The other day, I saw a familiar lament on Reddit r/relationships. “My husband does not brush his teeth,” a 41-year-old woman wrote, “and I’m at my wits end.” She describes his horrible breath, how she has told him she doesn’t want to kiss him, and that when she nags him enough to do something about it, he swishes mouthwash around for a second and thinks that’s enough.
Gross. Husbands, would you want to kiss your wife if her mouth was disgusting? Brush your teeth. Some elements of attractiveness are beyond your control, but you’ve got a responsibility to be your best you for your spouse. Your body will never be perfect, but that’s no excuse to neglect what you’ve got.
Maybe tooth-brushing is pretty obvious, but the test of “would you put your own mouth there?” is applicable to any part of your body that you’d like your wife to put her mouth on.
We’ve written about your wife’s indicators of interest before. A wife usually expresses her interest in sex more subtly than her husband, so don’t miss the cues!
“First the woman smiles at her admirer and lifts her eyebrows in a swift, jerky motion as she opens her eyes wide to gaze at him. Then she drops her eyelids, tilts her head down and to the side, and looks away. Frequently she also covers her face with her hands, giggling nervously as she retreats behind her palms.”
Grow a beard, it will make you look more dominant and aggressive.
In a 2013 study from researchers at the University of New South Wales, researchers had 177 heterosexual men and 351 heterosexual women look at images of 10 men in one of four conditions: clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, or full beard. Participants rated the men pictured on several traits, including attractiveness.
That women said the most attractive beard length was heavy stubble.
“Facial hair correlates not only with maturity and masculinity, but also with dominance and aggression,” write authors Barnaby J. Dixson and Robert C. Brooks.
“An intermediate level of beardedness is most attractive,” they add.
Build some muscle. Here the phrase “short-term relationships” basically means that the woman wants to bang.
In a 2007 study from University of California, Los Angeles, 286 women looked at pictures of shirtless men and indicated which ones seemed like they would make the best long- and short-term partners.
Results showed that women were more likely to want short-term relationships with the guys who had big muscles.
Wear strong colors, like red.
A 2010 cross-cultural study — with participants from China, England, Germany, and the US — found that women are most attracted to men wearing red.
In one experiment from the study, 55 female undergrads looked at a color photo of a man in either a red or green shirt, and then rated the man’s attractiveness.
Sure enough, the man was rated significantly more attractive when he was wearing a red shirt. The results were similar when researchers compared the red shirt to other color shirts as well.
Interestingly, participants generally weren’t aware that the man’s clothing color was influencing their perceptions of his attractiveness.
Multiple studies indicate that women are more attracted to men who can make them laugh. Interestingly though, men generally aren’t more attracted to women who can make them laugh.
Take “hunter-gatherer” risks.
A 2014 study led by researchers at the University of Alaska at Anchorage found that women are attracted to men who take what the researchers call “hunter-gatherer risks.”
More than 230 undergrads filled out questionnaires about how attractive they would find a partner who engaged in certain risky behaviors, as opposed to a partner who engaged in low- or no-risk behaviors.
Hunter-gatherer risks included mountain biking, deep-sea scuba diving, and extreme rollerblading. “Modern” risks included plagiarizing an academic paper, casually handling chemicals in a lab, and not updating the virus-protection software on your computer.
Low- and no-risk behaviors included biking along paved paths and carefully handling chemicals in a chemistry-lab class.
Results showed that women said they would be more attracted to men who engaged in hunter-gatherer risks — the kinds that were similar to risks faced by ancestral humans. Women said they would be less attracted to men who engaged in modern risks, which might seem just plain dumb.
In one study, eight men ate a slice of bread with cheese and 12 grams of fresh garlic; another eight ate bread and cheese without any garlic. For the next 12 hours, the men wore cotton pads under their armpits and were instructed not to use any deodorants or fragrances.
The following day, all the men returned to the lab, where 40 women sniffed the pads and rated the odor on pleasantness, attractiveness, masculinity, and intensity. Results showed that the garlic group was rated more pleasant and attractive and less masculine and intense.
