Sexy Corte’s favorite way to reach orgasm is on top of me with a vibrator wedged between us. I recently wrote a post about what a husband can do with his hands while his wife’s on top, and now I’m going to give you a few ideas for what to do after your wife has a screaming orgasm.

First, best, and most important is for the husband to wrap his arms around his wife and squeeze her tightly against his body while she trembles through the aftershocks of her orgasm. This period only lasts for a minute or so, but it’s one of my favorite parts of sex! I love enveloping Sexy Corte while she shakes and moans after her orgasm; it’s so intimate to share her orgasm with her from the outside and inside at the same time. This is a great time to whisper in her ear how much I love her and how sexy she is.

As her orgasm subsides, there are several options we enjoy for finishing up my orgasm. By the time Sexy Corte climaxes I’ve been holding my orgasm back for a while and I’m usually ready to explode, so none of these activities generally lasts more than a few minutes!

  • Roll her over. We’ve gotten pretty good at rolling over together without pulling out: we flip her onto her back while I stay between her legs. With her knees up, this maneuver enables deeper penetration that often makes SC moan and writhe all over again and pushes me over the edge. Then we lay together and cuddle for a while.
  • Doggy style. Another great position for deeper penetration, and especially pleasurable for Sexy Corte after she orgasms. Her tightness in this position — and the fun of spanking her butt a few times — can make it impossible for me to hold back, but sometimes I go slow and drag things out for a few minutes of exquisitely intense stimulation.
  • Ride to the finish line. Instead of changing positions, sometimes Sexy Corte stays on top and rides me to the finish line. If the timing is right, we may just orgasm together and collapse.
  • Multiple orgasms. If the circumstances are just right, sometimes Sexy Corte will be up for having another orgasm! Incredibly fun for me and intense for her. Most of the time one is enough, but sometimes the first orgasm isn’t quite right for some reason and leaves her feeling unsatisfied. That’s no good! After two orgasms she’s usually exhausted and extra-cuddly.
  • In her mouth. It’s really sexy to me when Sexy Corte alternates between her vagina and mouth while we’re having sex, and sometimes when we’re having sex I think I’d really like to finish in her mouth… but then when it comes time, I decide I’d rather orgasm in her vagina. It’s a primal imperative.
  • On her body. The husband can also finish on the wife’s body, but that seems like it would be an anticlimactic way to finish awesome sex. We’ve tried this a little, and it doesn’t really do it for us. Also: not an effective form of birth control!

I think it’s pretty common for the wife to orgasm first, so please leave a comment and share you ideas for what to do after her orgasm. Do you change positions?

One of our most frequent sex positions is cowgirl, with Sexy Corte straddling me and facing forward while I lay on my back. This is the easiest position for her to reach orgasm, and in this position I’m able to hold off my orgasm until she’s ready. While riding cowgirl her arms and legs are pretty well occupied, but my hands are free to play and roam at will! So, what can the husband’s hands do while is wife is on top?

Here are a few ideas to drive your wife crazy and enjoy her body while her arousal builds.

