We commonly get questions — usually from a wife — about “weird” things her husband wants to in bed. Where did my husband get this crazy idea?

Well, as you know, humans have been having sex for a long time, and no matter how strict the rules are we’ve always been kinky. I recently listened to an episode of the Ask Historians podcast about libertine literature, and it mentioned a poem that I wanted to share titled “The Imperfect Enjoyment” from 17th century libertine writer John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester. (You can see a portrait of him above — he’s hot for his time!) Rochester is frustrated by his own premature ejaculation, and has written this poem to curse at his penis for failing. An excerpt:

When, with a thousand kisses wandering o’er
My panting bosom, “Is there then no more?”
She cries. “All this to love and rapture’s due;
Must we not pay a debt to pleasure too?”
But I, the most forlorn, lost man alive,
To show my wished obedience vainly strive:
I sigh, alas! and kiss, but cannot swive.
Eager desires confound my first intent,
Succeeding shame does more success prevent,
And rage at last confirms me impotent.
Ev’n her fair hand, which might bid heat return
To frozen age, and make cold hermits burn,
Applied to my dear cinder, warms no more
Than fire to ashes could past flames restore.
Trembling, confused, despairing, limber, dry,
A wishing, weak, unmoving lump I lie.

The poem is funny and poignantly humanizing. It’s easy to forget that our ancestors were as human as we are. The libertines are certainly not to be emulated in their philosophy, but why should they get to have better sex lives than married Christians? No way!

Do you have any sexy poetry to share? Leave a link in the comments.

We are over halfway through our Adult Advent Calendar, so I thought I would share an update. So far we have had a great time doing this! There have been some surprises, some overlaps, and some things we probably won’t be trying again (like having sex outside in the freezing cold!). It has been fun to see what El Fury has come up with. Every morning shortly after we wake up we both get excited about drawing a new Advent activity. Here are some of my favorite parts of this activity so far:

  • Being intentional. We draw an activity in the morning then spend the rest of the day doing that activity or thinking about how we are going to do that activity. Then when it’s time, we spend part of our evening (or afternoon) just focusing on each other. It’s nice to simply focus on each other.
  • Spicing things up. Here are some of the more interesting things we’ve done so far: Pirates and Poetry, NO panties until we have sex again, sex outside, Tattoo night, role-playing with Professor Fury, 5 Senses Sex, and sex during naptime.
  • Being romantic. Some of the other activities we have done: texting/emailing each other all day about what we plan to do to each other that night, dinner date after the kids go to bed. The texting one was fun, so we have continued doing that with the other activities we are doing.

A lot of people seem to get so busy and overwhelmed over Christmas. Make sure to give your sex life some of your best time, not just your leftover time. Anyone else trying the Adult Advent Calendar? Any fun ideas you’ve come up with?

We’ve been drawing an activity from our adult advent calendar every morning this month, and yesterday we drew one of Sexy Corte’s ideas: “pirates and poetry”. It’s exactly what it sounds like: we dressed up like sexy pirates, read poetry, and played with each other before having sex. SC put eyeliner on me, and I basically looked like this:

hook-s

(Update: SC says I was handsomer.)

Sexy Corte dressed as a sexy pirate wench in a red corset, stockings, a white peasant skirt… and that’s it. Super hot.

It’s important to draw the advent activity in the morning (instead of evening) for two reasons:

  1. Sexual energy builds up when you know what’s coming.
  2. You have time to prepare!

So yesterday at lunch I wrote a bawdy pirate sonnet. Feel free to read it to your spouse — see if it makes her blush!

Pirate captains are not romantic rogues,
Despite the stories on screens big and small.
They pill’ge and plunder everywhere they go,
D’spoiling booty in every port of call.

Many wenches yearn for salty sea-men,
With shining eyes and flirty p’laver frank.
But wenches’ mouths have nobl’r pirate function:
Walking with her lips his engor’ged plank.

Yet his heart may soften as he oft’ moors,
Nigh well-plumbed depths ’round the vicinity
f’Hidden grotto, warm and wet, his hoard,
Where sinks his laden ship repeatedly.

Where a hardened pirate seeks deepest rest,
And buries little pirates in her treasure chest.

We hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day!

Mom knows best. Eating together at the table as a family is awesome. Ok, this isn’t sex-related, sorry.

Smooth as a Baby’s Butt. Yes, men should shave down there, too. You’ll both enjoy it.

What does he mean by “oral sex”? (It may not be what you think.) Or it may! But really, mouths are extremely versatile and there’s a lot you can do with them.

Faith in your marriage. “Society and the media will tell you that marriages ultimately decline. It’s a lie. If you walk in the truth of beliefs 1 and 2 above, then it is entirely possible to continually grow closer regardless of how long you’ve been married.” Amen!

Why mirrors are great to use during sex. How many people do this? We haven’t tried.

Tenderness. (A poem.)

Let’s talk time wasters. A great reminder of the importance of properly categorizing the urgent and important.

And if you want to read more sex/marriage posts, check out Happy hour.

Have a great week!