Men often have as much body shame as women do, even though it’s not as acceptable for a man to admit it. As I wrote in my previous post about making the most of the size you’ve got, it’s common for a man to worry that his penis isn’t as big, attractive, hard, or potent as it “should” be — according to the standards society imposes through the media. Even aside from pornography — which is a whole problem of its own — simple family sitcoms make frequent penis jokes at the expense of husbands and imply that wives crave a body type that most men don’t possess and can’t attain.

So, the previous post gave some practical tips for husbands and wives to make the most of the penis they share, and in this post I’m going to give some suggestions for how a wife can build her husband up by admiring his penis. Even if your husband has never expressed any anxiety about his penis, I assure you that he takes his member very seriously. Even more than his semen, a man’s penis represents his male power, virility, and essence. These ideas are guaranteed to make your husband more confident, happy, and affectionate (in and out of bed).

  • Don’t be afraid of it. Hopefully your husband is keeping his penis clean (and possibly shaving), so don’t be afraid to get right up close. If you’re uncomfortable around his penis then he’s definitely going to notice and feel self-conscious. The primary way to overcome this aversion is to familiarize yourself with it, whether in a sexual context or otherwise. Look at his penis, touch it, handle it, talk about it, play with it, get to know it. Make friends with your husband’s penis — it’s your penis, too!
  • Physical touch. This probably goes without saying, but your husband loves it when you touch his penis. Don’t touch it reluctantly or hesitantly — be enthusiastic! Use your hands and mouth, of course, but don’t hesitate to use other body parts, too. Your face, neck, breasts, stomach, and butt are all very intimate areas that you can rub against your husband’s penis to show your desire for it. “Can I play with you while we watch TV?” will send your husband through the roof.
  • Admire its physicality. Tell your husband how much you love his penis. Be sincere — what do you like about it? This is a super-easy way for a wife to initiate sex. Examples:
    • “I love how you fill me up”
    • “I love how you feel inside me”
    • “You’re so hard!”
    • “You taste so good”
    • “It feels so good when you slide into me”
    • “Just looking at you gets me so wet”
    • “You’re making my mouth water!”
    • Important note: don’t tell him his penis is big unless it actually is; men know, and if you lie about this it will simply undermine everything else you say.
  • Ask for it before sex. Just like women, men want to be wanted. Even if the husband initiates sex most of the time (which seems common), the wife can validate him by expressing her desire for his penis. Here are a few examples:
    • “I need you inside me right now”
    • “My body is aching for you”
    • “Go slow, I want to feel every inch of you”
    • “Please fill me up!”
    • “I can’t wait to wrap my lips around you”
    • “I’ve been wanting to taste you all day”
    • “I can’t wait to swallow you”
  • Responsiveness during sex. That link can give you some general tips for responding to your spouse during sex. Here are some ways to specifically respond to your husband’s penis:
    • Act like it hurts a little. Not enough to make him stop or worry, but a little moaning and groaning when he enters will go a long way. If he hesitates, just tell him, “No, don’t stop! It feels amazing!”
    • Moaning and groaning in general are sexy. I’m not suggesting that a wife should act deceptivelysimply that you should verbalize the pleasure you’re feeling.
    • “You’re so big!” — again, if he is.
    • “I feel so complete when you’re in me”
    • “You feel so warm inside me”
    • “You feel so hard inside me”
    • “Pound me harder!”
    • “My body feels so full!”
    • “Yes! I’ve needed this all day”
    • “I love feeling you so deep in me”
    • “I can feel you shooting inside me”
  • Show appreciation after sex. Tell your husband how much you enjoyed his penis.
    • “I can’t believe that fit inside me” — again, if plausible.
    • “I’m going to be sore for a while after that!”
    • “I can’t wait to get you inside me again”
    • “Let me lick you off”
    • “You hit me just right inside”
    • “I feel so empty inside without you in there”
  • Enjoy his semen. Read that link for details. Accepting your husband’s semen goes right along with enjoying his penis.

Wives, I predict that if you use one of these ideas each day you’ll have a huge positive effect on your husbands!

Do you have a tip to share? Husbands, is there anything you like to hear from your wife? Leave a comment below.

I think that unmarried men worry more about penis size than husbands do, but penis anxiety is pretty common among men — just like other forms of body shame are common among both men and women. It may be reassuring for a husband to learn that we worry more about our penis size than our wives probably do.

