All Christian sex bloggers eventually get around to the question: should a wife swallow her husband’s semen? This episode is a compilation of several posts on the topic, focused on the perspectives of wives who swallow.

Yes, You Should Swallow: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/yes-you-should-swallow/

Sex in Song of Solomon, Chapter 2: http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/bible/sex-in-song-of-solomon-chapter-2/

Q&A: How Do I Get My Wife to Swallow and Enjoy It?: http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/mental-techniques/qa-how-do-i-get-my-wife-to-swallow-and-enjoy-it/

“He was thrilled!” — Swallowing and Enjoying It: http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/reader-comments/he-was-thrilled-swallowing-and-enjoying-it/

What Do Wives Think of Swallowing Semen?: http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/wives-comment-on-swallowing/

Q&A: Jaw Pain While Giving Oral Sex: http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/qa-jaw-pain-while-giving-oral-sex/

Sex Q&A: Overcoming Your Gag Reflex: https://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/sex-questions-and-answers/sex-qa-overcoming-your-gag-reflex/

Stimulate Both Spouses While One Is Performing Oral: http://marriedchristiansex.com/blog/physical-techniques/stimulate-both-spouses-while-one-is-performing-oral/

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 1

Before you talk about sex, work on yourself — with your spouse or your kids.

Blackout Fellatio Technique — wife, blindfold your husband so you won’t be nervous about him watching you.

5 ways for busy wives and moms to feel more sensual — these will all work for men too!

Three great posts from The Forgiven Wife!

12 ways to make good sex even better — here are some ideas for enhancing intimacy during sex.

You can have hot sex in your marriage without it being pornographicporn didn’t invent anything.

“I hate sex, but I’m trying to like it” — great advice for a wife who is doing some hard work to develop her sexuality.

How do you stay interested in sex with your spouse over the long term? — it’s sadly common for spouses to lose interest if they don’t work to maintain it.

Give him signal — wife, you can be more interesting than the internet or any other woman your husband sees.

Noticing is not lustinglust is a deliberate act.

Build Your Own 12-Volt Car-Powered Over-The-Clothes Vibrator 2

I finally understand why chicks did motorcycles: built-in vibrating seats. Yep, that’s right, you can install a vibrator directly into the passenger seat of your bike to give your wife quite an exciting ride.

Build Your Own 12-Volt Car-Powered Over-The-Clothes Vibrator 3

Build Your Own 12-Volt Car-Powered Over-The-Clothes Vibrator 4

(And apparently there are vibrating bicycle seats too?)

Build Your Own 12-Volt Car-Powered Over-The-Clothes Vibrator 5

Build Your Own 12-Volt Car-Powered Over-The-Clothes Vibrator 6

But why should motorcycle riders have all the fun? When I saw these products I realized that it would be pretty easy to replicate the experience in our sensible sedan. If you or your spouse are just a little bit handy with electricity it’s simple to build your own 12-volt car-powered over-the-clothes vibrator!

Here are the three parts you need to buy — all easily available from eBay or other online sources for under $20 total.

  1. 12-volt male plug (for cigarette lighter).
    Build Your Own 12-Volt Car-Powered Over-The-Clothes Vibrator 7
  2. 12-volt dimmer knob.
    Build Your Own 12-Volt Car-Powered Over-The-Clothes Vibrator 8
  3. 12-volt vibrating massage motor (Uxcell is the most likely brand). I suggest getting a motor that includes the plastic housing, seen below.
    Build Your Own 12-Volt Car-Powered Over-The-Clothes Vibrator 9

Once you have all the parts, assembling the device is pretty easy. For car use I didn’t install the vibrator into the seat — you don’t straddle a car seat like you do a motorcycle seat, so that positioning wouldn’t be ideal anyway. You’ll need some wire-cutters (or needle-nose pliers) and a small screwdriver.

