This post is also available as a podcast: Podcast #008: How to Make the Most of the Size You’ve Got
I think that unmarried men worry more about penis size than husbands do, but penis anxiety is pretty common among men — just like other forms of body shame are common among both men and women. It may be reassuring for a husband to learn that we worry more about our penis size than our wives probably do.
Men worry far more than women about penis size, according to Veale and his colleagues. One study, published in April in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that women preferred larger penises only up to a point (anything bigger than a flaccid length of 2.99 inches (7.59 centimeters) did not additionally impress women), and preferences also varied based on a guy’s height. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found similarly ambivalent female preferences. In that study, women who experienced frequent vaginal orgasms were much more likely than other women to express an interest in better-endowed guys. For women who didn’t prefer vaginal orgasms, penis size was a far less pressing matter.
In case you’re wondering, the average American man’s penis is 5.6 inches long when erect with a girth of 4.8 inches. (You can measure girth (circumference) by wrapping a string around the widest part of the shaft and then measuring the length of the string.)
The real question though is: how can you make the most of what you’ve got? Here are a few suggestions.
- Lose weight. If a man is carrying too much weight, the extra fat can submerge some of his length and hide it inside his body. Lift some weights!
- Penis ring. They’re cheap and help maximize your erection (and can even help you last longer). A ring with a vibrator might also be fun for your wife!
- Deeper sex positions. Missionary position isn’t the best for deep penetration. This topic deserves its own post, but the short version is this: while in missionary, push her knees way up towards her head; or try doggy style and have her arch her back. (“Arch” means to push her tummy down towards the bed, not to push her spine up towards the sky.) These positions will let your penis reach farther into her body and give her a greater sensation of fullness.
- Legs together. Whatever position you use, your penis will feel thicker if your wife keeps her legs together rather than spread open.
- Vaginal exercises. This deserves a post of its own as well, but your penis will feel bigger (to you both) if your wife tightens the muscles of her vagina by performing Kegel exercises. She can also squeeze her vagina and butt during sex to increase the feeling of girth. Your mileage may vary, but I find that Sexy Corte tightens when I give her a little spank on the butt.
- Thank God for her clitoris. Don’t forget… most women orgasm primarily from clitoral stimulation!
Wives, please realize that your husband takes his penis very seriously. Making fun of his penis is probably worse than if he called you “fat” — you can always lose weight, but his penis isn’t going to change. Instead, show admiration for his penis!
Do you have any tips for making the most of what you’ve got? Leave a comment! (Plus, I’ll post a funny gif in the comments: “bigger than you think”.)
Doggy style — or “rear entry”, or sometimes “doggie style” — is one of the most popular and common sexual positions. According to Jay Dee’s (unscientific) reader survey of sexual positions doggy style is basically tied as one of the top three positions along with missionary (basic man-on-top) and cowgirl (basic woman-on-top). In fact, wives as a group appear to prefer doggy style to cowgirl!
Doggy style has a few distinctive benefits that make it a fun part of your repertoire:
- Depth. Doggy style is the best position for maximum penetration. Depth feels awesome for the husband, but make sure to take things slowly so the wife is comfortable. The penis will tend to rub most strongly against the posterior wall of the vagina, which creates a different sensation for the wife than in a face-to-face position.
- Dominance. Doggy style is a dominant position for the husband, and it makes him feel like a king; a wife who enjoys a submissive posture will like the position for the same reason.
- Tightness. Depending on the variation used (see more below), doggy style can provide a very tight experience for husband and wife. Another reason to take it slow.
- Visual. For a husband who likes his wife’s butt the view is amazing, second perhaps only to reverse cowgirl.
- Comfort. Studies show that doggy style can be one of the safest and most comfortable sexual positions for men with back pain.
- Bonus activities. Doggy style also enables a few bonus activities such as spanking, hip grabbing, and back and butt massage. The wife or husband can also reach underneath to play with the wife’s clit or the husband’s balls.
So what kind of variations are there?
- Standard doggy style. The wife gets down on her hands and knees and the husband enters her from behind, either standing or kneeling. All the variations build on this basic configuration.
