Reader “FR” asks:
What is your opinion on a guy wearing feminine lingerie to spice things up in the bedroom, just for the shock factor, or for some good laughs? And just for one night, being a Damsel in distress?
I have no interest in changing my sexual identity, I am very glad that God made me as a man. I just thought about doing this just for fun, to break away from the same-old-same-old, and to liven things up in the bedroom. To me, this is similar to my teenage son dressing up as a girl for last Halloween, and he is about as masculine as they come… but if this is wrong in the eyes of God, then the last thing I would want to do is to offend him.
I’ll answer this in three parts: what the Bible says, how to apply what the Bible says, and what El Fury thinks.
First, I’m only aware of one verse in the Bible that directly talks about cross-dressing:
I linked the word “abomination” to its definition in the Hebrew so that you can see how strong it is. This verse is pretty easy to interpret, and you’ll notice that it is very culturally grounded: God isn’t specifying the type of clothing allowed for either sex, He’s saying that he expects men and women to adhere to the cultural norms for their sexes. The following New Testament passage is interpreted similarly:
1 Corinthians 11:14-16, “Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering. If anyone is inclined to be contentious, we have no such practice, nor do the churches of God.”
Despite the invocation of “nature itself”, the last sentence in the passage makes it clear that the instructions about hair-length for men and women are based on the common practice of the time. The Bible instructs us to follow the clothing and style customs for our sex.
Moving into the second part of my answer, there’s a broad theme throughout the Bible that God created men and women to be different and distinct, and He doesn’t like it when we muddle things up. The instructions about clothing and hair are culturally dependent, and the way we apply these instructions depends on the culture we live in. Consider the passage from 1 Corinthians: it’s not accurate to insist that all married women should have long hair in the modern world, because that’s not how our culture demonstrates a wife’s submission to her husband. The key issue Paul is addressing is wifely submission, not hair length, and in the broad Mediterranean culture of the early church long hair was a symbol of that submission.
Therefore, the general application is that men and women, husbands and wives, should adhere to their distinct roles and display the outward signs of those roles as appropriate for their culture. Does this mean that cross-gender Halloween costumes are sinful? Or that a husband wearing lingerie is sinful? I will not presume to condemn anyone based on my extrapolation from the Bible — each person should pray and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. However, my opinion is that the scriptural guidance is pretty clear on this matter, and you’d do best to steer clear of cross-gender clothing, style, and behavior.
Which brings us to the third part of my answer: El Fury’s opinion. I personally wouldn’t dress or act in a feminine manner to make my wife laugh, especially in a sexual situation. Sure, it may be funny, but the essence of the joke is the husband emasculating himself. That’s not an experience I want to put in my wife’s mind. I want her to see me as strong, masculine, loving, kind, and sexy — and humor that undercuts that image is ultimately destructive to our marriage. It may get a laugh for a minute, and then stick in her mind for decades.
Being able to laugh and play together in a sexual setting is a great boon for your marriage, but husbands, your wife should never have any confusion about your intent to sex her up real good.
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