  • Kiss! Who doesn’t love kissing? I find it extremely hot when my tongue is in Sexy Corte’s mouth during penetration.
  • Play with her breasts. Pretty obvious, and the topic deserves its own post. Your wife probably has a favorite way for her breasts to be touched, and when she’s on top it’s a great time to experiment and find out what she likes.
  • Suck on her nipples. I mean, they’re right there in front of your face! How can you not?
  • Touch her face. Trace your fingers over her ears, cheeks, and lips. Put your finger in her mouth to suck. Hold her cheek up against yours. Let her bury her face in your neck, or vice versa.
  • Rub her back. There are a million ways to rub her back, and usually I let my touch get firmer as she gets closer to orgasm. When we start I glide lightly over her skin with my fingertips, but as she gets close to orgasm I grab her firmly.
  • Play with her butt. I love Sexy Corte’s butt, and when she’s on top I can’t keep my hands off it. Rub it, grab it, pinch it, spank it, whatever you both enjoy. When a woman is aroused it’s common for her pain threshold to increase, which means that she may enjoy a little more roughness than she would otherwise. Make sure to communicate about what she does or doesn’t like.
  • Trace down the length of her body. She’s naked, and because she’s kneeling the full length of her body is within arms reach. Trace your fingertips from her fingers to her shoulders, then down her sides, over her hips, down her thighs and calves, and then to the tips of her toes. Then go back up!
  • Grab her hips. When the wife is on top, her hips are where the action’s at. Follow her movements with your hands, or take control and guide her hips the way you want. You probably can’t use your strength to make her move faster, but you can do one of two things: slow her down, or pull her deeper onto you. Slowing her down can help you hold off your own orgasm if necessary, and pulling her deeper can give her a burst of stimulation. I often use my thumbs to trace over Sexy Corte’s hip bones, which drives her nuts.
  • Rub her throat and upper chest. The breasts are obvious, but you can also get a lot of mileage from touching your wife’s throat and upper chest. Light touches here are definitely best! If she’s aroused and working hard, you might be able to feel her pulse in her neck with your fingertips, which I find to be pretty hot.
  • Tickle. Ok, Sexy Corte hates being tickled in any context, but when she’s on top and aroused it drives her crazy when I lightly touch under her arms. It doesn’t seem to tickle, but it definitely gets a strong positive reaction.

When she’s ready to explode, here are three tricks for helping her over the edge.

  • Classical conditioning. Pick a spot on her body to focus your touch on every time she orgasms — I use Sexy Corte’s upper back, right between her shoulder blades. When she climaxes, I rub my hand in a circle on this spot on her back (not exclusively, but frequently). As a result, her body is conditioned to orgasm in response to this touch. It’s not magic, but when she’s close to orgasm I can often push her over the edge just by tracing a circle on her upper back. A fun side effect is that the same touch often elicits a shiver and a purr from her even when we’re not in bed!
  • Hold the vibratorFor the most part our wireless vibrator will stay wedged between us against her clitoris without me holding it, but as she gets close to orgasm and moves more vigorously I often slip a hand down to hold the vibrator in place. If the vibrator slides out of position at a critical moment it can really disrupt the progression to orgasm.
  • Pull back her clitoral hood. If I’m holding the vibrator in place, sometimes it’s beneficial to use my other hand to pull upwards on the skin above her mons pubis. This skin is connected to her clitoral hood several inches below, and gently pulling it up will help expose her clitoris more directly to the vibrator, without risking dislodging the vibrator by shoving a (second) hand down there. This isn’t always necessary or good, but if she’s having trouble getting over the edge to orgasm this trick can make the difference.

Finally, how can you tell what she likes?

  • Words. Ask her to tell you what she likes! And wives, don’t be shy — your husband wants to know how to please you!
  • Moans, groans, and screams of pleasure. When she reacts positively to something, make a mental note to revisit it later. You don’t need to keep doing the same thing the whole time (unless she requests it), but make sure to revisit the touch that made her moan and see if it has the same effect again.
  • Vaginal tightening. Oftentimes your wife’s vagina will tighten on you in response to pleasurable stimulation. Sometimes it just means that she’s getting closer to orgasm, but a pulse of tightness can be an unconscious indication of intense pleasure.
  • Throwing her body backward or collapsing forward. If your wife is holding a body position and then suddenly surges forward or backward this can be an indication that she was momentarily overcome with intense stimulation and her body needed to reposition itself in response. Stimulation that’s too intense is uncomfortable, but as your wife gets more aroused her stimulation threshold will increase and you can revisit a touch that might have been too intense just a few minutes earlier.
  • Post-sex debriefing. After sex, talk with each other about what you each liked best. What do you want more of? Less of? None of? What was your favorite way to give pleasure? Receive pleasure? Don’t debate or challenge each other, there aren’t any wrong answers. Just talk openly and honestly.

Do you have any tips to share? Wives, what do you like your husbands to do with his hands when you’re on top? Leave a comment!

Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and providing that during intercourse can sometimes require complicated contortions! Sexy Corte orgasms most easily when she’s on top and we wedge a bullet vibrator between our bodies, but we’ve also been experimenting with some ideas for helping her climax in the missionary position. We’ve written before about using a vibrator in doggy style, and today I want to mention another variation: bending your wife over the corner of the bed.

The position is pretty simple. First, the wife stands facing the bed, straddling the corner with her thighs. Then she bends over, putting her chest onto the bed, keeping her feet on the floor, and positioning her lady bits right over the corner. Finally, the husband stands on the floor and enters her from behind, like standing doggy style. But here’s the big idea: while most of the wife’s weight is being supported by the bed (instead of her arms), she now has several options for stimulating her clitoris during intercourse.

  • Reach under herself to use her fingers.
  • Reach under herself to hold a vibrator.
  • Rub her clitoris against the surface of the bed.

When using a vibrator during kneeling doggy style, it can be difficult for the wife to position her head and shoulders comfortably while simultaneously reaching between her legs to hold a vibrator. Resting her body on the corner of the bed solves that, while also leaving space for the husband’s legs to stand. If your bed has a foot-board or corner posts you might still be able to make this position work by using wedge pillows or another piece of furniture that’s the right height.

Here are a few ideas for modifying the magic corner position:

  • Pick the wife’s feet up off the floor and put them on the husband’s shoulders.
  • Massage the wife’s back with lotion or oil.
  • You’re both facing the same direction, so make a bifecta out of it by watching your favorite show together.
  • Draw a henna tattoo on the wife’s back or butt, or just use a marker if you have one handy.
  • Ask the wife if she’s been naughty — this is a great position for spanking.
  • Since the wife is holding the vibrator, have her ask permission to orgasm and hold her on the edge as for long as she can stand it.

What do you think? Leave your ideas in the comments!

We’ve been using the New Faithful position an increasing amount — especially in the morning — and I quickly discovered something that I really like: penetrating Sexy Corte’s mouth and vagina at the same time. We’ve done this a zillion times with Old Faithful, but it’s a very different experience when I’m on top and in control of the movement. To refresh your memory:

In New Faithful, Sexy Corte lies on her back with her head on her pillow and her right arm outstretched. I get upright on my knees, straddle her outstretched arm, and scoot towards her until my manhood is over her face. From this position she can perform oral on me and I can use my fingers on her how she likes, while she gets to relax on her back. It’s a great position for frenulum technique, tea-bagging, and zoom technique.

While on her back, Sexy Corte can turn her head sideways towards me and open wide, enabling me to thrust gently in and out of her mouth. This is super-hot on its own, but it gets even sexier when I use my fingers inside her vagina at the same time. Wow!

  • Positive feedback loop: When my fingers hit her just right, her moaning and groaning feel amazing on me. Talk about positive reinforcement… every wave of pleasure I give her gets sent right back to me.
  • Filling her up: The psychological high of “filling her up” in both holes is extremely arousing, like I’m engulfing all her sensory input at once.
  • Trust and submission: It’s a huge expression of trust and submission for her to let me thrust into her mouth, and I try to be extremely gentle with her. Sexy Corte’s willingness to be vulnerable and open with me is emotionally and physically sexy.

As I’m writing this, it occurs to me that I also find it very hot to kiss my wife deeply while we’re having sex, and that’s another form of oral/vaginal double penetration. I wonder if it would be fun for her to suck on my thumb or fingers while we’re in jockey position? Maybe something to try tomorrow.

Do you have any thoughts or experiences to share? Leave a comment!

Almost three years ago (!) we wrote about “Old Faithful”, so-named because it is reliable and one of our most frequent positions:

The position is pretty simple: I lay on my back while Sexy Corte kneels over my body at a 90-degree angle with her legs spread. I play with her lady bits while she performs oral sex on me. I’ll use my fingers to play all around outside and inside her body (see: Zoom Technique) to the point that she usually loses focus and forgets what she’s supposed to be doing.

