We’ve written about shaving for husbands and wives before, and the practice is increasingly seen as “the new normal”, especially for women. However, despite what most women seem to think, the benefits are primarily sexual, not hygienic.

A new study published in the journal JAMA Dermatology on Wednesday confirmed just how widespread the practice is. Sixty-two percent of a nationally representative sample of 3,316 women said they opted for complete removal of their pubic hair; 84 percent reported some grooming.

But while previous research showed that women groom to facilitate sexual activity, this survey found the overwhelming majority said they did so for hygiene.

That perception troubled researchers. “Many women think they are dirty and unclean if they haven’t groomed,” said Dr. Tami S. Rowen, an obstetrician-gynecologist and the lead author of the study.

Of course, what a person means by hygiene may not line up with the medical definition. Hair “down there” really gets in the way of oral sex — it’s distracting, especially when it tickles your nose or gets stuck in your teeth.

Your mileage may vary, but we enjoy the intense, sensual smoothness of bare skin.

Maybe you’ve wanted to try role-playing for a while, or maybe you’ve read some of our role-playing posts, but you just aren’t sure how to get started — if so, this post is for you!

It’s common to feel a little uncomfortable, awkward, or embarrassed when you first start role-playing in a sexual context with your spouse. This is completely normal! Sexual role-playing combines two of humanity’s greatest fears: public speaking and the risk of sexual rejection. Either one of these alone is enough to make most people feel anxious. However, with a little bit of preparation and practice you can psyche yourself up to take a some risk with your spouse, and the payoff will be fantastic!

The first thing to remember is that role-playing with your spouse should be fun. While you’re reading the rest of this post, don’t lose sight of this principle:

If you’re having fun, you’re doing it right!

The ideas in this post are intended to help you and your spouse have fun, not to give you a bunch of rules for role-playing “the right way”. Follow the spirit of the ideas, and do whatever creates the most fun for you and your spouse.

Before you get started, it’s important to set expectations with your spouse. You may think it will be more fun to completely improvise, but it probably won’t! Here are a few topics to cover:

  • What are your roles? You can each define your own role, or one person can pick for both. Are either of you playing a role that has power over the other in the context of the scene? The person in this role doesn’t necessarily have to be in a sexually dominant positionbut the power dynamic is usually an important aspect of any scene.
  • Where’s the scene going? Is there some particular relationship, dynamic, or experience that you’re working towards? A specific sex act? Do you have expectations for how you want your spouse to act? Or how you’re going to act? Be explicit, so that no one is disappointed that their spouse isn’t a mind-reader.
  • What are your boundaries? This goes hand-in-hand with the question above. Make sure you and your spouse understand what you don’t want to do.

These questions create a stage for you to perform on; as you get comfortable with the process and with each other you won’t have to spend much time on preparation.

Role-playing your first scene can be awkward and even scary. Sexual role-playing has a lot in common with other kinds of improvisational acting, so let’s look at some general improv guidelines that will help you get started.

  • Separate the role-playing from real life. You and your spouse are acting. The things you say and do during a scene don’t “mean” anything beyond the scene itself, so don’t take things personally.
  • Explicitly begin and end each scene. There’s a reason directors say “action!”. You can use verbal cues as simple as “begin scene” and “end scene”.
  • Commit to the role. When you’re in the scene, stay in character. Ham it up. Have fun being someone else!
  • “Yes, and…” — the cardinal rule of improvisational acting. Always do your best to accept and build on whatever direction your spouse goes in the scene. Negations and denials will often kill your momentum and your scene. (Of course, everyone needs to respect the boundaries in place.)
  • Make your spouse look good. Build on what your spouse is doing, and make their choices work in the scene. Don’t break character to criticize or “help” them.

One last bit of advice: be vulnerable, and respect your spouse’s vulnerability. You’ll have a lot of fun if you let yourselves! Don’t take things too seriously, and don’t forget to have sex at the end.

(For a detailed example, see: Role-Playing: Professor and Student.)

To generate some random prompts, check out our naughty story generator. Share some role-playing tips in the comment!

Here’s a 90s playlist I made for sexy time. You can copy/paste the songs and artists into YouTube and even create a playlist there if you don’t own the music.

(Note: there’s lots of sexual language in these songs.)

  • “Closer” — Nine Inch Nails
  • “Smooth” — Matchbox 20
  • “Would” — Alice in Chains
  • “Everlong (Acoustic)” — Foo Fighters
  • “Possum Kingdom” — The Toadies
  • “Man in a Box” — Alice in Chains
  • “Genie in a Bottle” — Christina Aguilera
  • “Heart Shaped Box” — Nirvana
  • “Sail” — Awolnation
  • “Pony” — Ginuwine
  • “Boombastic — Shaggy
  • “Dance With Me” — Debelah Morgan
  • “Possession” — Sarah MacLachlan

What do you listen to when you have sex?

I probably should have posted this last week, but it doesn’t really seem that hard to me. Figuring out what to get your wife for mother’s day takes some creativity and thought, but ladies, is it really difficult to pick something out for your husband that you know he’ll like? And no, it’s not a new tie.

