Sexy Corte pointed out something to me that I hadn’t noticed about myself: I like to hold hands during sexy time. Because of positioning I’m mostly able to hold SC’s hands while we’re focused on me; while she’s climaxing her hands are usually wrapped around my neck or body. But when I orgasm, more often than not my hands are entwined with hers.

Holding hands seems somewhat mundane for a married couple, right? I mean, we touch each other all the time, and while we’re having sex we’re touching each other in all sorts of ways. And yet, holding hands is special: so innocently intimate. Sex itself is the “ultimate” connection with another person, but when you’re holding hands you know that you aren’t just props for each other to use to get off. You’re friends and lovers and married.

How do you touch your spouse to increase intimacy while you have sex?

Sexy Corte and I recently purchased a We-Vibe II. SC has an easier time climaxing with a vibrator, and we thought that the We-Vibe would give us some positional options that our trusty egg vibrator doesn’t allow.

The way you use the We-Vibe is pretty simple: the narrow arm (on the bottom in the picture above) is inserted into the vagina and the larger arm nestles over the clitoris. The U-shape is springy enough to hold it in place, and the device is completely sealed so you can lube the whole thing up. The battery is sealed inside and charges by induction from the included charger. This means that it takes 16+ hours to charge fully, but there’s no port on the outside that could get gummed up or let liquid inside.

We were pretty excited to try the We-Vibe II when it arrived, but we had to wait a day while it charged. Bummer! The next evening we were especially horny and we leaped into bed. The device itself is easy to apply to the woman — just slip it in and position the outer arm in the right place. Unfortunately we ran into two problems that ruined the experience for us.

First and foremost, the vibration just didn’t do it for Sexy Corte. It was pretty weak and she said that it didn’t hit the right spot. We moved it around and played with it extensively, but even when I used my hands to manipulate the vibrator she said that it just wasn’t going to get her to orgasm.

Second, it was uncomfortable for me during penetration. We used a lot of lube, but the vibrator itself rubbed me the wrong way while entering and thrusting. It felt pretty much like you’d expect: like rubbing the slippery tube of a magic marker across my erection. Distracting and unsexy.

So despite really wanting to like it, neither of us got much pleasure from the We-Vibe II. We’re going to stick with our egg vibrator.

Update: MarriedHeat has a review of the We-Vibe 4 Plus which includes remote activation. Seems like they liked it more than we liked ours.

Next time you’re giving your wife the business you can throw in some historical sex slang from her favorite century to liven things up before ringing her bell. Just make sure you pick some chronologically consistent slang… anachronisms really kill the mood.

Slang timeline for sexual intercourse.

Slang timeline for other sexual acts.

Slang timeline for orgasms and various secretions.

Slang timeline for the vagina.

Slang timeline for the penis.

The kids have an annoying electronic toy tea pot that sings a really catchy song that frequently gets stuck in our heads. Sexy Corte and I like to change the words around, and we think it’s pretty funny to substitute sexual stuff into the song. So last night while I was getting ready to brush my teeth and SC started singing the song I just groaned. “I don’t want that stuck in my head!”

She laughed and said, “I’ll just go lay down over the edge of the bed by myself then. Don’t forget your tea bag when you come back.”

Naturally this made it pretty tough to brush my teeth, so I abandoned that and followed SC to bed, but she stopped me. “Aren’t you going to brush your teeth? You know how I like distracting you.”

So that’s how I ended up attempting to brush my teeth while SC licked and sucked on my balls while hanging her head upside-down off the side of the bed. Needless to say, my teeth got a very thorough cleaning.

(I guess it’s time to write a post about the benefits of shaving your balls.)

Here’s a fun game that Sexy Corte and I came up with: Sexy Jenga! (Here’s how our game went when we played.)

Setup: Write the numbers 1-48 on the wooden blocks of your Jenga set. Print out the list below and perform the indicated activity when you pull the block with each number. Each activity should be performed for about one minute, and the game is over when the tower falls or you can’t avoid having sex.

