This guy is rad — you can tell from the girl’s eyes that she is surprised and impressed with his mastery. The man’s thumbs-up at the end says it all: no big deal.

Nothing’s hotter than expertly popping off your wife’s bra and getting your hands on her sweet, sweet breasts. It’s true: men love boobs. But unfortunately, our wives’ breasts are often imprisoned out of our reach.

Sure… your wife could remove her bra herself… but that’s like letting someone else unwrap your birthday present! No, you must have the glory of uncovering her breasts… but there’s a problem! Your wife has been unhooking bras for years and is very experienced at it. If you fumble, you’ll look foolish during your moment of victory! What to do?

Step 1: Scout the terrain. The “hook and eye” is the most common type of bra clasp, but as you can see in the diagram below there are many others. I know bras aren’t that interesting when your wife’s boobs aren’t inside, but go check out her collection and see how her various bras work. Take special note if she has any front closure bras — these are the worst! You can fumble with the strap in back forever until she delicately informs you that the clasps aren’t even there. Get familiar with her bras, and you you won’t be surprised later when the pressure’s on.

Step 2: Practice before the game. Now that you know what kinds of clasps are on your wife’s bras, take a few minutes to practice opening them. Then do it with your eyes closed! Learn to recognize the clasps by touch, because when you do it for real you may be in the dark or reaching around her body. Lucky for us husbands, bra clasps are all designed to be openable with one hand, so practice that way. To practice: lay the hooked bra face-down on a flat surface (with the clasp up) and reach out to open it in one smooth motion. You may need to put some tension on the straps while they’re hooked in order to create a realistic simulation.

Step 3: Go slow to go fast. This part is key! When you’re actually in position to take off your wife’s bra, don’t rush yourself. You don’t have to flick the clasp open the second your touch her bra. Your wife doesn’t know that bra removal has begun until your fingers begin manipulating the clasp! So before you start trying to open it, run your fingers over the clasp in the course of rubbing your hands across your wife’s back. She’ll think you’re merely touching her for arousal, but you’re also using the opportunity to identify her bra. After you know what kind of bra you’re dealing with, practice opening it in your mind. When you’re ready for the big moment, move your hand away from her bra for several seconds (or longer), and then move back in and unclasp her bra with a single confident motion. Moving your hand away after scouting and then back will make the unclasping seem like a fast, expert, effortless maneuver.

Step 4: Enjoy! Your mastery of her bra has impressed your wife and earned you access to her intimate delights. Claim your just reward and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Do you have any tips to share for husbands trying to conquer that most frustrating of undergarments? Leave a comment!

Do you want to drive each other crazy all day, and then have amazing sex that evening? Every time you reload this page you’ll get a new foreplay activity — pick a new one every hour, or whenever you have a moment of privacy with your spouse. Just two rules:

  1. Whatever it says, do it
  2. No orgasms allowed until the end of the day
Foreplay activity:Husband feels up Wife's chest

We recently came into possession of some Mardi Gras beads and created a fun and simple game. (You can get strands of beads very cheaply online or at the dollar store.)

  1. I carry strands of beads in my pocket.
  2. At an opportune time, I pull out some beads and offer them to Sexy Corte.
  3. Sexy Corte earns the beads by flashing her boobs.
    • Alternatively, she can be proactive and flash me for beads at any time.
  4. Her accumulation of beads throughout the day is a sexy visual reminder of our game.
  5. At the end of the day we can tally up her score and try to set a new record.

The only problem with the game is that when our kids see the beads they turn into Gollum.

Do you have any games like this that you play with your spouse? Leave a comment!

It’s been a while since we’ve posted some links, and I was shocked to see how many of the blogs we had linked to in our sidebar no longer exist! Crazy.

These link posts might seem easy, but they’re actually some of the most time-consuming posts we write. It’s a lot of work to survey the internet for Christian sex content, but we think it’s valuable for two reasons:

  1. We want to bring our readers the best content
  2. We want to share the best readers with other blogs

So, without further ado…

If you want to share another link, please leave it in a comment!

