Date nights are essential for intimacy and connection, especially after you have kids. It’s fun to go out to dinner, see a movie, go for a hike, or do an escape room — and it can be just as fun (and even more relaxing) to have a stay-date at home after the kids are in bed. However you do it, date nights are great!
One of the things we’ve realized over the past several years is that we really don’t like staying up late. No matter how late we’re out, those darn kids wake up at the same time every day! In fact, by the time we get home from a date at 10 or 11 we’re pretty wiped out. Sex takes energy, even after a romantic, intimate evening together. But after a date with your spouse you’re supposed to have sex, right? It feels anticlimactic to just crawl into bed and go to sleep.
Fortunately there’s a simple solution: have sex before you go on your date. It can be right before you leave, during nap time in the afternoon, or in the morning before the kids come knocking — give each other an orgasm to kick-off your date right! Here are some advantages to having sex before your date:
- Oxytocin: Orgasms get your bonding hormones flowing, which will jump-start intimacy for your date.
- No pressure: There won’t be any pressure to make sex the capstone of your date when you get home late. We find that it’s especially hard for Sexy Corte to summon up the energy for an orgasm late at night, no matter how great a time we’re having. Time of day has a big impact on many wives, and it doesn’t always line up with date night.
- Lingering arousal: Date nights are a great opportunity to talk positively about your sex life together — what you like, what you want to try, how it feels when your spouse touches you just — like — that. If you have sex before your date, the lingering arousal can fuel your conversation. It’s hot to look at your spouse across the restaurant table and know that you just rocked their world!
- Mementos: You can carry a memento of your recent sex with you on your date. For example: a secret hickey or lingerie. It’s a huge turn-on for me just knowing that my semen is still inside Sexy Corte when we go out. We’ve also talked about the idea of me finishing on her body and SC wearing it under her clothes, but we haven’t done it yet.
The downside of having sex before your date is that you lose some of the angsty build-up, but hey, there’s no rule that you can’t have sex again after! (Or during.)
So when do you have sex on date night? I’m sure we’re not the only ones who are tired when we get home!
When Sexy Corte and I go out on a date we usually do dinner plus an activity. (Usually not a movie, because there’s hardly ever anything we want to see.) But for our last date night, instead of an physical activity we decided to focus on each other by having a great conversation. Our lives are so busy that when we have time to sit down and really talk it’s usually about something “important”, and we often revisit the same topics: our amazing kids, our upcoming activities, our friends, our church, etc. Those are all great, but for this date we used a fantastic tool created by The Generous Wife to prompt us in different directions: A Year of Questions for You and Your Spouse.
The list of questions is available as a PDF, and it’s intended to give you one question to discuss with your spouse every day for a year. For our date, however, we used random.org to pick random questions for us (1 – 366) and we went through about a dozen over the course of two hours. The questions covered a lot of territory and we learned a lot about each other — almost like we were first dating again!
We also used our new wireless vibrator during dinner, which is always a blast. It’s pretty sexy to watch your wife get all flustered when you buzz her while she’s trying to decide what language she wants to learn or what she liked best about her first job. The vibrator turns her on, and her arousal drives me insane. Important tip: make sure you have a fully charged vibrator at home for after your date! The wireless one she’s wearing will eventually run out of juice, and you don’t want to leave her hanging.
Some great posts to link to this week. I almost linked to a post about spanking that was pretty explicit, but then decided not to.
Gain confidence in the bedroom — Nothing is sexier than enthusiasm and responsiveness: embrace your sexuality!
“And felt grateful my husband and I had made love last night. God must have known I needed it.” — Making love makes more love.
Does the way you avoid sex add to the emotional disconnection? — “Not right now” is an acceptable answer sometimes, but it’s better to just say so than to passive-aggressively avoid sex.
Why did God make sex so hard? — (Haha, “hard”. Ok, I’m childish.) But why should something great be easy?
“It’s Getting Hot in Here” Sex Game — Who doesn’t like sex games?
Husbands, do you text with your wife from work? — SC and I text pretty much every day, but it’s mostly mundane rather than sexual.
