(Click here to read the whole Sex in Song of Solomon series.)

On to chapter 3!  As background: The book is commonly understood as a celebration of marital/sexual love and it contains a lot of rather graphic imagery. It’s an especially important book because it’s very sex-positive and provides a powerful illustration of the joy God takes in the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife.

Chapter 3 opens with a dream sequence: the Beloved searching and longing for her Lover. Who hasn’t had a dream like that? She eventually finds him in her dream, and she awakens somewhat flustered. This the dream of the Bride on the night before her wedding.

On my bed by night
I sought him whom my soul loves;
    I sought him, but found him not.
I will rise now and go about the city,
    in the streets and in the squares;
I will seek him whom my soul loves.
    I sought him, but found him not.
The watchmen found me
    as they went about in the city.
“Have you seen him whom my soul loves?”
Scarcely had I passed them
    when I found him whom my soul loves.
I held him, and would not let him go
    until I had brought him into my mother’s house,
    and into the chamber of her who conceived me.
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
    by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love
    until it pleases.

In her dream, the Beloved catches her Lover and drags him to bed. The imagery of bringing him “into the chamber of her who conceived me” highlights the special intimacy of sex within marriage: this isn’t just sex, it’s loving sex that could lead to pregnancy. What could be more erotic?

When the Beloved awakens, she sees her Groom arriving for their wedding. Just as in earlier chapters the Lover admired his Beloved’s feminine attributes, here the Beloved is entranced by the Lover’s masculine wealth and power.

What is that coming up from the wilderness
    like columns of smoke,
perfumed with myrrh and frankincense,
    with all the fragrant powders of a merchant?
Behold, it is the litter of Solomon!
Around it are sixty mighty men,
    some of the mighty men of Israel,
all of them wearing swords
    and expert in war,
each with his sword at his thigh,
    against terror by night.
King Solomon made himself a carriage
    from the wood of Lebanon.
He made its posts of silver,
    its back of gold, its seat of purple;
its interior was inlaid with love
    by the daughters of Jerusalem.
Go out, O daughters of Zion,
    and look upon King Solomon,
with the crown with which his mother crowned him
    on the day of his wedding,
    on the day of the gladness of his heart.

Chapter 3 may not contain as many sexual metaphors as chapters 1 and 2, but I find the marital intimacy to be especially erotic. Trying to get pregnant is some of the best sex ever.

 

Sexy Corte and I like trying new positions, and we’ve found these sex position guides to be useful. (They definitely aren’t safe for work, but I didn’t see any actual nudity.)

When it comes to sexual positions, there are a few important things to remember.

  • Remember your purpose. Sex with your spouse should be fun, loving, and intimate. Husbands especially can get focused on accomplishing a position while forgetting the higher purpose.
  • Don’t get obsessed with novelty. Most couples have sex in the same few ways 90% of the time. That’s normal! It’s great to try new things, but it’s not a competition. Your friends and neighbors aren’t secretly out-doing you with insane new sex positions every night.
  • Combinations multiply your options. You can significantly increase your variety by using multiple positions in a single sex session.  A set of 10 positions can make 720 permutations if you use three positions per session!
  • Some of the positions you’ll see aren’t anatomically possible. I mean, seriously… some pictures have joints bending backwards, limbs attached at the wrong place, or holes implied where they simply don’t exist. Some of the things pictured are impossible for any human to accomplish. I think the artists and authors of these guides just need to fill space.
  • What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” — Ecclesiastes 1:9. There aren’t really any new positions, just positions that are new to you. Humans have been having sex for a long time.
  • Don’t forget her orgasm. In our experience, most positions aren’t very stimulating for the wife. Don’t forget to take care of her needs. Ladies first, as we say.
  • Position guides make great foreplay. Sexy Corte and I sometimes email links to positions to each other during the day. Even if we don’t do anything fancy that night, the mental stimulation gets us in the mood!
  • Be careful! You can seriously injure yourself if you aren’t wise, especially husbands.

Do you have any more position guides that you’ve enjoyed? Any tips for exploring a variety of positions? Leave a comment!