Men worry far more than women about penis size, according to Veale and his colleagues. One study, published in April in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, found that women preferred larger penises only up to a point (anything bigger than a flaccid length of 2.99 inches (7.59 centimeters) did not additionally impress women), and preferences also varied based on a guy’s height. A 2012 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found similarly ambivalent female preferences. In that study, women who experienced frequent vaginal orgasms were much more likely than other women to express an interest in better-endowed guys. For women who didn’t prefer vaginal orgasms, penis size was a far less pressing matter.

In case you’re wondering, the average American man’s penis is 5.6 inches long when erect with a girth of 4.8 inches. (You can measure girth (circumference) by wrapping a string around the widest part of the shaft and then measuring the length of the string.)

The real question though is: how can you make the most of what you’ve got? Here are a few suggestions.

  • Lose weight. If a man is carrying too much weight, the extra fat can submerge some of his length and hide it inside his body. Lift some weights!
  • Penis ring. They’re cheap and help maximize your erection (and can even help you last longer). A ring with a vibrator might also be fun for your wife!
  • Deeper sex positions. Missionary position isn’t the best for deep penetration. This topic deserves its own post, but the short version is this: while in missionary, push her knees way up towards her head; or try doggy style and have her arch her back. (“Arch” means to push her tummy down towards the bed, not to push her spine up towards the sky.) These positions will let your penis reach farther into her body and give her a greater sensation of fullness.
  • Legs together. Whatever position you use, your penis will feel thicker if your wife keeps her legs together rather than spread open.
  • Vaginal exercises. This deserves a post of its own as well, but your penis will feel bigger (to you both) if your wife tightens the muscles of her vagina by performing Kegel exercises. She can also squeeze her vagina and butt during sex to increase the feeling of girth. Your mileage may vary, but I find that Sexy Corte tightens when I give her a little spank on the butt.
  • Thank God for her clitoris. Don’t forget… most women orgasm primarily from clitoral stimulation!

Wives, please realize that your husband takes his penis very seriously. Making fun of his penis is probably worse than if he called you “fat” — you can always lose weight, but his penis isn’t going to change. Instead, show admiration for his penis!

Do you have any tips for making the most of what you’ve got? Leave a comment! (Plus, I’ll post a funny gif in the comments: “bigger than you think”.)

If you said, “he ejaculates!”, then you’d better keep reading.

Most people think that female sexuality is more complicated than male sexuality — I love this illustration.

man-woman_machine

And… ok, it’s probably true! But there are still nuances to a husband’s sexuality that may not be obvious to his wife. For example, did you know that your husband’s orgasm isn’t over when he starts ejaculating? Most people equate ejaculation with orgasm, but a man’s orgasm actually begins a few seconds before ejaculation and can last for up to a minute after. There are two different things going on when a man has an orgasm.

First: Emission. Emission occurs several seconds before ejaculation, when the man’s vasa deferentia squeeze sperm out of the epididymis into ducts near the urethra. Men can feel this emission keenly — it’s very pleasurable — and this is the “point of no return” after which the man cannot stop the orgasm from happening. In these ducts the sperm is mixed with fluids from several glands to create semen. This all happens inside the man’s body and is probably unnoticeable to his wife (unless he’s giving you cues).

Second: Ejaculation. A few seconds after the semen is mixed and in position, ejaculation proper begins with repeated contractions by the bulbospongiosus muscle. These contractions move the semen through the urethra and shoot it out of the body. The contractions and spurting of semen are probably the most notable events for the wife, but ejaculation actually occurs only a few seconds into the orgasm — the whole orgasm can then last up to a minute longer.

After ejaculation the muscle contractions continue with decreasing frequency and strength and the penis gradually loses sensitivity as the orgasm winds down. It varies from person to person, of course, but post-orgasm sensitivity seems quite different between myself and Sexy Corte. After she has an orgasm, SC’s clitoris often becomes so sensitive that further stimulation is unpleasant; after my orgasm, I enjoy continued stimulation for a while until the sensations eventually become rather neutral.

As with everything, the key is to talk with your spouse about what he or she enjoys! Wives, you can use this little bit of biological knowledge to maximize your husband’s pleasure when you are leading a sexual encounter: don’t stop what you’re doing right when he ejaculates. Keep going for another minute or so and he’ll melt.