XXX Church has a post with some tips for great sex in your marriage (thanks for the pointer, SC). There’s definitely no shortage of tips on the internet, but here are my top two from this post:
#1 Twice a week.
#5 NO More Excuses.
For #1, I think twice a week is pretty modest. I guess if you’re at twice a month then quadrupling that would seem like a bonanza (or a hassle), but really, this is a very low bar. Sexy Corte and I have young kids, jobs, hobbies, etc., and we do it 8-10 times a week. If that sounds crazy to you, then one of both of these is true:
- You don’t want to have sex that much
- Your spouse doesn’t want to have sex that much
If it’s both of you, then great. I’d still recommend having sex twice a week, but whatever. If you both want to miss out then that’s up to you.
If your spouse wants it and you don’t, then you need to check yourself before you wreck your marriage. Introspect. Maybe your spouse can “improve” something to increase your libido, but honestly, your lack of desire is primarily your problem to fix. So get on it. This is #5 above: no more excuses.
If you’re desperate for sex and your spouse isn’t interested, then maybe there are some things you can do to help the situation. Here are some basics:
- Hygiene. Seriously, are you clean? Are your sexy bits clean? Do you shower, or stink? How’s your breath? This is pretty basic, but it’s worth mentioning.
- Grooming. Do you make an effort to be attractive? Do you shave your face or legs (or balls)? Do you put on something sexy? Or do you expect your spouse to swoon for a slob?
- Attitude. Is your attitude crappy? Do you complain a lot or pick fights over stupid stuff? Are you grateful for your spouse, or bitter? Are you helpful and understanding, or dismissive and impatient? Are you like Christ?
- Enthusiasm. When you initiate sex are you demanding, resentful, whiny, desperate… or enthusiastic? Everyone loves to have fun, so be excited! “Want to try something crazy?” “Look what I just read on Married Christian Sex!” “I can’t wait till we’re alone together later….” Be flirty and fun. Build up anticipation.
- Pray! Yes, God cares about your sex life, and He wants it to be awesome. If it isn’t all you want it to be, then pray about it. Confess your sins, look inside yourself and change what needs to change. Pray that God would be at work in your spouse too. Pray that God would give you a great sex life, and that your spouse will want it as much as you. God works through prayer.
I’ve still got to write my post about enthusiasm….
Sexy Corte was digging through the toy drawer last night and found some KY Warming Liquid that she put on my night stand. We hadn’t used it for a couple of years, and the brisk fall weather this afternoon encouraged us to give it another shot. I applied it to her ladybits during foreplay and rubbed her good while she used her mouth on me, and a great time was had by all. However, the warming liquid was underwhelming.
First off, does it “warm”? Well, it warmed my hand up a little, but Sexy Corte said that she couldn’t really feel any warming on her… surprising, right? Her lips should be more sensitive than my fingers. Even after penetration it didn’t seem to do anything for her warmth-wise.
Second, it’s pretty thin as a lubricant. While I was fingering her the warming liquid was certainly better than nothing, but it wasn’t as slick as a water-based lube and I had to apply more several times. It’s not like we needed a heavy duty lube, but because of the larger quantity it was messier than lube and less effective.
It’s probably going back in the drawer for a couple more years.
Your wife’s hips are awesome — beautiful and functional! Sure, there’s the whole having-a-baby thing, but they’re important for making babies too. I’m sure you’re familiar with their aesthetic value, but did you know that your wife’s hips are basically handles for her lady bits? Hips are super-sexy not just because they look great, but also because when a woman yields control of her hips she’s submitting her whole body to you. Nothing says “do me!” like when her hips melt into you.
- Hips are awesome for turning a peck into a make-out session. When you want a deeper kiss you don’t grab her lips, you pull her hips up against yours and let her feel your arousal.
- You can grab her hips to pull your wife into your lap. Or over your lap, if she needs a spanking.
- When you hug her from behind, hold her around the hips — this can be much more erotic than a hug around the stomach, and it’s less obvious in public than if you grab her breasts!
Use your wife’s hips to direct her movements in almost any sexual position.
- Doggie style is the most obvious, as you can use her hips to pull yourself deeper.
- In missionary position you can use your thighs to change the angle of her hips. For the most control you want to angle her hips back so that her legs can go up in the air.
- When she’s on top you can hold her hips and use your hands to guide her rhythm, as well as the style of motion (up-and-down, rolling, etc.). Use your hands to slow her down if you’re trying to delay orgasm.
