Sexy Corte’s favorite way to reach orgasm is on top of me with a vibrator wedged between us. I recently wrote a post about what a husband can do with his hands while his wife’s on top, and now I’m going to give you a few ideas for what to do after your wife has a screaming orgasm.

First, best, and most important is for the husband to wrap his arms around his wife and squeeze her tightly against his body while she trembles through the aftershocks of her orgasm. This period only lasts for a minute or so, but it’s one of my favorite parts of sex! I love enveloping Sexy Corte while she shakes and moans after her orgasm; it’s so intimate to share her orgasm with her from the outside and inside at the same time. This is a great time to whisper in her ear how much I love her and how sexy she is.

As her orgasm subsides, there are several options we enjoy for finishing up my orgasm. By the time Sexy Corte climaxes I’ve been holding my orgasm back for a while and I’m usually ready to explode, so none of these activities generally lasts more than a few minutes!

  • Roll her over. We’ve gotten pretty good at rolling over together without pulling out: we flip her onto her back while I stay between her legs. With her knees up, this maneuver enables deeper penetration that often makes SC moan and writhe all over again and pushes me over the edge. Then we lay together and cuddle for a while.
  • Doggy style. Another great position for deeper penetration, and especially pleasurable for Sexy Corte after she orgasms. Her tightness in this position — and the fun of spanking her butt a few times — can make it impossible for me to hold back, but sometimes I go slow and drag things out for a few minutes of exquisitely intense stimulation.
  • Ride to the finish line. Instead of changing positions, sometimes Sexy Corte stays on top and rides me to the finish line. If the timing is right, we may just orgasm together and collapse.
  • Multiple orgasms. If the circumstances are just right, sometimes Sexy Corte will be up for having another orgasm! Incredibly fun for me and intense for her. Most of the time one is enough, but sometimes the first orgasm isn’t quite right for some reason and leaves her feeling unsatisfied. That’s no good! After two orgasms she’s usually exhausted and extra-cuddly.
  • In her mouth. It’s really sexy to me when Sexy Corte alternates between her vagina and mouth while we’re having sex, and sometimes when we’re having sex I think I’d really like to finish in her mouth… but then when it comes time, I decide I’d rather orgasm in her vagina. It’s a primal imperative.
  • On her body. The husband can also finish on the wife’s body, but that seems like it would be an anticlimactic way to finish awesome sex. We’ve tried this a little, and it doesn’t really do it for us. Also: not an effective form of birth control!

I think it’s pretty common for the wife to orgasm first, so please leave a comment and share you ideas for what to do after her orgasm. Do you change positions?

Some of the most common questions we get are variations of, “how do I talk with my spouse about sex?” So here are a collection of tips, both positive and negative. I won’t elaborate much on each one, but I’m happy to answer questions in the comments.

(See also: Sexy Corte’s advice for dealing with sexual frustration and a simple script for husbands dealing with sexual rejection.)

  1. Pray first. Either together or separately, pray that God will bless your marriage and your sex life. Ask for humility and gentleness towards your spouse. Pray that God will help you to understand and love each other the way He intends.
  2. Be honest and gentle. Remember that your goal isn’t to manipulate your spouse into a certain behavior, it’s to grow in intimacy together. Be brave enough to be honest, and be humble enough to receive honesty from your spouse. Agree together that it’s safe to be honest with each other, and then discipline your own emotions before you react to honesty from your spouse.
  3. Pick the right time. When you and your spouse are in a good mood, when you’re feeling connected, when you have time for an intimate conversation. Talking about sex after you have a great sexual encounter can be wonderful, but avoid it after a disappointing encounter. Even if the conversation is urgent to you, respect your spouse enough to be patient. If you think your spouse will be resistant to even talking about sex, you might want to give him or her a heads-up that you’d like to have a conversation sometime in the near future.
  4. Set a purpose and expectations. Clearly explain your purpose for the conversation at the beginning. Talk about the most important thing first, and try to focus on one topic at a time. It’s easy to get distracted by side issues, especially if communication has been poor for a while and there are a lot of pent-up frustrations. Recognize that you may need to give your spouse some space to vent, but try to keep your contributions to the conversation as focused as possible.
  5. Stay positive. Express your love, admiration, and gratitude for your spouse. Don’t complain, but instead talk about how passionate you are for a great sex life. You don’t need to be pointlessly cheery, but using positive language helps avoid hostility and defensiveness. Consider the difference between “we hardly ever have sex” and “I’d love for us to have an exciting sex life together”.
  6. Ask questions to understand. Make sure your questions are sincere and loving. It’s very tempting to use questions to disguise accusations and frustrations, but your spouse isn’t a fool and will quickly grow to resent these passive-aggressive attacks. Focus on “what” and “how” questions instead of “why” questions — “what would you like from our sex life?”, “how do you feel about oral sex?” “Why” questions often make people defensive at having to justify or explain themselves. You want to understand what and how your spouse feels, but you don’t need to dig into why.
  7. Be specific and explicit. Your spouse can’t read your mind. Your spouse can’t read your mind. Get it? Your spouse can’t read your mind! If you want something specific, you have to use actual words to say so. I know it’s more “romantic” if your spouse just knows what you want and does it without you asking, but that’s not how real humans work. If you don’t know exactly what you want then it’s fine to express a general desire, but then be prepared to discuss it and nail down some specifics.
  8. Reach a conclusion. Before you’re both exhausted, revisit your purpose for the conversation. Have you accomplished your purpose? If so, declare victory and conclude the discussion. Great job: you successfully talked about sex! On the other hand, if your conversation has meandered endlessly make an effort to refocus yourselves and reach a conclusion.
  9. Actionable agreement. At the end of your discussion make sure that you each know what actions you’ve agreed to take. Don’t settle for a vague understanding that something will be different from now on — make your agreement specific and explicit. “Yes, I will try XYZ”“Yes, I will plan at least one date night each month”.
  10. Follow through. Now that you’ve made a specific and explicit agreement, you actually have to do it. If you find that your spouse isn’t living up to what he or she agreed to, you’ll need to have another conversation.“It really meant a lot to me when you agreed to plan a date night for us each month. I can’t wait to spend that time with you. Will we be able to do it soon? I’ll make it worth your while….”

I’m sure there’s a lot more that can be said… hundreds of books worth… but these are the main points I find myself writing to people over and over. What do you think? Share your ideas or questions in the comments!

Apparently this hotel/sculpture, titled “Domestikator”, was too hot to display at the Louvre. (And now the piece is getting a lot more attention than it ever would have if the museum hadn’t removed it.)

The French publication Le Monde reported that the Louvre’s director, Jean-Luc Martinez, sent a letter to Fiac raising concerns about the piece.

“Online commentaries point out this work has a brutal aspect,” Mr. Martinez said in the letter. “It risks being misunderstood by visitors to the gardens.”

The museum also raised concerns about the sculpture, which is 40 feet high, being situated near a children’s playground.

Ok, so maybe playground-adjacent isn’t the best location for a 40-foot-tall depiction of doggy style.

Proverbs 15:16 says: “Better is a little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble with it.”

Psalm 127:2 says: “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat — for he grants sleep to those he loves.”

Proverbs 5:18-19 says: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer — may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

Maybe the Bible is on to something! Scientists have recently discovered that sleep and sex make you happier than wealth!

The new happiness index, developed by Oxford Economics and the National Centre for Social Research, and commissioned by Sainsbury’s, has found that sex and sleep are the two things that have the strongest association with a person’s happiness and wellbeing – well above money. Researchers found that while upping your income (even if you quadruple it) causes very little increase to your happiness, being well-rested and well-sexed have a significant impact on how joyful you feel. The study involved polling 8,250 Britons, finding that the average person has a Living Well score of 62.2.

Those who get the most sleep were found the score 15 points higher on the index than those who struggle with sleep, while people who are deeply dissatisfied with their sex lives scored seven points lower than those who said they’re very satisfied. To be clear – very satisfied doesn’t mean these people are having loads of sex. It just means they’re very happy with the quality and frequency of the sex they’re having. Increasing your household income from £12,500 to £50,000, meanwhile, results in an increase of only two points.

So quit working late, leave the chores for later, and go to bed with your spouse!

We get a lot of emails with questions and comments — which are great! — but nothing is more gratifying than hearing from readers who have experienced a positive change in their sex lives thanks to our blog. We believe it’s God’s will for every married couple to have amazing sex, and we’re thrilled to play even a small role in spreading that blessing.

This email from “FN” is so exciting! Who wouldn’t want a marriage like this?

Hello SC! I just wanted to write and thank you for your website. You have given me so much, I don’t know, liberty maybe? My husband and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary in September. We were each other’s first and only sex partners over all these years, but because of me our sex life wasn’t always good. My husband had every reason to go elsewhere (and I thank God daily that he didn’t). I changed over the years and sex got better but I was really thinking only about myself or “doing the deed” to keep him satisfied. There were things he wanted to do but I just didn’t know if they were acceptable for Christians. Some of these things I became okay with over time, but there were still others that I cringed at every time he suggested them.

A week ago after having sex where he just did not orgasm (and he does almost all the time) he asked me if I was having sex just to please him — did I really want it? Well, I did — we had found a really good position that had made me climax a couple of times and I really liked it, but his comment was like a slap in the face and I realized that I still wasn’t pleasing my man. I did a google search for what was acceptable in a Christian marriage and came across your website. I read, read, and read some more. That night we had the most amazing sex, and our attitude has lasted all week! We’ve been having sex two or three times every day! I think we’ve had more sex in the past week then we did in the last six months. Sad I know.

I am so hot for my husband right now, I only remember feeling this way a handful of times over the years. I have been obsessing about sex with him all week. We ordered new toys and sexy nighties, and I can’t wait for them to arrive. I have been spicing up every evening and we have been going to bed much earlier than normal. He is in heaven and wonders who I am, so I shared this site with him.

My children really need to hurry up and move out so I can meet him at the door in my birthday suit! (I do love my children but I’m ready for the empty nest/house so we can have sex anywhere!) Thank you again for your site. I wish I had read articles like yours 30 years ago, but I’m looking forward to the remaining years God gives us together.

If reading this email makes you sad or envious because your sex life isn’t everything it could be, don’t despair! God answers prayers, and he wants you to have a strong marriage and a great sex life with your spouse. Pray, confess any sin in your life that is hampering your marriage, communicate with your spouse, see a doctor if you need to… do whatever it takes to strengthen your marriage and invigorate your sex life! Let the email above be an encouragement to you.

If you have a similar story to share, please leave a comment!

One of our most frequent sex positions is cowgirl, with Sexy Corte straddling me and facing forward while I lay on my back. This is the easiest position for her to reach orgasm, and in this position I’m able to hold off my orgasm until she’s ready. While riding cowgirl her arms and legs are pretty well occupied, but my hands are free to play and roam at will! So, what can the husband’s hands do while is wife is on top?

Here are a few ideas to drive your wife crazy and enjoy her body while her arousal builds.

  • Kiss! Who doesn’t love kissing? I find it extremely hot when my tongue is in Sexy Corte’s mouth during penetration.
  • Play with her breasts. Pretty obvious, and the topic deserves its own post. Your wife probably has a favorite way for her breasts to be touched, and when she’s on top it’s a great time to experiment and find out what she likes.
  • Suck on her nipples. I mean, they’re right there in front of your face! How can you not?
  • Touch her face. Trace your fingers over her ears, cheeks, and lips. Put your finger in her mouth to suck. Hold her cheek up against yours. Let her bury her face in your neck, or vice versa.
  • Rub her back. There are a million ways to rub her back, and usually I let my touch get firmer as she gets closer to orgasm. When we start I glide lightly over her skin with my fingertips, but as she gets close to orgasm I grab her firmly.
  • Play with her butt. I love Sexy Corte’s butt, and when she’s on top I can’t keep my hands off it. Rub it, grab it, pinch it, spank it, whatever you both enjoy. When a woman is aroused it’s common for her pain threshold to increase, which means that she may enjoy a little more roughness than she would otherwise. Make sure to communicate about what she does or doesn’t like.
  • Trace down the length of her body. She’s naked, and because she’s kneeling the full length of her body is within arms reach. Trace your fingertips from her fingers to her shoulders, then down her sides, over her hips, down her thighs and calves, and then to the tips of her toes. Then go back up!
  • Grab her hips. When the wife is on top, her hips are where the action’s at. Follow her movements with your hands, or take control and guide her hips the way you want. You probably can’t use your strength to make her move faster, but you can do one of two things: slow her down, or pull her deeper onto you. Slowing her down can help you hold off your own orgasm if necessary, and pulling her deeper can give her a burst of stimulation. I often use my thumbs to trace over Sexy Corte’s hip bones, which drives her nuts.
  • Rub her throat and upper chest. The breasts are obvious, but you can also get a lot of mileage from touching your wife’s throat and upper chest. Light touches here are definitely best! If she’s aroused and working hard, you might be able to feel her pulse in her neck with your fingertips, which I find to be pretty hot.
  • Tickle. Ok, Sexy Corte hates being tickled in any context, but when she’s on top and aroused it drives her crazy when I lightly touch under her arms. It doesn’t seem to tickle, but it definitely gets a strong positive reaction.

When she’s ready to explode, here are three tricks for helping her over the edge.

  • Classical conditioning. Pick a spot on her body to focus your touch on every time she orgasms — I use Sexy Corte’s upper back, right between her shoulder blades. When she climaxes, I rub my hand in a circle on this spot on her back (not exclusively, but frequently). As a result, her body is conditioned to orgasm in response to this touch. It’s not magic, but when she’s close to orgasm I can often push her over the edge just by tracing a circle on her upper back. A fun side effect is that the same touch often elicits a shiver and a purr from her even when we’re not in bed!
  • Hold the vibratorFor the most part our wireless vibrator will stay wedged between us against her clitoris without me holding it, but as she gets close to orgasm and moves more vigorously I often slip a hand down to hold the vibrator in place. If the vibrator slides out of position at a critical moment it can really disrupt the progression to orgasm.
  • Pull back her clitoral hood. If I’m holding the vibrator in place, sometimes it’s beneficial to use my other hand to pull upwards on the skin above her mons pubis. This skin is connected to her clitoral hood several inches below, and gently pulling it up will help expose her clitoris more directly to the vibrator, without risking dislodging the vibrator by shoving a (second) hand down there. This isn’t always necessary or good, but if she’s having trouble getting over the edge to orgasm this trick can make the difference.

Finally, how can you tell what she likes?

  • Words. Ask her to tell you what she likes! And wives, don’t be shy — your husband wants to know how to please you!
  • Moans, groans, and screams of pleasure. When she reacts positively to something, make a mental note to revisit it later. You don’t need to keep doing the same thing the whole time (unless she requests it), but make sure to revisit the touch that made her moan and see if it has the same effect again.
  • Vaginal tightening. Oftentimes your wife’s vagina will tighten on you in response to pleasurable stimulation. Sometimes it just means that she’s getting closer to orgasm, but a pulse of tightness can be an unconscious indication of intense pleasure.
  • Throwing her body backward or collapsing forward. If your wife is holding a body position and then suddenly surges forward or backward this can be an indication that she was momentarily overcome with intense stimulation and her body needed to reposition itself in response. Stimulation that’s too intense is uncomfortable, but as your wife gets more aroused her stimulation threshold will increase and you can revisit a touch that might have been too intense just a few minutes earlier.
  • Post-sex debriefing. After sex, talk with each other about what you each liked best. What do you want more of? Less of? None of? What was your favorite way to give pleasure? Receive pleasure? Don’t debate or challenge each other, there aren’t any wrong answers. Just talk openly and honestly.

Do you have any tips to share? Wives, what do you like your husbands to do with his hands when you’re on top? Leave a comment!

So here’s a term that’s new to me: “outercourse”, as opposed to intercourse. Basically, sexual stuff other than penetration, and somehow distinct from mere foreplay.

This term “outercourse” refers to sex that isn’t intercourse and doesn’t involve penetration. It can include kissing, touching, erotic massage and using sex toys, just to name a few options.

“When we equate intercourse and sex and call everything that comes before intercourse ‘foreplay,’ we are buying into the cultural script that sex should proceed as follows: foreplay (just enough to get her ready for intercourse), intercourse (during which both women and men orgasm), and game over,” Mintz said. But sex doesn’t have to involve intercourse at all. Even when it does, other forms of stimulation can add to the experience and may improve the odds of reaching orgasm.

Herbenick suggested that couples take a lesson from the early days of their relationship. “Sometimes, when people are first getting together, they spend time making out and touching each other’s genitals long before they start having oral sex or intercourse with each other,” she explained. “All too often, once oral sex and intercourse become part of their routine, the rest fades away — which is too bad, considering how powerful genital touching can be.”

It’s true that making out tends to give way to sex as your relationship matures, but is that somehow less than ideal?

Sexy Corte and I often invest a lot of time, creativity, and energy into foreplay (with various games, bondage, toys, etc.), but then we have sex. SC requires clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but still strongly prefers to climax with penetration.

I definitely see the argument for more and better foreplay — and the importance of recognizing that the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm — but I’m not sure I get the idea of outercourse and sex without penetration. What do you think? What role does outercourse have in your marriage?

(Click here to read the whole Sex in Song of Solomon series.)

Song of Solomon, Chapter 7.

In chapter 6 we read the Lover and his Beloved praising each other, and chapter 7 continues that theme with the Lover’s admiration of his Beloved’s physical attributes. The imagery here isn’t hard to interpret.

How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
    O noble daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
    the work of a master hand.
Your navel is a rounded bowl
    that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
    encircled with lilies.
Your two breasts are like two fawns,
    twins of a gazelle.
Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
    by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
    which looks toward Damascus.
Your head crowns you like Carmel,
    and your flowing locks are like purple;
    a king is held captive in the tresses.
How beautiful and pleasant you are,
    O loved one, with all your delights!

The Lover delights in the beauty of his Beloved: her feet, thighs, stomach, breasts, neck, eyes, nose, head, hair. So what’s he going to do about it?

