It’s almost summer! I feel like we missed spring, but at least it’s not winter anymore. It’s time to cover the two topics we know all our readers are wondering about.

First up, how much do men really care about “bikini bods”? Bridget Phetasy asked her followers:

ATTN: Men I need more of your anonymous blatant honesty. Summer is coming. The culture would have us believing men care a great deal about how a woman looks in a bikini but how much do you *actually* care about your significant other’s beach body?

We’ve posted several times about the importance of fitness and appearance, but we believe the focus should be on health and being the best you for your spouse, not pursuing some unrealistic worldly standard of “hotness”. It’s great to read that most of the men who responded to Phetasy feel the same way.

To be honest, I wasn’t expecting such thoughtful, heartwarming and tender answers. (In all, 215 men responded, totaling 19,754 words, which, to give you an idea, is 34 pages of writing, single-spaced.) Instead, I expected men to behave the way they’re represented in the media (i.e., as gross pigs). And so, I anticipated vapid, crass responses, my DMs overflowing with hordes of men saying things like, “Hell yeah, my wife needs to lose 15 pounds. This isn’t what I signed up for.”

Obviously, it goes without saying that when you’re looking for a mate, physicality matters. Attraction needs to be there before anything else, but attraction alone isn’t enough to sustain a long-term relationship. This is a lesson men have a greater appreciation for with age. “In my 20s, I cared about looks,” one guy explains. “I think physical attraction is an important element in relationships, even in my 30s; however, now, I appreciate a girl who can effectively communicate more than her looks.” Another adds, “After giving birth to our three kids, my wife doesn’t have a bikini body anymore, but I couldn’t care less. To me she’s hot AF. I probably don’t even have a dad bod anymore, and yeah, I’m a little sensitive about it.”

Giving your best self to your spouse includes maintaining your health and fitness, but goes way beyond that. There’s a lot more to sexiness than appearance, and how you act is generally easier to improve than how you look. If you don’t believe us or anonymous guys on the internet, just ask Billy Bob Thornton.

Second: beach sex. From the page’s title we can see that the article used to be headlined, “women should do everything they can to avoid beach sex”.

Sand. It gets everywhere. And when you’re naked and rubbing your body up against another person, you’d better believe sand gets in places you never want sand to reach. This is particularly bad in instances where you’re having sex because when sand meets genitals, it acts as an abrasive, causing intense irritation and chafing.

Not only this, but sand isn’t the most hygienic of substances. Imagine all the infants you’ve ever known to pee in the ocean and then times it by a hundred because, according to a study from the Journal of Environmental Science and Technology, beach sand can contain 100 times the levels of fecal bacteria of seawater.

Not just infant humans… the ocean is chock full of disgusting animals! If you really need to have sex on the beach, use a blanket or a tent. Spontaneous sex in public places can be hot, but we recommend doing it standing up.

Got any summer sex tips to share? Leave a comment!

We commonly get questions — usually from a wife — about “weird” things her husband wants to in bed. Where did my husband get this crazy idea?

Well, as you know, humans have been having sex for a long time, and no matter how strict the rules are we’ve always been kinky. I recently listened to an episode of the Ask Historians podcast about libertine literature, and it mentioned a poem that I wanted to share titled “The Imperfect Enjoyment” from 17th century libertine writer John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester. (You can see a portrait of him above — he’s hot for his time!) Rochester is frustrated by his own premature ejaculation, and has written this poem to curse at his penis for failing. An excerpt:

When, with a thousand kisses wandering o’er
My panting bosom, “Is there then no more?”
She cries. “All this to love and rapture’s due;
Must we not pay a debt to pleasure too?”
But I, the most forlorn, lost man alive,
To show my wished obedience vainly strive:
I sigh, alas! and kiss, but cannot swive.
Eager desires confound my first intent,
Succeeding shame does more success prevent,
And rage at last confirms me impotent.
Ev’n her fair hand, which might bid heat return
To frozen age, and make cold hermits burn,
Applied to my dear cinder, warms no more
Than fire to ashes could past flames restore.
Trembling, confused, despairing, limber, dry,
A wishing, weak, unmoving lump I lie.

The poem is funny and poignantly humanizing. It’s easy to forget that our ancestors were as human as we are. The libertines are certainly not to be emulated in their philosophy, but why should they get to have better sex lives than married Christians? No way!

Do you have any sexy poetry to share? Leave a link in the comments.

Do you want to have more and better sex? Get plenty of sleep.

According to a large new study, women over age 50 who get fewer than seven hours of sleep are less likely to report being sexually active than their peers who sleep more, a problem that increases with age.

Sleep disorders can also interfere with sex. Research suggests that men with obstructive sleep apnea, a condition marked by snoring and breathing difficulties, have decreased levels of sexual activity, possibly because they produce lower amounts of testosterone. Sleep apnea can also increase the risk of cardiovascular problems, which may be related to sexual dysfunction.