The best part about Old Faithful is when Sexy Corte climaxes with me in her mouth. But, the worst part about Old Faithful is that SC has to do all the work. So, after extensive research we’re excited to announce a new position we’ve created: “New Faithful”!

In New Faithful, Sexy Corte lies on her back with her head on her pillow and her right arm outstretched. I get upright on my knees, straddle her outstretched arm, and scoot towards her until my manhood is over her face. From this position she can perform oral on me and I can use my fingers on her how she likes, while she gets to relax on her back. It’s a great position for frenulum technique, tea-bagging, and zoom technique. As an added bonus, I discovered something new that I like! Because her head is stationary and I’m free to move, I’ve realized that it feels pretty incredible for me to (gently!) thrust in and out of her mouth.

So there you have it: a new sexual position for you to try that no one in all of human history has ever experienced. Have fun!

I think that unmarried men worry more about penis size than husbands do, but penis anxiety is pretty common among men — just like other forms of body shame are common among both men and women. It may be reassuring for a husband to learn that we worry more about our penis size than our wives probably do.

Men worry far more than women about penis size, according to Veale and his colleagues. One study, published in April in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that women preferred larger penises only up to a point (anything bigger than a flaccid length of 2.99 inches (7.59 centimeters) did not additionally impress women), and preferences also varied based on a guy’s height. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found similarly ambivalent female preferences. In that study, women who experienced frequent vaginal orgasms were much more likely than other women to express an interest in better-endowed guys. For women who didn’t prefer vaginal orgasms, penis size was a far less pressing matter.

In case you’re wondering, the average American man’s penis is 5.6 inches long when erect with a girth of 4.8 inches. (You can measure girth (circumference) by wrapping a string around the widest part of the shaft and then measuring the length of the string.)

The real question though is: how can you make the most of what you’ve got? Here are a few suggestions.

  • Lose weight. If a man is carrying too much weight, the extra fat can submerge some of his length and hide it inside his body. Lift some weights!
  • Penis ring. They’re cheap and help maximize your erection (and can even help you last longer). A ring with a vibrator might also be fun for your wife!
  • Deeper sex positions. Missionary position isn’t the best for deep penetration. This topic deserves its own post, but the short version is this: while in missionary, push her knees way up towards her head; or try doggy style and have her arch her back. (“Arch” means to push her tummy down towards the bed, not to push her spine up towards the sky.) These positions will let your penis reach farther into her body and give her a greater sensation of fullness.
  • Legs together. Whatever position you use, your penis will feel thicker if your wife keeps her legs together rather than spread open.
  • Vaginal exercises. This deserves a post of its own as well, but your penis will feel bigger (to you both) if your wife tightens the muscles of her vagina by performing Kegel exercises. She can also squeeze her vagina and butt during sex to increase the feeling of girth. Your mileage may vary, but I find that Sexy Corte tightens when I give her a little spank on the butt.
  • Thank God for her clitoris. Don’t forget… most women orgasm primarily from clitoral stimulation!

Wives, please realize that your husband takes his penis very seriously. Making fun of his penis is probably worse than if he called you “fat” — you can always lose weight, but his penis isn’t going to change. Instead, show admiration for his penis!

Do you have any tips for making the most of what you’ve got? Leave a comment! (Plus, I’ll post a funny gif in the comments: “bigger than you think”.)

Missionary position is the most frequently used position for most couples, but it isn’t very effective for bringing the wife to orgasm. Missionary is very intimate — kissing, skin-to-skin contact, eye contact, whispering, hugging — but for most women it doesn’t create enough clitoral stimulation for orgasm. Sexy Corte usually climaxes while she is on top, and we press our wireless vibrator between our bodies to give her optimal stimulation. We can also get there with doggy style and Old Faithful, but it would be pretty great to make missionary work, too.

If you’re in the same boat as us, here are a few ideas. We haven’t tested them all yet, but when we played would-you-rather this was one of Sexy Corte’s top requests, so we’re going to find a way to make it work!

