be intimidated! Just follow these steps and you’ll be sharing your most intimate desires with your spouse in no time.

0. Be in a sexual mood! Consider each activity in its best light for you, rather than just how you feel at the moment.

1. Make your list of sexual activities and write them on index cards. The activities should include things you do now, things you want to try, and things you think your spouse may want to try. You can both contribute cards to the deck, or one person can write them all. For activities with a “giver” and “receiver”, be sure to specify which role the card is referring to. For example, don’t just write “oral sex” — you should have two different cards: “give oral sex” and “receive oral sex”.

2. Decide which spouse will go first — this person will be the responder until you finish the game and start over; the other spouse will be the asker. You don’t take turns during the course of the game.

3. The asker shuffles all the cards face-down to create a draw deck.

4. The asker draws two cards from the draw deck and asks the responder: “would you rather X or Y?” (Where X and Y are the activities on the two cards, of course.)

5. The responder picks one card over the other. Even if you like both or hate both, the responder has to pick one to win. The winning card goes into a new pile of cards called the winning deck, and the losing card goes into a new pile called the losing deck.

6. Continue steps 4 and 5 until the draw deck is empty. Then, the winning deck becomes the new draw deck — shuffle it, and repeat steps 4 and 5 until the deck is gone.

7. Repeat steps 4, 5, and 6 until you have one winning activity!

8. Since you haven’t shuffled the losing deck yet, the cards near the top of the losers should also be activities that the responder really likes. (Of course, a favorite might also have been eliminated early, but that’s just the luck of the draw!)

When you’re done, you have a few options:

  • Whatever activity won, do it!
  • Begin the game again by swapping roles.
  • Begin again and keep the same roles, playing through the losing deck to pick another winner.
  • Separate the “give” and “receive” cards to discover your favorite ways to both give and receive pleasure.

I know that’s a lot of steps, but hopefully you get the idea. To inspire you, after the break is a list of activities that I’ve written down for Sexy Corte and myself.

Continue reading

Date Night Conversation Starters 4

When Sexy Corte and I go out on a date we usually do dinner plus an activity. (Usually not a movie, because there’s hardly ever anything we want to see.) But for our last date night, instead of an physical activity we decided to focus on each other by having a great conversation. Our lives are so busy that when we have time to sit down and really talk it’s usually about something “important”, and we often revisit the same topics: our amazing kids, our upcoming activities, our friends, our church, etc. Those are all great, but for this date we used a fantastic tool created by The Generous Wife to prompt us in different directions: A Year of Questions for You and Your Spouse.

The list of questions is available as a PDF, and it’s intended to give you one question to discuss with your spouse every day for a year. For our date, however, we used random.org to pick random questions for us (1 – 366) and we went through about a dozen over the course of two hours. The questions covered a lot of territory and we learned a lot about each other — almost like we were first dating again!

We also used our new wireless vibrator during dinner, which is always a blast. It’s pretty sexy to watch your wife get all flustered when you buzz her while she’s trying to decide what language she wants to learn or what she liked best about her first job. The vibrator turns her on, and her arousal drives me insane. Important tip: make sure you have a fully charged vibrator at home for after your date! The wireless one she’s wearing will eventually run out of juice, and you don’t want to leave her hanging.

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 5

We hope the winter weather isn’t getting you down! Here are a few links that might warm things up for you.

Dancing for my husband: finding my inner sexy — Sexy dancing is sexy, and the appeal is the enthusiasm as much as the optics.

She loves foreplay — If he isn’t enjoying foreplay too, maybe you’re doing it wrong. Check out Old Faithful or any of our sex games.

Be a better lover, go out of your comfort zone — Make the most of your sexuality, you only live once.

Use multiple choice questions to learn about your spouse — Great idea! Someone needs to put together a list of multiple choice questions.

Instead of saying, “What do you need from me in bed?” I say, “What is the most important thing from me in bed? A) Paying attention to a particular body part, b) letting you do things to me even if I don’t think I’m in the mood, or c) doing something outside my comfort zone?”

5 ways to flirt — I like the “code words” idea… reminds me of secret message panties.

4 ways to love your husband when he’s being unlovable — #4 is “seduce the dude”, which I can confirm is effective.

Go ahead, be that couple — A little PDA won’t hurt anyone.

Time and sex — Suggestions for being more direct, which may seem unromantic but could nevertheless be helpful in this busy age.

Leave a note saying “Sex for both of us till 10, sex for just you till 11:30, and don’t even look at me sideways after midnight.”

Sleeping arrangements when you’ve got kids — Your bedroom is your sex room, no kids allowed! When I was a kid, I rarely even entered my parents’ bedroom.

Multiple orgasms for men — Kegels, prostate control…. I should try this out, but I’m skeptical. Giving Sexy Corte multiple orgasms is super awesome though.

Wives with higher sex drives — A series with multiple parts. Did women used to have higher sex drives than men?

Love dialects — We’ve written about love languages and sex, and here’s an example of digging deeper into quality time and physical touch.

If you want to share a link or your thoughts, leave a comment!

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 6

How about some awesome sex links for the new year?

Two helpful lists for wives: 20 romantic things you can do for your unromantic husband and practical things to do for your husband in just 10 minutes. But someone needs to write a list of tips for husbands!

“I want a marriage so great that it becomes dangerous to the Devil.” And, I also like the jokes on the Taco Bell sauce packets. My favorite: “When I grow up, I want to be a water bed.”

Grow your sex life in 2016, including two series on oral sex. (Yeah, I know you’re going to click the link now.) Also: three out of five.

Sometime this week, ask your husband to make a list of five sexual things he would like to do with you during the next year.

Then make your man a promise:

You will do three of those five things in 2016.

Yes, watching Han and Leia’s estrangement was painful. This was my iconic childhood romance!

Why you need to start dating in 2016. Sexy Corte and I are attempting to have a babysitter scheduled once a month so we can go out.

Make goals to be a better lover to your spouse. Instead of wishing for a better lover, be a better lover!

“Follow your heart” is bad advice and unbiblical. Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?”

Dragon slayer.

A young wife learns that nagging is counterproductive. Husbands nag too, but we do it differently.

Sex before desire. Sometimes arousal leads to desire instead of the other way around… so get naked and see what happens.

366 questions to stimulate conversation with your spouse. This gives me an idea for another random generator for our site.

Do you have a link you want to share? Put it in the comments!

Discover Your Spouse's Fantasies With a Sex Questionnaire 7

Some sex topics can be awkward to bring up even if you and your spouse have great communication, especially when it comes to secret fantasies that may not be entirely mainstream. You may be afraid that your spouse will do more than say no — you may fear that he’ll judge you or even be disgusted. Hopefully your spouse is more open to hearing about your sexual desires, but the nervousness can be real nonetheless.

To open the lines of communication with a little less anxiety you might want to try taking one of these sex questionnaires with your spouse. There are probably many more options online, but these two will get you started. In both cases the questions are answered anonymously and the sites do not require registration. What’s more, the sites only share answers between spouses when both husband and wife indicate a positive response to a given activity. If you say “yes” to something but your spouse says “no” then your “yes” won’t be revealed.

In the best case, you and your spouse will discover an activity that you both have been dying to try but have been too afraid to bring up!

One huge caveat: these questionnaires contain short descriptions of activities that no Christian should participate in. If you don’t want to be exposed to such ideas then you should not take the tests.

Questionnaires: