The curve in the spine that allows the lower back to bend inward toward the belly is called lordotic posture. Previous studies have showcased the role the posture plays in signaling a female’s readiness to mate among a variety of animals, including rats, guinea pigs, sheep, cats, ferrets and primates.
“The perception of attractiveness and visual attention to the hip region suggests that lordosis or the arching of the back might signal human females’ proceptivity or willingness to be courted,” Pazhoohi said. “This also might explain why women wear high heel shoes and why wearing high heel shoes increases womens’ attractiveness.”
The research showed that an arched back increases attractiveness from any viewing direction, but especially from the side and rear.
Just to avoid confusion, an “arched back” and a “rounded back” are opposites. The image below is an arched back — this is what you want.
The next image is a rounded back — this is not what you want.
An arched back enhances attractiveness in any body position (standing, sitting, kneeling, lying down) as long as you maintain “normal body angles” and don’t arch in a ludicrous manner.
In addition to visual appeal, the angles of the wife’s back and pelvis are major elements of sexual positioning. For example, arching her back during doggy style will allow for deeper penetration — but in missionary position, arching will likely be counter-productive. By mastering the rotation of her back and pelvis, the wife will gain a lot of control over her sexual pleasure and help her husband consistently hit “the right spot”.
Sexy Corte’s favorite way to reach orgasm is on top of me with a vibrator wedged between us. I recently wrote a post about what a husband can do with his hands while his wife’s on top, and now I’m going to give you a few ideas for what to do after your wife has a screaming orgasm.
First, best, and most important is for the husband to wrap his arms around his wife and squeeze her tightly against his body while she trembles through the aftershocks of her orgasm. This period only lasts for a minute or so, but it’s one of my favorite parts of sex! I love enveloping Sexy Corte while she shakes and moans after her orgasm; it’s so intimate to share her orgasm with her from the outside and inside at the same time. This is a great time to whisper in her ear how much I love her and how sexy she is.
As her orgasm subsides, there are several options we enjoy for finishing up my orgasm. By the time Sexy Corte climaxes I’ve been holding my orgasm back for a while and I’m usually ready to explode, so none of these activities generally lasts more than a few minutes!
Roll her over. We’ve gotten pretty good at rolling over together without pulling out: we flip her onto her back while I stay between her legs. With her knees up, this maneuver enables deeper penetration that often makes SC moan and writhe all over again and pushes me over the edge. Then we lay together and cuddle for a while.
Doggy style.Another great position for deeper penetration, and especially pleasurable for Sexy Corte after she orgasms. Her tightness in this position — and the fun of spanking her butt a few times — can make it impossible for me to hold back, but sometimes I go slow and drag things out for a few minutes of exquisitely intense stimulation.
Ride to the finish line. Instead of changing positions, sometimes Sexy Corte stays on top and rides me to the finish line. If the timing is right, we may just orgasm together and collapse.
Multiple orgasms. If the circumstances are just right, sometimes Sexy Corte will be up for having another orgasm! Incredibly fun for me and intense for her. Most of the time one is enough, but sometimes the first orgasm isn’t quite right for some reason and leaves her feeling unsatisfied. That’s no good! After two orgasms she’s usually exhausted and extra-cuddly.
In her mouth. It’s really sexy to me when Sexy Corte alternates between her vagina and mouth while we’re having sex, and sometimes when we’re having sex I think I’d really like to finish in her mouth… but then when it comes time, I decide I’d rather orgasm in her vagina. It’s a primal imperative.
On her body. The husband can also finish on the wife’s body, but that seems like it would be an anticlimactic way to finish awesome sex. We’ve tried this a little, and it doesn’t really do it for us. Also: not an effective form of birth control!
I think it’s pretty common for the wife to orgasm first, so please leave a comment and share you ideas for what to do after her orgasm. Do you change positions?
One of our most frequent sex positions is cowgirl, with Sexy Corte straddling me and facing forward while I lay on my back. This is the easiest position for her to reach orgasm, and in this position I’m able to hold off my orgasm until she’s ready. While riding cowgirl her arms and legs are pretty well occupied, but my hands are free to play and roam at will! So, what can the husband’s hands do while is wife is on top?