  1. Measure your distance. How far will the vibrator need to reach from your cigarette lighter to the wife’s lady bits? Make sure to leave some slack, but you don’t want too much wire or you’ll get a tangled mess. You should also decide where you want the dimmer knob located, so you need to decide on length for the wires from the plug to the knob, and from the knob to the motor.
  2. Cut the wires. And strip 1/4 inch of insulation from the tips of each wire so you can install them into the knob switch.
  3. Install the wires into the knob switch. Use a small screwdriver to install your four wires into the receptacles on the knob switch. For DC (direct current) power, red wires are positive/+ and black wires are negative/-.
  4. Test. Plug it in, turn on the car, and make sure it works. When you turn the knob the motor should modulate its power. If it doesn’t work, make sure your wiring is correct — is the metal of each wire in contact with the metal in its switch receptacle? Are reds in positive and blacks in negative? If your wiring is right and it still doesn’t work you may have a defective part.
  5. Bundle the wires. If you have pairs of loose wires you can bundle them together to neaten things up. Use small zip ties and/or electrician tape to protect the pairs of wires and hold them together to reduce tangles.

Your new car toy has two incredible benefits:

  1. Over-the clothes power. The 12-volt motor should be much more powerful than a battery-operated vibrator! This means the wife doesn’t need to get undressed to use it — it can reach through her clothes! You know we’re a fan of using a wireless remote vibrator that tucks into Sexy Corte’s panties, and it’s great for when we’re walking around, in a restaurant, or in a theater, but it also requires advanced preparation. She has to put the vibrator in her panties before we leave, and it can be awkward to reposition because it’s buried under layers of clothes. You can’t use this car vibrator walking around, but when you’re using it in the car you don’t need to mess with the wife’s clothes.
  2. Infinite duration. As long as you’ve got gas in the car you’ve got vibration! The wireless remote vibrator we use can go for around 45 minutes, but this car vibrator never runs out of juice. You can use it in tons of ways: coming and going from your date; park and play while the wife performs oral; on a road trip (keep quiet and put a movie on in back!); the wife can build up sexual tension with edging while she drives home from work or the store; the husband can tease her by controlling the knob. Limitless fun!

We hope you enjoy this project. Leave a comment and tell us what you think, especially if you build a car vibrator for yourself!

What Do Wives Think of Swallowing Semen? 10

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

For several years that most popular post on our site has been “Yes, You Should Swallow”. It is the most-viewed individual post, and even though it’s old it still attracts a lot of comments. Since most readers probably don’t read comments to old posts, I thought I’d share a few of the best comments here on the front page (all from wives).

Bonnie from Love, Marriage and Sex left the first comment:

Thanks for the reference! Great post and nice to hear from the male perspective. Definitely agree that wives should try to learn to enjoy swallowing during oral sex.

Jen offers a tip:

I swallow and absolutely love it and would encourage those wives reading this who are leary of it to keep going. Yes, it took a while to get used to. But the intimacy it creates with my husband is beyond spectacular and it is something he loves doing seeing the expression on his face is indescribable. I got used to it by him finishing on my face and after a while I was able to taste it on my lips then I started letting him finish in my mouth. That is all… Jen

Michelle agrees with Jen’s approach:

Just to piggie back on Jen’s posting. Getting a facial from my husband is more of a benefit for both of us. I don’t really like the taste of semen and don’t like it in my mouth. My husband finds it quite a turn on when I let him finish on my face during oral sex. I usually am the one finishing him either with my mouth or with a hand job. My husband loves watching himself drip down my face and chin. I am ok with it and don’t have to take it in my mouth. Good for those couples who enjoy this…

Mia takes pleasure in giving pleasure:

Not sure about most women, but I sure enjoy swallowing! For me I feel like I am doing an incomplete job to my husband if I can’t finish him in my mouth! I am used to the taste, as it is something you need to get used to. If I don’t finish my husband during oral to me that is like having intercourse and not having my hubby finish… That pleases me the most is knowing I made him do that!

Nicole says swallowing is an acquired taste:

I absolutely love swallowing! My husband loves seeing his semen drip out of my mouth and drip down my chin. I must say though it is definitely an acquired taste and may be hard to get used to.

But not every wife likes the post…

Emma really doesn’t like semen:

I’ve attempted swallowing on several occasions. And ended up vomiting every single time. Thankfully we were in the shower each time.

Most women don’t find the taste enjoyable and only do it to please their husband. I find oral in general unbearable, and the thought of swallowing makes me physically ill.