Reader “MN” asks a question we’ve gotten a few times but have only addressed briefly:

Good sir, first want to say thank you for this site. I really appreciate your time and how gentle, yet how firm you are when you respond to people’s questions.

One question I have is this: do you feel that it’s ok to swear while having sex? Like dropping the f-bomb when one climaxes. Or using “ass” to describe my wife’s butt? Thanks for your time and may God bless you both!

This is a great question. Like many Christians, Sexy Corte and I are very careful about our language. In James 3:5-12, God warns us that an uncontrolled tongue can lead to destruction.

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

I don’t know about you… but my tongue gets me into more trouble than any other part of my body! Think about the comparison that’s made between a tongue and fire: an uncontrolled tongue won’t only hurt the speaker, it can burn down a whole forest — your family, friends, church, and more. A wicked tongue hinders our praise of God and our ability to serve him.

So obviously controlling your tongue is extremely important. Every part of your life and your ministry will be impacted, positively or negatively, but how you use your tongue.

But notice: the emphasis isn’t on “swear words”. The Bible doesn’t really have anything to say about whether or not certain words are off-limits, and how could it? “Swear words” are dependent on language, culture, and context in a way that doesn’t translate. God doesn’t really care about specific words, he cares about what you say and why you say it. A person can be extremely cruel without swearing, but “good language” doesn’t mitigate the harm caused by hateful speech.

Similarly, in the right context, “swear words” can be used to edify the listener and strengthen a marriage. The point isn’t the words you use, it’s whether you’re building up or tearing down. It may be that your spouse never wants to hear swearing come from your mouth — if so, then don’t do it. However, in the heat of the moment it can often be quite sexy to indulge in the taboo of swearing. There are many things you can only do with your spouse, and if swearing turns both of you on and strengthens your sex life then go for it! (Read “Can we *BLANK*?” for some further thoughts.)

Sometimes a mid-day whisper about what you want to do that night is just what your spouse needs to hear!

In the end, there are no magic words that are good or evil on their own — the holiness of your speech depends on what you’re saying and to whom.

So here’s a term that’s new to me: “outercourse”, as opposed to intercourse. Basically, sexual stuff other than penetration, and somehow distinct from mere foreplay.

This term “outercourse” refers to sex that isn’t intercourse and doesn’t involve penetration. It can include kissing, touching, erotic massage and using sex toys, just to name a few options.

“When we equate intercourse and sex and call everything that comes before intercourse ‘foreplay,’ we are buying into the cultural script that sex should proceed as follows: foreplay (just enough to get her ready for intercourse), intercourse (during which both women and men orgasm), and game over,” Mintz said. But sex doesn’t have to involve intercourse at all. Even when it does, other forms of stimulation can add to the experience and may improve the odds of reaching orgasm.

Herbenick suggested that couples take a lesson from the early days of their relationship. “Sometimes, when people are first getting together, they spend time making out and touching each other’s genitals long before they start having oral sex or intercourse with each other,” she explained. “All too often, once oral sex and intercourse become part of their routine, the rest fades away — which is too bad, considering how powerful genital touching can be.”

It’s true that making out tends to give way to sex as your relationship matures, but is that somehow less than ideal?

Sexy Corte and I often invest a lot of time, creativity, and energy into foreplay (with various games, bondage, toys, etc.), but then we have sex. SC requires clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but still strongly prefers to climax with penetration.

I definitely see the argument for more and better foreplay — and the importance of recognizing that the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm — but I’m not sure I get the idea of outercourse and sex without penetration. What do you think? What role does outercourse have in your marriage?