- Hip positioning is pretty critical for most positions, and your wife will probably appreciate it if you guide her to the right spot rather than making her guess.
Hips are awesome, so grab on!
Dr. Evil shaved his balls and you should too! Sure, it was an awkward joke in Austin Powers, but the truth is that ball licking feels incredible and your wife will appreciate it too — which means more licking! Both of those links have great tips and tricks for the ladies on how to pleasure their husband’s jewels, so check ’em out. The rest of this post is for the husbands.
So you’ve got a few questions before taking the plunge? Let me address some of the most common concerns.
- “It’s weird!” Well, I don’t have any statistics about how many men shave, but I’ll tell you this: no one will be able to tell by looking at you when clothed. Unless you’re stripping down in front of people frequently, your shaving can be completely secret. Considering how many women shave, I bet the number of men is higher than you think.
- “Shaving will hurt!” It doesn’t. It can be nerve-wracking the first time you put a safety razor down there, but if you use common sense you’ll be fine. You shave your face routinely, right? I personally shave in the shower with a cheapo disposable razor and don’t use any shaving cream or soap. The warm water is enough to lubricate the skin and razor, and the hairs just wash away. I’ve nicked myself a few times, but the spots of blood stop themselves before I get out of the shower.
- “My bare balls will itch or chafe!” Actually the smooth skin feels awesome. No more hairs to be pulled or caught in skin or clothing. Once you go bare you’ll never go back.
There are numerous benefits.
- First and foremost, I guarantee you will get more blow jobs. What’s that worth to you?
- It will feel crazy intense when your wife licks your bare balls. You will love it.
- Your wife will like not flossing with your pubes while she’s down there. The whole area will be cleaner, smell better, and be more inviting.
- It feels great during intercourse too, especially if your wife is bare. No more hair to get caught or pulled, and lots more skin-on-skin contact in the most important places.
- Your erection will look bigger.
- Tea bagging is easier and awesomer when your balls can hang loose and slide into her mouth.
Do it! You won’t regret it. Tell us how it works out for you!
Chair sex can be pretty fun for a quickie, and you’ve got several positions available. Many people put chairs in their bedroom anyway (to sit or to help get dressed), so you may as well “explore the space” and use your chairs for sex! Of course, chair sex doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom.
First off, make sure that you’ve got an appropriate chair: for intercourse you’re going to really prefer a chair with no arms. Chair arms really interfere with girl legs and limit your options. Your chair should also be sturdy enough for two and sans wheels. You don’t want anyone falling off, do you? Finally, get a chair that’s the right height for the wife’s feet to reach the ground while she’s sitting on her husband’s lap. Saw the legs down if you have to! If the wife is at the right height, she can really go to town.
The two most obvious positions are with the husband sitting in the chair and the wife sitting on top.
- Face-to-face in a chair is a great position. If the chair’s the right height the wife can straddle her husband and move around in every direction (up, down, forwards, backwards, side-to-side, hip rolling, etc.). This is similar to a wife-on-top position in bed, except she has a greater range of motion since she’s on her feet rather than her knees. Since she’s higher up her thighs won’t tire as quickly, so you’re in for a great ride! The husband should slouch down in the chair to best take advantage of his length. He should play with her clit and breasts and make sure her efforts are appreciated!
- Front-to-back in a chair also works well. Every guy loves Reverse Cowgirl, but if you’re on a bed the position is really hard for the girl — it’s basically super-deep squats. However, when the husband is in a chair the wife will be higher off the ground and will have much better leverage with her legs, so she won’t tire as fast. Front-to-back can really benefit from an adjustable-height chair and doesn’t suffer much from chair-arms, so an office chair can work well as long as you can keep it from rolling (move it to the carpet). Depending on the angle of the husband’s penis the wife might need to lean back towards him to avoid bending him, or the husband can “reverse slouch” to angle himself more downward. Ideally the wife should bear all her weight on her own legs to give herself the greatest range of motion. As with all front-to-back positions the view for the guy is great, and it’s fun to grab her hips and spank her ass while she rides. Unfortunately, front-to-back positions aren’t usually as climactic for the woman.
In addition to front-to-back and face-to-face, chairs also enable some other fun.
- Blow jobs, of course. A lower-than-normal chair can be beneficial to position his penis at the right height, and chair arms probably don’t matter. Make him feel like a king on his throne!
- Side-saddle is much easier in a chair than on a bed. It’s basically just what it sounds like: the wife turns herself sideways (90 degrees) from her husband and sits on him. This is a great position for making out and snuggling.