  1. Distract your spouse with your hands while they draw their next piece.
  2. Distract your spouse with your mouth while they draw their next piece.
  3. Distract your spouse visually while they draw their next piece.
  4. Distract your spouse by footsie while they draw their next piece.
  5. Remove an article of your clothing. If naked, play with yourself.
  6. Remove an article of your clothing. If naked, play with yourself.
  7. Remove an article of your clothing. If naked, play with yourself.
  8. Remove an article of your spouse’s clothing. If naked, your spouse plays with themself.
  9. Remove an article of your spouse’s clothing. If naked, your spouse plays with themself.
  10. Remove an article of your spouse’s clothing. If naked, your spouse plays with themself.
  11. Lap dance
  12. Make out, focus on breasts
  13. Make out, focus on butt
  14. Make out, focus on husband’s body
  15. Lick/suck your spouse wherever they like, focus on using your lips
  16. Lick/suck your spouse wherever they like, focus on using your tongue
  17. Lick/suck your spouse wherever they like, focus on kissing
  18. Perform a sexy massage
  19. Spank your spouse. Tell them how they were naughty.
  20. Receive a spanking from your spouse. Confess how you were naughty.
  21. Rub your fingertips over your spouse’s exposed skin
  22. Tell your spouse a sexy story
  23. Slow dance to a song of your choice
  24. Sexy dance for your spouse to a song of their choice
  25. Serenade your spouse
  26. Put your fingers wherever you want
  27. Put your spouse’s fingers wherever you want
  28. Put your mouth wherever you want
  29. Put your spouse’s mouth wherever you want
  30. Describe a sexual fantasy
  31. Turn off the lights and grope each other
  32. Fake an orgasm
  33. Draw your spouse in the nude
  34. Take off your clothes as quickly as possible
  35. Take off your spouse’s clothes as quickly as possible
  36. Hold your hands behind your back while your spouse ravishes you
  37. Kiss and lick your spouse’s neck
  38. Kiss and lick your spouse’s inner leg, as high up as is currently bared
  39. Tease your spouse, make them beg for more
  40. Each spouse: pick a part of your spouse’s body and write a couplet about it
  41. Pick a toy or prop for your post-game lovemaking
  42. Role-play: pick up your spouse at a party
  43. Role-play: you’re a photographer; pose your spouse and take pictures
  44. Role-play: your spouse is your professor and you’re going to fail the class if you don’t change their mind
  45. Role-play: your spouse is a cop and you really don’t want to get another speeding ticket
  46. Game: Sexy staring contest
  47. Game: Blindfold yourself and catch your spouse (Marco Polo)
  48. Game: Sexy thumb wrestling, use your free hand to distract by any means

Winning: winner decides how to start having sex.

Repetition: some pieces of wood are larger than others, so if you seem to get the same activities every time you play you can just add 1 to your numbers.

The Generous Husband writes: great sex only comes from frequent sex.

Anything more than good sex requires a solid relationship, with trust, love, and real knowledge of each other. It requires time and effort. Incredible sex requires more of the same – probably several years. Really mind blowing sex may take a decade or more, depending on how much baggage you each have and how dedicated you each are to having a deep and intimate relationship.

Beyond trust, knowing, and a real connection, great sex only happens as part of frequent sex. It is like anything else from bowling to dance – you can enjoy doing it on occasion, but to be good at it you have to do it over, and over, and over.

Over and over and over with the same person, of course. Multiple studies show that married people have more and better sex than single people. (Of course the linked-to article tries to put a negative spin on the positve results, but hey.)

“Studies have found that married people have more sex than single people, and they also have more varied sex,” says sexual health expert and best-selling author Dr. Laura Berman, who hosts “In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman” on OWN. ”Oral sex is also more common among married people.”

One of the most comprehensive studies on the subject, which was released in 2010 by the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, confirmed this, compiling statistics on sexual attitudes and habits of 5,865 people between ages 14 and 94. An average of 61 percent of singles reported that they hadn’t had sex within the past year, compared with 18 percent of married people. Looking specifically at those between the ages of 25 and 59, 25 percent of married people reported that they were still having sex two to three times per week versus less than five percent of singles.

The negatives in the article are basically a twisted explanation of the investment that a good marriage requires. Marriage creates a potential: if that potential is nurtured and cherished it will grow into an amazing relationship; if the potential is neglected and abused it will whither into a dried-up husk. (But apparently you’ll still be having more sex than your single friends.)