Here are a few ideas to drive your wife crazy and enjoy her body while her arousal builds.
Play with her breasts. Pretty obvious, and the topic deserves its own post. Your wife probably has a favorite way for her breasts to be touched, and when she’s on top it’s a great time to experiment and find out what she likes.
Suck on her nipples. I mean, they’re right there in front of your face! How can you not?
Touch her face. Trace your fingers over her ears, cheeks, and lips. Put your finger in her mouth to suck. Hold her cheek up against yours. Let her bury her face in your neck, or vice versa.
Rub her back. There are a million ways to rub her back, and usually I let my touch get firmer as she gets closer to orgasm. When we start I glide lightly over her skin with my fingertips, but as she gets close to orgasm I grab her firmly.
Play with her butt. I love Sexy Corte’s butt, and when she’s on top I can’t keep my hands off it. Rub it, grab it, pinch it, spank it, whatever you both enjoy. When a woman is aroused it’s common for her pain threshold to increase, which means that she may enjoy a little more roughness than she would otherwise. Make sure to communicate about what she does or doesn’t like.
Trace down the length of her body. She’s naked, and because she’s kneeling the full length of her body is within arms reach. Trace your fingertips from her fingers to her shoulders, then down her sides, over her hips, down her thighs and calves, and then to the tips of her toes. Then go back up!
Grab her hips.When the wife is on top, her hips are where the action’s at. Follow her movements with your hands, or take control and guide her hips the way you want. You probably can’t use your strength to make her move faster, but you can do one of two things: slow her down, or pull her deeper onto you. Slowing her down can help you hold off your own orgasm if necessary, and pulling her deeper can give her a burst of stimulation. I often use my thumbs to trace over Sexy Corte’s hip bones, which drives her nuts.
Rub her throat and upper chest. The breasts are obvious, but you can also get a lot of mileage from touching your wife’s throat and upper chest. Light touches here are definitely best! If she’s aroused and working hard, you might be able to feel her pulse in her neck with your fingertips, which I find to be pretty hot.
Tickle. Ok, Sexy Corte hates being tickled in any context, but when she’s on top and aroused it drives her crazy when I lightly touch under her arms. It doesn’t seem to tickle, but it definitely gets a strong positive reaction.
When she’s ready to explode, here are three tricks for helping her over the edge.
Classical conditioning.Pick a spot on her body to focus your touch on every time she orgasms — I use Sexy Corte’s upper back, right between her shoulder blades. When she climaxes, I rub my hand in a circle on this spot on her back (not exclusively, but frequently). As a result, her body is conditioned to orgasm in response to this touch. It’s not magic, but when she’s close to orgasm I can often push her over the edge just by tracing a circle on her upper back. A fun side effect is that the same touch often elicits a shiver and a purr from her even when we’re not in bed!
Hold the vibrator. For the most part our wireless vibrator will stay wedged between us against her clitoris without me holding it, but as she gets close to orgasm and moves more vigorously I often slip a hand down to hold the vibrator in place. If the vibrator slides out of position at a critical moment it can really disrupt the progression to orgasm.
Pull back her clitoral hood. If I’m holding the vibrator in place, sometimes it’s beneficial to use my other hand to pull upwards on the skin above her mons pubis. This skin is connected to her clitoral hood several inches below, and gently pulling it up will help expose her clitoris more directly to the vibrator, without risking dislodging the vibrator by shoving a (second) hand down there. This isn’t always necessary or good, but if she’s having trouble getting over the edge to orgasm this trick can make the difference.
Words. Ask her to tell you what she likes! And wives, don’t be shy — your husband wants to know how to please you!
Moans, groans, and screams of pleasure. When she reacts positively to something, make a mental note to revisit it later. You don’t need to keep doing the same thing the whole time (unless she requests it), but make sure to revisit the touch that made her moan and see if it has the same effect again.
Vaginal tightening. Oftentimes your wife’s vagina will tighten on you in response to pleasurable stimulation. Sometimes it just means that she’s getting closer to orgasm, but a pulse of tightness can be an unconscious indication of intense pleasure.
Throwing her body backward or collapsing forward. If your wife is holding a body position and then suddenly surges forward or backward this can be an indication that she was momentarily overcome with intense stimulation and her body needed to reposition itself in response. Stimulation that’s too intense is uncomfortable, but as your wife gets more aroused her stimulation threshold will increase and you can revisit a touch that might have been too intense just a few minutes earlier.
Post-sex debriefing. After sex, talk with each other about what you each liked best. What do you want more of? Less of? None of? What was your favorite way to give pleasure? Receive pleasure? Don’t debate or challenge each other, there aren’t any wrong answers. Just talk openly and honestly.
Do you have any tips to share? Wives, what do you like your husbands to do with his hands when you’re on top? Leave a comment!
So here’s a term that’s new to me: “outercourse”, as opposed to intercourse. Basically, sexual stuff other than penetration, and somehow distinct from mere foreplay.
This term “outercourse” refers to sex that isn’t intercourse and doesn’t involve penetration. It can include kissing, touching, erotic massage and using sex toys, just to name a few options.
“When we equate intercourse and sex and call everything that comes before intercourse ‘foreplay,’ we are buying into the cultural script that sex should proceed as follows: foreplay (just enough to get her ready for intercourse), intercourse (during which both women and men orgasm), and game over,” Mintz said. But sex doesn’t have to involve intercourse at all. Even when it does, other forms of stimulation can add to the experience and may improve the odds of reaching orgasm.
Herbenick suggested that couples take a lesson from the early days of their relationship. “Sometimes, when people are first getting together, they spend time making out and touching each other’s genitals long before they start having oral sex or intercourse with each other,” she explained. “All too often, once oral sex and intercourse become part of their routine, the rest fades away — which is too bad, considering how powerful genital touching can be.”
It’s true that making out tends to give way to sex as your relationship matures, but is that somehow less than ideal?
Sexy Corte and I often invest a lot of time, creativity, and energy into foreplay (with various games, bondage, toys, etc.), but then we have sex. SC requires clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but still strongly prefers to climax with penetration.
I definitely see the argument for more and better foreplay — and the importance of recognizing that the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm — but I’m not sure I get the idea of outercourse and sex without penetration. What do you think? What role does outercourse have in your marriage?
Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and providing that during intercourse can sometimes require complicated contortions! Sexy Corte orgasms most easily when she’s on top and we wedge a bullet vibrator between our bodies, but we’ve also been experimenting with some ideas for helping her climax in the missionary position. We’ve written before about using a vibrator in doggy style, and today I want to mention another variation: bending your wife over the corner of the bed.
The position is pretty simple. First, the wife stands facing the bed, straddling the corner with her thighs. Then she bends over, putting her chest onto the bed, keeping her feet on the floor, and positioning her lady bits right over the corner. Finally, the husband stands on the floor and enters her from behind, like standing doggy style. But here’s the big idea: while most of the wife’s weight is being supported by the bed (instead of her arms), she now has several options for stimulating her clitoris during intercourse.
Reach under herself to use her fingers.
Reach under herself to hold a vibrator.
Rub her clitoris against the surface of the bed.
When using a vibrator during kneeling doggy style, it can be difficult for the wife to position her head and shoulders comfortably while simultaneously reaching between her legs to hold a vibrator. Resting her body on the corner of the bed solves that, while also leaving space for the husband’s legs to stand. If your bed has a foot-board or corner posts you might still be able to make this position work by using wedge pillows or another piece of furniture that’s the right height.
Here are a few ideas for modifying the magic corner position:
Pick the wife’s feet up off the floor and put them on the husband’s shoulders.
Massage the wife’s back with lotion or oil.
You’re both facing the same direction, so make a bifecta out of it by watching your favorite show together.
Draw a henna tattoo on the wife’s back or butt, or just use a marker if you have one handy.
Ask the wife if she’s been naughty — this is a great position for spanking.
Since the wife is holding the vibrator, have her ask permission to orgasm and hold her on the edge as for long as she can stand it.
What do you think? Leave your ideas in the comments!