Your stature is like a palm tree,
    and your breasts are like its clusters.
I say I will climb the palm tree
    and lay hold of its fruit.
Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
    and the scent of your breath like apples,
and your mouth like the best wine.

And the Beloved’s response isn’t coy or shy — she invites her Lover into her fields and vineyards, where she promises to give him her love.

It goes down smoothly for my beloved,
    gliding over lips and teeth.
I am my beloved’s,
    and his desire is for me.

Come, my beloved,
    let us go out into the fields
    and lodge in the villages;
let us go out early to the vineyards
    and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
    and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.
The mandrakes give forth fragrance,
    and beside our doors are all choice fruits,
new as well as old,
    which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.

Mandrake root was believed to be an aphrodisiac that would also enhance fertility. The Beloved has laid up all the choice fruits of her sexuality for her Lover, both new and old. The image here is that the Beloved is eager to ravish her Lover with her body, ready and willing share with him the beauty that he has admired for so long. The Beloved offers everything to her Lover and holds nothing back.

Only one chapter to go!

It’s (past) time for another roundup of Christian sex links! Check out these blogs, we’re sure you’ll find something you like.

Your wife doesn’t always know when she’s aroused — Her indications of arousal aren’t as obvious (to either of you) as is a husband’s erection!

Several links about initiating sex:

Wives, don’t be afraid of your husband’s manhood!

How to have “vacation sex” when you’re not on vacation — Be prepared and bring your own lock when you’re actually on vacation!

Your husband needs a girlfriend — Hint: it’s you!

Ten minutes and lube — Quickies alone don’t make a great sex life.

Talk about sex outside the bedroom — Interesting advice for preserving the tranquility of your sex room.

Submission and headship, with handy four-quadrant diagrams — Definitely hard concepts to understand in our modern culture.

“When I orgasm, I shake all over” — Intense, uncontrollable sexual responsiveness from the wife is really hot.

Memorable first thrust technique — “Many women, once aroused and full of anticipation for intercourse, consider the first thrust to be their favorite part of intercourse.”

Don’t miss the good part of her cycle — It’s something we’ve started planning around!

Take advantage of every opportunity to talk with your kids about sex — “When our kids are curious and comfortable talking about sex, we think they are too young and by the time we think we should talk to them about sex, they are embarrassed.”

Three posts with wedding night tips for virgin brides: “What do I do?”, making the mental leap from “no” to “yes”, and “how to I avoid pain?” — Also great for new husbands to read.

Is your spouse really showing you all of his or her sexuality? — Fear/avoidance of rejection is common, even in marriage. How can you assure your spouse that he or she can really share any desire with you?

Erotic wisdom in Proverbs 5 — Hint: “fountains”, “wells”, and “cisterns” are symbolism.

If you have any links you want to share, leave them in the comments!

Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and providing that during intercourse can sometimes require complicated contortions! Sexy Corte orgasms most easily when she’s on top and we wedge a bullet vibrator between our bodies, but we’ve also been experimenting with some ideas for helping her climax in the missionary position. We’ve written before about using a vibrator in doggy style, and today I want to mention another variation: bending your wife over the corner of the bed.

The position is pretty simple. First, the wife stands facing the bed, straddling the corner with her thighs. Then she bends over, putting her chest onto the bed, keeping her feet on the floor, and positioning her lady bits right over the corner. Finally, the husband stands on the floor and enters her from behind, like standing doggy style. But here’s the big idea: while most of the wife’s weight is being supported by the bed (instead of her arms), she now has several options for stimulating her clitoris during intercourse.

  • Reach under herself to use her fingers.
  • Reach under herself to hold a vibrator.
  • Rub her clitoris against the surface of the bed.

When using a vibrator during kneeling doggy style, it can be difficult for the wife to position her head and shoulders comfortably while simultaneously reaching between her legs to hold a vibrator. Resting her body on the corner of the bed solves that, while also leaving space for the husband’s legs to stand. If your bed has a foot-board or corner posts you might still be able to make this position work by using wedge pillows or another piece of furniture that’s the right height.

Here are a few ideas for modifying the magic corner position:

  • Pick the wife’s feet up off the floor and put them on the husband’s shoulders.
  • Massage the wife’s back with lotion or oil.
  • You’re both facing the same direction, so make a bifecta out of it by watching your favorite show together.
  • Draw a henna tattoo on the wife’s back or butt, or just use a marker if you have one handy.
  • Ask the wife if she’s been naughty — this is a great position for spanking.
  • Since the wife is holding the vibrator, have her ask permission to orgasm and hold her on the edge as for long as she can stand it.

What do you think? Leave your ideas in the comments!