Since we’re writing to married people here, the point is simple: if you want better sex, have more sex.

Gerad exhorts husbands specifically: “life” is a marriage killer. He writes:

Your marriage goes from “the two of us are the priority”, to “now that we have kids, we can’t be the priority right now”. And you might even convince yourselves that “it’s only for a little while”, or “when the kids are gone, we’ll pick up where we left off!”, but it’s not, and you won’t.

When all that “life stuff” starts taking over the priorities, you and your wife start what I call a“slow drift” apart from each other. Slowly but surely, “life” starts to sit in between you and your wife, and before you know it, you realize that you haven’t had sex in two weeks, and you’re crabby with each other, but you don’t really remember why, and the kids are acting out, because they’ve noticed something’s up with mom and dad, and life just seems miserable.Ever been there? I know we sure have. And you know what the cause is? Life. Plain, simple, boring, LIFE.

Like many problems, it’s a matter of priorities. Everything in life seems so important, but for the most part that’s a delusion. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the life of John the Baptist. He only lived about 30 years. What do we know of him from the Bible? He lived in the wilderness, baptized a bunch of people (including Jesus), and got executed by Herod. Those are the only aspects of his life that were important enough to God to write in Bible. And what does Jesus say about John? “Truly, I say to you, among those born of women there has arisen no one greater than John the Baptist.”

Having sex with your wife is the most important thing you’ll do most days. Make it a priority. Your kids, your job, your lawn, your hobbies… they’ll still be there after you’ve given her an amazing orgasm. Do it today.

When we got married I surprised Sexy Corte with a set of Liberator wedge pillows (which were, at the time, on sale at Amazon). I think she was skeptical at first, but in the years since we’ve gotten a lot of use out of them. If I could introduce any couple to one new toy, it would be these pillows. (Assuming they already have an egg vibrator. Hopefully SC will post about those soon.)

The primary use of the wedges is for positioning. They’re firm and have a velvety texture so they grip against your bed and each other, which means you can set them up in limitless configurations to position your bodies at all sorts of different heights and angles. (The pillows came with a booklet of suggested positions; you can find it on the site above, but it has nudity so I’m not linking it.) They’re great for laying on, bending over, leaning on, or sitting against. We’ve even turned the big one on it’s side and used it to support SC’s legs so they don’t flail in the air when she’s laying on the edge of the bed.

You’ll notice that we bought the “black label” edition of the wedges which come with handy attach points for clip-on cuffs. We don’t use the cuffs as often as the pillows themselves, but occasionally I have a blast cuffing SC down and teasing her for a while. Not to brag, but our record is seven orgasms for her in 45 minutes. So, husbands, if you want to give your wife a ton of orgasms till she almost passes out and begs you to stop you might want to check these out. (I should get a commission.)

(Click here to read the whole Sex in Song of Solomon series.)

I’m going to do a series on the sexual passages of the book Song of Solomon (which, if you didn’t know, is in the Bible). This post is about chapter 1. The book is commonly understood as a celebration of marital/sexual love and it contains a lot of rather graphic imagery. It’s an especially important book because it’s very sex-positive and provides a powerful illustration of the joy God takes in the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife.

The book is written in the form of a dialogue between  the Lover and his Beloved, with occasionally interjections from the wife’s Friends. The language is dominated by agricultural metaphors that can make the book difficult to understand for modern readers who aren’t familiar with the context (which certainly includes me). I’m going to do my best to untangle the imagery, but some of it is guesswork.

The couple is not yet married at the beginning of the story and are fantasizing about each other. The book begins with the Beloved initiating sex rather explicitly.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than wine.
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
    your name is like perfume poured out.
    No wonder the young women love you!
Take me away with you—let us hurry!
    Let the king bring me into his chambers.

Nothing ambiguous there. Note especially the “let us hurry!” This woman needs some action. The Beloved continues:

Do not stare at me because I am dark,
    because I am darkened by the sun.
My mother’s sons were angry with me
    and made me take care of the vineyards;
    my own vineyard I had to neglect.
Tell me, you whom I love,
    where you graze your flock
    and where you rest your sheep at midday.
Why should I be like a veiled woman
    beside the flocks of your friends?