Then again, I dislike sexual fluids in general and refuse to have sex without a condom.

This entire article is absurd in so many aspects that I don’t know where to start.

Ellie doesn’t seem to like sex much at all:

Yeah, not for me…
The five times I’ve chosen to suck my husbands semen depositor, I vomit, once all over him. Yes, I’ve ‘worked on’ my gag reflex to no avail, and the nausea tends to stick with me for hours afterwards. No swallowing or deep sucking for me!! It’s not a wifely duty…sex is not required of women. If a man can’t respect his wife saying ‘no’ then he has problems. Plus sex is ridiculous, ugly and gross, pregnancy is disgusting and children and creepy.

Here are a few others posts on the topic of swallowing:

What do you think? If you leave a comment on this post people will definitely read it!

How to Use Classical Conditioning to Enhance Your Sex Life 11

We’ve written a little about classical conditioning before (When My Wife Puts Her Hair Up, Husband’s Hands When Wife Is On Top) and readers have asked for a bit more detail, so here it goes. First, what is classical conditioning?

Classical conditioning (also known as Pavlovian or respondent conditioning) refers to a learning procedure in which a biologically potent stimulus (e.g. food) is paired with a previously neutral stimulus (e.g. a bell). It also refers to the learning process that results from this pairing, through which the neutral stimulus comes to elicit a response (e.g. salivation) that is usually similar to the one elicited by the potent stimulus.

For our purposes, we’re going to talk about how to train yourself and your spouse by pairing a sexual biologically potent stimulus with a neutral stimulus so that we can elicit sexual arousal by activating the neutral stimulus. A concrete example, from the link above:

Sexy Corte has Pavlov’ed me to get turned on whenever I see her put her hair up. When we’re getting into sexy time, especially Old Faithful, pulling her hair up is usually the final bit of preparation. No matter if we’re alone or in public it really gets me going, especially when she catches my eye in the process. It isn’t just seeing her hair up that does it, it’s seeing her in the act of putting her hair up that turns me on.

When her hair goes up, she goes down — the two events are linked in my brain so that I get turned on merely by watching her put up her hair. I know we’re not the only couple with this conditioning, because there’s an internet meme about it.

How to Use Classical Conditioning to Enhance Your Sex Life 12

So what exactly is classical conditioning? Here’s some terminology to get started:

  • Unconditioned stimulus: Pavlov called the biological stimulus — the one that doesn’t need to be trained — the unconditioned stimulus. This is the stimulus that naturally, biologically, leads to the response you’re trying to elicit. For example, kissing, genital stimulation, and dirty talk naturally lead to arousal (the unconditioned response) because of human biology. These stimuli don’t need to be conditioned to get the right response, they just work.
  • Unconditioned response: The unconditioned response is an unlearned, biological, reflexive response to the unconditioned stimulus. This is the natural response to the unconditioned stimulus that you’re going to train yourself to pair with a neutral stimulus. For example, when your spouse kisses you (unconditioned stimulus) you get aroused (unconditioned response).
  • Conditioned stimulus: This is what you’re working to create! The conditioned stimulus isn’t naturally (biologically) paired with your desired response. This is a neutral stimulus that you want to link to the desired response by using classical conditioning. For our purposes, just about anything non-sexual can be a conditioned stimulus:  non-sexual touch, non-sexual speech, non-sexual clothing, a sound, a look, etc.
  • Conditioned response: The conditioned response is a replica of the unconditioned response, but excited by the conditioned stimulus.

The goal of classical conditioning is to pair the conditioned stimulus with the unconditioned response, so that when the subject experiences the conditioned stimulus he or she will reflexively exhibit a conditioned response that replicates the unconditioned response. For example:

  • Unconditioned stimulus: Sexy Corte (puts her hair in a ponytail and) performs oral sex on me. (The italic part is the conditioned stimulus embedded in the unconditioned stimulus for training purposes.)
  • Unconditioned response: I get an erection.
  • Conditioned stimulus: Sexy Corte puts her hair in a ponytail.
  • Conditioned response: I get an erection.