Why do men think sex is a reward? — Because it’s something we want, and sometimes it’s scarce. I previously wrote that sexual favors can be one kind of prize for the winner of a sex game, but that idea is controversial. Should sex never be used as a reward?
Female anatomy and orgasm from PIV sex — “your ability or inability to orgasm during intercourse is because you were born that way”.
Ten 30-minute date ideas — Or spend five hours doing them all in a row!
On the topic of edging — Edging is fun and can lead to huge orgasms.
Got another link to share? Leave a comment!
Hey there, it’s been a while! Time for some awesome sex links. We’ve got some catching up to do!
The ONE Tip That Will Make Sex Feel Great!
When you’re making love, simply ask yourself these two questions:
What feels good right now?
Where do I want to be touched right now?
What Does He Really Want Sexually? — Don’t ask if you don’t want to know. It’s hard to share what you really want.
Slow Side by Side Sex — A relaxing position.
Why are men obsessed with breasts? — Because they’re awesome? Also some survey results about rough sex.
Don’t have sex in the dark — Watching your spouse orgasm is amazing. Maintain eye contact.
“My Husband Can’t Make Me Submit to Him or Respect Him!” — Husbandly love and wifely submission are not optional, they are commanded by God.
10 Foam Roller Exercercises To Relieve Muscle Soreness And Better Sex — Shoot, we just threw our foam roller away!
Sleeping Naked: 5 Amazing Reasons It’s Good For Your Health — We used to do better with this… but kids.
When Bad Language is a Turn On During Sex. Is This Okay? — Yes.
Can Sex Be Used as Comfort? Yes, But… — Good post. Do you and your spouse use sex to comfort each other? I don’t think Sexy Corte and I do, but maybe we could try?
What a quickie taught us about sexual intimacy. — “He told me what he wanted: a good orgasm that happened as soon as possible.”
Sometimes, Your Husband Needs a Girlfriend — Remember how we acted when we were dating?
That’s it for now! If you’ve got a link you want to share please post it in the comments.
One of my most memorable dates with El Fury involved our car, a napkin, and a skirt. We had had a crazy day with the kids and both of us needed a little break. Last minute we asked a friend to watch them so that we could get out for a few hours. I threw on a skirt and a nice top, we dropped the kids off and went out for ice cream. El Fury didn’t know that I had a little trick up my sleeve.
In the middle of our date, I wrote him a note on a napkin and slid it over to him. He unfolded it, read it, and got a sly smile on his face. The note simply said, “I’m not wearing any panties”. He was too distracted after that, so we immediately finished our ice cream and got out of there. We drove to the nearest dead end we could find. All he had to do was pull down his pants a little, and all I had to do was hop on. We had amazing sex, definitely in my top 5!
I love it when El Fury is thoughtful and romantic. For him, and probably most men I would guess, it meant a lot to him that I thought out and planned a sexual surprise. He likes knowing that I think about and initiate a lot of our sexy time. Something so simple can go a long way. Women, think of a way to surprise your husband sexually.
El Fury and I found ourselves on an unexpected date recently. We were in the middle of a 3 1/2 hour car ride. The kids were all asleep in the back. We were listening to old music, talking, laughing. The sounds of the 90’s reminded us of high school. It was a blast! We lost track of time as the miles flew by. I realized I felt like I was on a date with my husband. It was reassuring to know that we could still spontaneously connect, even with all the kids in the car.
What are ways you have found to “date” while not on a date?
Some of my favorite dates have been here at home. With small children, it can be hard to arrange for a babysitter and go out. Luckily kids need a lot of sleep and after the kids go to bed, the adults can play.
The key to home dates is to be intentional. Sitting on the couch together watching TV doesn’t count. Plan something! But also be flexible and allow for some spontaneity. Our last home date was so simple. All we did was make dinner and dessert together, but it turned into a memorable evening.
Remember, there are no boundaries at home. You aren’t in public, so why not turn the entire experience into a long session of foreplay? By the time the date is done (if you make it that long) you will be so hot for each other that the sex will be fantastic. A stroke here, a little suck or caress there. By the time we were done making dessert we were having so much fun with the whipped cream we practically ran upstairs.
Be romantic. Be creative. Have fun with each other! Does anyone else have ideas for home dates?