My previous post about How to Rub a Clitoris is one of the most popular on the site, so I thought it deserved a follow-up post focused on what we call the thumb and finger technique or the zoom technique — the motions are very similar to what you’d use to zoom in or out on the screen of your phone!

zoom-technique

It’s pretty simple:

  • Apply lube to the wife’s clitoris and vulva. Since most of the action is outside, her natural lubricant won’t be as helpful as it would be inside. Also, the zoom technique covers more territory than a single-finger job and her natural lube might get spread too thin.
  • The husband uses his index and/or middle finger to stimulate his wife’s vaginal opening and lips, and he uses his thumb to stimulate her clitoris.
  • The husband can move his thumb and fingers in a “zooming” motion and in small circles over his wife’s skin, occasionally penetrating her with his fingers to really get her worked up.
  • Your mileage may vary, but we use the zoom technique primarily as foreplay — Sexy Corte tends to require focused clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. It’s easy enough to move your fingers from the vaginal opening to the clitoris and focus there to bring your wife to orgasm, but the teasing penetration of the zoom technique might make her extremely hungry for more penetration rather than less. (That is, a non-penetrative orgasm may not be enough to satisfy her.)

As with any fingering techniques, you can use zoom in a lot of ways.

  • The wife can just lay back and enjoy the attention. The teasing fingers dancing around her vaginal opening will really make the wife long for more substantial penetration — make her beg for it!
  • We like to zoom during Old Faithful — I zoom Sexy Corte while she performs oral on me. A few days ago this actually made her purrrr while I was in her mouth, which feels unbelievable.
  • Zoom as part of a bifecta focused on the wife: casually zoom her while you’re watching television together. (Hmm, that sounds like fun for tonight.)
  • Zoom during trivia night — it’s pretty similar to the wand vibrator and fingertip technique. (I love when SC needs me to repeat a question because she’s too turned on to focus.)
  • If the wife wears a dress, you can zoom just about anywhere!

Have you ever used the zoom technique yourself? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

Wives, what’s the worst thing about going out in public? The answer is obvious: when you’re in public, you’re not having sex with your husband. (Unless you are.) So, in an effort to make boring public events a little more bearable, here are a few ideas for how to turn your husband on while you’re around other people.

  • Take off your panties. Excuse yourself for a moment, slip them off, and subtly stuff your panties into his hand when you come back. “I won’t be needing these anymore.” I guarantee he won’t be thinking of anything else for the rest of the night. This works especially well when you’re ready to leave and your husband isn’t taking the hint. Bonus points: secret message panties.
  • Flash some skin. Once those panties are off, give him a sneak peek. Or find a private corner and flash your boobs. Bonus points for letting him touch.
  • Talk dirty. Pull him aside as if you need to talk about the kids, and then whisper something sexy to him. “I need you inside me”, “I’m so wet right now”, “I can’t wait to suck you off”.
  • Text dirty. Even easier than talking! You can even send a sexy pic that you took earlier.
  • Remote vibrator. Give him the remote control for the vibrator you’re wearing.
  • Sit on his lap. This is pretty innocuous, but a little strategic wiggling can have a huge effect. Bonus points if your panties are already in his pocket.
  • Under the table. Rub high on his leg under the table, or pull his hand up your inner thigh. Drop something under the table and ask him to get it, then flash your panties (or lack thereof).
  • Put up your hair. This requires that you condition your husband to expect oral sex when he sees this. Wink.
  • Secret sex reminders. Wear or carry something that isn’t obviously a sex toy, but that your husband will recognize. For example, a bracelet made from your shibari rope. You can also mention mundane aspects of recent sexy time activities. I always know what she means when Sexy Corte mentions trivia night or poetry reading.
  • Meet me in two minutes. Scout out a place for a quickie. After you’ve got him turned on using one of the above methods, tell him to meet you there in two minutes.

Maybe it goes without saying, but don’t forget to deliver on your promises when you get home!

We’d love to hear your ideas in the comments.

Yes, it’s a funny metaphor, but the advice is good: once you’ve boarded the Love Train don’t stop it until you reach the station. Barring emergencies, when you start sexy time with your spouse you’re committed to finishing. There are a lot of things that have the potential to derail the Love Train, but you’ve got to do your best to keep it moving until your spouse is ready to disembark. Here are a few tips for overcoming common difficulties.

