We’ve been drawing an activity from our adult advent calendar every morning this month, and yesterday we drew one of Sexy Corte’s ideas: “pirates and poetry”. It’s exactly what it sounds like: we dressed up like sexy pirates, read poetry, and played with each other before having sex. SC put eyeliner on me, and I basically looked like this:

hook-s

(Update: SC says I was handsomer.)

Sexy Corte dressed as a sexy pirate wench in a red corset, stockings, a white peasant skirt… and that’s it. Super hot.

It’s important to draw the advent activity in the morning (instead of evening) for two reasons:

  1. Sexual energy builds up when you know what’s coming.
  2. You have time to prepare!

So yesterday at lunch I wrote a bawdy pirate sonnet. Feel free to read it to your spouse — see if it makes her blush!

Pirate captains are not romantic rogues,
Despite the stories on screens big and small.
They pill’ge and plunder everywhere they go,
D’spoiling booty in every port of call.

Many wenches yearn for salty sea-men,
With shining eyes and flirty p’laver frank.
But wenches’ mouths have nobl’r pirate function:
Walking with her lips his engor’ged plank.

Yet his heart may soften as he oft’ moors,
Nigh well-plumbed depths ’round the vicinity
f’Hidden grotto, warm and wet, his hoard,
Where sinks his laden ship repeatedly.

Where a hardened pirate seeks deepest rest,
And buries little pirates in her treasure chest.