Classical conditioning is amazing for several reasons:

  • Classical conditioning works even if you know it’s being done to you. Classical conditioning doesn’t need to be done secretly or through trickery. You and your spouse can talk about conditioning each other and then make it happen. There’s some evidence that it works better if you know you’re being conditioned.
  • Classical conditioning works on everyone. Whether you have a high or low sex drive, varying love languages, or difficulty talking about sex, you can train yourselves with classical conditioning. You don’t have to believe in it for it to work. It’s biological, and it works on everyone.
  • You can condition yourself. By triggering unconditioned responses in yourself you can modify your own behavior — for example, to cultivate a taste for coffee, vegetables, or that sex act your spouse is always asking for.

(Note: operant conditioning is a bit different — it’s about training a subject by rewarding or punishing voluntary behavior, whereas classical conditioning is about linking biological involuntary responses to neutral stimuli.)

Let’s get to it: how can you condition yourself and your spouse to enhance your sexual experience?

  1. Pick an unconditioned response you want to trigger and the unconditioned stimulus that naturally elicits it. For discussion purposes here, we’re going to assume that you want to trigger sexual arousal. The unconditioned stimulus is anything that naturally leads to the desired unconditioned response — so anything sexual that naturally creates sexual arousal.
  2. Pick a conditioned stimulus you want to link to that unconditioned response. For Sexy Corte, I use a light touch on the upper-middle of her back as the conditioned stimulus. This stimulus isn’t sexual on its own, but I want it to arouse her (unconditioned response).
  3. Condition acquisition: Execute the conditioning by performing the unconditioned stimulus at the same time as the conditioned stimulus. It doesn’t matter too much which you do first, but you want to do them as close to the same time as possible. For Sexy Corte, I rub her upper back in a circular motion when she has an orgasm. All the sexual stimulation is the unconditioned stimulus, and the orgasm is the unconditioned response; by performing the conditioned stimulus (back rub) at the same time, I create a linkage between the conditioned stimulus and the unconditioned response (arousal and orgasm). The more frequently you execute the acquisition behavior, the stronger the conditioning will be.
  4. Conditioned stimulation: After the subject has acquired the conditioning, you can trigger the conditioned response by performing the conditioned stimulus. For Sexy Corte, she gets aroused and starts to purr when I rub her upper back, often without her even noticing. In addition, when she is close to orgasm I can often push her over the edge by rubbing a small circle on her upper back.
  5. Condition extinction: When the conditioned stimulus is used to excite the (un)conditioned response in the absence of the unconditioned stimulus the conditioning will eventually degrade and become extinct — the link between the conditioned stimulus and the unconditioned response breaks down. For Sexy Corte, if I rubbed her back all the time without direct sexual stimulation, eventually the conditioning would break and it wouldn’t turn her on anymore. This extinction process means that it’s important to repeat the acquisition behavior of the conditioning frequently, to keep the conditioned stimulus tightly linked to the unconditioned response. However, even when conditioning becomes extinct it is generally easy to reacquire or renew it simply by repeating the acquisition behavior again.

Here are some examples of unconditioned stimuli you could easily link to sex. Simply use one of these consistently before or during your sexual encounter, and your spouse will get aroused when you exhibit it again. They key is that while training you should only the selected stimulus when you’re going to quickly initiate sex — once the conditioning takes hold you can space things out a little more, but keep an eye out for signs of extinction. If you use the stimulus and then don’t follow through you will frustrate and upset your spouse, so don’t do that, it’s mean.

  • Sight: Wearing certain piece of jewelry; wearing no panties; putting your hair up in a ponytail; a special wink; bending over a certain way
  • Sound: A bell (that’s what Pavlov used!); a few special code words; a certain song or playlist; a growl or purr; a command (“go get in bed and take off your clothes”); a request (“please sir”)
  • Smell: A certain perfume or soap; incense you burn during sex
  • Taste: Have your spouse lick your neck or finger; a certain candy
  • Touch: A certain touch and movement on a certain part of the body; picking her up; grabbing her hips; wiggling on his lap

So what are some things you can do with your conditioned spouse?