The first possibility is the coital alignment technique, or “CAT”. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how to perform this. The internet describes at least two different approaches, and Wikipedia’s text seems anatomically improbable.

When used as a variant of the missionary position, the male lies above the female but moves upward along the woman’s body, until his erection, which would otherwise point “up,” is pointing “down”, the dorsal side of the penis now pressing against the clitoris; and as opposed to the missionary position, the male’s body moves downward (relative to the female’s) during the inward stroke, and upward for the outward stroke. She may also wrap her legs around his. Sexual movement is focused in the pelvises, without leverage from the arms or legs. The rocking upward stroke (where the female leads) and downward stroke (where the male leads) of sexual movement builds arousal that partners let develop and peak naturally.

coital alignment technique 2

So… I think the penis points parallel with the husband’s thighs, and then when he slides his body foot-ward the penis pivots until it points head-ward and penetrates the wife — and during this movement, the top surface of the penis stimulates the wife by rubbing against her clitoris. Unfortunately, my penis doesn’t bend down that way when I’m erect, and it sounds quite painful. Also, I don’t really get how sliding foot-ward “down” the wife’s body will facilitate penetration.

For a completely different approach, consider this diagram:

coital alignment technique 3

Here, the movement is vertical up-and-down rather than head-ward and foot-ward, and I don’t quite understand how it provides stimulation to the wife’s clitoris. On the plus side, this approach has the advantage of not bending the husband’s penis at an impossible angle.

In addition to these two different approaches to coital alignment technique, there are three different toys that might help the wife reach orgasm in the missionary position.

  • Egg vibrator. Simply hold the vibrator against her clitoris with the pressure of your bodies, just like we do with wife-on-top. Easy to try, but I’m not sure if the vibrator will stay put! When Sexy Corte is on top I generally use one hand to position the vibrator, and that won’t be possible in missionary.
  • We-Vibe. We reviewed the We-Vibe a couple of years ago and we didn’t like it that much — it was somewhat uncomfortable, and it didn’t hit Sexy Corte quite right. That said, we only tried it once and it’s still in our toy drawer. We should give it another shot!
  • Vibrating penis ring. A flexible ring that goes on the shaft of the husband’s penis and holds a small vibrator in place. Sounds easy enough.

vibrating penis ring s

So we’ve got a few things to try, and we’ll report back on our successes!

Have you tried coital alignment technique with any success? Or used any of these toys? Got any tips for wifely orgasms in missionary position?

 

We mentioned the Jockey position in an earlier post about variations on Doggy Style, but since this is one of our favorite go-to positions I thought it would be worthwhile saying a bit more about it.

First, what is the Jockey position? The basics are simple: the wife lays down on her stomach and the husband lays on top of her and enters her from behind. Beyond that, there are innumerable ways to experiment with the position.

  • Entry. If we’re starting with Jockey we’ll often use lube — the position is tight and has a lot of friction. Often we’ll move into Jockey after starting with something else, and then lube isn’t required. For easiest entry, the husband can kneel while wife lifts her hips, then they can lower themselves into a lying position after he’s inside.
  • Legs. There are two ways you can position your legs: her legs closed and his outside, or her legs open and his inside. The wife will probably have to spread her legs at least a little to facilitate entry, but after that we generally prefer for her legs to be closed and her knees and feet together. Then the husband can surround the wife’s legs with his, which creates a very intimate whole-body embrace as well as a very tight penetration.
  • Arms. There are at least three positions that you can use for the wife’s arms, and the husband’s arms will follow. (1) The wife can lay her arms straight down the length of her body and lay her face on the mattress (probably no head pillow in this position). (2) The wife can bend her arms at the elbows, tuck her elbows into her sides, and put her hands under her shoulders. (3) The wife can put her arms above her head in a diamond-like shape. With positions (1) and (2) the husband can wrap his arms around the wife and completely envelop her body. With option (3), the husband can tuck his arms under his wife’s, lay on her back, and hold her hands above their heads.
  • Pillow. Putting a pillow under the wife’s hips will elevate her lady bits, making entry easier and increasing the depth of penetration. The pillow also gives the wife something to push against, helping her to move a little in what is otherwise a fairly passive position for her. The wife can push up with her hips, wiggle from side to side, and squeeze her pelvic muscles — and moan with pleasure!
  • Kissing. Jockey is a great position for him to smother her with kisses! The husband can easily kiss the wife’s face, ears, shoulders, neck, and back, and Sexy Corte really enjoys it when I kiss down between her shoulder blades.
  • Spanking. As with all rear entry positions, Jockey is great for giving the wife a little spank on her butt! (Until the husband lays down, of course.)

