Proverbs 15:16 says: “Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it.”

Psalm 127:2 says: “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat — for he grants sleep to those he loves.”

Proverbs 5:18-19 says: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

Maybe the Bible is on to something! Scientists have recently discovered that sleep and sex make you happier than wealth!

The new happiness index, developed by Oxford Economics and the National Centre for Social Research, and commissioned by Sainsbury’s, has found that sex and sleep are the two things that have the strongest association with a person’s happiness and wellbeing – well above money. Researchers found that while upping your income (even if you quadruple it) causes very little increase to your happiness, being well-rested and well-sexed have a significant impact on how joyful you feel. The study involved polling 8,250 Britons, finding that the average person has a Living Well score of 62.2.

Those who get the most sleep were found the score 15 points higher on the index than those who struggle with sleep, while people who are deeply dissatisfied with their sex lives scored seven points lower than those who said they’re very satisfied. To be clear – very satisfied doesn’t mean these people are having loads of sex. It just means they’re very happy with the quality and frequency of the sex they’re having. Increasing your household income from £12,500 to £50,000, meanwhile, results in an increase of only two points.

So quit working late, leave the chores for later, and go to bed with your spouse!

Bonnie Wallace has written a couple of posts with some reasons that husbands and wives don’t feel sexy. Some of them are physical/medical, but most of them are mental/emotional. Even some that appear to be physical are really mental/emotional. I won’t excerpt all the reasons, but they’re worth reading and Bonnie’s suggestions for addressing them are very constructive.

Rather than offering suggestions of my own, I’d like to share a couple of verses from the Bible. The first is part of a poem written by King David that beautifully describes the loving care God has invested into the creation of each of his children.

Psalm 139:13-18

For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.

How precious concerning me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.

God’s thoughts for each of his children are vast and precious. He has intricately woven each of us into exactly the wonderful form he intended.

The second passage is an exhortation for believers to present the members, the parts, of our bodies to God for his righteous use.

Romans 6:12-13

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.

We are commanded to discipline our minds and bodies and bring them into subjection to Christ. We must not only avoid sin, but go beyond that to present the parts of our bodies to God as instruments for righteousness. Included in this preparing and developing your mind and body for sexual relations with your spouse. There are many things your spouse can do to make you “feel sexy”, but the primary responsibility is yours. There are many things you can do to help your spouse feel sexy, but ultimately that responsibility belongs to your spouse and to God.

So if you don’t feel sexy, what should you do? Start with prayer. Ask God to reinvigorate your sex life with your spouse. Tell God that you want hot, frequent, satisfying sex with your spouse. Ask him to change you and your spouse to make it happen.

Second, confront any sin in your mind or body that is inhibiting you. Vanity over your imperfect looks? Gluttony? Lethargy? Contempt towards your spouse? Lust for other people? For husbands, a lack of love and sacrifice? A failure to lead spiritually? For wives, a lack of submission?

Finally, tell your spouse that you’re praying for your sex life and repenting of the sins that have held you back. Pick the right time for this conversation… don’t do it right after an unsatisfying sexual encounter. Don’t put the burden onto your spouse and say that you’re praying for them and their sin. When you bring it up, focus on God and what you’re asking him to do.

If your relationship with your spouse is in such dire condition that you don’t feel that you can have this conversation without it turning into a fight, then just don’t. God doesn’t need you to tell your spouse in order for him to work. Just start praying and confessing, and wait to see what God does.