Q&A: Difficulty Reaching Orgasm

Reader “H” asks:

I enjoy reading your blog but I get pretty bummed because I never have an orgasm. I had them when I was younger but not anymore. My husband is a wonderful man and tries very hard but to no avail. I can’t even get it with a vibrator. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Thanks for your email. I am sorry to hear you can’t reach orgasm anymore! Have you talked to your doctor about it? It sounds like it could be a medical problem since you used to be able to. Your first step might be to talk to your doctor.

As for what you can do at home, how long do you “try” for? I know for me, it takes a good 15-20 minutes of stimulation for me to orgasm, and I know that varies for different women — do you need more time? I also think a big part of orgasm is mental. For me, if I feel like I am taking too long or something, I start to worry about my husband enjoying himself. That paired with at some point hearing a kid wake up or something else can usually cause a downward spiral to where I lose momentum altogether. Trying to stay focused, relaxed, and IN the moment is a big part of me being able to orgasm.

Your (and your husband) may also want to read How to Help Your Wife OrgasmHow to Rub a Clitoris: Pulling Back the Curtain, and I Can’t Have An Orgasm!

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

4 comments

  1. That is so hard for women that want to but struggle to. Maybe try a different vibrator? I have used some vibrators that are good, and others that haven’t done much and made me have to work very hard to reach orgasm with them.

    1. That’s a good point: not all vibrators are created equal. We’ve found that eggs and wands have very different effects. If the batteries aren’t fully charged we can be in for a marathon 🙂

      1. yeah, batteries are an issue. It doesn’t even occur to you to switch them out because the thing is still working, but it makes a huge difference when you do.

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