She works hard and takes care of her family, but her own needs have been neglected. The Beloved wants to find her Lover — why should she wander around like a prostitute (“like a veiled woman”) searching for him among the flocks?

Her Lover replies:

I liken you, my darling, to a mare
    among Pharaoh’s chariot horses.
Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings,
    your neck with strings of jewels.
We will make you earrings of gold,
    studded with silver.

The “mare among stallions” imagery is pretty hot. We read above that the young women adore the Lover, and the Beloved is no less in demand. The Lover will array his Beloved in jewels befitting her beauty.  (Some have interpreted these jewels to be the Lover’s semen shot onto his Beloved, but that may be a stretch.) When the Beloved replies she again turns the conversation to sex.

While the king was at his table,
    my perfume spread its fragrance.
My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
    resting between my breasts.
My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
    from the vineyards of En Gedi.

These three verses focus on the fragrances of the Beloved and her Lover. While the Beloved is spreading her… fragrance… her Lover is feasting. Her Lover is a packet of perfume (“csachet of myrrh) between her breasts. Women commonly used henna as a beauty product (as a component of make-up or hair coloring), and her Lover makes the Beloved feel beautiful.

The Lovers go on to praise each other:

Lover

How beautiful you are, my darling!
    Oh, how beautiful!
    Your eyes are doves.

Beloved

How handsome you are, my beloved!
    Oh, how charming!
    And our bed is verdant.

“Verdant” is “green with vegetation; covered with growing plants or grass” — but figuratively: alive and fruitful. The Lovers’ marriage bed is full of primal, natural life. This is a joyous picture that always makes me smile.

The Lover closes the chapter with a metaphor that must transcend the ages.

The beams of our house are cedars;
    our rafters are firs.

That’s a lot of wood. Beams and rafters create a rather girthy image in my mind, but given the intimacy of the moment I suppose we’ll excuse the Lover if he brags a little.

The chapter break isn’t fluid here, so let’s finish this post with the first two verses of chapter 2.

She

I am a rose of Sharon,
    a lily of the valleys.

He

Like a lily among thorns
    is my darling among the young women.

If wood is the ancient metaphor for the penis, its equivalent for the female is the flower. The Lover’s member is a massive cedar, and his Beloved’s girly bits are a beautiful lily — compared to her, the other young women are thorns and thistles.

In Seinfeld George Costanza decides to improve his sex life by adding food and television, creating “the Trifecta”. Hilarity ensues:

However, George’s girlfriend becomes displeased upon discovering him eating a pastrami sandwich while watching a portable TV during foreplay. This later creates problems for George, as he cannot eat anything without becoming aroused.

George was on to something, but apparently he didn’t have the skill or prowess to execute successfully. Lucky for you, Sexy Corte and I have tried all three versions of the Bifecta and I’m here to report the results!

Food and television: A great combination, but we recommend it for snacks rather than a major meal. We prefer to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the table as a family. However, after the kids go to sleep you might catch me and SC on the couch with some wine and ice cream.

Food and sex: Another winner! George’s major mistake was failing to bring his woman in on his food-play. Sexy Corte and I have gone through numerous cans of whipped cream on each other, and it’s probably our favorite sex food. It is fun to spray, cleans up easily, and doesn’t stain. The texture and temperature are great. Chocolate sauce other other sweets can be enjoyable, but so far we haven’t found anything as good as whipped cream. Are there any other foods we’re missing out on? (I don’t think we’re going to attempt to incorporate a pastrami sandwich.)

Sex and television: We’ve had mixed results. Normally what this Bifecta means to us is that one of us starts twiddling with the other after we’ve finished our ice cream. I personally love watching television while SC plays with me, but when the roles are reversed she gets very antsy and frustrated. Usually we end up pausing the show and having sex, which is why I say the results are mixed. Since we don’t want to watch porn together, are there any shows or movies that would particularly lend themselves to viewing during sex?

The Trifecta: We’ve never attempted the Trifecta… the closest we’ve gotten was one time when SC started sucking me off while I finished my ice cream. Things escalated from there, but no food or television was involved. I’m not convinced that the Trifecta is worth perfecting.

What’s your experience? Do you have an alternate Trifecta we need to try?