Use Playing Cards for more Spontaneous Sex

We get many emails with variations on the question: how can I my spouse and I be more sexually spontaneous? Ironically, a little preparation can help! Put some lube and wet wipes in your purse, and you’ll be ready for spontaneity any time.

But how do you actually be spontaneous? If spontaneity doesn’t come naturally to your sex life, you can introduce a bit of randomness to help things along. We often use dice to make random choices and inspire our imaginations. Nothing is worse than two people both saying, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” You don’t have to obey the dice, but you can use the random rolls to get your creativity flowing. Here are a few examples:

Those tables give you ideas for what and how to have sex, but the key to spontaneity is when. So here’s an idea for randomizing the time you have sex: use a deck of playing cards. Here are two possible methods.

Method 1: Draw a random card when you wake up in the morning. If the card is a number, an ace, or a jack (11), that’s the hour of the day you’re going to have sex. If it’s a king or queen, then the husband or wife has to secretly pick a time to ambush the other spouse and initiate. Advanced mode: a heart means to get naked, a diamond means to start with oral, a club means you have to use at least three positions, and a spade means it’s a quickie and draw again afterwards.

Method 2: Bring the deck of cards with you and set an alarm to go off every hour. When the alarm goes off, draw a card. If it’s a number between 2 and 9, do nothing and draw again the next hour. Otherwise:

  • Ten or Jack: Within the next hour you must have some serious physical foreplay for at least five minutes, but not to orgasm. Making out, fingering, oral sex, breast play. Get hot and heavy, but don’t finish.
  • Queen: The wife picks an appropriate location and initiates sex within the next hour.
  • King: The husband picks an appropriate location and initiates sex within the next hour.
  • Ace: Drop whatever you’re doing and immediately find a place to have sex.
  • Advanced mode: a heart means to get naked, a diamond means to start with oral, a club means you have to use at least three positions, and a spade means the initiator needs to add an extra kink (examples: spanking, tickling, teasing).

What do you and your spouse do to enhance spontaneity? Share some tips in the comments!

10 comments

  1. I like the playing card fun. But, my wife and I both work and are not together. When we both come home, both are too tired for sex. Suggestions?

    1. Hello! You’re right: the playing card idea is really for days when you’re together with your spouse and don’t have kids to take care of 🙂

      If you’re frequently both too tired for sex then this idea won’t help you. We’ll tackle that topic more thoroughly in a post, but I think the best advice is simple to say and hard to do: you need to prioritize sex. You and your wife need to find some things to cut out of your lives in order to have time and energy for sex. Some of the things you need to remove are probably important and enjoyable, but not as important and enjoyable as your sex life can/should be. Easier said than done, I know!

      Sexy Corte and I will talk about it and write up some more detailed thoughts.

  2. I always wonder how you manage the any hour of the day when you have children. I know you guys have kids so I am always wondering, “how?”. Also, jealous that it wotks :).

    A little prep work can go a long way. My wife and I use dice and cards for two different randomizers of what we call ‘scenarios’. These are the nights where we do bdsm play versus more vanilla activities. We put an order of events in a spreadsheet and then roll dice in order with the non-rolling partner making note. The outcome is a surprise to the rolling partner and saves the note-taking partner from having to come up with a whole scenario on their own. Some rolls use six-sided die, others, 8, sometimes 2D6’s. The first roll might equal the location. 1 is bedroom, 2 is kitchen, 3 is garage, etc. The next might be position. In our case this is usually tied position, but it could also be 1 equals missionary, 2 doggy style, etc. Next roll is for toys. Weight do 3 different rolls depending on how many rolls we want involved. You can keep going into other categories. Punishment (spanking, how much, how hard, let the dice decide), finish (oral, sex, vibrator, etc.)

    The second card one works the same way, but we created cards for each category that one partner picks at random. You can do all the selections up front or do them after each activity.

    I often wish I was a programmer because little apps for these types of setups that allow customization to you and your partner’s interest would be awesome.

    1. Well it’s not like we do this every day! It’s very hard to be spontaneous when you are caring for children all day. But we definitely plan times/days to be without kids. You have to plan for spontaneity 🙂

      I’d be very interested to see your spreadsheets etc. Sounds like a fun system!

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