A reader’s wife recently suggested that she try using a numbing spray to help her overcome her gag reflex, and I wrote back that such use is generally safe. But what about numbing sprays and lubes more generally?
In addition to cough sprays and cough drops that are intended for other uses (sore throats) there are also products that are intended to numb during sex. There are several different potential applications, and each type of use has it’s own considerations. The most important thing to remember is that pain was designed by God to warn us about injury. Numbing agents can be used to reduce discomfort, but shouldn’t be used to mask pain. Here are the three major applications, in order of least risky to most risky.
- Penis: Numbing spray can be used on the penis to mitigate premature ejaculation. This is generally safe and somewhat effective. It is unlikely that a topical numbing agent will prevent a man from feeling pain in his penis.
- Throat: Numbing spray is generally safe to use on the throat to reduce discomfort during oral sex. There are also flavored, numbing lubes that can be used for the same purpose. Of course, applying numbing agents to the penis will make it harder for the husband to orgasm! The wife can use the throat spray a few minutes before starting oral sex to avoid accidentally applying it to the penis. The mouth and throat are pretty tough, and as long as the wife is careful it’s unlikely that her husband’s penis will cause injury.
- Anus: There are numerous kinds of lube designed to aid anal sex, including some with numbing agents. Numbing lube shouldn’t be used to mask pain! Anal sex should not be painful. If used wisely numbing lubes should be safe, but don’t use them to fool yourself and risk injury.
Even though numbing lubes and sprays are generally safe, they definitely aren’t necessary for oral or anal sex. If you practice, go slow, and use lube you can avoid pain and discomfort without risking the use of numbing agents. Numbing lubes and sprays seem like a short-cut, but sex with your spouse isn’t a race! Take your time and enjoy yourselves.
What’s your experience with numbing sprays or lubes? Have you used them? Do you like them? Leave a comment!
Reader “T” asks:
I was talking to my wife the other night about swallowing during oral sex and it was very informative. During the talk I asked why she didn’t care for swallowing. She said that she has a strong gag reflex, and there are times when I have a lot of semen and she gags or she can’t deep throat because of her gag reflex. She mentioned the possibility of using numbing sprays for her throat and I was wondering if you or Sexy Corte had any thoughts about that.
If only semen tasted like chocolate! Alas!
(Note: We are not doctors and we are not responsible for your health and safety.)
Let’s directly address T’s question first: yes, it it is generally safe to use numbing sprays to help overcome your gag reflex. However, in my opinion there’s a better option: practice.
I recognize that this advice may seem self-serving, as a husband on the receiving end, but the gag reflex can be desensitized over time by repeated exposure. This will be a bit of work for the wife and require some determination, but hopefully it will be pleasurable. The basic principle is simple: the wife should practice taking the husband’s penis into her mouth and throat as deep as possible, over and over. She should focus on herself and work at improving her depth and time, rather than trying to bring her husband to orgasm. Like any physical training, it will take time and effort to see improvement.
Wives, your reaction to this idea of practice and improvement may be along the lines of: screw that, he should be glad I go down at all! That’s fine, it’s up to you. I’m only pointing out that physical training will improve your gag reflex if you want to. It’s exercise you can even do while watching television!
Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.
Shower sex can be great for getting in a quickie while visiting the in-laws and jacuzzis are luxurious for love-making marathons, but the first time you try to have sex in the water you’re liable to notice something rather inconvenient: the water washes away the wife’s natural lubricant. Even though you’re both turned on and ready to go, underwater penetration can be challenging and uncomfortable. So you hop out of the water and grab your lube — problem solved? Maybe not. The most common sex lubes are water-based, which means they will quickly disperse in the water just like her natural juices.
What’s a horny couple to do? If you’re going to go to all the trouble to arrange a romantic aquatic interlude don’t forget one important ingredient: silicone lube! Sexy Corte and I have had great experiences with a brand called Gun Oil (easy to buy online), but there are numerous options available.
Silicone lube isn’t just for playing in the water — it has a few general advantages over water-based lube.
- Lasts a long time. You can have sex forever without the lube drying up.
- Less irritating. Silicone lube isn’t easily absorbed into the skin, so it tends to be less of an irritant to sensitive skin.
- Very slick. For when you need as much slipperiness as possible.
There are a few disadvantages as well.
- Destroys silicone toys. Do not use silicone lube with silicone sex toys. It will destroy them. Silicone is a very common material for sex toys, so be very careful not to combine them.
- Hard to clean. I wouldn’t use it in bed; it’s hard to get off sheets.
- Tastes bad. Not toxic (check your brand), but not great for oral sex.
Silicone lube: another toy for your sexual toy box. Tell us your experience and let us know if we missed an important use!
The holidays are hectic, and doubly so if you’re going on vacation — maybe triple if you’re going to visit family. With everything going on at the last minute before you walk out the door, sex may be the last thing on your mind… but you’re not going to abstain while you’re gone, are you? Are you? I sure hope not. Travel sex is some of the best sex, but take a few minutes to get prepared before you leave.
