Wives, what’s the worst thing about going out in public? The answer is obvious: when you’re in public, you’re not having sex with your husband. (Unless you are.) So, in an effort to make boring public events a little more bearable, here are a few ideas for how to turn your husband on while you’re around other people.

  • Take off your panties. Excuse yourself for a moment, slip them off, and subtly stuff your panties into his hand when you come back. “I won’t be needing these anymore.” I guarantee he won’t be thinking of anything else for the rest of the night. This works especially well when you’re ready to leave and your husband isn’t taking the hint. Bonus points: secret message panties.
  • Flash some skin. Once those panties are off, give him a sneak peek. Or find a private corner and flash your boobs. Bonus points for letting him touch.
  • Talk dirty. Pull him aside as if you need to talk about the kids, and then whisper something sexy to him. “I need you inside me”, “I’m so wet right now”, “I can’t wait to suck you off”.
  • Text dirty. Even easier than talking! You can even send a sexy pic that you took earlier.
  • Remote vibrator. Give him the remote control for the vibrator you’re wearing.
  • Sit on his lap. This is pretty innocuous, but a little strategic wiggling can have a huge effect. Bonus points if your panties are already in his pocket.
  • Under the table. Rub high on his leg under the table, or pull his hand up your inner thigh. Drop something under the table and ask him to get it, then flash your panties (or lack thereof).
  • Put up your hair. This requires that you condition your husband to expect oral sex when he sees this. Wink.
  • Secret sex reminders. Wear or carry something that isn’t obviously a sex toy, but that your husband will recognize. For example, a bracelet made from your shibari rope. You can also mention mundane aspects of recent sexy time activities. I always know what she means when Sexy Corte mentions trivia night or poetry reading.
  • Meet me in two minutes. Scout out a place for a quickie. After you’ve got him turned on using one of the above methods, tell him to meet you there in two minutes.

Maybe it goes without saying, but don’t forget to deliver on your promises when you get home!

We’d love to hear your ideas in the comments.

Yes, it’s a funny metaphor, but the advice is good: once you’ve boarded the Love Train don’t stop it until you reach the station. Barring emergencies, when you start sexy time with your spouse you’re committed to finishing. There are a lot of things that have the potential to derail the Love Train, but you’ve got to do your best to keep it moving until your spouse is ready to disembark. Here are a few tips for overcoming common difficulties.