But the reverse appears to be true, too: Another recent study that looked at sleep and sex in college students found that for those in romantic relationships, every extra hour they slept corresponded to higher sexual desire, greater vaginal lubrication and a 14% increase in the chances of getting frisky the next day. That’s probably because a good night’s sleep leaves us feeling refreshed, relaxed and energetic — all important for feeling sexy.

Sleep is an important component of staying healthy, along with exercise, managing your weight, and maintaining good hygiene. For (the many) husbands who write to us asking for advice on strengthening their wives’ libidos, helping her get more sleep seems like a great first step.

And… do you want more and better sleep? Have plenty of sex!

The reasons are largely chemical in nature. After orgasm, our bodies release significant amounts of the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin, which lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol, resulting in deep relaxation.

Sex also has gender-specific benefits. “For women, estrogen levels increase after sex, which can enhance a woman’s REM cycle for a deeper sleep. In men, the hormone prolactin is secreted after orgasm and has been tied to sleepiness,” explained licensed psychologist Rachel Needle, co-director of the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.

Yeah, yeah — there’s just too much to do. But you need to make time for your health and for your spouse. Go to bed early tonight together!

Sexy Corte and I are thinking about getting a new mattress, so I’ve been doing some internet research. Obviously we want to get a good night’s sleep, but since 90% of our sex is done in bed we want to make sure that a new mattress will meet that need too. Since mattress stores are apparently fronts for mafia money-laundering, we’re likely to buy something online sight-unseen, which makes up-front research especially important. The best website I’ve found so far is Sleep Like The Dead, and they’ve even got a page that rates mattresses for sex suitability!

(You can visit the site for a description of all the rated qualities and details about each mattress type.)

This chart was a great starting point, but I immediately realized that we don’t care about “fluid, stain cleanup” or “allows fast climax”, because both factors can be easily mitigated by a mattress protector — which we use on all the beds in our house. “Allows discretion” isn’t important to us because our sex room is very private anyway. “Durable” is somewhat important, but I’m not sure I understand the ratings here — we’ve had an inner spring mattress for a long time, and haven’t experienced any durability problems. In order to take these preferences into account, I created a spreadsheet that adjusts the ratings based on custom weights for each quality. (The “weighting factor” on the right ranges from 0 to 2, with higher values indicating a greater importance to us.)

The penultimate row shows the average raw rating for each mattress type without the weighting factor, and the final row includes the weighting factor. As you can see, the Latex and Hybrid mattress types are the highest-rated both with and without our personal weighting factor. Digging a little deeper:

Latex:

  • Easier to move on
  • Bouncier
  • More durable

Hybrid:

  • Better position variety — which here means “supportive from edge to edge, easy to move on, have adequate height, and keep pressure points minimized”.
  • Better “whole bed suitable”

Other pages on the site indicate that Latex and Hybrid mattresses are similar in price, but we’ll have to do some shopping around before we can take that into consideration.

So there you have it: we’ve narrowed our mattress search down to two types! We haven’t picked a product yet, but we’re a lot closer than we were.

What kind of mattress do you have? What factors do you care about for sex suitability? Anything you love or hate? Leave a comment!

We get a lot of emails from husbands and wives who are distressed by the wife’s low interest in sex. Libido is affected by a whole host of factors — relationship, communication, family situation, stress, time management, hormones, and more — so medication shouldn’t be your first resort. But while you’re working on all those other areas in your marriage, it’s probably worth your time to talk to the wife’s doctor about any health problems that may be contributing to her disinterest or dissatisfaction with sex. This can be an embarrassing topic to bring up, but your sex life is worth an awkward conversation!

Along with the other tools available to your marriage, it appears that the drug flibanserin is effective at improving female libido.

Flibanserin is used for hypoactive sexual desire disorder among women. Those receiving flibanserin report a 0.5 increase compared to placebo in the number of times they had “satisfying sexual events”. In those on flibanserin it rose from 2.8 to 4.5 times a month while women receiving placebo reported also an increase of “satisfying sexual events” from 2.7 to 3.7 times a month. The onset of the flibanserin effect was seen from the first timepoint measured after 4 weeks of treatment and maintained throughout the treatment period.

Let me translate:

  • Baseline low libido women: 2.7 satisfying sexual events per month
  • Baseline low libido women taking placebo (sugar pill with no medical effect): 3.7 satisfying sexual events per month
  • Baseline low libido women taking flibanserin: 4.5 satisfying sexual events per month

As is often the case, placebos alone show significant improvement over the baseline. This means that you can do almost anything to improve your sex life as long as you believe it will work! The human mind is a powerful thing.

However, the results also indicate that flibanserin is significantly better than a placebo, so it’s worth asking your doctor if it’s a good option for you.

Have any of you tried flibanserin? Did it help you? Leave a comment.