Almost three years ago (!) we wrote about “Old Faithful”, so-named because it is reliable and one of our most frequent positions:
The position is pretty simple: I lay on my back while Sexy Corte kneels over my body at a 90-degree angle with her legs spread. I play with her lady bits while she performs oral sex on me. I’ll use my fingers to play all around outside and inside her body (see: Zoom Technique) to the point that she usually loses focus and forgets what she’s supposed to be doing.
The best part about Old Faithful is when Sexy Corte climaxes with me in her mouth. But, the worst part about Old Faithful is that SC has to do all the work. So, after extensive research we’re excited to announce a new position we’ve created: “New Faithful”!
In New Faithful, Sexy Corte lies on her back with her head on her pillow and her right arm outstretched. I get upright on my knees, straddle her outstretched arm, and scoot towards her until my manhood is over her face. From this position she can perform oral on me and I can use my fingers on her how she likes, while she gets to relax on her back. It’s a great position for frenulum technique, tea-bagging, and zoom technique. As an added bonus, I discovered something new that I like! Because her head is stationary and I’m free to move, I’ve realized that it feels pretty incredible for me to (gently!) thrust in and out of her mouth.
So there you have it: a new sexual position for you to try that no one in all of human history has ever experienced. Have fun!
We recently wrote about how to make the most of the size you’ve got and talked a bit about penis anxiety — the common fear among men that their penises just aren’t good enough. Go back and read that post for some survey data that reveals that men care more about penis size than women do. For the most part, girth is more important than length, and the previous post gave some tips for how to feel thicker.
In 2001, Russell Eisenman published a paper in BMC Women’s Health wherein 50 women were asked whether girth or length contributed more to their sexual pleasure. Ninety-percent of the surveyed women responded that the thickness of a penis was a more important elicitor of pleasure.
The most commonly used measurements regarding the size of vaginas come from Masters and Johnson’s work from the 1960s. They looked at 100 women who had never been pregnant and found that vagina lengths, unstimulated, range from 2.75 inches to about 3.25 inches. When a woman is aroused, it increased to 4.25 inches to 4.75 inches. Regardless of how long the vagina is, the area that is thought to be important for most women’s sexual response is the outer one-third.
And as that quote indicates, the outermost one-third of the vagina, near the opening, contains 90% of the vaginal nerve endings and is much more sensitive to touch than the deeper two-thirds of the vagina.
Taking all that information into account, we can conclude that penis length matters a lot less than we husbands often think. Nonetheless, achieving the deepest penetration possible for you and your spouse can still be extremely pleasurable for a variety of reasons.
Nerves in the lower shaft of the penis are often the most powerful trigger for male orgasm. Shallow penetration (and stimulation of the head of the penis) feels extremely good but often doesn’t lead to a quick climax. Approaches like the frenulum technique or tip top technique are awesome for a slow build-up and edging (and will generally lead to orgasm eventually), but stimulating the nerves along the whole shaft will generally get you there faster.
Feeling of fullness. Even though the upper part of the vagina doesn’t have as many nerve endings as the lower third, filling it up can give the wife a pleasurable sense of fullness. The vaginal fornices (anterior fornix and posterior fornix) are to the front and back of the cervical opening, and stimulating them can produce an indirect feeling of pleasure. Because of the angle of the wife’s body, usually only the anterior fornix can be stimulated in missionary position; but in doggy style, when the wife is aroused and the vagina has lengthened, the head of the penis can also reach into the posterior fornix.
Mental and emotional pleasure. It is extremely intense for the husband to penetrate his wife to her greatest depth, and for the wife to share with her husband the most intimate parts of her body. Deep penetration creates an opportunity for gentleness, vulnerability, submission, and closeness that epitomizes the “one flesh” of the husband and wife.
Here are a few tips for getting the most from deep penetration.
Husbands, lose weight! Excess fat can bury your penis and reduce its usable length. We’ve said it before, but go lift some weights. This is basically the only real way to make your penis longer.
Turn her on. Most women won’t find deep penetration to be comfortable or pleasurable if they aren’t aroused. During arousal the vagina not only lengthens, but the cervix actually rotates upward and out of the way of the penis. If a woman isn’t aroused deep penetration will likely result in the penis pounding into her cervix, which most women don’t enjoy.
