It seems like there’s a lot of interest in bondage these days, and many couples are experimenting with stuff they never would have thought of before. If you’ve never tried bondage you may be wondering what the big deal is — why would anyone want to be restrained during sex?
We’ve written about how make the most of the size you’ve got, but today we’ll discuss how deeper isn’t always better. Shallow penetration is a fun rest-stop between foreplay/outercourse and deeper sex, so don’t speed past without checking it out. There are lots of ways to have fun with shallow penetration, and even some definite advantages.
That feeling when it goes in: The moment of initial penetration is amazingly intimate, physically and emotionally! We call it “burrowing in” when I’m on top, and I use tiny thrusts to gradually work my way inside. The feeling of my wife’s body softly yielding to my penis is indescribable. With shallow penetration, you can keep repeating this experience over and over.
Where the nerves are: 90% of the nerves in the vagina are in the first one-third of the depth. Similarly, the head of the penis has more nerves and denser receptive fields than the shaft. (The head of the penis has about the name number of nerves as the clitoris.)
Last longer: Stimulation on the head of the penis feels great, but it often isn’t enough to lead to a quick orgasm. Orgasm tends to be accelerated by squeezing pressure around the shaft, especially towards the base. Shallow penetration that focuses stimulation near the head can be a useful technique for delaying orgasm.
Reach her clitoris: When your bodies aren’t mashed together it’s easier for the husband to reach his wife’s clitoris with his thumb or a vibrator. Shallow penetration leaves enough space for the husband to drive his wife crazy!
More possible positions: There are a lot of positions that just don’t lend themselves to deep penetration, mostly because your pesky legs get in the way. You’ll enjoy that crazy new position more once you realize that you don’t have to finish that way — you can transition to a more traditional position to achieve orgasm.
So what are some ways to enjoy shallow penetration?
Shallow thrusts near the vaginal opening are a great way to edge, and will eventually drive you both crazy. Who can stand it the longest? Make her beg for it!
In and out: While thrusting or riding, let the penis withdraw completely from the vagina, letting the head nestle just between the vaginal lips. Let the head slip in and out, repeatedly recreating the feeling of initial penetration.
Explore the territory outside the wife’s vagina. Use lube if necessary and rub the husband’s penis around her clitoris, lips, and inner thighs. Great motivation to shave your vulva and penis/balls.
With the wife on top she can rub her lips and clitoris over and around her husband’s penis, stimulating herself and the husband’s shaft and frenulum in between bits of short and shallow penetration. The wife can also gyrate her hips with just the head of her husband’s penis inside her, giving him a unique form of stimulation.
Use your hand to stimulate your wife’s clitoris while thrusting. Alternatively, in doggy style the wife can stimulate herself while the husband focuses on varying his thrusts to build up the tension.
Surprise deep thrusts: Whoever is on top can throw in a nice, hard, deep thrust every once in a while just to change things up, and enjoy the gasps of pleasure from their spouse.
Grab her hips: Even when the husband is on bottom, he can grab his wife’s hips or butt to hold her up and control the depth of penetration. If you love to hear your wife moan in desperation, keep her shallow when she’s expecting deep and you’ll get it! Just make sure your timing doesn’t ruin her escalation to orgasm.
What do you do to enjoy shallow penetration in your sex life? Leave a comment and let us know!
We recently wrote about board games we play together, and our list included a few “board games” that we play on the tablet instead of on the table. One advantage of tablet games is that you don’t have to worry about overturning the game if you’re playing during sex, which means you can turn your game session into a bifecta! Last night we tried this for the first time and it went pretty well, but we also learned a few lessons that will make it better in the future.
First, how do you do it?
Prepare your tablets and game. Before your sexual encounter begins you should get your tablets ready and launch the game. We decided to play Ascension, but just about any game will do. We recommend a game that can be played one-handed on two tablets so you don’t have to pass back and forth — you’ll be facing opposite directions, so the passing would get annoying.
Find a comfy place to sit. We sat on our bed, with me leaning back against the headrest and Sexy Corte sitting on my lap with her legs wrapped around me (hence the beast with two backs reference). Make sure you’re comfortable, because you’ll be in the position for a while and it will disrupt your flow to move around.
Hop on. As the wife sits on the husband’s lap she should position herself with his penis inside her, and then scoot up close so their stomachs are touching. You won’t be able to get the deepest penetration, but you should be able to nestle together effectively. We recommend using lube because you’ll be in this position for a while.
Use a vibrator. Once your bodies are together, make sure the wife’s clitoris is lubricated and then slip a vibrator down and wedge it between your bodies. Start it on low — and the husband can turn it up if the wife starts winning (haha). Since you won’t be moving much, the vibrator will provide a constant low level of stimulation for both spouses while you’re playing and give you a great opportunity to edge.
Play with your spouse on their turn. If you want to win you’re going to have to do your best to distract your spouse during their turn — remember, this game is serious business. The wife’s breasts will be right in her husband’s face so he will have an easy time licking them, and the wife will be able to drive her husband crazy by wiggling on his lap. Kissing, nuzzling, and rubbing are also highly encouraged. The husband should boost the vibrator on his wife’s turn for some extra advantage.
Reward for winning. When the game is over the winner should get a reward! Then toss the tablets aside and give each other an orgasm.
We did learn a few lessons from last night that will make our next session even better.
The bed isn’t the easiest place to sit. Sure it’s soft, but Sexy Corte’s legs got uncomfortable because of their angle. Next time we will try using an armless chair that will give me back support and also let SC’s legs rest more comfortably.
Start with the weaker vibrator. I knew that our session would last longer than one vibrator charge, but I made the mistake of starting with the stronger vibrator. I had another vibrator standing by, but the second one wasn’t as strong as the first — the reduction in power disrupted SC’s ascent to orgasm.
Pre-position surfaces for the tablets. After we got started we arranged some pillows to hold the tablets, but it would have been more efficient if we had planned that in advance. This will be especially important if we move to a chair next time, because we won’t have a bed to put pillows on.
Give it a try and tell us how it goes! Leave a comment with tips of your own.
Men often wonder what an orgasm feels like for women — there’s no way to directly share the experience, but the frenulum of a man’s penis apparently has very similar nerve endings to those in a woman’s clitoris. What’s a frenulum, you ask?
The frenulum of prepuce of penis, often known simply as the frenulum, is an elastic band of tissue under the glans penis that connects the foreskin (prepuce) to the vernal mucosa, and helps contract the foreskin over the glans.
You’ve got a frenulum in your mouth, too: it’s the elastic band of tissue under your tongue.
Hopefully that’s enough info for you husbands to locate the frenulum of your penis. Unfortunately the frenulum is often removed during circumcision, but the important nerves may still be present in the V-shaped nook under the head of your penis.
Once you’ve found the frenulum the rest is pretty easy: ask your wife to rub it or lick it until you reach orgasm. Here are a few tips to make the most out of your experience.
Light touch. Your wife should focus her touch on the frenulum and avoid stimulating the rest of your penis. She can use her tongue, one or two fingers, or her thumb, whichever is most comfortable for her. (Considering how long a frenulum orgasm can take to build up, she might decide to start with her hand and then finish with her mouth.)
Don’t squeeze. Refrain from squeezing your pelvic muscles — stay relaxed. As you get more aroused you’re going to feel a strong urge to squeeze, but squeezing will short-circuit the slowly-building orgasm and lead to a “normal” orgasm.
Lube. If your wife is using her fingers instead of her tongue, we recommend using silicone-based lube. Water-based lube evaporates pretty fast and she’ll have to keep re-applying it.
Communicate. Tell your wife what feels the best, but try not to beg for more intense stimulation. You’ve got to…
Be patient. Just like the clitoris, the frenulum builds up stimulation very slowly.The first time we tried this I wasn’t able to climax even after 45 minutes! The second time (after not having sex for 24 hours) I reached orgasm in about 10 minutes. (If you want to speed things up, you can cheat by squeezing your pelvic muscles.) As you do it more, you’ll learn how to reach orgasm from frenulum stimulation more quickly without cheating.
Return the favor. You may as well keep your fingers busyplaying with your wife while she touches you! Your wife is hopefully pretty familiar with clitoral stimulation and will probably reach orgasm long before you do (if you don’t cheat).