And finally, looking proud is better than looking happy.
In one experiment included in the study, researchers had nearly 900 North American adults look at photos of opposite-sex individuals online.
The researchers were specifically comparing people’s perceptions of expressions of pride, happiness, shame, and neutrality (other people had already identified the emotion behind the expression in the photo). For women evaluating men, the most appealing expression was pride, and the least appealing was happiness.
It’s important to note that the features and behaviors listed above generally do not make a woman more attractive to a man. We’re very different creatures.
If you’re a husband like me, then you love giving your wife a huge, body-shaking, scream-inducing orgasm. There’s just about nothing better. Most advice for more and better orgasms focuses on techniques you can use in the bedroom, but some researchers have looked in a different direction: qualities of men who give great orgasms. Here are the male traits that lead to more and better orgasms for their partners, as identified by the study, along with some related links from our site.
Sense of humor: We haven’t written a lot about humor explicitly, but we find that it arises naturally when we get out of our comfort zone, try new things, and free ourselves to look silly. Most recently: Pirates and Poetry Night.
Wealth: Not much to say here, but probably less relevant in a marriage than in a dating relationship.
The researchers wrote: “Orgasm intensity was related to how attracted (women) were to their partners, how many times they had sex per week and ratings of sexual satisfaction.”
“Those with partners who their friends rated as more attractive also tended to have more intense orgasms.”
“Sexual satisfaction was related to how physically attracted women were to their partner and the breadth of his shoulders.”
“Their partner’s sense of humor not only predicted his self-confidence and family income, but it also predicted women’s propensity to initiate sex, how often they had sex and it enhanced their orgasm frequency in comparison with other partners.”
It’s important to realize that all of these qualities are relative. You don’t have to be the richest, handsomest, funniest man in the world — you just have to display some measure of these qualities to your wife! Husbands, however you rate yourselves now, consider ways to move up a notch. Lay off the snacks. Lift some weights. Do some power poses in the bathroom before you go to bed. Buy some shirts that fit.
Men, if you’re like me — married, kids, mid-career, home by seven — then you’re probably past the stage in life when you care that much about how you dress. Everyone at your job probably dresses pretty much the same, and your wife already likes how you look… she married you, right? True, true… but it’s pretty easy to kick things up a notch, and the benefits are plentiful. Let’s be honest… you wouldn’t mind if your wife dressed a little hotter, right? Maybe she’d appreciate a little more effort from you, too!
Fortunately for you and me, the internet can help! I’m no expert on fashion, but I can read a webpage better than anyone (and send Sexy Corte out with a shopping list). The best resource I’ve found is /r/MaleFashionAdvice on Reddit, a site with more than 500k subscribers that focuses entirely on male fashion. (Go watch Zoolander and come back.) On the site you can ask for specific advice, but the most useful pages to me have been these four on building a basic wardrobe.
They include advice on how to select clothes for fit, versatility, and simplicity in an age appropriate way — as a 40-year-old, you wouldn’t want to dress like a 20-year-old and look ridiculous. None of these changes cost a lot of money or time — it’s just as easy to buy the right clothes as the wrong clothes, once you know the difference!
Just in case you ever get confused about what to where to an event, here’s a handy guide for all occasions.
Finally, here’s the visual shopping list for your wives (haha, I kid).
Husbands: if you want you wife to be more enthusiastic about sex then it’s important to maintain proper hygiene. Most of the tips in this post are common sense male upkeep, but it never hurts to review the basics. Some of the items are matters of taste — yours or you wife’s. That doesn’t mean that you have to do whatever your wife says, but at least have the discussion with her and be intentional; don’t pick something she finds repulsive.
Wives: feel free to send this post to your husbands if they need some help.
Hands. Wash your hands frequently. It’s good for your health, and it feels better for whomever you touch. Wash your hands when you get home, after you change a diaper, after you play with your pet, after you use the bathroom, after you pick your nose, before you cook, before you eat, and before sex.
Shower. It’s not rocket science: take a shower every day, preferably before bed or whenever you’re most likely to have sex. I don’t wash my hair every day, but I do rinse it out. I find that maintaining some of the natural oils in my hair makes it feel and smell better, but this is a matter of taste.