A lot depends on where you’ll be staying. If it’s just you and your spouse staying at a hotel, the preparation will be a lot easier than if you’re sharing a room with your kids in your parents’ basement. Here’s a checklist to help you out:
- Set expectations. Hopefully you’re both expecting to make love on your trip, but when and where? If the babies wake up at the crack of dawn, you may need to retire early to have some time together before you go to sleep. If the kids nap, then maybe you can grab a quickie in the afternoon. If your family stays up till midnight watching movies, you may try to rise early together. If you don’t make a plan, you may end up with one horny spouse expecting some lovin’ at midnight while the other collapses into bed exhausted. In addition to the timing, figure out where you can have sex, and for how long. The wife will probably need more time, comfort, and privacy to have an orgasm than her husband will, so husbands, don’t just plan on quickies for the whole trip and leave her frustrated.
- Lube. It may not be absolutely necessary, but it will probably make the wife’s orgasm a lot easier. If you’re in a pinch, you might be able to borrow some lotion from your family for your “dry hands”.
- Sex rags. Bring a few of your own washcloths in your suitcase to clean up after sex. If you’re staying at a hotel this probably isn’t an issue, but do you want your mother-in-law grossing out when she does the laundry after you leave?
- Sex toys. These will definitely depend on your circumstances. It might be hard to use a vibrator while your kids sleep on the floor next to your bed and your parents are a foot away on the other side of the wall. However, in situations like these you might need to have sex in places other than your sleeping area anyway, and that means that a vibrator might come in very handy to get her off quickly. If you’re doing it in the bathroom you can cover the noise with the exhaust fan. If you “drive to the store” a vibrator can really help in the confines of a car. Speed is often important during family vacation sex, so don’t forget your vibrator. Important tip: take the batteries out before you pack it… otherwise it might turn itself on in your suitcase. That’s fun to explain when your family notices!
- Portable door lock. Finding privacy can be hard, especially if you’re staying with family and their doors don’t lock.
- Just do it! When you’re on vacation don’t make excuses, make opportunities!
Do you have any tips for vacation sex? How do you prepare?
If you know of something else I need to link to, leave a comment or shoot me a message!
Is Make Up Sex Real? — Yes, you can repair small arguments with sex.
Holiday Refuge — In the chaos of the holidays, make you master bedroom (i.e., your sex room) a refuge.
Sexual Fantasy – Her Secret Sin? — If you’re having trouble staying “in the moment” while having sex, my suggestion is to intentionally increase your responsiveness.
Clitoral Slapping — This is new to us. Try it and let us know what you think!
Slippery When Wet: Lubricant Review, and More Lubricants — Lubes for every situation.
Is Your Husband the Sexiest Man Alive? — Your spouse is your standard of beauty.
Bow-Dazzle! — My favorite holiday sex tip? Christmas elf lingerie.
Sexy Corte was digging through the toy drawer last night and found some KY Warming Liquid that she put on my night stand. We hadn’t used it for a couple of years, and the brisk fall weather this afternoon encouraged us to give it another shot. I applied it to her ladybits during foreplay and rubbed her good while she used her mouth on me, and a great time was had by all. However, the warming liquid was underwhelming.
First off, does it “warm”? Well, it warmed my hand up a little, but Sexy Corte said that she couldn’t really feel any warming on her… surprising, right? Her lips should be more sensitive than my fingers. Even after penetration it didn’t seem to do anything for her warmth-wise.
Second, it’s pretty thin as a lubricant. While I was fingering her the warming liquid was certainly better than nothing, but it wasn’t as slick as a water-based lube and I had to apply more several times. It’s not like we needed a heavy duty lube, but because of the larger quantity it was messier than lube and less effective.
It’s probably going back in the drawer for a couple more years.
Nothing heightens sexual arousal like danger — that’s why the hero and heroine fall into a passionate embrace after saving the world and vanquishing the villain. Even though you may not have many opportunities to save your spouse’s life, or the world, you can introduce a little risk to your sexy time by getting into it in public places. I’ve written about car sex already, but let’s be a little more adventurous. First we’ll talk about locations, and then we’ll talk a little about technique.
- Wilderness areas are a great place to have sex in public. Forests, mountains, hills, copses of trees, and even piles of rocks can provide a little privacy right off a trail. Near-wilderness areas can be particularly exciting if you can hear other hikers walking by while you’re in flagrante delicto. You’ll want to find a spot that gives you good visibility towards the more-traveled areas around you, so that if you’re surprised it will be at a distance. I like bending Sexy Corte over a fallen log or rock facing the trail, that way we can see if anyone starts heading towards us.
- Speaking of distance, just staying far away from people can be protection enough. Balconies, decks, rooftops, hilltops, cliffs, and other perches can give you enough separation from the public that you can see them and they can see you, but they can’t see what you’re doing. Your own backyard may even have a suitable spot. If your neighbors figure it out they’ll be jealous.
- Sexy Corte and I have a bit of a thing for ruins and castles (hence the banner above). Whenever we find ourselves somewhere old we’re likely to look around for a place to play. When one of us is thinking about having sex wherever we’re at, he or she will make a comment about how “old” the place looks. Lots of touristy places are lightly attended and full of hiding spots.