Even though the stereotype is that men are more familiar with their bodies than women are, many men have little experience with their frenulum as a distinct part of their penis. Hopefully this technique will give some husbands and wives a new way to explore and enjoy the husband’s body! If you have any tips or questions, please leave a comment.
Update: Keelie Reason at Love Hope Adventure has posted a 10-minute video about frenulum technique. She’s right in saying that most men have no idea that they can have an orgasm this way, and it’s a great opportunity for a wife to show her husband something new about his body!
It really turns me on when Sexy Corte goes down on me during or after we’ve been having vaginal sex — it’s even more intimate than standard oral sex. It’s not that the physical sensations are any different on their own, but it feels naughty and edgy — even a little dirty. (Of course, it’s just as safe and not-dirty as when I perform oral sex on her.)
Oral sex is great foreplay, but it doesn’t have to be sidelined when you start the main event! Here are a few reasons you should introduce vagina-to-mouth transitions into your sex life.
Variety. It’s fun to use more than one position per sexual encounter, and if you’re willing to go from her vagina to her mouth with his penis (and not just the other way around) then you’re multiplying your options.
Easier clean-up. If you’re having sex in a public place, clean-up can be easier if he ejaculates in her mouth.
Contraception: If you’re using a condom for birth control, ejaculating in the wife’s mouth could be a more satisfying conclusion than finishing in the condom.
Teasing and edging. Switching between forms of stimulation can prolong a sexual encounter and drive the receiver crazy. Either spouse can be the receiver of the teasing, it just depends on who is in control.
Natural lubrication. If you don’t have lube handy — or don’t want to use it — then saliva can serve the same purpose, either to get things started or to help out later. (Unflavored lubes don’t taste good, so if you’re doing vagina-to-mouth you probably won’t want to use them anyway. Of course, there are flavored lubes.)
Edgy and naughty. Maybe it just sounds hot because it’s a little outside your comfort zone! Incorporate some bondage, shibari, or even use vagina-to-mouth play as a sexual reward.
And everything above applies to a husband performing oral sex on his wife, too! There’s no reason he can’t pull out and go down on her.
So what do you think of it? Do you play with vagina-to-mouth sex?
I previously wrote about the Harry Potter trivia night we had, wherein I tied Sexy Corte down and asked her trivia questions while I licked and vibrated her. The primary sexual element we used is called edging — a form of orgasm control. We’re geeks, and the trivia game just created a fun mechanism for Sexy Corte to ask for permission to orgasm and for me to give it.
At its most elementary, edging is pretty simple to explain: carefully adjust the level of stimulation so you stay close to the edge of orgasm without going over. A person is brought almost to the point of orgasm, and then the stimulation is lessened a little to avoid orgasm — repeat the cycle for as long as you want. By maintaining a highly aroused state very close to orgasm its possible to build up huge sexual tension that leads to a very strong orgasm when its finally released.
There are two primary forms of edging in a marriage.
Husband restrains his orgasm to give his wife enough time to climax. This is probably the most common form of edging, and likely familiar to all husbands. It typically takes longer for a wife to climax than it does for her husband, so husbands work really hard to avoid climaxing too early while maintaining an erection. This is a skill that most men can learn, and I’d say it’s pretty essential for most marriages. Eventually, the husband should be able to have pretty good control over when he climaxes, and with some cues from his wife they can both reach orgasm simultaneously when desired. This form of edging is almost entirely on the husband’s part — even for a wife who orgasms quickly and easily, there generally isn’t any reason for her to hold back.
One spouse controls the other’s orgasm. This is the form of edging where teasing comes into play. Whichever spouse is dominant (in that moment) stimulates the submissive spouse without allowing her to reach orgasm. Orgasm control is usually exercised in one of two ways.
The dominant spouse varies the stimulation to prevent orgasm. This method uses physical control to keep the submissive spouse from reaching orgasm, no matter how hard she tries. The submissive spouse doesn’t have to control herself, and in fact you can even make a game out of trying to reach orgasm without tipping off the dominant spouse. For this method, the dominant spouse needs to be highly attuned to the other person’s sexual responsiveness cues in order to keep her right at the edge (especially if she’s really trying to go over).