Leg positioning. Missionary position isn’t the best for deep penetration, but you can still do pretty well if you position the wife’s legs properly. Spread them wide open and push her knees up to her chest. Depending on her flexibility, the husband can put the wife’s legs over his shoulders or hook his arms behind one or both knees to hold them up. This positioning accomplishes two things: first, it moves the wife’s legs out of the way of the husband’s hips; second, it pivots her hips and stretches her vagina so that it can accept more length. Sexy Corte and I find this arrangement to be especially intimate after she has an orgasm — we roll her over onto her back, I climax as deep into her as I can reach, and then we cuddle.
Doggy style.Probably the position that enables the deepest penetration, but without as much intimacy as missionary. The wife should arch her back (pushing her tummy down towards the bed) to create the most depth for her husband, and even with her legs together he should be able to reach her posterior fornix. Sexy Corte and I have found that doggy style is a great position to transition to once she is warmed up, but it isn’t the right way to begin.
Wife on top. The wife-on-top position is good for letting her control the depth, but often doesn’t enable very deep penetration. To maximize depth, the wife can stand on the balls of her feet while straddling her husband rather than resting on her knees. This positioning puts her knees higher and moves her thighs up and out, which creates room for the husband’s body to get closer to her vagina. Then she can bounce up and down and drive her husband crazy.
I think that unmarried men worry more about penis size than husbands do, but penis anxiety is pretty common among men — just like other forms of body shame are common among both men and women. It may be reassuring for a husband to learn that we worry more about our penis size than our wives probably do.
Men worry far more than women about penis size, according to Veale and his colleagues. One study, published in April in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that women preferred larger penises only up to a point (anything bigger than a flaccid length of 2.99 inches (7.59 centimeters) did not additionally impress women), and preferences also varied based on a guy’s height. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found similarly ambivalent female preferences. In that study, women who experienced frequent vaginal orgasms were much more likely than other women to express an interest in better-endowed guys. For women who didn’t prefer vaginal orgasms, penis size was a far less pressing matter.
Deeper sex positions. Missionary position isn’t the best for deep penetration. This topic deserves its own post, but the short version is this: while in missionary, push her knees way up towards her head; or try doggy style and have her arch her back. (“Arch” means to push her tummy down towards the bed, not to push her spine up towards the sky.) These positions will let your penis reach farther into her body and give her a greater sensation of fullness.
Legs together. Whatever position you use, your penis will feel thicker if your wife keeps her legs together rather than spread open.
Vaginal exercises. This deserves a post of its own as well, but your penis will feel bigger (to you both) if your wife tightens the muscles of her vagina by performing Kegel exercises. She can also squeeze her vagina and butt during sex to increase the feeling of girth. Your mileage may vary, but I find that Sexy Corte tightens when I give her a little spank on the butt.
Thank God for her clitoris. Don’t forget… most women orgasm primarily from clitoral stimulation!
Wives, please realize that your husband takes his penis very seriously. Making fun of his penis is probably worse than if he called you “fat” — you can always lose weight, but his penis isn’t going to change. Instead, show admiration for his penis!
Do you have any tips for making the most of what you’ve got? Leave a comment! (Plus, I’ll post a funny gif in the comments: “bigger than you think”.)
If you said, “he ejaculates!”, then you’d better keep reading.
Most people think that female sexuality is more complicated than male sexuality — I love this illustration.
And… ok, it’s probably true! But there are still nuances to a husband’s sexuality that may not be obvious to his wife. For example, did you know that your husband’s orgasm isn’t over when he starts ejaculating? Most people equate ejaculation with orgasm, but a man’s orgasm actually begins a few seconds before ejaculation and can last for up to a minute after. There are two different things going on when a man has an orgasm.
First: Emission. Emission occurs several seconds before ejaculation, when the man’s vasa deferentia squeeze sperm out of the epididymis into ducts near the urethra. Men can feel this emission keenly — it’s very pleasurable — and this is the “point of no return” after which the man cannot stop the orgasm from happening. In these ducts the sperm is mixed with fluids from several glands to create semen. This all happens inside the man’s body and is probably unnoticeable to his wife (unless he’s giving you cues).