- “Family” restrooms are easy places to get it on, and often cleaner than the regular restrooms. You only get half credit for any location with a locking door, though.
- I’m planning to write more about camping in a later post, but tents can be excellent for sex almost anywhere. In most jurisdictions a tent counts as a “dwelling”, so you won’t get in trouble for having sex in public if you’re caught. The police may tell you that you aren’t allowed to set up camp in the middle of the park though. A tent in your backyard (or your front yard!) can be quite adventurous. If you’re quick and nimble, a pop-up tent can enable you to have sex just about anywhere.
- Water — it sounds like it would be sexy, but in my experience it’s usually more trouble than it’s worth. Any kind of water will wash away the wife’s natural lubrication very quickly, which means you need to bring some oil-based lube if you’re going to make it work comfortably. That said, if you plan ahead I’m sure that a pool or jacuzzi after-hours would be a lot of fun. Maximum points if the jacuzzi is on the back of a limousine and you’re driving down the Strip in Las Vegas.
- Sex on the beach (or in the ocean) makes me wince… the ocean is generally filthy, and I don’t relish the thought of banging a bunch of sand into Sexy Corte’s lady bits. If you’ve done this please leave a comment, because I have a hard time believing that it’s really as sexy as in the movies.
- Library or book store. Ok, we haven’t done this, but the thought of all those books turns me on.
- Tree house. No explanation needed.
- Lots of public buildings have accessible closets and empty rooms. Our church sure does. Just make sure there isn’t a Sunday School class scheduled for the next hour.
- We haven’t done this yet, but I’m eager to try some games in a movie theater. It might be hard to actually slip it to her there, but I’m sure I could drive her crazy with my fingers. We’d have to find a nice, loud action movie, but it is almost summer.
- For more privacy, try doing it right in front of an open window on a sunny day. You’ll be in shadows to anyone outside, but you can still feel naughty.
As for technique, there are a few options, but the titillating risk also limits your flexibility.
- When you’re in a public place there usually won’t be time for foreplay, so you should probably bring some lube. If you’re being spontaneous, just spit on your hand and rub it on her. It’s not romantic, but sometimes you’ve got to be quick. The wife might also want to carry some pantyliners for afterwards.
- Bend her over and take her from behind. This is the easiest, fastest position for sex in a public place, especially if your wife is wearing pants. She can bend over a tree, a rock, or lean against a wall while you penetrate her from behind, and one of you can play with her clit at the same time. She won’t need to remove her clothing, and there won’t be much to see if you’re surprised.
- If your wife is wearing a dress she can pull her panties off and sit on your lap. This is probably the safest position if you think an interruption is likely, because nothing will be visible to any interloper. It might be a little embarrassing for a stranger to see you straddling your husband, but they’ll probably move on quickly. This position gives a lot of access to the wife’s bits, and is probably the easiest way for her to orgasm from sex in a public place.
- It can also be fun to fool around without penetration. Obviously a dress makes this easier than pants. If you don’t finish, just imagine how hot and bothered you’ll both be when you get home.
- If you really want to have fun, get yourself a remote control vibrator and put it in her panties or insert it directly into her before you go out. Then play around with the controls while she tries to avoid attracting attention.
- If your wife is shy, try starting your public adventures slowly with a blow job. She won’t need to undress at all. Assuming she swallows, clean-up will also be easy.
So what are your favorite public places to get busy with your spouse? If you haven’t done it yet, where is your first adventure going to be? If you’re already a pro, please share your tips!
Let’s face it: it’s difficult and awkward to have sex in the car. Sexy Corte and I don’t do it very often, but when we have it has been quite memorable. Several months ago we dropped our kids off with a friend for a quick “date night” to grab some ice cream for an hour, and we ended up making love in the car on a dead-end spur off a major road near our house. Every time we drive past the road it makes us laugh and turns us on.
So car sex can be difficult, but it’s worth it! Here are some tips:
- Keep some lube and wipes in the car. The best thing about lube is that it lets you be more spontaneous and a little quicker… although doing it in a semi-public place gets Sexy Corte pretty wet anyway. Baby wipes are handy for clean-up.
- A skirt or dress makes sex in the car a lot more convenient. Skirts and dresses are great for spontaneous quickies in any circumstance, but one of the most awkward parts of car sex is getting your clothes out of the way. A skirt or dress minimizes this problem.
- Putting your wife on top is one of the easiest car sex positions available. You can sit in a seat, slide your butt out a little, and then your wife can straddle you pretty easily, forwards or backwards. This position will let you play with her clit while she rides you and should be fun for everyone.
- The lean-over blow job is one of the best car sex positions. The name describes it all: your wife simply leans over into your lap and sucks you off. I don’t recommend doing this while you’re driving, but… we have, and it was pretty awesome. But don’t do it, it’s dangerous.
- Go to the back. If you have a van or SUV then you’ve got plenty of space to try just about any position imaginable. If your car is smaller, you may struggle to get into missionary position in the back seat, but you’ll have better luck with doggie-style.
Tell us about a time and place you’ve done it in your car! Do you have any tips to share?