The dominant spouse withholds permission to orgasm. In this method of edging, the dominant spouse likely maintains a high level of stimulation and it’s the submissive spouse’s responsibility to refrain from orgasm until she receives permission. The dominant spouse still needs to read the submissive spouse’s cues and tailor the stimulation, but the game here is to to test just how obedient she can be while you stimulate her relentlessly.
So why would you want to experiment with edging in your marriage? Lots of reasons! Please allow me another list.
Edging takes a long time. Yes, this is an advantage. Sexual encounters built around edging create an opportunity to invest a lot of time with your spouse. Quickies are great fast food, but an edging session can be a fabulous buffet. Why waste an hour or two watching television when you could spend the time making love with your spouse? Sure, you probably can’t do it every day when you have sex, but you can make time once a week to really pour yourself into your spouse’s sexuality.
Edging helps you learn your spouse. Do you want to learn more about what your spouse physically likes? Edging will give you the opportunity to play with your spouse’s body and try out all sorts of things that you may not have time for when your primary goal is to just reach orgasm. You can watch how your spouse responds to every touch, and even learn what touches she prefers at varying levels or arousal. (Hint: the move that pushes her over the edge may not be the best way to get her to the edge in the first place.)
Edging creates a fun power dynamic. It can be fun both to take control of your spouse and to give up control to your spouse, and edging creates an inherent power dynamic. Controlling your spouse’s orgasm can be a huge rush, as can be receiving the prolonged stimulation. I highly recommend trying both ends of the power dynamic.
Edging can be the basis for many sex games. The gradual build-up from foreplay to stimulation to orgasm is a common element of many sex games. It’s super fun to ask your wife trivia questions or have her tell a sexy story and make her concentrate on her mental task while you eat her out.
Edging leads to huge orgasms. The more you tease and delay, the stronger the ultimate orgasm tends to be. (Just don’t drag things out too long; you don’t want your spouse to get bored.)
Edging can increase semen volume. If you want the husband to ejaculate more, make him work for it. Longer foreplay, including edging, means more semen when your husband ejaculates.
Edging lets you hear your spouse beg for it. Nothing is sexier than enthusiasm, and nothing shows more enthusiasm than when your spouse pleads for an orgasm. For a husband, nothing is hotter than hearing your wife beg for penetration.
As for actual techniques, you’ll have to experiment with your spouse. For us, it’s a mixture of wand and egg vibrators, bondage, tongues, fingers, and genitals. Share your own tips, questions, and experiences in the comments!
Semen is an accomplishment. Men tend to be task-oriented, and ejaculation means you’ve accomplished your task.
More semen symbolically means more of all these things. In addition to the power of semen as a symbol, more semen can also have some some physical significance. Here are some facts.
Most men ejaculate about 5 milliliters of semen at a time. That’s about a teaspoon. Of course, there’s wide variation among men.
Semen and sperm are different. Semen contains sperm, but it also includes a host of healthyingredients.
Semen quantity and sperm quantity are related, so more semen generally means more total sperm ejaculated; this can increase your chance of conception.
More semen often means that the man had a longer orgasm, which is certainly an indirect benefit.
As with most things in life, heredity plays a huge role in the quantity of a man’s semen.
Pills and supplements are extremely unlikely to affect the quantity of your semen. Save your money.
There are a few things a man can do to maximize the quantity and quality of his semen. I say maximize rather than increase because a man can move towards the top of his natural range, but he can’t change his physiology. So what can a man do?
Hydration. Semen is mostly water, so make sure you’re drinking enough. Unless you’re dehydrated though, drinking more water probably won’t increase your semen volume.
Edging. Here’s our big post about edging, but the idea is simple: long-duration stimulation that gets you to the edge of orgasm. The longer and more intense the stimulation, the more semen will be locked and loaded.
Excercise your pubococcygeus muscle. Women do Kegel exercises to improve their orgasms, and men can do them too. Strengthening your pelvic floor will improve your orgasms and give you more control over when you orgasm. (Make sure you practice contractions and extensions.)