- Bent-over also works with a chair, but this position isn’t very chair-specific. You can bend your wife over pretty much anything.
- Tied-up: it’s easy to introduce some bondage play when you’re using a chair, and it should be obvious how to tie up a man while he’s sitting. It can be more challenging to tie a woman to a chair and keep her important bits accessible! One possibility is to lay the chair on its back on the floor and have your wife kneel on it. Put her knees in the corner where the back and seat of the chair meet, and lay her torso down across the legs of the chair. Now you can tie her feet to the top of the back of the chair (get a ladder-back chair) and her wrists to the rear feet of the chair (near the floor). This will hold her in a doggy-style position, but make sure her knees are padded or it will get uncomfortable.
Do you have any other great chair sex positions or ideas? Share them in the comments!
You may have noticed that we’ve changed the visual style of the blog. We want our site to be as readable and engaging as possible, so what do you think? Do you like the new look?
Sexy Corte pointed out something to me that I hadn’t noticed about myself: I like to hold hands during sexy time. Because of positioning I’m mostly able to hold SC’s hands while we’re focused on me; while she’s climaxing her hands are usually wrapped around my neck or body. But when I orgasm, more often than not my hands are entwined with hers.
Holding hands seems somewhat mundane for a married couple, right? I mean, we touch each other all the time, and while we’re having sex we’re touching each other in all sorts of ways. And yet, holding hands is special: so innocently intimate. Sex itself is the “ultimate” connection with another person, but when you’re holding hands you know that you aren’t just props for each other to use to get off. You’re friends and lovers and married.
How do you touch your spouse to increase intimacy while you have sex?
Sexy Corte and I recently purchased a We-Vibe II. SC has an easier time climaxing with a vibrator, and we thought that the We-Vibe would give us some positional options that our trusty egg vibrator doesn’t allow.
The way you use the We-Vibe is pretty simple: the narrow arm (on the bottom in the picture above) is inserted into the vagina and the larger arm nestles over the clitoris. The U-shape is springy enough to hold it in place, and the device is completely sealed so you can lube the whole thing up. The battery is sealed inside and charges by induction from the included charger. This means that it takes 16+ hours to charge fully, but there’s no port on the outside that could get gummed up or let liquid inside.
We were pretty excited to try the We-Vibe II when it arrived, but we had to wait a day while it charged. Bummer! The next evening we were especially horny and we leaped into bed. The device itself is easy to apply to the woman — just slip it in and position the outer arm in the right place. Unfortunately we ran into two problems that ruined the experience for us.
First and foremost, the vibration just didn’t do it for Sexy Corte. It was pretty weak and she said that it didn’t hit the right spot. We moved it around and played with it extensively, but even when I used my hands to manipulate the vibrator she said that it just wasn’t going to get her to orgasm.
Second, it was uncomfortable for me during penetration. We used a lot of lube, but the vibrator itself rubbed me the wrong way while entering and thrusting. It felt pretty much like you’d expect: like rubbing the slippery tube of a magic marker across my erection. Distracting and unsexy.
So despite really wanting to like it, neither of us got much pleasure from the We-Vibe II. We’re going to stick with our egg vibrator.
Update: MarriedHeat has a review of the We-Vibe 4 Plus which includes remote activation. Seems like they liked it more than we liked ours.
Next time you’re giving your wife the business you can throw in some historical sex slang from her favorite century to liven things up before ringing her bell. Just make sure you pick some chronologically consistent slang… anachronisms really kill the mood.
Slang timeline for sexual intercourse.
Slang timeline for other sexual acts.
Slang timeline for orgasms and various secretions.
Slang timeline for the vagina.
Slang timeline for the penis.
The kids have an annoying electronic toy tea pot that sings a really catchy song that frequently gets stuck in our heads. Sexy Corte and I like to change the words around, and we think it’s pretty funny to substitute sexual stuff into the song. So last night while I was getting ready to brush my teeth and SC started singing the song I just groaned. “I don’t want that stuck in my head!”
She laughed and said, “I’ll just go lay down over the edge of the bed by myself then. Don’t forget your tea bag when you come back.”
Naturally this made it pretty tough to brush my teeth, so I abandoned that and followed SC to bed, but she stopped me. “Aren’t you going to brush your teeth? You know how I like distracting you.”
So that’s how I ended up attempting to brush my teeth while SC licked and sucked on my balls while hanging her head upside-down off the side of the bed. Needless to say, my teeth got a very thorough cleaning.
(I guess it’s time to write a post about the benefits of shaving your balls.)