  • Be prepared. Probably the most important tip to avoid interruption, especially if you’re away from home. Keep what you need handy: lube, batteries, towels, rope, etc. If you’re planning something elaborate, walk through it in your mind before you’re naked so your spouse doesn’t have to stand around waiting.
  • Stop talking, start moaning. It’s good to set expectations before sex, but don’t talk too much about the sex while you’re doing it. Communication is essential for good sex, but let your body do the talking as much as possible. It’s fine to say “more!”, or “turn over”, or “let’s do X”, but here are a few things to avoid: repeatedly asking “are you close?”, repeatedly asking “do you like that?”, and any sort of “why” question. Don’t try to start a conversation while your spouse is focused on reaching orgasm.
  • Premature ejaculation. Probably the most common reason for the husband to stop too early. Unfortunately, it’s also something that’s way beyond the scope of this blog post; talk to your doctor. Some potential solutions include: medication, start-stop-start-stop method, more frequent sex, more lube (to reduce friction), more exercise, use condoms, think about baseball. However, it happens to every man occasionally, and you still need to be considerate of your wife’s needs! If she wants to continue, use your hands, mouth, or a toy to finish her off.
  • Loss of erection. This also happens to every man once in a while. Rather than focusing on being embarrassed, reinforce to your wife that you want to continue. Take a mental break, refocus, change positions, and keep pleasuring her. Move back to foreplay activities. In a few minutes you’re likely to regain your erection if you keep in the moment and don’t turn it into a big discussion.
  • Vaginal pain. Lube! Switching positions can also help if the penetration is too deep.
  • Jaw pain. If you’re performing oral sex on your spouse and your jaw starts to hurt you’ve got a few options: take a break, change positions and continue oral, or move to intercourse. Changing positions can make a big difference — kneeling or laying down one way or another. Switching between mouth and tongue can give you a break without actually stopping, . Your choice will depend on the circumstances — is the oral foreplay? Is it a blow job you want to complete on its own? Is your spouse close to orgasm?
  • Cramps. Cramps during sex are the worst! They’re impossible to ignore and can happen suddenly. Stretch your limbs and change position while attempting to continue stimulation.
  • Injury. Yeah, Sexy Corte and I have elbowed a nose, hit a funny bone, or yanked hair during sex. If you did it, apologize and give your spouse time to recover. If you’re the one hurt, accept the apology and try to get back into it as quickly as possible (assuming the injury isn’t an emergency itself).
  • To-do lists. Even when your body is still on the Love Train your brain can jump off! You owe it to your spouse to stay focused on the sex, even if you’ve already had your orgasm. Don’t start planning your day or worrying about your to-dos until your spouse is to-done.
  • Kids. Your master bedroom is your sex room! (And Part 2, by Sexy Corte.) Lock it when you’re inside, and do your best to ignore your kids while you’re having sex unless it’s an emergency. It’s ok to tell your kids through the door to go away. Turn off the baby monitors — your baby can cry for a few minutes. Before you start sexy time, check with your kids to make sure they don’t have any immediate needs — get them drinks, turn on the TV, whatever.
  • Time pressure. If you’ve got a limited amount of time, let your spouse know before you start having sex! It’s worth a quick few words to set expectations with your spouse and make sure there’s enough time. If you have to run to a meeting or pick up the kids from school, make sure your spouse knows how much time is available.
  • Getting too hot. Sexy Corte doesn’t like to be cold, but once we start having sex we sometimes get too hot! Try to plan your environment in advance, and provide a mechanism to easily adjust the temperature. For us, we turn on the ceiling fan if we’re too hot, and the furnace if we’re too cold (not likely while we’re having sex).

But sometimes there is an emergency or an unavoidable distraction — then what? Give your spouse an explicit rain check. “I know you didn’t finish; I promise I’ll take care of you as soon as I can.” And then do it!