Maintain your fitness. Exercise improves circulation, and improved circulation will improve the strength of your erection and orgasm. (Not to mention all the other health benefits of lifting.)
Reduce ejaculation frequency. As you’ve probably noticed, there’s more semen when you haven’t ejaculated for a couple of days — but is that a price you’re willing to pay? I’d rather have more sex with my wife than less sex with more semen per orgasm. However, increased semen volume can be a pleasant benefit when you come back together after being separated for a couple of days. It seems that a man builds up his maximum amount of semen in two to three days, so there’s no benefit to waiting longer than that.
Make it look like more. Since the desire for more semen is mostly about the symbolism, increase the power of the symbol by making your semen look like more. Spread your semen around when you ejaculate. See if your wife is open to you shooting it on her face, breasts, or stomach. When you ejaculate in her vagina, take a look before she cleans up. When you ejaculate in her mouth, ask her to show it to you before she swallows.
Enjoy what you’ve got. Talk about your semen with your wife. Before sex, tell her that you can’t wait to come inside her. Tell your wife you’d love her to beg for your come during sex or a blow job. After sex, savor the view of your semen on your wife, in her vagina, or in her mouth. Touch it, rub it around, taste it. Later, tell her how hot it is to you that your semen is still inside her or leaking into her panties. Wives: tell your husband that you love his semen, that it tastes amazing, that you want it all over your body, that you need it inside you. Make a show of enjoying your husband’s semen after he ejaculates. Revel in his power and masculinity!
So, husbands and wives, what do you think? Do you have any tips to share? Anything kinky we need to try?
It seems like there’s a lot of interest in bondage these days, and many couples are experimenting with stuff they never would have thought of before. If you’ve never tried bondage you may be wondering what the big deal is — why would anyone want to be restrained during sex? Well, we know nothing about the BDSM “scene” so we can’t speak very broadly, but we can tell you in one word why Sexy Corte and I periodically enjoy adding some light bondage to our sexy time: vulnerability.
To understand bondage let’s talk first about the goal, then the methods, then why it’s fun. The goal is simple: voluntarily restrain one spouse to enhance his or her vulnerability and submission. It seems most common for the wife to be restrained, but I’ve had Sexy Corte tie me down and tease me and it was lots of fun. Usually though, it’s me restraining her. The purpose of the restraint is to give control of your body to your spouse, not to be painful or uncomfortable. Submitting to bondage is a huge demonstration of trust to your spouse because it puts your naked body into their control and makes you supremely vulnerable. The bondage benefits both the dominant and the submissive spouse by giving the dominant person permission to act, and the submissive person permission to let go. The various toys described below are only used to accent the submission that has already been agreed to.
There are limitless methods of bondage, but they generally share a few common features.
Nakedness. The submissive spouse will usually be restrained naked, or at least with her sexy bits exposed. Being naked with your spouse is already a big show of trust, and being restrained kicks it up a notch.
Hand restraint. Often the submissive’s hands are restrained to prevent her from “protecting” herself. (I use quotes, because of course nothing should be happening against the submissive’s desires.) Hands can be restrained above the head (for example, tied to the headboard), behind the back, in front (for front-to-back positions), or even attached to the ankles. Hand restraint is probably the most common element of light bondage. Get those hands out of the way!
Leg restraint. Legs, ankles, and knees can be restrained to keep the wife’s legs spread or to prevent movement in general. Leg restraint is an important element of position restraint and orgasm control.
Head restraint. Head or neck restraint could be uncomfortable or even dangerous. This isn’t something we do.
Eye restraint. Covering the submissive’s eyes can add another layer of trust and enhance vulnerability. Using a blindfold can really make extended foreplay exciting.
Mouth restraint. Sometimes you just want to hear your spouse moan with pleasure instead of talk. Sometimes talking is distracting. Taking away the option to talk can be liberating for the person who is restrained. Always be sure that anyone whose mouth is covered can breathe freely and can signal a desire to stop.
Position restraint. A combination of restraints can be used to hold the submissive spouse in a certain position, say for spanking. This can be critical for orgasm delay and multiple orgasms, which we’ll talk about below.