Apparently this hotel/sculpture, titled “Domestikator”, was too hot to display at the Louvre. (And now the piece is getting a lot more attention than it ever would have if the museum hadn’t removed it.)

The French publication Le Monde reported that the Louvre’s director, Jean-Luc Martinez, sent a letter to Fiac raising concerns about the piece.

“Online commentaries point out this work has a brutal aspect,” Mr. Martinez said in the letter. “It risks being misunderstood by visitors to the gardens.”

The museum also raised concerns about the sculpture, which is 40 feet high, being situated near a children’s playground.

Ok, so maybe playground-adjacent isn’t the best location for a 40-foot-tall depiction of doggy style.

Yet another post about how science indicates that sex is good for you! In this case, a long-term study followed adult men for 18 years and found that frequent ejaculation reduces the risk of prostate cancer.

It found that men ages 20 to 29 who ejaculated 21 times or more each month were 19 percent less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer than those who ejaculated less often, between 4 and 7 times per month.

And it wasn’t just young guys who saw the benefit: Men 40 to 49 who ejaculated at least 21 times per month reduced their risk of developing prostate cancer by 22 percent.

Won’t be having sex 21 times this month? Don’t worry: The study showed a dose-dependent relationship with ejaculation and prostate cancer risk, meaning that the more you do it, the more your risk decreases, she says.

So even ejaculating just a few more times each month can likely bring some benefits to your prostate.

Twenty-one times a month means having sex about five times a week on average, which is more than most married couples. However, if you follow our steps to make sex a daily habit you can at least improve your batting average. If you have a family history of prostate cancer this can be even more important.

And wives, don’t do it just for your husbands — check out some of these links to learn about how sex is good for women’s health:

Frequent sex with your spouse is as important for your health as eating right and exercising.

If you’re trying to get pregnant or you enjoy the almost-mystical properties of semen then you husbands need to get off the couch and get some exercise! A recent study indicates that moderate intensity continuous training (MICT) has all sorts of benefits for your swimmers:

The results of the study, published in the journal Reproduction, showed that men who exercised had improved sperm at the end of the training, regardless of which group they were in.

But those men who took part in MICT had the best results.

Compared to men who did no exercise, those in the MICT group had 8.3% more semen volume, 12.4% higher sperm motility, 17.1% improved sperm cell shape, 14.1% more concentrated sperm and 21.8% more sperm cells on average.

The researchers found that the benefits for sperm started to tail off within just a week of stopping the exercise programme.

For this study, MICT was basically jogging for 30-40 minutes, four or five times a week. We already have a responsibility to stay healthy and attractive (within the limits of our ability) for our spouse, and improved semen is a big additional benefit.

Another recent study indicates that watching too much television has a big negative effect on sperm.

A new study suggests men who spend too much time binge-watching TV have lower sperm counts compared to men who don’t watch the boob tube, according to researchers at the University of Copenhagen in Denmark.

The study found men who watched five or more hours of TV per day had 29 percent lower sperm concentration, and 34 percent lower sperm counts than men who weren’t binge-watching.

Lying around increases the temperature of the scrotum — which has a negative impact on sperm production, the researchers said.

Also, couch potatoes tend to be overweight or drink excessively, two more factors in lower sperm counts and production, according to the study, published in the November issue of the American Journal of Epidemiology.

Men who played on a computer for the same amount of time didn’t experience a dip in semen levels.

So husbands, get out there and run! If your wife is already pregnant, your semen can cure her morning sickness. Even aside from pregnancy, your semen can improve your wife’s health and mood. If you want your wife to be healthy and happy, you have a husbandly duty to exercise!

We don’t discuss politics here (whew!), but we want to encourage everyone to pray for our political leaders — whatever country you’re in.

1 Timothy 2:1-4

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

No political leader can bring about perfection here on earth. Pray for peace; pray that the Gospel will be boldly proclaimed throughout the whole world; and pray that the Holy Spirit works powerfully for the salvation of the lost.

Pray as a couple. Pray with your kids. Pray for our new president, our governors, our mayors, our lawmakers, our judges, and all the civil service workers who make our government function. Pray for freedom, justice, integrity, wisdom, and humility.

Thank God for all his blessings, and never take them for granted.

I’m a bit skeptical, but new mother Emily Street says that she had a three-week-long orgasm after giving birth to her fourth child.

Emily even likens her astonishing “euphoria” during childbirth to the intense hormones generated through orgasm — which lasted for three weeks.

Emily, who has three other children — Ernie, 7, Roo, 5, and 3-year-old Pip — added: “The euphoria that I felt after the births was very, very close to an orgasm sensation, which lasted for three or four weeks as opposed to something that’s very intense for a short amount of time.

“From my point of view, I’m happy with that.”

Or maybe it was just “very, very” much like an orgasm! Anyway, I’m not sure how to apply this in your marriage. It seems like a three-week-long orgasm would be exhausting and troublesome, but Mrs. Street seems pleased.