Iago: “I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.”
We recently wrote about board games we play together, and our list included a few “board games” that we play on the tablet instead of on the table. One advantage of tablet games is that you don’t have to worry about overturning the game if you’re playing during sex, which means you can turn your game session into a bifecta! Last night we tried this for the first time and it went pretty well, but we also learned a few lessons that will make it better in the future.
First, how do you do it?
- Prepare your tablets and game. Before your sexual encounter begins you should get your tablets ready and launch the game. We decided to play Ascension, but just about any game will do. We recommend a game that can be played one-handed on two tablets so you don’t have to pass back and forth — you’ll be facing opposite directions, so the passing would get annoying.
- Find a comfy place to sit. We sat on our bed, with me leaning back against the headrest and Sexy Corte sitting on my lap with her legs wrapped around me (hence the beast with two backs reference). Make sure you’re comfortable, because you’ll be in the position for a while and it will disrupt your flow to move around.
- Hop on. As the wife sits on the husband’s lap she should position herself with his penis inside her, and then scoot up close so their stomachs are touching. You won’t be able to get the deepest penetration, but you should be able to nestle together effectively. We recommend using lube because you’ll be in this position for a while.
- Use a vibrator. Once your bodies are together, make sure the wife’s clitoris is lubricated and then slip a vibrator down and wedge it between your bodies. Start it on low — and the husband can turn it up if the wife starts winning (haha). Since you won’t be moving much, the vibrator will provide a constant low level of stimulation for both spouses while you’re playing and give you a great opportunity to edge.
- Play with your spouse on their turn. If you want to win you’re going to have to do your best to distract your spouse during their turn — remember, this game is serious business. The wife’s breasts will be right in her husband’s face so he will have an easy time licking them, and the wife will be able to drive her husband crazy by wiggling on his lap. Kissing, nuzzling, and rubbing are also highly encouraged. The husband should boost the vibrator on his wife’s turn for some extra advantage.
- Reward for winning. When the game is over the winner should get a reward! Then toss the tablets aside and give each other an orgasm.
We did learn a few lessons from last night that will make our next session even better.
- The bed isn’t the easiest place to sit. Sure it’s soft, but Sexy Corte’s legs got uncomfortable because of their angle. Next time we will try using an armless chair that will give me back support and also let SC’s legs rest more comfortably.
- Start with the weaker vibrator. I knew that our session would last longer than one vibrator charge, but I made the mistake of starting with the stronger vibrator. I had another vibrator standing by, but the second one wasn’t as strong as the first — the reduction in power disrupted SC’s ascent to orgasm.
- Pre-position surfaces for the tablets. After we got started we arranged some pillows to hold the tablets, but it would have been more efficient if we had planned that in advance. This will be especially important if we move to a chair next time, because we won’t have a bed to put pillows on.
Give it a try and tell us how it goes! Leave a comment with tips of your own.
We’ve written that your master bedroom is for sex (and part 2) and if you’re like most people, that’s probably where you do it the most. You’ve probably got all your fun sex stuff hidden away in there, ready for action… but maybe you’re missing one thing: a blowjob chair!
Of course, your bedroom chair isn’t just for oral sex. Chairs are very versatile pieces of furniture!
And you’ll find more fun things to do once the chair is in place! If you’ve got any more ideas, leave a comment.
We’re pretty frugal and my hair is simple, so Sexy Corte cuts my hair for me on a regular basis. (I don’t blame her for not requesting that I return the favor.) I’m sure many wives do the same, so here’s an idea for making the chore a little more entertaining.
- Tell him you’ll cut his hair after the kids go to bed, and that he’ll get a special treat. Tease him all day, but don’t give away your plan.
- Sit him in the chair, wrap him in a towel, and then take off your top. Don’t be shy, take off as much as you want. He won’t complain.
- Tell him to hold still and keep his hands on the towel. He can look as much as he wants, but no touching!
- Give him a good show — stretch, twist, reach, and bounce in his face.
- When he’s squirming in agony, accidentally brush your breasts across his shoulder or face. Oops!
- When you’re done, bring him the mirror. “Do you like what you see? Would you like to see it from behind? Is my job finished? Are you going to give me a tip?”
- Proceed to your favorite flavor of chair sex.
I’m sure SC isn’t the only amateur barber! Does anyone else have a story to share about sexing up a chore?