- Leapfrog. Instead of being on her hands, the wife rests on her forearms, or elbows, or lowers her head to the floor. This variation changes the angle of penetration and increases tightness.
- Arms restrained. Similar to leapfrog, but the wife’s arms are pulled up behind her back, creating an even more submissive posture. The husband can hold her hands (increasing intimacy) or her hands can be bound.
- Jockey. The wife lays down on her stomach, possibly with a pillow under her hips for positioning; the husband lays on top of her and enters from behind. Jockey could be considered its own position rather than a variation on doggy style, but it’s part of the same family. Penetration won’t be nearly as deep as with standard doggy style, but there’s a ton of skin-to-skin contact which feels awesome, and lots of tightness if the wife keeps her legs together.
- Over the Desk. This variation has the wife standing up and bent over a desk (or couch, or rock, or tree, or whatever). Perfect for times when you can’t get naked (like in public places).
- The Magic Corner. The wife straddles and bends over the corner of the bed, supporting her weight. She can stimulating her clitoris with the surface of the bed, her hands, or a vibrator.
Here are some tips for making the most of doggy style.
- Take it slow. As I mentioned above, take it slow! Doggy style is best and most comfortable when the wife is very aroused. When Sexy Corte and I use doggy style it generally isn’t our first position (unless its the jockey variant). Doggy style makes a great finisher (for him), so warm up, get the wife’s orgasm, and then move to doggy style.
- Wife’s legs. When the wife keeps her legs together it increases tightness, which is pleasurable for both partners. However, the wife can have more movement and control of height and angle if she spreads her legs and the husband positions himself between them. In the standing variation, the wife can even cross her legs at the knees or ankles.
- Arch your back. When the wife arches her back (pushing her tummy down) she improves the angle for her husband as well as gives him a great view.
- Pillow support. Many of the variations can incorporate positioning pillows for support and leverage. Using a pillow will help you prevent unwanted motion and make the position more stable for both spouses.
- Vibrator. Doggy style isn’t the best orgasm position for wives, but you can use a vibrator to assist.
So there you have it! Do you have any doggy style tips to share? Any variations that we missed? Please leave a comment!
Should you spank your wife? Of course! I highly recommend it. Sex starts long before penetration, and spanking is a fun way to build sexual tension. Spanking is a power move, a move of possession, and a not-so-subtle way for you as the husband to prime the sexual pump and set expectations. A smack on the ass says you are my woman, prepare to be boarded.
So how to do it right?
- I love to pat Sexy Corte’s butt whenever it is in reach. She has a fantastic rear, and I feel like it deserves to be touched and admired. These love-taps are pretty expected by now, to the point where I sometimes catch myself doing them in public. Haven’t had a complaint yet!
- When there’s time for a kiss, you can escalate with a spank. This always gets a friendly wiggle and purr. Feel free to grab a cheek while you’re down there if the kiss lingers.
- If you really want to get your wife’s attention, spank her a bit harder so she jumps and lets out an “oh!” If she turns back to you with a how dare you look (real or pretend) just smile and say something naughty. “I have got to have that ass later tonight.”
Spanking as foreplay works great, especially when it’s an unexpected surprise. Spanking is also a great accent move for when you’re having sex, but it doesn’t work in Missionary Position. Here are some ideas:
- Wife on top. No matter which way she’s facing you should be able to work in a few spanks just as she’s reaching orgasm.
- Doggy-style gives you clear access to your target, and this is already a powerful position for the husband. Avoid the temptation to go overboard.
- Wife standing, bent over. This position is great for quickies, and a spank is great for getting a reaction if your wife is trying to be quiet because you’re being naughty in a semi-public place.
Arousal and orgasm generally increase a woman’s pain threshold, and she might enjoy a little more force when you’re in the throes of passion. As always, communicate.
Do you and your spouse spank? Got any tips to share?
Update, this evening:
After getting the kids out of the tub, Sexy Corte caught me in our room getting ready to shower. She said “how about a quickie?” so I laid on the floor and she started riding me. She must have liked this post because she said, “Don’t forget to spank me!” Solid.