Wash your feet, don’t just let shower water run over them and assume they’ll magically get clean.
Shave. Sexy Corte likes the feel of my face when it’s smooth, but likes the look when I have a short beard or stubble, so I change it up sometimes. It’s fine if you want to wear facial hair, but it needs to be maintained. Beards that accentuate the jawline make your face look strong, so shave your neck if you wear a beard. Here’s Hugh Jackman pulling it off.
Also be a man and use a real razor, not an electric shaver or a disposable. I just bought a Edwin Jagger Kelvin razor that’s pretty sweet — you can find lots of options on Amazon for around $30. It doesn’t matter what you get, anything will be better than what you’re using.
Shave with the hair rather than against it, and touch up any strays that aren’t cut the first time.
Eye brows. You don’t need to go to a salon to get waxed, but get some control over your brows. Do you think it’s unmanly to discipline your eye brows? You can look like a unibrowed cave troll if you want to, but you’re leaving money on the table. Once you have a real razor instead of an electric shaver you can use it to at least shave around your eye brows and keep them in their intended place. Once you’re ready for advanced mode, get some tweezers and pluck the hairs that are out of bounds. It isn’t hard, and it will add some crisp lines around your eyes, so you don’t look like a big hairy smudge.
Nose. If you have hair sticking out of your nose you need to do something about it. You can pluck it, but ouch. In this case, an electric trimmer is your best option. Get one that looks like a tiny comb instead of the kind that looks like a tube. You’ll know what I mean when you start looking.
Blow your nose or clean it out in the shower. Don’t pick it in public or sniff constantly if you aren’t deathly ill.
Ears. Same as nose hair: eliminate. Wash around and inside your ears. Use an ear cleaning kit to remove the wax buildup. You’ll hear better, too. Scrub around the backs of your ears.
Face. Wash your face with face soap that removes the oil and dirt from your pores. Scrub it a little with a washcloth to remove the dead skin. Use acne cream if you need to. If your face gets oily during the day, take some time to wipe it off.
Teeth. Brush them at least twice a day, and don’t forget to brush your tongue! An anti-bacterial mouthwash will also improve your breath for a little while and may improve general mouth health. Floss before bed. Floss? Apparently daily flossing can add years to your life by reducing inflammation in your gums. It sounds crazy, but flossing is good for lots of other reasons.
Arm pits. Use antiperspirant deodorant.
Nails. Clip and file your nails instead of biting them. Your wife’s lady bits will thank you. Keep your toenails short so you don’t scratch your wife’s legs up when you’re spooning.
Clothes. Wash your clothes regularly. Don’t weak stuff that stinks. Even if you “just wore it around the house” yesterday, it’s not clean anymore.
Sheets. Wash your sheets at least once a week. Just because you shower before bed doesn’t mean you never need to wash your sheets, trust me.
Moisturize. Especially important in dry weather, not just for soft skin but to prevent cracking. Keep some lotion outside the shower and slap some on when you get out. Don’t buy anything expensive — a very thin rub of Vaseline will do nicely, and it’s dirt cheap.
Sneezing and coughing. Don’t sneeze or cough into your hand, use your elbow. It’s a lot more sanitary.
Penis. Pretty important to keep him clean if you want your wife’s face to spend any time with him. Make sure to give him a good washing when you’re in the shower, pulling back the skin if necessary. I also rinse and dry him off after I pee to avoid unpleasant smell or taste in spontaneous situations. It wouldn’t hurt to let your wife know you’re keeping him clean, in case she has any concerns or suggestions.
Balls. Shave the whole area. You and your wife will be pleased. Even if you don’t take my advice to shave, you’ve got to discipline your pubic hair and trim it back. You’ll smell better, stay cleaner, and your penis will look larger.
Butt. Wash your butt crack when you shower. Get in there and scrub it clean. Again, it won’t magically get clean just because water runs down your body.
