Iago: “I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.”

We recently wrote about board games we play together, and our list included a few “board games” that we play on the tablet instead of on the table. One advantage of tablet games is that you don’t have to worry about overturning the game if you’re playing during sex, which means you can turn your game session into a bifecta! Last night we tried this for the first time and it went pretty well, but we also learned a few lessons that will make it better in the future.

First, how do you do it?

  • Prepare your tablets and game. Before your sexual encounter begins you should get your tablets ready and launch the game. We decided to play Ascension, but just about any game will do. We recommend a game that can be played one-handed on two tablets so you don’t have to pass back and forth — you’ll be facing opposite directions, so the passing would get annoying.
  • Find a comfy place to sit. We sat on our bed, with me leaning back against the headrest and Sexy Corte sitting on my lap with her legs wrapped around me (hence the beast with two backs reference). Make sure you’re comfortable, because you’ll be in the position for a while and it will disrupt your flow to move around.
  • Hop on. As the wife sits on the husband’s lap she should position herself with his penis inside her, and then scoot up close so their stomachs are touching. You won’t be able to get the deepest penetration, but you should be able to nestle together effectively. We recommend using lube because you’ll be in this position for a while.
  • Use a vibrator. Once your bodies are together, make sure the wife’s clitoris is lubricated and then slip a vibrator down and wedge it between your bodies. Start it on low — and the husband can turn it up if the wife starts winning (haha). Since you won’t be moving much, the vibrator will provide a constant low level of stimulation for both spouses while you’re playing and give you a great opportunity to edge.
  • Play with your spouse on their turn. If you want to win you’re going to have to do your best to distract your spouse during their turn — remember, this game is serious business. The wife’s breasts will be right in her husband’s face so he will have an easy time licking them, and the wife will be able to drive her husband crazy by wiggling on his lap. Kissing, nuzzling, and rubbing are also highly encouraged. The husband should boost the vibrator on his wife’s turn for some extra advantage.
  • Reward for winning. When the game is over the winner should get a reward! Then toss the tablets aside and give each other an orgasm.

We did learn a few lessons from last night that will make our next session even better.

  • The bed isn’t the easiest place to sit. Sure it’s soft, but Sexy Corte’s legs got uncomfortable because of their angle. Next time we will try using an armless chair that will give me back support and also let SC’s legs rest more comfortably.
  • Start with the weaker vibrator. I knew that our session would last longer than one vibrator charge, but I made the mistake of starting with the stronger vibrator. I had another vibrator standing by, but the second one wasn’t as strong as the first — the reduction in power disrupted SC’s ascent to orgasm.
  • Pre-position surfaces for the tablets. After we got started we arranged some pillows to hold the tablets, but it would have been more efficient if we had planned that in advance. This will be especially important if we move to a chair next time, because we won’t have a bed to put pillows on.

Give it a try and tell us how it goes! Leave a comment with tips of your own.

We touched on this topic several months ago while writing about period sex, but it’s worth highlighting because we get so many questions about oral sex. You may be surprised to learn that the questions aren’t all from husbands who want more oral from their wives — we get similar emails from wives. We also get emails from wives (and husbands) who are lukewarm towards the idea of giving more oral to their spouse, and the number two reason given comes down to the feeling that performing oral sex is boring. (The number one reason is *drumroll* reluctance to swallow semen.)

So here’s a simple idea: make sure both spouses are being stimulated while one is performing oral! How can you make that happen?

  • Play with each other: The positions we call Old Faithful and New Faithful enable the husband to use his fingers or vibrator on his wife while she is performing oral on him. The Sixty-Nine position seems obvious thanks to pop culture, but it’s not very practical — the top spouse holds his/her body up for a long time while the bottom spouse gets buried and struggles to breathe. Better in theory than in practice.
  • Play with yourself: The husband can use his hand on himself while his head lies between his wife’s thighs. The wife can use her hand or vibrator on herself while she kneels and performs oral on her husband. If the giver is having fun I can virtually guarantee that the receiver will have fun.
  • Non-sexual stimulation: The stimulation doesn’t need to be sexual! Try a bifecta: watch your favorite show or read a book out loud while playing with each other. Bonus: here’s a new way to decide what to watch: whoever is giving oral picks the show. Your husband will discover a newfound love for romantic comedies.

Before you start, it’s important to set expectations for when each spouse is going to orgasm. Is the oral sex just foreplay? If so, then the receiver should hold off orgasm until the right time. Are you performing oral to completion? If so, then the giver should get a chance to have an orgasm also. (It’s super hot when Sexy Corte has an orgasm when I’m in her mouth, and I bet your spouse would enjoy that too!)

Do you have any other ideas for making the gift of oral sex more enjoyable to give? Leave a comment.

In the Victorian era, Halloween was less about scares than about finding true love. If you think modern Halloween is excessively sexualized, you may not want to read about how they partied in the early 20th century.