  • This year Sexy Corte treated me to double feature! So awesome.
  • If you’ve been really naughty, maybe he needs to spank you
  • Watch his favorite movie together and add in some casual oral sex
  • Spice up the ordinary: topless haircut, lingerie dinner, or naked cleaning
  • Pick just about anything from this list of sexy prizes
  • Try something new — maybe you’ve said no before, but are willing to give it a shot now. You probably already know what this thing is for your husband.

Hope you husbands had a great Father’s Day! Did you do anything awesome?

We hope your summer is hot and sweaty — under the sheets!

What buttons would you each like? — Brilliant thought experiment.

How would you like a magic button? When you push the button, your husband immediately does what the button says. Not only does he do it, he does it without complaint or acting upset. Now turn it around; what magic button would your husband like? What does he want more of from/with you? If I asked him the top five buttons he would like, how many of them would you guess correctly?

The Duchy has rope bondage tutorials with no nudity or sexual content. If you haven’t yet, check out our post about shibari.

Have you ever been injured during sex? — I’ll be honest: I skipped the post to get straight to the war stories in the comments.

Everybody wants to know about anal sex — Sure, but we get more questions about oral sex.

Pompoir: The Art of Milking the Lingam

Pompoir is the art of “milking” the lingam of your partner with your yoni. (Lingam and yoni are Sanskrit for penis and vagina.)

Create a sex encounter schedule — Also see this 2+2 habit. Helpful communication tools, but less ambitious than than daily sex.

Can I get a hand?

Tease him till he begs — In private, or in public.

… and even more bloggers! — I haven’t read them all yet.

Post some more great links in the comments, have have a hot summer!

A new study presents data suggesting that husbands underestimate their wives’ sexual desire.

In 3 dyadic studies, we provide evidence that men in established romantic relationships err in the direction of the opposite bias and underperceive their romantic partner’s sexual desire. We also demonstrate that this underperception bias is functional (particularly for men) in that it is associated with their partner feeling more satisfied and committed to the relationship. In addition, people are particularly likely to underperceive their partner’s desire on days when they are motivated to avoid sexual rejection, and men’s underperception bias is, in part, accounted for by men’s higher general levels of sexual desire than women.

Translation: it’s true that a wife often has a lower sex drive than her husband, however, the husband still frequently underestimates his wife’s sexual interest because he doesn’t enjoy having a sexual advance rejected.

XX Factor puts it this way:

The researchers found that, on a regular basis, men significantly underperceived the degree of their female partners’ sexual desire, while women consistently made accurate judgments about how much their male partners wanted sex. Among diary-keeping couples, on days when men underestimated their female partners’ libido, the women showed higher levels of relationship satisfaction.

Basically, when a wife has high relationship satisfaction she wants more sex — but apparently husbands aren’t good at noticing when their wives have high satisfaction. Here are some ideas:

  • Wife: make sure your husband knows when you’re happy with the state of your relationship! He probably already knows when you aren’t happy, but tell him when you are.
  • Husband: when your wife expresses affection and happiness with you, consider that an opportunity to initiate.

This doesn’t seem complicated, but apparently a lot of us are missing the obvious.

We’ve gotten enough emails on the topic that it’s worth addressing: is it ok for Christians to engage in swinging or wife swapping? (None of the emails we’ve received are suitable for quotation.) I suppose we get these emails because it’s obvious from our blog that Sexy Corte and I are pro-sex and enjoy some kinky stuff that isn’t discussed at church. I’m not sure if the folks who email us are genuinely wondering what the Bible has to say on swinging or if they’re looking for someone to help rationalize existing behavior, but I’m going to give a sincere answer.

Swinging or wife swapping is a sin called adultery, and is never acceptable to God. It doesn’t matter if you, your spouse, and the other couple all consent — God doesn’t consent. The Seventh Commandment is short and to the point:

Exodus 20:14, “You shall not commit adultery.”

Jesus raises the bar set in the Old Testament:

Matthew 5:27-28, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

A person might claim, “It’s not adultery if my spouse knows about it and approves.” However, the definition of adultery makes no such distinction, and never has throughout human history.

voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.

The bottom line here is similar to an earlier Q&A on threesomes:

God’s will is that sex should be reserved exclusively for a husband and a wife. So, while there aren’t many limits on what you and your wife can do together, you can’t bring someone else into your sexual relationship. Neither spouse can give the other spouse permission to commit adultery — adultery isn’t just a sin against your spouse, it’s a sin against God. Permission from your spouse doesn’t make adultery acceptable to God. It is never acceptable to have sex outside of your marriage. See also: Proverbs 5, “be intoxicated always in her love”Hebrews 13:4, and Proverbs 7.

If your marriage is happy, swinging won’t strengthen it; if your marriage is unhappy, wife swapping won’t fix any of the underlying problems. We strongly exhort every married couple to keep their sex life exclusive to themselves. This is what God commands through the Bible, and worldly experience says the same thing.

See also: Are There Any Sexual Limits or Boundaries in a Christian Marriage?

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.