  • Be prepared. Probably the most important tip to avoid interruption, especially if you’re away from home. Keep what you need handy: lube, batteries, towels, rope, etc. If you’re planning something elaborate, walk through it in your mind before you’re naked so your spouse doesn’t have to stand around waiting.
  • Stop talking, start moaning. It’s good to set expectations before sex, but don’t talk too much about the sex while you’re doing it. Communication is essential for good sex, but let your body do the talking as much as possible. It’s fine to say “more!”, or “turn over”, or “let’s do X”, but here are a few things to avoid: repeatedly asking “are you close?”, repeatedly asking “do you like that?”, and any sort of “why” question. Don’t try to start a conversation while your spouse is focused on reaching orgasm.
  • Premature ejaculation. Probably the most common reason for the husband to stop too early. Unfortunately, it’s also something that’s way beyond the scope of this blog post; talk to your doctor. Some potential solutions include: medication, start-stop-start-stop method, more frequent sex, more lube (to reduce friction), more exercise, use condoms, think about baseball. However, it happens to every man occasionally, and you still need to be considerate of your wife’s needs! If she wants to continue, use your hands, mouth, or a toy to finish her off.
  • Loss of erection. This also happens to every man once in a while. Rather than focusing on being embarrassed, reinforce to your wife that you want to continue. Take a mental break, refocus, change positions, and keep pleasuring her. Move back to foreplay activities. In a few minutes you’re likely to regain your erection if you keep in the moment and don’t turn it into a big discussion.
  • Vaginal pain. Lube! Switching positions can also help if the penetration is too deep.
  • Jaw pain. If you’re performing oral sex on your spouse and your jaw starts to hurt you’ve got a few options: take a break, change positions and continue oral, or move to intercourse. Changing positions can make a big difference — kneeling or laying down one way or another. Switching between mouth and tongue can give you a break without actually stopping, . Your choice will depend on the circumstances — is the oral foreplay? Is it a blow job you want to complete on its own? Is your spouse close to orgasm?
  • Cramps. Cramps during sex are the worst! They’re impossible to ignore and can happen suddenly. Stretch your limbs and change position while attempting to continue stimulation.
  • Injury. Yeah, Sexy Corte and I have elbowed a nose, hit a funny bone, or yanked hair during sex. If you did it, apologize and give your spouse time to recover. If you’re the one hurt, accept the apology and try to get back into it as quickly as possible (assuming the injury isn’t an emergency itself).
  • To-do lists. Even when your body is still on the Love Train your brain can jump off! You owe it to your spouse to stay focused on the sex, even if you’ve already had your orgasm. Don’t start planning your day or worrying about your to-dos until your spouse is to-done.
  • Kids. Your master bedroom is your sex room! (And Part 2, by Sexy Corte.) Lock it when you’re inside, and do your best to ignore your kids while you’re having sex unless it’s an emergency. It’s ok to tell your kids through the door to go away. Turn off the baby monitors — your baby can cry for a few minutes. Before you start sexy time, check with your kids to make sure they don’t have any immediate needs — get them drinks, turn on the TV, whatever.
  • Time pressure. If you’ve got a limited amount of time, let your spouse know before you start having sex! It’s worth a quick few words to set expectations with your spouse and make sure there’s enough time. If you have to run to a meeting or pick up the kids from school, make sure your spouse knows how much time is available.
  • Getting too hot. Sexy Corte doesn’t like to be cold, but once we start having sex we sometimes get too hot! Try to plan your environment in advance, and provide a mechanism to easily adjust the temperature. For us, we turn on the ceiling fan if we’re too hot, and the furnace if we’re too cold (not likely while we’re having sex).

But sometimes there is an emergency or an unavoidable distraction — then what? Give your spouse an explicit rain check. “I know you didn’t finish; I promise I’ll take care of you as soon as I can.” And then do it!

Does anyone else have any tips to share? Leave a comment!

A new study says that maintaining an active sex life is good for the health of your brain.

Older guys who get laid regularly have better “brain health” and are less likely to lose memory, according to the Coventry University study.

Men ages 50 to 89 with active sex lives scored 23 percent higher on cognitive word tests and 3 percent higher on numbers puzzles, according to the researchers, who quizzed 6,800 people across England.

Women who had more sex scored better on the word test but not the numbers test.

The improvement for men on the numbers test was pretty small (only 3%) so that result is questionable. It’s safe to say that more sex is good for the brains of both men and women (though correlation does not equal causation). So, if you want to protect your brain, maintain your ability to recall lists of words, and boost your immune system, I recommend that you have frequent sex.

As you may have noticed, Sexy Corte and I really enjoy creating and playing sexual games. We enjoy games in general, and sex games are great foreplay. In the end, everyone wins and gets to have sex! It can be fun to raise the stakes a little by offering a prize to the winner, but let me start off by recommending something that you don’t use for a prize:

Don’t ask for something your spouse won’t enjoy giving.

It’s very temping to suggest, “If I win, you have to *blank*”, where *blank* is something you want that your spouse just doesn’t like. Asking for a prize like this is manipulative, and it will taint the whole game. Don’t try to use a game to coerce your spouse.

Instead of using prizes to get something from your spouse that she doesn’t want to give, we suggest that you pick rewards that are amusing, embarrassing, teasing, or even non-sexual. It’s important to note: for a given game, the prize doesn’t have to be the same for each spouse. He may want one thing if he wins, and she may want something else. Both spouses should agree up front to the prizes, to ensure they’re relatively fair.

So, without further ado, here are a few ideas for giving the winner something special. (Instead of a loser, I’m going to call the spouse who doesn’t win the giver.)