A century ago, the rituals surrounding the celebration at the end of October emphasized love. Newspapers recommended parlor games that promised to reveal romantic fortune. Even the cast of characters was more oriented toward matters of the heart.

“Halloween in the early 20th century had far less emphasis on blood, gore and scary monsters, and much more emphasis on courtship, romance and the opportunity for love,” Daniel Gifford, the former manager of museum advisory committees for the Smithsonian National Museum of American History explained in a museum blog post last year.

“In fact, the image of Cupid was often interspersed among the more familiar black cats, witches and jack-o’-lanterns.”

For Halloween maybe you and your spouse can play a fun Victorian game like snap apple! The image above will give you an idea of how to get started — it’s a seasonal bifecta! You can also check out the sexy Halloween games we posted way back in 2014, and leave your own ideas in the comments below.

I love coffee and oral sex, but until now I hadn’t thought of combining them! We’ve written before about one kind of bifecta (television and casual oral sex) and here’s another: Café Fellatio.

A bar set to open in Geneva, Switzerland, later this year will have the most-bizarre offering. It will offer its customers oral sex and coffee, albeit at a high price. Customers will have to shell out a lot more than an average brew to enjoy the cuppa, and at the same time get comfortable at the cafe’s bar. It is believed that customers will be charged £42 (AU$80) for the combo. An additional AU$7 will be charged as surplus for the drink.

Obviously this idea is exploitative and immoral as a business, but it sounds like a fun treat to enjoy with your spouse!

We’ve written about the trifecta previously — as inspired by Seinfeld: sex + food + television. This post is about the sex + television bifecta. We don’t watch a lot of television, but it can be a nice way to relax after the kids are in bed if we’re not up for a game or something more edifying. We’ve historically had mixed results combining sex and television, as I wrote:

Normally what this Bifecta means to us is that one of us starts twiddling with the other after we’ve finished our ice cream. I personally love watching television while SC plays with me, but when the roles are reversed she gets very antsy and frustrated. Usually we end up pausing the show and having sex, which is why I say the results are mixed.

However, great news! I think we’ve discovered the best way to combine television and sex: casual blow jobs. What do I mean by casual? Simply that the goal isn’t an orgasm. Sexy Corte is always generous when I suggest something new, and she agreed to lay on the couch with her head on my stomach while we watched a sitcom on Netflix, and she licked and nibbled and sucked through a whole episode. We talked and laughed together as we watched, and I was able to pet her hair and rub her back while she did her thing.

Frankly, it was pretty amazing: intensely erotic and intimate. With the focus on intimacy rather than orgasm we escalated slowly and were able to enjoy two aspects of togetherness at the same time: erotic touch and humorous conversation. By the end of the episode I was obviously ready to explode.

As you’re reading this you might be thinking: well, that’s pretty one-sided. True. Sexy Corte was sexually out of commission that evening, but like I said, she’s generous. I’m excited to see if I can find a way to casually play with her without driving her up the wall with frustration. (Update: Use the Zoom Technique on your wife while watching television.)

Do you have any suggestions for casual sexuality? Extended eroticism without the goal of an imminent orgasm?

In Seinfeld George Costanza decides to improve his sex life by adding food and television, creating “the Trifecta”. Hilarity ensues:

However, George’s girlfriend becomes displeased upon discovering him eating a pastrami sandwich while watching a portable TV during foreplay. This later creates problems for George, as he cannot eat anything without becoming aroused.

George was on to something, but apparently he didn’t have the skill or prowess to execute successfully. Lucky for you, Sexy Corte and I have tried all three versions of the Bifecta and I’m here to report the results!

Food and television: A great combination, but we recommend it for snacks rather than a major meal. We prefer to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the table as a family. However, after the kids go to sleep you might catch me and SC on the couch with some wine and ice cream.

Food and sex: Another winner! George’s major mistake was failing to bring his woman in on his food-play. Sexy Corte and I have gone through numerous cans of whipped cream on each other, and it’s probably our favorite sex food. It is fun to spray, cleans up easily, and doesn’t stain. The texture and temperature are great. Chocolate sauce other other sweets can be enjoyable, but so far we haven’t found anything as good as whipped cream. Are there any other foods we’re missing out on? (I don’t think we’re going to attempt to incorporate a pastrami sandwich.)

Sex and television: We’ve had mixed results. Normally what this Bifecta means to us is that one of us starts twiddling with the other after we’ve finished our ice cream. I personally love watching television while SC plays with me, but when the roles are reversed she gets very antsy and frustrated. Usually we end up pausing the show and having sex, which is why I say the results are mixed. Since we don’t want to watch porn together, are there any shows or movies that would particularly lend themselves to viewing during sex?

The Trifecta: We’ve never attempted the Trifecta… the closest we’ve gotten was one time when SC started sucking me off while I finished my ice cream. Things escalated from there, but no food or television was involved. I’m not convinced that the Trifecta is worth perfecting.

What’s your experience? Do you have an alternate Trifecta we need to try?