So what are the actual devices that can be used for bondage play? Almost anything you can imagine can be incorporated, but here are a few ideas. Each of these items probably deserves its own post!
Wedge pillows. Sexy Corte and I enjoy these a lot for positioning, and they include attachments for…
Hand cuffs. We use some padded strips with velcro for closures and plastic clips that can be attached together or to the wedges. We’ve tried metal cuffs in the past, but they’re quite uncomfortable if you’re laying on them.
Under-the-mattress restraints. Looks complicated, but it’s not. The cuffs can be tucked under the mattress when not in use. These are especially useful if you don’t have a headboard suitable for tying to.
Blindfold. If you want to improvise, use a neck tie or panties.
Gags can be similarly improvised, or you can buy one.
Sex swing. We have one that can be quickly hung in a door frame and be used for a ton of positions. It’s easier than it looks.
Spreader bar. Keeps those legs apart. Can be used in many positions, including standing, but isn’t great for missionary. I made ours with a wooden dowel and some eye screws.
Pull-up bar. These can be mounted in a door way and used as a restraint point for securing someone in a standing position. Also great for getting ripped.
Vibrator. There are many kinds, but we find the egg vibrator to be the most versatile. We buy cheap ones (around $7 from Amazon) and replace them once or twice a year when they wear out. We also keep rechargeable batteries charging in our bedroom. A wand vibrator can also be useful for longer duration games or when you need more reach.
(Let me point out that you don’t actually need any toys! This post is getting long enough, so I won’t go into detail, but look forward to a future post on mental-only bondage.)
Finally, what’s fun about bondage anyway?
Intimacy. Like I said at the beginning: the essence of bondage is vulnerability, and vulnerability is the key to intimacy. Bondage will teach you new things about your spouse’s mind and body. Bondage will let you explore new levels of sexual trust. Bondage exposes you to each other in amazing ways.
Passion. Let’s face it: there can be something hot about dominating your spouse or submitting to his or her will. Maybe your sex is normally gentle and loving, and bondage lets you get a little rougher and more physically intense.
Foreplay. Bondage requires time to execute, and all that time can be used as foreplay focused on the spouse being bound.
Orgasm delay. Also known as teasing or edging. When the submissive spouse is free to move she can position her body just the right way to reach orgasm, and bondage can take away that ability and give control to the dominant spouse. It can be extremely difficult for a person to willingly back off from an orgasm when it’s close, but when using bondage the dominant spouse can pull back and keep the submissive spouse right on the edge without going over. This can make the orgasm incredibly powerful when it eventually comes.
Multiple orgasms. After a woman orgasms her clitoris may become intensely sensitive, such that further stimulation is uncomfortable. If her hands and legs are free she may push the stimulation away for relief. However, if she is bound such that she can’t “protect” her clitoris her husband can continue with the stimulation and bring her to multiple orgasms. Sexy Corte describes these as an unending plateau of orgasm, rather than the peak and descent of the normal experience. They’re also quite exhausting, so this probably isn’t something you’ll do every day. As a husband, giving my wife multiple orgasms is one of my absolute favorite things.
Fantasy. Bondage can be used as an element of fantasy or role-playing. It feels naughty, and once you’re in the naughty mindset you can free yourself to try some things that you normally wouldn’t. He’s the villain and she’s the kidnapped princess? She’s the super-spy and he’s the captured rogue agent who knows where the bomb is hidden?
Exploration. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for our sexual desires, even when the marriage has good communication. Bondage can be an avenue for exploring desires that are difficult to speak out loud but perhaps easier to request non-verbally while in the moment. New experiences can break old habits, and you’re already feeling naughty, right?
Escapism. Maybe it’s a minor form of dissociation, but bondage be a form of escapism from everyday life into a secret world of sex with your spouse.
Novelty. Bondage introduces a myriad of new sexual options, new ways to play, new positions, new toys, and maybe even new desires.
In the end bondage should be fun and promote intimacy and vulnerability in your marriage. As always, enthusiasm and responsiveness will ensure that you get the most from your sexual experience.
Let us know what you think in the comments! What are you experiences? Do you have any suggestions to add?