So here’s a term that’s new to me: “outercourse”, as opposed to intercourse. Basically, sexual stuff other than penetration, and somehow distinct from mere foreplay.
This term “outercourse” refers to sex that isn’t intercourse and doesn’t involve penetration. It can include kissing, touching, erotic massage and using sex toys, just to name a few options.
“When we equate intercourse and sex and call everything that comes before intercourse ‘foreplay,’ we are buying into the cultural script that sex should proceed as follows: foreplay (just enough to get her ready for intercourse), intercourse (during which both women and men orgasm), and game over,” Mintz said. But sex doesn’t have to involve intercourse at all. Even when it does, other forms of stimulation can add to the experience and may improve the odds of reaching orgasm.
Herbenick suggested that couples take a lesson from the early days of their relationship. “Sometimes, when people are first getting together, they spend time making out and touching each other’s genitals long before they start having oral sex or intercourse with each other,” she explained. “All too often, once oral sex and intercourse become part of their routine, the rest fades away — which is too bad, considering how powerful genital touching can be.”
It’s true that making out tends to give way to sex as your relationship matures, but is that somehow less than ideal?
Sexy Corte and I often invest a lot of time, creativity, and energy into foreplay (with various games, bondage, toys, etc.), but then we have sex. SC requires clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but still strongly prefers to climax with penetration.
I definitely see the argument for more and better foreplay — and the importance of recognizing that the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm — but I’m not sure I get the idea of outercourse and sex without penetration. What do you think? What role does outercourse have in your marriage?
So is outercourse like bringing your spouse to orgasm without penetration? I’m still a bit confused. :D I think that oral, and anal is 100% sex, despite what our culture is teaching teenagers.
Keelie Reason recently posted…How to Orgasm With a Vibrator
I’m not completely sure, but yes, I think the idea is to focus less on penetration as the apex of sex and to value non-penetrative activities more highly. (The author doesn’t mention anal sex, but does mention oral sex as not “outercourse”.) Calling outercourse “foreplay” just makes it seem like penetration is the main course.
I’m just not sure I understand if/why penetration should be avoided? Including more outercourse in the lead-up to penetrative sex seems great, but I’m not sure what’s added by intentionally avoiding penetration.
Yeah, I am feeling confused by it. Seems like semantics to me. But maybe it’s a mindset thing that you can have sexual pleasure without intercourse every time. Sometimes, intercourse is not possible, so other alternatives are good. I mean, if you aren’t a period sex person, then understanding there’s alternatives would be good. I am going to hang my hat on this- I don’t get it. :D
Keelie Reason recently posted…Don’t Have Sex FOR Your Spouse Have Sex WITH Your Spouse
I get it! Thinking that your partner expects things always to finish with intercourse can produce tension. I love the foreplay part as it plays to my imagination. I think that if you have had your children and are a bit older there is a whole panaply (spelling?) within foreplay sex without having to uses condoms and things.
My wife and I generally use outercourse so I can have release when she is on her period. It can be pretty fun and pleasurable but for us intercourse is far more preferable.
I think most people feel similarly to you!
We almost have outercourse every Sunday afternoon… It usually involves me sliding between her thighs till I come… Then we usually lay on the bed and I lick her nipples and she loves me to slide my hand inside her panties and play with her till she comes hard… She enjoys it soooooooo much…. And I love to bring her pleasure…..mmmmmmmmm
Jim, thanks for sharing your experience. Is there any particular reason why you do outercourse on Sundays — as opposed to intercourse? Just because it’s fun?
FOR FUN….For one thing wife doesn’t want to have full on sex and have to deal with cum inside her and get undressed….. plus she LOVES to feel my hands teasing her long wet shaved pussy lips while my hands are deep inside her panties while I pull down her bra and expose her gorgeous breast and I lick and suck her nipple making her moan and pant till she cums loudly…. Mmmmmmmmm SO HOT!!
I can see the fun in this, the only problem is how long the male waits before he changes clothes, as for me I would fill them before I get my wife to climax.