Does anyone else have any tips to share? Leave a comment!

As you may have noticed, Sexy Corte and I really enjoy creating and playing sexual games. We enjoy games in general, and sex games are great foreplay. In the end, everyone wins and gets to have sex! It can be fun to raise the stakes a little by offering a prize to the winner, but let me start off by recommending something that you don’t use for a prize:

Don’t ask for something your spouse won’t enjoy giving.

It’s very temping to suggest, “If I win, you have to *blank*”, where *blank* is something you want that your spouse just doesn’t like. Asking for a prize like this is manipulative, and it will taint the whole game. Don’t try to use a game to coerce your spouse.

Instead of using prizes to get something from your spouse that she doesn’t want to give, we suggest that you pick rewards that are amusing, embarrassing, teasing, or even non-sexual. It’s important to note: for a given game, the prize doesn’t have to be the same for each spouse. He may want one thing if he wins, and she may want something else. Both spouses should agree up front to the prizes, to ensure they’re relatively fair.

So, without further ado, here are a few ideas for giving the winner something special. (Instead of a loser, I’m going to call the spouse who doesn’t win the giver.)

  • Do it longer. Winner receives some sex act for longer than usual and luxuriates in it. This could be 30 minutes of oral sex, a full-body massage, or extended teasing or edging.
  • For a week. Winner receives some sex act every day for a week. Not something the giver dislikes, but something the winner wants more of. Maybe it’s a certain preferred position like doggy style, a time of day, a location (or public place), sleeping naked (or almost), or blow jobs every day. Whatever it is, the winner shouldn’t have to remind the giver — be proactive!
  • Giver initiates. This is probably a prize for the higher-drive spouse: the giver has to initiate sex. Maybe just once, maybe for a week, or whatever seems fair. The giver needs to be looking for opportunities to initiate sex faster than the winner gets horny.
  • Put it on. The winner picks an outfit and the giver puts on a show putting it on. The clothes can be something sexy to wear around the house, or a favorite outfit that the winner wants the giver to wear on a date or to church. The winner may also choose to dress up the giver in something ridiculous or embarrassing and go out in public, but make sure to set the ground rules before the game.
  • Take it off. The winner picks some music and the giver performs a striptease or sexy dance. The giver should really go slow and ham it up.
  • Yes sir! Or yes ma’am! The giver calls the winner sir, ma’am, or some other honorific in private for a day or a week. You could also pick some other show of submission for the giver, such as: standing whenever the winner enters the room, sitting at the winner’s feet instead of on the furniture, or asking permission before leaving the room. It’s a submission game, and it’s the giver’s responsibility to remember and obey the rules.
  • Say please. The giver must ask permission to orgasm, and then wait to receive it. Ask, beg, plead, give the winner a show.
  • While sex. The winner picks a situation to have sex while doing something else. Maybe it’s a television and oral sex bifecta, the story distraction game, fingering under her dress at the movie theater, wearing a vibrator in public, a topless haircut, or eating her out while she’s on the phone. Pick a mundane activity and add something sexy.
  • Pamper me. Giver treats the winner to some grooming and TLC. The giver can trim the winner’s nails, wash her in the shower, rub her with lotion, massage her body, head, and feet, shave her legs or his face, or cut his hair. Husbands, you may think this prize is just for wives, but try it out!
  • Roleplay. Winner picks a scenario to roleplay with the giver, and the giver gives it all she’s got. Dress the part, do the accent, get into it, ham it up.
  • Pick the next. Winner picks the next restaurant, movie, TV show, book, Bible study, board game, sex game, paint color, kid’s name, or vacation destination. Better than flipping a coin!
  • Skip a chore. Giver does a chore that the winner would usually do, for a day, a week, or whatever. The giver should make sure to do it up to the standards of the winner.

We add to this list as we think of more possible rewards. Please share your ideas in the comments!