Great things about Jockey:

  • Intimacy. This position really lets the husband surround the wife from every direction. You can hold hands, hug, and kiss. It’s a great position for warming up on a cold night. You can snuggle in this position for as long as you want, and even fall asleep after sex without getting up.
  • Tightness. Like other variations on Doggy Style, Jockey is a pretty tight position — especially if the wife keeps her legs together.
  • Comfort. Jockey is a pretty relaxed position that doesn’t require too much energy — perfect for early mornings or late nights.

Potential downsides:

  • Her orgasm. Jockey is a difficult position for a wife to reach orgasm. The position does allow the husband to stimulate the wife’s anterior vaginal wall and g-spot with downward thrusts, but there is very little clitoral stimulation. When Sexy Corte wants an orgasm we always make sure to do it before going to Jockey.
  • Depth. The geometry of Jockey leads to shallow penetration — less depth than Missionary, and much less than basic Doggy Style. Depth can be improved by putting a pillow under the wife’s hips.
  • Too hot! With so much skin-to-skin contact, Jockey may not be the best position for the hottest days of summer! Throw off those sheets and turn on a fan before you start.

What do you think about the Jockey position? Got any tips to share? Leave a comment!

Here’s an interesting study that looked at the most comfortable sexual positions for people with back pain. The most common advice that physicians give is for couples to use the spooning position to avoid back pain, but that seems to be wrong.

“I’m assuming because people lay on their side, someone thought the spine would be supported and this was good for people, but it turned out not to be true,” [Professor Stuart McGill, professor of spine biomechanics at the University of Waterloo, Ontario] says.

For men with that particular back pain trigger, the study suggested ‘doggy-style’ sex was far less likely to aggravate the back problem.

In general, the researchers found that the person on top—whether male or female—is most responsible for motion.

For individuals with back pain triggered by movement, the researchers suggested there was no position that would avoid pain, and advised instead that they should try to move more using their hips than their back.

“The more the hinging takes place at their hip, the less the hinging takes place in their spine, the better off [their back is],” McGill says.

Basically, the person with the back pain should be in the top/active position, so that they can control the movement and avoid painful or aggravating motions. Check out our post about doggy style for some ideas!

The study also had some observations about orgasm strength. It’s not your imagination, some orgasms are stronger than others.

Researchers were also able to measure the impact of orgasm on the body, which yielded some surprises.

“I had no idea of the range; how it’s basically a non-event in some people, through to really substantial muscle contraction in others, and you could see that if they were out of position, they would hurt themselves,” says McGill.

Here’s to a pain-free, sexually adventurous new year with your spouse! If you’ve got any tips for avoiding back pain during or after sex, please leave a comment.

Reader “T” writes:

My husband and I are recent empty-nesters and our sex lives have fallen into the predictable and stale category. He has given me hints over the years about certain things he would like to do with me but when I take him up on it, he starts backing off. For instance, he has always hinted that he wants to come in my mouth. I enjoy giving him head so this isn’t a problem for me. What IS a problem is that giving head stimulates me so much that I am usually begging for penetration after a few minutes.

The last time he asked for a blow job, I said, “what happens afterward? I will be miserable with desire and you will be finished.”

He said, “Well, we’ll have to find something else to use for penetration then.”