  • Do it longer. Winner receives some sex act for longer than usual and luxuriates in it. This could be 30 minutes of oral sex, a full-body massage, or extended teasing or edging.
  • For a week. Winner receives some sex act every day for a week. Not something the giver dislikes, but something the winner wants more of. Maybe it’s a certain preferred position like doggy style, a time of day, a location (or public place), sleeping naked (or almost), or blow jobs every day. Whatever it is, the winner shouldn’t have to remind the giver — be proactive!
  • Giver initiates. This is probably a prize for the higher-drive spouse: the giver has to initiate sex. Maybe just once, maybe for a week, or whatever seems fair. The giver needs to be looking for opportunities to initiate sex faster than the winner gets horny.
  • Put it on. The winner picks an outfit and the giver puts on a show putting it on. The clothes can be something sexy to wear around the house, or a favorite outfit that the winner wants the giver to wear on a date or to church. The winner may also choose to dress up the giver in something ridiculous or embarrassing and go out in public, but make sure to set the ground rules before the game.
  • Take it off. The winner picks some music and the giver performs a striptease or sexy dance. The giver should really go slow and ham it up.
  • Yes sir! Or yes ma’am! The giver calls the winner sir, ma’am, or some other honorific in private for a day or a week. You could also pick some other show of submission for the giver, such as: standing whenever the winner enters the room, sitting at the winner’s feet instead of on the furniture, or asking permission before leaving the room. It’s a submission game, and it’s the giver’s responsibility to remember and obey the rules.
  • Say please. The giver must ask permission to orgasm, and then wait to receive it. Ask, beg, plead, give the winner a show.
  • While sex. The winner picks a situation to have sex while doing something else. Maybe it’s a television and oral sex bifecta, the story distraction game, fingering under her dress at the movie theater, wearing a vibrator in public, a topless haircut, or eating her out while she’s on the phone. Pick a mundane activity and add something sexy.
  • Pamper me. Giver treats the winner to some grooming and TLC. The giver can trim the winner’s nails, wash her in the shower, rub her with lotion, massage her body, head, and feet, shave her legs or his face, or cut his hair. Husbands, you may think this prize is just for wives, but try it out!
  • Roleplay. Winner picks a scenario to roleplay with the giver, and the giver gives it all she’s got. Dress the part, do the accent, get into it, ham it up.
  • Pick the next. Winner picks the next restaurant, movie, TV show, book, Bible study, board game, sex game, paint color, kid’s name, or vacation destination. Better than flipping a coin!
  • Skip a chore. Giver does a chore that the winner would usually do, for a day, a week, or whatever. The giver should make sure to do it up to the standards of the winner.

We add to this list as we think of more possible rewards. Please share your ideas in the comments!

We hope the winter weather isn’t getting you down! Here are a few links that might warm things up for you.

Dancing for my husband: finding my inner sexy — Sexy dancing is sexy, and the appeal is the enthusiasm as much as the optics.

She loves foreplay — If he isn’t enjoying foreplay too, maybe you’re doing it wrong. Check out Old Faithful or any of our sex games.

Be a better lover, go out of your comfort zone — Make the most of your sexuality, you only live once.

Use multiple choice questions to learn about your spouse — Great idea! Someone needs to put together a list of multiple choice questions.

Instead of saying, “What do you need from me in bed?” I say, “What is the most important thing from me in bed? A) Paying attention to a particular body part, b) letting you do things to me even if I don’t think I’m in the mood, or c) doing something outside my comfort zone?”

5 ways to flirt — I like the “code words” idea… reminds me of secret message panties.

4 ways to love your husband when he’s being unlovable — #4 is “seduce the dude”, which I can confirm is effective.

Go ahead, be that couple — A little PDA won’t hurt anyone.

Time and sex — Suggestions for being more direct, which may seem unromantic but could nevertheless be helpful in this busy age.

Leave a note saying “Sex for both of us till 10, sex for just you till 11:30, and don’t even look at me sideways after midnight.”

Sleeping arrangements when you’ve got kids — Your bedroom is your sex room, no kids allowed! When I was a kid, I rarely even entered my parents’ bedroom.

Multiple orgasms for men — Kegels, prostate control…. I should try this out, but I’m skeptical. Giving Sexy Corte multiple orgasms is super awesome though.

Wives with higher sex drives — A series with multiple parts. Did women used to have higher sex drives than men?

Love dialects — We’ve written about love languages and sex, and here’s an example of digging deeper into quality time and physical touch.