  • Conditioned arousal. As described in the examples above, you can condition yourself or your spouse to become sexually aroused by non-sexual stimuli — a ponytail, a touch on the back, etc. However, conditioned arousal can be especially useful if you or your spouse struggle with being attracted to each other in general! We get lots of email from people who want to be more attracted to their spouse than they are, and we often suggest that they condition themselves to be aroused by their spouse. How? Link sexual stimulation and arousal to the presence and touch of your spouse. If you don’t allow yourself any sexual stimulation without your spouse’s participation your body and mind will quickly learn just how attractive your spouse is!
  • Conditioned enjoyment. Condition yourself to enjoy something your spouse likes, but maybe isn’t your favorite activity. For example, provide sexual stimulation to the spouse who is performing oral sex in order to link giving oral sex with pleasure for yourself.
  • Turn each other on in public. Neutral stimuli can be used in public to turn your spouse on without anyone else knowing.
  • Pre-foreplay. Use your conditioned stimulus to begin turning on your spouse long before sexy time begins.
  • Conditioned orgasm. You can link a stimulus specifically to orgasm and train your spouse to climax with it — e.g., a touch, a few words (“come for me”), or a spank on the butt.

Whew, that was a long post! I hope it makes sense. Please leave a comment if you need some clarification, or to share your own experiences with classical conditioning!

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 13

It’s been a while since we’ve done a link round-up, so let’s see what other Christian sex bloggers have been writing about!

Share some more links in the comments!

Husbands: Would You Put Your OWN Mouth There? 14

We’ve written before about hygiene for husbands and created a pretty exhaustive list of tips… but despite our best efforts it seems that some husbands don’t even brush their teeth!

The other day, I saw a familiar lament on Reddit r/relationships. “My husband does not brush his teeth,” a 41-year-old woman wrote, “and I’m at my wits end.” She describes his horrible breath, how she has told him she doesn’t want to kiss him, and that when she nags him enough to do something about it, he swishes mouthwash around for a second and thinks that’s enough.

Gross. Husbands, would you want to kiss your wife if her mouth was disgusting? Brush your teeth. Some elements of attractiveness are beyond your control, but you’ve got a responsibility to be your best you for your spouse. Your body will never be perfect, but that’s no excuse to neglect what you’ve got.

Maybe tooth-brushing is pretty obvious, but the test of “would you put your own mouth there?” is applicable to any part of your body that you’d like your wife to put her mouth on.

 

Stimulate Both Spouses While One Is Performing Oral 15

This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

We touched on this topic several months ago while writing about period sex, but it’s worth highlighting because we get so many questions about oral sex. You may be surprised to learn that the questions aren’t all from husbands who want more oral from their wives — we get similar emails from wives. We also get emails from wives (and husbands) who are lukewarm towards the idea of giving more oral to their spouse, and the number two reason given comes down to the feeling that performing oral sex is boring. (The number one reason is *drumroll* reluctance to swallow semen.)

So here’s a simple idea: make sure both spouses are being stimulated while one is performing oral! How can you make that happen?

  • Play with each other: The positions we call Old Faithful and New Faithful enable the husband to use his fingers or vibrator on his wife while she is performing oral on him. The Sixty-Nine position seems obvious thanks to pop culture, but it’s not very practical — the top spouse holds his/her body up for a long time while the bottom spouse gets buried and struggles to breathe. Better in theory than in practice.
  • Play with yourself: The husband can use his hand on himself while his head lies between his wife’s thighs. The wife can use her hand or vibrator on herself while she kneels and performs oral on her husband. If the giver is having fun I can virtually guarantee that the receiver will have fun.
  • Non-sexual stimulation: The stimulation doesn’t need to be sexual! Try a bifecta: watch your favorite show or read a book out loud while playing with each other. Bonus: here’s a new way to decide what to watch: whoever is giving oral picks the show. Your husband will discover a newfound love for romantic comedies.

Before you start, it’s important to set expectations for when each spouse is going to orgasm. Is the oral sex just foreplay? If so, then the receiver should hold off orgasm until the right time. Are you performing oral to completion? If so, then the giver should get a chance to have an orgasm also. (It’s super hot when Sexy Corte has an orgasm when I’m in her mouth, and I bet your spouse would enjoy that too!)

Do you have any other ideas for making the gift of oral sex more enjoyable to give? Leave a comment.