I took him up on that and suggested that we could look for something together but he acted almost stunned that I would consider using something else besides his penis. On other occasions, he has made comments about spanking me. I would love this but when I said I would like to explore that option, he clammed up. There are lots of other things I would love to do for him and to him but he seems to think that I would be using him with no love involved. We’ve had that discussion. I tell him I love him every day at least once and we’ve been together 37 years. What more can I do? I told him that to me true intimacy is being able to trust a person to the point where you can share your deepest desires and fantasies.

My husband is still very hot to me. He is very handsome and fit. He has always had great genes physically. His pecs, shoulders, back, arms, and butt still make me drool. He is built far better still, than men half his age. He is 60 and I see much younger women eyeballing him whenever we are out. Most people think we are in our mid 40s (lucky us). We have both started taking bio-identical hormones which has increased our libidos and performance but he still doesn’t seem to have the desire that I do. When I let him know that I want him, he seems uncomfortable.

He does occasionally have trouble keeping it up during intercourse. He says he gets distracted but won’t say why. All I know is that here we both are with an empty house where I can moan and scream all I want to and he seems mostly disinterested. We have had kids in the home for 33 years and now that they are gone I want to renew the adventure in our sex lives. I don’t know what to do. Should I just leave him alone and let him think awhile or just drop it altogether?

Thanks for the email! And congratulations on 37 years of marriage, that is amazing! I definitely don’t think you should stop pursuing an awesome sex life. I know in my marriage I have gone through periods of lower libido. It is discouraging in those times because I wanted to want sex! I was surprised by how much having an open, honest conversation with my husband helped. He really tried to understand what I was going through, and we talked about how to help it improve. If your husband doesn’t feel comfortable talking about intimacy, try bringing up the things you want to try during intimate moments.

Right after sex can be a great time to have a positive discussion about your sex life. You could try saying something like, “I really liked it when you did this… maybe next time we could try this….” It could be that your husband feels like he isn’t fulfilling you in a way and that’s why he seems uncomfortable with your desire for more adventure. You could try telling him what he does do that really satisfies you so that he is secure in his ability to please you. Keep the conversation positive and focus on what you like. I will pray for you as you navigate this season of your sex life.

As far as him coming in your mouth, I do understand what you mean about desiring penetration. I find sex more fulfilling when I orgasm with El Fury inside me. But, it is fun to change things up a bit. We have a move we call Old Faithful that we use mostly for foreplay, but sometimes we both orgasm during this move. Basically, I position myself so that I can give EF oral sex while he can play with me with his hand. He can occasionally penetrate me with his fingers while he rubs me. It’s not the same as his penis, of course, but it still feels really good. When we both climax this way, he brings me to orgasm first. He always talks about how sexy it is when I come with his penis in my mouth. It doesn’t take long after I orgasm for him to do the same.

And “T” wrote back:

Thank you Sexy Corte, it helps to know that there are those out there who understand. A lot of what has happened to my libido lately is because of the recent revelation that I’ve had about what a Biblical marriage allows in the marriage bed. We have always been highly appreciative of sex but because of religious taboos, I put out the fire on my adventurous nature concerning sex. After much study and also discovering several blogs on Christian marriage, my views about pleasuring each other have changed drastically. Now I can be on fire at a moments notice. I just don’t think he’s there yet.

You said, “It could be your husband feels like he isn’t fulfilling you in a way and that’s why he seems uncomfortable with your desire for more adventure.” I think you are right. I had that conversation with him last night after reading a blog about what excites women during sex. I told him that as a woman, knowing that he desires me is the biggest part of the turn-on….not simply him going through the motions because he knows I’m horny. I told him that if that was all I wanted, I could have bought a dildo years ago and been perfectly happy. I think he is starting to understand that I want HIM….the whole package, not just a penis. I did purchase some toys to pleasure him with. I am hoping that as I introduce things to give him pleasure, he will see that I am not “using” him, I am “enjoying” him. Thank you for your prayers and your advice as we experiment our way through new territory.

Thanks for the follow-up email. We hope your sex life is as awesome, adventurous, and amazing as God intends!

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