Second: Ejaculation. A few seconds after the semen is mixed and in position, ejaculation proper begins with repeated contractions by the bulbospongiosus muscle. These contractions move the semen through the urethra and shoot it out of the body. The contractions and spurting of semen are probably the most notable events for the wife, but ejaculation actually occurs only a few seconds into the orgasm — the whole orgasm can then last up to a minute longer.
After ejaculation the muscle contractions continue with decreasing frequency and strength and the penis gradually loses sensitivity as the orgasm winds down. It varies from person to person, of course, but post-orgasm sensitivity seems quite different between myself and Sexy Corte. After she has an orgasm, SC’s clitoris often becomes so sensitive that further stimulation is unpleasant; after my orgasm, I enjoy continued stimulation for a while until the sensations eventually become rather neutral.
As with everything, the key is to talk with your spouse about what he or she enjoys! Wives, you can use this little bit of biological knowledge to maximize your husband’s pleasure when you are leading a sexual encounter: don’t stop what you’re doing right when he ejaculates. Keep going for another minute or so and he’ll melt.
Missionary position is the most frequently used position for most couples, but it isn’t very effective for bringing the wife to orgasm. Missionary is very intimate — kissing, skin-to-skin contact, eye contact, whispering, hugging — but for most women it doesn’t create enough clitoral stimulation for orgasm. Sexy Corte usually climaxes while she is on top, and we press our wireless vibrator between our bodies to give her optimal stimulation. We can also get there with doggy style and Old Faithful, but it would be pretty great to make missionary work, too.
If you’re in the same boat as us, here are a few ideas. We haven’t tested them all yet, but when we played would-you-rather this was one of Sexy Corte’s top requests, so we’re going to find a way to make it work!
The first possibility is the coital alignment technique, or “CAT”. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure how to perform this. The internet describes at least two different approaches, and Wikipedia’s text seems anatomically improbable.
When used as a variant of the missionary position, the male lies above the female but moves upward along the woman’s body, until his erection, which would otherwise point “up,” is pointing “down”, the dorsal side of the penis now pressing against the clitoris; and as opposed to the missionary position, the male’s body moves downward (relative to the female’s) during the inward stroke, and upward for the outward stroke. She may also wrap her legs around his. Sexual movement is focused in the pelvises, without leverage from the arms or legs. The rocking upward stroke (where the female leads) and downward stroke (where the male leads) of sexual movement builds arousal that partners let develop and peak naturally.
So… I think the penis points parallel with the husband’s thighs, and then when he slides his body foot-ward the penis pivots until it points head-ward and penetrates the wife — and during this movement, the top surface of the penis stimulates the wife by rubbing against her clitoris. Unfortunately, my penis doesn’t bend down that way when I’m erect, and it sounds quite painful. Also, I don’t really get how sliding foot-ward “down” the wife’s body will facilitate penetration.
For a completely different approach, consider this diagram:
Here, the movement is vertical up-and-down rather than head-ward and foot-ward, and I don’t quite understand how it provides stimulation to the wife’s clitoris. On the plus side, this approach has the advantage of not bending the husband’s penis at an impossible angle.
In addition to these two different approaches to coital alignment technique, there are three different toys that might help the wife reach orgasm in the missionary position.
Egg vibrator. Simply hold the vibrator against her clitoris with the pressure of your bodies, just like we do with wife-on-top. Easy to try, but I’m not sure if the vibrator will stay put! When Sexy Corte is on top I generally use one hand to position the vibrator, and that won’t be possible in missionary.
We-Vibe. We reviewed the We-Vibe a couple of years ago and we didn’t like it that much — it was somewhat uncomfortable, and it didn’t hit Sexy Corte quite right. That said, we only tried it once and it’s still in our toy drawer. We should give it another shot!
Vibrating penis ring. A flexible ring that goes on the shaft of the husband’s penis and holds a small vibrator in place. Sounds easy enough.
So we’ve got a few things to try, and we’ll report back on our successes!
Have you tried coital alignment technique with any success? Or used any of these toys? Got any tips for wifely orgasms in missionary position?