Yes, You Should Swallow 16

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This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #005: Yes, You Should Swallow

All Christian sex bloggers eventually get around to the question: should a wife swallow her husband’s semen? As usual, the answer is “if she wants to”. Well that’s fine… no one should be coerced into doing anything against her will… but I’m going to go a bit farther for wives and claim that you should cultivate a desire to swallow.

Why? Well, let’s get inside your husband’s head for a minute. As I’ve written before, we men like to mark our territory — and depositing his semen into your body is one of the primary ways your husband marks you. If you reject his semen, you’re rejecting him as your mate and as the potential father of your children. Even though it’s your mouth, refusing to swallow is basically the same as insisting that your husband wear a condom when you have intercourse.

On the flip side, when you do swallow, you create intimacy between you and your husband. You demonstrate love and acceptance on a very primal level that goes beyond words. If you want to drive your husband crazy don’t just suck him off — dive into him like a woman lost in the desert who has just spotted an oasis. Not like you have to swallow, but like you crave him and will die if he doesn’t shoot himself down your throat right now.

And finally: God himself describes the passion of oral sex better than I ever could.

As an apple tree among the trees of the forest,
    so is my beloved among the young men.
With great delight I sat in his shadow,
    and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

Bonnie Wallace says that semen is the perfect food for a wife. [Update: Bonnie’s blog no longer exists.]

In addition, it also has some great mind-altering effects.  It boosts melatonin, which helps you sleep, and oxytocin, which increases affection and boosts your mood.  You know how they say that breast milk is the most perfect food for an infant?  Well, semen is a pretty darn close comparison for the perfect sex food for a wife.

She also gives some helpful tips on how to swallow:

Ok, I’m not going to say that it is easy to swallow the first time you try to do it.  Depending on how often you have sex, a LOT may come out down there.  I’ll admit that my technique initially was to try to get it all in my mouth then swallow all at once to “get it over with” and that usually ended up making a really big mess.  Instead, it works better to drink it like a water fountain, swallowing and drawing more into your mouth at the same time.  Granted, there still may be too much to get it all, but it works a lot better this way than the other.

Since this topic generates a lot of email for us, let me also point you to these related posts:

Period Sex: Wife Orgasms With Husband in her Mouth 17

For whatever reason, Sexy Corte’s period is often one of the times in her cycle that she is especially amorous, which can obviously lead to frustration for both of us! The topic of period sex probably deserves its own post, but since we don’t have time to write it right now we wanted to share something new that we did a few weeks ago.

Actually, it’s not entirely new: we wrote about “Old Faithful” almost four years ago! What’s new is that we realized that we can do this position pretty effectively while Sexy Corte is using a tampon without making a big mess if we use a vibrator instead of my fingers. To refresh your memory on the position:

I lay on my back while Sexy Corte kneels over my body at a 90-degree angle with her legs spread. I play with her lady bits while she performs oral sex on me. I’ll use my fingers to play all around outside and inside her body (see: Zoom Technique) to the point that she usually loses focus and forgets what she’s supposed to be doing.

Old Faithful can be carried to completion and it’s one of the best positions for getting Sexy Corte off with my fingers. Sometimes she has a hard time reaching orgasm if I’m not inside her, and Old Faithful makes this possible. From my perspective, there’s almost nothing hotter than my wife having a powerful orgasm with me in her mouth.

Using a vibrator instead of my fingers makes the orgasm faster and easier for Sexy Corte (which can be very important when you’ve got kids), and there’s less movement to dislodge the tampon and make a mess. Sexy Corte generally has a better orgasm when I’m in her vagina (obviously), but having me in her mouth is more stimulating for her than when we’ve tried fingers or vibrator on their own.

As for me, I get some bonus fun: I love it when Sexy Corte has an orgasm while I’m in her mouth. Don’t get me wrong, her orgasms always feel great to me, but it’s a special treat for me when she climaxes while performing oral sex. It feels amazing physically, but it also drives me crazy mentally to feel and see and hear her pleasure while she’s going down on me.

There are several other things we do to make period sex work for us that we’ll write about in a later post, but we wanted to share this one now because it was so surprisingly fulfilling for both of us. Let’s hear your thoughts in the comments!