Get a bidet attachment for your toilet like the Luxe Bidet Neo 120 so you can clean your butt every time you poop. They’re easy to install and cost less than $50. You’ll love it, and your wife can use it to clean herself too, front and back. If you got poop in your hair you wouldn’t just wipe it off with a piece of paper and call it good, would you?
Got any great male hygiene tips to share? Leave a comment!
Lately I have been hearing from more and more women a consistent desire that is burning in their hearts. They want and need their husbands to step up and be a spiritual leader to their family. They are weary of bearing the burden of leadership that they were not created to bear. We live in a time that feminism and equal roles are common themes in our households. But this is not what God has intended.
God has blessed us with a lot of scripture to help us fulfill our roles as husbands and wives. My favorite is Ephesians 5:22-33.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—30 for we are members of his body.31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Scripture makes it very clear — God designed the husband to be the leader of the family. As most Christians learn, when God sets up a model of which to live by, it’s because that is the best possible way. It’s what will bring Him glory, how we will be happiest, and how our lives will function properly. Husbands, you are the leaders. Your wife is to be your helper, your counselor. Lead your wife lovingly and she will happily follow.
So wives, what do you do if your husband is not being the leader you need him to be?
1. Pray. Pray that God would convict him and guide him.
2. Equip him. We are the helpers, the supporters. Start by asking him to make the decisions, and then follow through with the decision he does make. You can also give him the tools and the encouragement he needs to be a good leader. Find a devotional the two of you can do together or with your family. Ask him to lead prayer at meals or bedtimes with the kids.
3. Encourage him. If he does step up and lead, it is probably out of his comfort zone to do so. If your first response is criticism, it will probably make him shut down. Encouragement will build up his confidence to continue leading. Keep in mind his style of leading might look very different from how you would lead. This is where you need to submit and surrender to his leadership.
4. Praise God. God deserves all the praise and glory. I think especially for women, it is easy to put our hope and faith in our husbands. But putting our hope in anything other than God will bring disappointment every time.
5. Don’t get discouraged. Leadership is a learned skill. He’s not going to turn into the leader you dream for your family overnight, and he might not fully step up at once. If he steps up, then falls back into letting you lead, keep praying and keep encouraging him.
Alright husbands, let’s talk about basic fitness. Did you let yourself blimp up after you got married? Shame on you! Or, like me, have you always struggled to be a little more fit? I’m blessed that Sexy Corte and I love to run, and we’ve managed to keep in the habit of running several times a week together (even pushing a ton of kids in strollers). Running or some some form of aerobic exercise is great, and I highly recommend it; it’s even better if you can do it with your spouse and kids. Aerobic exercise is great for everyone, so go do it.
However, in this post I want to talk about lifting weights. Women can lift and enjoy the benefits of stronger bones and muscles, but weight-bearing exercise is essential for men’s health. I’m by no means an expert on lifting, but I can share with you some basics: and basics are the key. All the new-fangled stuff is basically junk: P90X, CrossFit, “core strengthening”, “boot camps”, etc. It’s not that these are bad, but they over-complicate things. You don’t need an expensive gym membership either.
Barbells, dumbbells, weight bench, weight plates. Used sets can often be found cheaply on Craigslist. Put them in any open 50 square feet of your house.
20 minutes per day, a few times per week. You won’t get ripped with this minimal schedule, but you’ll get a lot stronger.
I recommend the book, but you can get the high-level ideas from here. You can easily use the internet to find articles by Mark Rippetoe and diagrams that illustrate how to properly perform the lifts he prescribes. (So you have some homework.)
Like I said up top, aerobic exercise is great, but men need to big and strong. If you follow some of this simple advice it won’t take long for your wife to notice and admire your muscles. You don’t need to be Adonis, you just want to improve yourself. If you aren’t lifting at all now you’ll see rapid strength gain when you start, which is great for your confidence. Of course your progress will plateau and improvement will get harder over time (like anything), but there’s a ton of low-hanging fruit that even a lazy man can grasp.
What does lifting have to do with sex? If you can’t figure out how size, strength, endurance, confidence, energy, and appearance will improve your sex life then I don’t think I can help you.