I learned something very interesting while listening to a podcast on Delight Your Marriage titled “Understanding the Female Orgasm with Dr. Jessica McCleese”. Oxytocin, which is a chemical your body releases to form bonding during sex, is released at different points for men and women. It is released during foreplay for women, and during orgasm for men. Dr. McCleese makes two very good points in regard to this:
1. This can explain why women often don’t feel a need to orgasm every time they have sex. I know this is very true for me. While orgasm is amazing, there is a good percentage of the time that I am fulfilled without needing to climax. My body still needs that release regularly, but at least I now know when that release doesn’t happen I am still getting enough of that feel-good chemical.
2. It’s interesting that God created us this way, so that we help each other out. I think she says that beautifully. God designed us to fit together so well, even in the details that we can’t see.
The whole podcast is worth listening to when you get the time, but here are some other points I think are good advice:
- She says that sex, when compared to the total amount of time spent with your spouse, is a relatively small amount of the relationship. However, she describes it as sort of a barometer for the relationship. If things are good in the bedroom, it’s a lot easier to talk about other issues. I totally agree. El Fury and I have great communication, and our sexual intimacy makes me comfortable with initiating any conversation with him. I also think that good communication can feed right back into having better sex.
- Another point Dr. McCleese makes that I have been pondering is how our spouse’s actions are confirmed by our beliefs about our spouse. One action can be taken two completely different ways depending on the attitude you are filtering your spouse through. For example, if you think they are manipulating you, you will interpret something far different than if you think they love you and have your best intentions in mind. This is a great concept. If your attitude towards your spouse isn’t positive, pray for God to give you eyes to see them differently.
- Dr. McCleese talks about her own marriage and how they fight for their marriage. She gives an example about not talking about marital problems with anyone else until you talk with your spouse. Great advice, and a great way to guard your marriage. I would go further in saying if you do talk about a marital problem with someone, be very careful about who. Make sure it is a person that won’t try to poison your mind against your spouse.
- The last thing I want to share about Dr. McCleese’s interview is to encourage your spouse! In the bedroom, outside the bedroom. Your spouse needs to be told how important they are to you, what they do that you appreciate, how blessed you are to be with them, and definitely what they do to turn you on!