Sex During & After Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a special and fleeting time — although I remember while I was pregnant I felt like it would last forever! Looking back I can better appreciate how short a chapter of my life it was. During pregnancy, there are a lot of ups and downs in your sex life, and each trimester needs it’s own adjustments to keep a happy sexy time. Then after baby is born, there are even more adjustments to be made!

1st Trimester

  • When you find out that you and your spouse have made a life together, it is an incredibly intimate feeling. I felt connected to EF in a way I never had before. We shared something together that is at the most primal level of humanity, and that feeling extended into our sex.
  • Shortly after you become pregnant you start to realize that you won’t have your period for a while. This was one of my favorite parts!
  • Also shortly after you become pregnant, the hormones really kick in. For me, this is when I really started to pay attention to how I felt at different times of day. I was fortunate to not feel sick all day. Each pregnancy was different, but with each one there was a time of day that worked best for sex. So that is when we had sex! If you can be flexible and communicate you should be able to maintain an enjoyable sex life even through the more unpleasant parts of pregnancy.
  • Enjoy all the positions that you like, you aren’t really limited by your size.

2nd Trimester

  • Ah, the golden trimester for sex. El Fury loved this trimester. My libido was so high, I think I wore him out! Have sex as much as you can in this trimester.
  • For most of this trimester different positions are still comfortable. We tried to enjoy the Jockey position because we knew soon we wouldn’t be able to do it that way.
  • There isn’t a whole lot to say on this trimester, except have lots of sex and enjoy it!

3rd Trimester

  • Sex gets a little challenging during these few months. This is where I felt like I would be pregnant forever. Husbands, encourage your wives as much as you can during these months. I was super crabby the last two months of pregnancy and needed all the encouragement I could get!
  • Exercise if you are able. At this point I was only able to walk, and I think my level of activity made sex more enjoyable.
  • During this trimester we were pretty much limited sex to two positions: me on top and spooning. Sex while spooning is very comfortable when you are pregnant. The last month especially this was my favorite way to have sex. If you are unfamiliar with this position, it is exactly as it sounds: having sex while the husband spoons the wife.
  • Although it can be difficult, try to enjoy sex because after baby is born most people have to wait a little while until your body is recovered.

Postpartum

  • The first time you have sex after baby is born is pretty monumental. You haven’t had sex for a while, so both of you are pretty worked up. For the wife, it is also pretty scary (at least for me it was). Go slow and spend a lot of time on foreplay. When the husband is entering the wife, go especially slow and make sure she doesn’t have any pain through the process. EF was so gentle, and it meant the world to me that I could trust him in that way.
  • This is yet another time that you have to notice what time of day you want to have sex. Then have sex at that time! This can change rapidly, so listen to your body and embrace it when you want to have sex. Those first few months after our babies were born we had sex at all hours of the day. There were times I would come in from feeding in the middle of the night and be ready to go. EF was flexible enough that he didn’t mind waking up in the middle of the night.
  • Boob sensitivity. Before having kids, my boobs weren’t really an exciting area for me. For EF they were, but I didn’t get much pleasure out of them. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but after having babies and breastfeeding, by boobs became much more sensitive. Now I get very turned on when EF touches me there.

I love looking back and remembering our experience of pregnancy and childbirth together. EF was the only person I wanted to have in that room with me. Going through all that together brought our relationship to a new level of intimacy. I love sharing this journey with him. There are times I feel like our kids are absolutely crazy, and I can look up and catch his eye. We give each other a knowing smile. He is the only person in the world that can understand our life together, and what we’ve been through with adding these little lives to our world: their quirkiness, and the intense love we have for them. Then, when those crazy moments have turned to quiet moments after they go to bed (or in the morning before they wake up), it’s amazing to look into those same eyes while we make love. That, I believe, is how God wanted us to experience this great gift of sex and intimacy.

10 comments

  1. In my life, there was no “golden trimester” of pregnancy. There was simply the downside of the entire pregnancy. My wife’s libido completely dropped away during all 4 of her pregnancies. She had no desire, no hormones that kicked her sex drive into gear.

    And with the current 4th pregnancy, and having 3 kids 6 and under, her body gets so exhaused (literally exhausted—as in she falls asleep as soon as the kids are in bed) that she has no energy for intimacy. Plus, this one is really doing a number on her physically—she’s been uncomfortable and in some pain since the 2nd trimester.

    In short, pregnancy kills our sex lives. Intimacy goes down to once every 3 weeks.

    I’m glad you guys had fun during pregnancy… but for my wife and I, it’s anything but enjoyable.

    1. Well, the second trimester tended to be fun, but overall I don’t think SC enjoyed being pregnant very much. There’s no doubt that having lots of little ones is a huge energy drain.

      I know it seems like a long way off, but (as you probably know) it does get a lot easier when the youngest kid gets to be 12-18 months old 🙂

    2. Hey, I totally get where your wife is at, it really is super hard, especially when you fall asleep at the drop of a hat. I got to the point in my last pregnancy where I couldn’t pray while sitting down because I fell asleep! I literally had to be praying while walking around :).
      Just remember that it’s not forever. Yes this is a hard time, but it is one stage in many stages of life and it will be over soon.
      Also, it may be helpful to warn your wife in the morning that you’d like to have sex that night, then bring home dinner and help her to get the kids into bed early so she’s not so tired and you can spend some time together. Try going to bed as soon as the kids do and letting her fall asleep afterwards, then you get up and tidy up, do dishes etc so she wakes up to a clean house. I can just about guarantee she’ll be far more likely to want to have sex with you more often if you start doing that!

      1. Oh and make sure her iron levels are fine too. Plenty of green leafy vegetables and red meat, taken with some vitamin c. She may need a supplement.

  2. It’s great that you were still able to be sexually active during pregnancy. For some of us though that isn’t the case. For the first half of my pregnancies I have all day morning sickness, for the second I have hemorrhoids and vulval varicose veins that get worse with each pregnancy. I also have absolutely no sex drive. All this combines to make sex super painful. So we need to spend a lot of time doing things other than intercourse in order to keep up the intimacy and particularly to keep my husband satisfied. What would be a great addition to this post is ideas of other things to do to keep the both of you happy when intercourse just isn’t an option.
    Also, there is a hormone in semen that can actually set off labour, but it only works if you’re primed and ready to go. This means that if you are at your dates or overdue then having sex can help your body get things started. Nipple stimulation and orgasm also help, and these can be fun things to do to set off labour. Essentially what started the pregnancy can also end it :).

      1. My husband doesn’t like me getting into specifics too much so I’ll stay clear of that, but I’m sure you can take a guess :).
        However I will say that lots of physical touch time that isn’t sexual is important to feel close and encourage intimacy.

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