Prioritize Penis-In-Vagina Sex

We get a lot of emails along the lines of, “Can we *blank*?” Generally, the answer is yes, you can *blank* *blank* *blank* with your spouse. The three requirements we point to for sex are exclusive, consensual, and satisfying. If *blank* meets those requirements, then have at it.

(Side note: if you think our blog is explicit, you should see some of the emails that we don’t write about.)

So, while our opinion is almost always yes, we also like to append an encouragement: no matter what your *blank* is, we think it’s important to prioritize plain-old vanilla intercourse — penis-in-vagina. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:23:

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

In your marriage, every sex act that is exclusive, consensual, and satisfying is lawful, but not every *blank* builds up your marriage the same way that traditional intercourse sex does. Here are some advantages to intercourse we think you should keep in mind.

  • Intimate. There is nothing more intimate in the human experience than when your body joins together with your spouse — when your spouse desires you, accepts you, embraces you, and your bodies intertwine and move as one flesh. Traditional intercourse is sometimes considered vanilla and boring, but if so, perhaps we’re taking the intimacy of marriage for granted after years of familiarity. On the other hand — if you’re thirsting for intimacy — tender, enthusiastic love-making with your spouse is the oasis you’re longing for. There’s a reason that the Hebrew word yada` is used for sex; the word means to know. Genesis 4:1: “Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived…”.
  • Primal. Intercourse touches the very essence of our being in a way that other sex acts don’t. It’s how we reproduce. Penis-in-vagina sex fulfills the most basic sexual urge that each of us felt when we first noticed that girls and boys are different. We have been created with a primal, biological need for intercourse that no other sex act can satisfy.
  • Simple. Traditional intercourse doesn’t require a lot of planning, talking, convincing, or preparation. You don’t need any props or toys. You don’t need any explanations. You don’t have to wonder if your spouse will be “into it”. You can be anywhere, at any time.
  • Unifying. The Bible says that men and women were created from one flesh, and in marriage we become one flesh again. Penis-in-vagina sex is the method that God created to unify two separate people into one single flesh. We have ups and downs in our marriages, and we don’t always feel united, but intercourse brings us together again, over and over. We separate ourselves from every claim the world has on us, and we hold fast to each other. Genesis 2:22-25:

And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

So, try every *blank* you can think of! Explore your sexuality with your spouse, and have an awesome time. But don’t make novelty into an idol, or your spouse into a sex toy. We encourage you to do everything crazy thing you want to do, while not neglecting to come together regularly for simple intercourse.

What do you think about “vanilla” penis-in-vagina sex? Leave a comment and let us know!

18 comments

  1. In all my years of coaching couples, I have never heard of any who are locked into some other kind of sexual expression.

    What I have heaed is complaints about a partner who refuses outright to alternative
    sexual expressions of one kind or another wrongfully stating that it is sin. This is due to the overwhelming part of churches who teach sex negative messages and never teach all the sex positive messages. For the recrod, the Bible does not forbid anal or oral sex for hetero coples or masturbation.

    1. There are definitely people with various fetishes that can easily neglect PIV sex, and we recommend they don’t.

      I agree with you: very little is forbidden!

  2. I have always had this thing deep down about spanking which my wife is comfortable with. It doesn’t switch her on to receive so it’s just me who receives. I am now in my seveties and whilst I always tried to finish with IC my erection powers have gradually wained and I tend these days to use manual skills which seem to arouse her to O 99% of the time. The spanking however has reached new heights as a kind of replacement for me and it is difficult to describe the ecstasy and closeness I feel to her afterwards. These are private thoughts I would never share with anyone but it is a fact of life after 31 yrs of a happy marriage.

    1. Congrats on 31 years of marriage! It sounds like you know what makes your marriage work, and I wouldn’t presume to tell you otherwise 🙂

  3. I love to have my husband inside of me while we just sit there and watch TV or talk or just hug 🙂 The feeling of being one is such a blessing.

      1. Right. Not immediately at least. That is one of my favorite types of “foreplay”, just taking it slow and almost nonchalantly, or just without an immediate goal. I guess it just helps me get into it so that when we do move into “actual sex”, I am sooo ready 🙂

          1. Not easily! My favorite is sitting in his lap with my legs wrapped behind his back, so that usually only allows him to watch TV. Or he lays on top missionary and we can watch TV that way. But after a few minutes we move onto something else lol. And I said, it’s mostly foreplay, not long cuddling sessions.

  4. I looked up Bifecta and found out what it was. Funny you should mention that about the TV. We played a dice game on New Years Eve where you throw the dice and read what the number says to do. Then throw again to find out how many minutes you do it for. One I wrote which she got was doing something to me nonchantly whilst watching TV. Not anything special on TV but something about it eased the pressure and embarrassment of it. I remember reading about a story where the wife read out loud a book while it was happening and it had the affect of it not being rushed and making it more relaxed. Of course the book had to be put down at some point.

      1. It was actually. I’d better not say what happened on the other five numbers of the dice. We did it last New Year’s eve as well but different things. She was freaked out in having to write out things to do to her so I had the luxury and the choice of what she had to do to me. It was so awesome that I wrote a letter to her saying how much I enjoyed it.

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