If you want to share a link or your thoughts, leave a comment!

We get a lot of emails along the lines of, “Can we *blank*?” Generally, the answer is yes, you can *blank* *blank* *blank* with your spouse. The three requirements we point to for sex are exclusive, consensual, and satisfying. If *blank* meets those requirements, then have at it.

(Side note: if you think our blog is explicit, you should see some of the emails that we don’t write about.)

So, while our opinion is almost always yes, we also like to append an encouragement: no matter what your *blank* is, we think it’s important to prioritize plain-old vanilla intercourse — penis-in-vagina. As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:23:

“All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

In your marriage, every sex act that is exclusive, consensual, and satisfying is lawful, but not every *blank* builds up your marriage the same way that traditional intercourse sex does. Here are some advantages to intercourse we think you should keep in mind.

  • Intimate. There is nothing more intimate in the human experience than when your body joins together with your spouse — when your spouse desires you, accepts you, embraces you, and your bodies intertwine and move as one flesh. Traditional intercourse is sometimes considered vanilla and boring, but if so, perhaps we’re taking the intimacy of marriage for granted after years of familiarity. On the other hand — if you’re thirsting for intimacy — tender, enthusiastic love-making with your spouse is the oasis you’re longing for. There’s a reason that the Hebrew word yada` is used for sex; the word means to know. Genesis 4:1: “Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived…”.
  • Primal. Intercourse touches the very essence of our being in a way that other sex acts don’t. It’s how we reproduce. Penis-in-vagina sex fulfills the most basic sexual urge that each of us felt when we first noticed that girls and boys are different. We have been created with a primal, biological need for intercourse that no other sex act can satisfy.
  • Simple. Traditional intercourse doesn’t require a lot of planning, talking, convincing, or preparation. You don’t need any props or toys. You don’t need any explanations. You don’t have to wonder if your spouse will be “into it”. You can be anywhere, at any time.
  • Unifying. The Bible says that men and women were created from one flesh, and in marriage we become one flesh again. Penis-in-vagina sex is the method that God created to unify two separate people into one single flesh. We have ups and downs in our marriages, and we don’t always feel united, but intercourse brings us together again, over and over. We separate ourselves from every claim the world has on us, and we hold fast to each other. Genesis 2:22-25:

And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

So, try every *blank* you can think of! Explore your sexuality with your spouse, and have an awesome time. But don’t make novelty into an idol, or your spouse into a sex toy. We encourage you to do everything crazy thing you want to do, while not neglecting to come together regularly for simple intercourse.

What do you think about “vanilla” penis-in-vagina sex? Leave a comment and let us know!

Sexy Corte has Pavlov’ed me to get turned on whenever I see her put her hair up. When we’re getting into sexy time, especially Old Faithful, pulling her hair up is usually the final bit of preparation. No matter if we’re alone or in public it really gets me going, especially when she catches my eye in the process. It isn’t just seeing her hair up that does it, it’s seeing her in the act of putting her hair up that turns me on.

Are there any non-sexual things your spouse does that turn you on?

Ok, so, this product isn’t intended to be sexual I don’t think… but… how can I resist posting about an insertable speaker than lets you play music from your vagina? The intended audience is unborn babies.

The pale pink device, which costs 150 euros (£110), is controlled by a phone app but does not use Bluetooth. Parents-to-be can share their babies’ listening experience using split headphones which hang out of the vagina.

The Babypod, which has a top sound level of 54 decibels, is recommended for use from the 16th week of pregnancy, and for between 10-20 minutes a time.

Babypod was launched at the “first concert for foetuses ever held in the world” in which Soraya Arnelas, who finished 23rd in the 2009 Eurovision song contest, “serenaded” 10 pregnant women fitted with the speakers, singing Christmas carols.

Babypod reassures customers that the vibrations of the device do not adversely affect a foetus – “this is why sex toys are allowed in pregnancy”.

So it plays music and vibrates inside your vagina. Seems like it would be hard to use during intercourse. Maybe it could provide musical accompaniment during oral sex? I feel like there’s are sexual opportunities here that I can’t quite think of. Leave your ideas in the comments.