Chair sex can be pretty fun for a quickie, and you’ve got several positions available. Many people put chairs in their bedroom anyway (to sit or to help get dressed), so you may as well “explore the space” and use your chairs for sex! Of course, chair sex doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom.
First off, make sure that you’ve got an appropriate chair: for intercourse you’re going to really prefer a chair with no arms. Chair arms really interfere with girl legs and limit your options. Your chair should also be sturdy enough for two and sans wheels. You don’t want anyone falling off, do you? Finally, get a chair that’s the right height for the wife’s feet to reach the ground while she’s sitting on her husband’s lap. Saw the legs down if you have to! If the wife is at the right height, she can really go to town.
The two most obvious positions are with the husband sitting in the chair and the wife sitting on top.
- Face-to-face in a chair is a great position. If the chair’s the right height the wife can straddle her husband and move around in every direction (up, down, forwards, backwards, side-to-side, hip rolling, etc.). This is similar to a wife-on-top position in bed, except she has a greater range of motion since she’s on her feet rather than her knees. Since she’s higher up her thighs won’t tire as quickly, so you’re in for a great ride! The husband should slouch down in the chair to best take advantage of his length. He should play with her clit and breasts and make sure her efforts are appreciated!
- Front-to-back in a chair also works well. Every guy loves Reverse Cowgirl, but if you’re on a bed the position is really hard for the girl — it’s basically super-deep squats. However, when the husband is in a chair the wife will be higher off the ground and will have much better leverage with her legs, so she won’t tire as fast. Front-to-back can really benefit from an adjustable-height chair and doesn’t suffer much from chair-arms, so an office chair can work well as long as you can keep it from rolling (move it to the carpet). Depending on the angle of the husband’s penis the wife might need to lean back towards him to avoid bending him, or the husband can “reverse slouch” to angle himself more downward. Ideally the wife should bear all her weight on her own legs to give herself the greatest range of motion. As with all front-to-back positions the view for the guy is great, and it’s fun to grab her hips and spank her ass while she rides. Unfortunately, front-to-back positions aren’t usually as climactic for the woman.
In addition to front-to-back and face-to-face, chairs also enable some other fun.
- Blow jobs, of course. A lower-than-normal chair can be beneficial to position his penis at the right height, and chair arms probably don’t matter. Make him feel like a king on his throne!
- Side-saddle is much easier in a chair than on a bed. It’s basically just what it sounds like: the wife turns herself sideways (90 degrees) from her husband and sits on him. This is a great position for making out and snuggling.
- Bent-over also works with a chair, but this position isn’t very chair-specific. You can bend your wife over pretty much anything.
- Tied-up: it’s easy to introduce some bondage play when you’re using a chair, and it should be obvious how to tie up a man while he’s sitting. It can be more challenging to tie a woman to a chair and keep her important bits accessible! One possibility is to lay the chair on its back on the floor and have your wife kneel on it. Put her knees in the corner where the back and seat of the chair meet, and lay her torso down across the legs of the chair. Now you can tie her feet to the top of the back of the chair (get a ladder-back chair) and her wrists to the rear feet of the chair (near the floor). This will hold her in a doggy-style position, but make sure her knees are padded or it will get uncomfortable.
Do you have any other great chair sex positions or ideas? Share them in the comments!
I had a grandfather that used to order quiche every time we went to a restaurant. He would always proudly say to the waitress, “I’ll have the quickie“. I never knew if he mis-pronounced it on purpose or not. As I got older and I understood what “quickie” meant, I went to restaurants feeling a mixture of amusement, embarrassment, and also a little nausea.
Now that I am a wife and a mom, I have come to appreciate the value of the “quickie”. Daily life can feel so hectic. Nap times get interrupted, the to-do list piles up. It’s not often that you find yourself in the middle of a quiet moment during the afternoon. We have realized that when moments like that come your way, embrace the spontaneity and have sex.
El Fury and I were lucky to have 2 such moments in the past week, which is like the blue moon of quickies. Last Sunday afternoon the kids were napping or quietly occupied. We actually had enough time to have sex and snuggle. In our bed! It was so luxurious. Mid-week one kid was at school, the others were napping, I had caught up on work and El Fury happened to be in between work calls. I saw the opportunity, turned on the charm, and in a few minutes we were having sex in the chair in El Fury’s office.
It doesn’t matter where the quickie occurs. Find the nearest surface and do it!