In response to some recent posts about the “Double Feature” a commentor raised the topic of using code words with your spouse to discuss sex in public or around your kids. For example, if Sexy Corte says “double feature” I’ll know what she means, but any other listener will simply think that we’re going to watch two movies. Here are some more code words… but to be honest, many of them will only fool children.

  • Nap time – Right… Mom and Dad are going upstairs to “take a nap”. It fools our kids while they nap or watch TV, but I wouldn’t try it when our parents are visiting.
  • Ruins – Some of our favorite times have been in ruins. When we’re feeling frisky we might say “this place looks pretty old, don’t you think?”
  • Get ice cream – This is what we call it when we drop our kids off with a friend while we go on a date. If we “get some ice cream” after dinner, well, it’s not ice cream.
  • That’s what she said – Ok, it’s a corny joke, but our kids don’t get it yet and it definitely turns our minds to sexy thoughts.
  • Hangry – Originally it meant I’m so hungry that I’m angry, but sometimes we mean horny instead.

What about you? What code words do you use with your spouse? We promise we won’t tell anyone.

Welcome to 2015! What’s been going on the the sexosphere while we were on vacation?

The Gift of More Engagement — Or as I wrote, The Importance of Enthusiasm.

How to Strip for your Husband

Near Daily Sex — It takes the pressure off sex and improves every aspect of your marriage.

15 New Year’s Resolutions, for couples, husbands, and wives. Also, a great post about morning sex.

I Wasn’t Treating My Husband Fairly, And It Wasn’t Fair — An essay by a wife who quit nagging and berating her husband.

Christians, Stop Staying Pure Till Marriage — At the risk of spoiling the essay, Sarah’s point is that purity is for life; sex inside of marriage doesn’t make you “impure”, and in fact it’s quite the opposite.

Does he make you laugh? — Laughing together is sexy!

The holidays have been (justifiably!) distracting us from our computers for the last few weeks, so posting has been light… but now that we’re deep into January we’re going to be getting a little more regular here.

One of our kids has been obsessed with the blanket fort that Sexy Corte built for her in her bedroom. Naturally SC and I couldn’t resist kissing a little in the fort while our kids played outside, which led to the realization that we need to build a giant pillow fort for ourselves! We’ve got a miscellaneous relationship date coming up, and we’re going to celebrate by building an awesome Sex Fort. Hopefully we don’t knock it down while we’re playing in it.

I have been reading through the book “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman. It has been a great read! If you decide to read it, I do recommend reading certain chapters before having sex because some of them are sure to get you in the mood. Dr. Leman has a great chapter on Sexual IQ. He describes your sexual IQ, not as how much you know about sex, but about how much you know about your spouse’s sexual preferences. He has a list of questions (see below) that I think is important for a married couple to know about each other. El Fury and I went through each question and guessed each other’s answers before sharing our own. It was interesting to see how our answers matched, or what we could learn about each other. We already have really open communication about our sex life, so this exercise was really fun! If you don’t have good communication about sex, this is a great ice breaker that gives you an opportunity to learn and share. I was pleased that El Fury and I have a high sexual IQ. Here is the list:

1. Does your spouse prefer candlelight, total darkness, mood lights, colored lights, or complete white light during sex? Does she or he like to experiment with light? If so, when, and in what mood?

2. Does your spouse like any particular smells during sex? Does she enjoy candles? If so, what fragrance? Does he appreciate any special perfume?

3. What is your spouse’s favorite time of the day to engage in sexual relations? Do you ever make room in your schedule to accommodate this time?

4. Does your spouse like you to talk during sex? Make more noise during sex? Does he or she want you to talk more before you have sex? Would she or he prefer that you start praying before or after sex on occasion?

5. Does your wife have a favorite massage lotion? Does she like the lotion heated, or straight out of the bottle?

6. Does your spouse like to have fun during sex, or is he or she more serious?

7. What are your spouse’s three favorite places to be touched? Kissed?

8. What position is your spouse’s favorite?

9. What is one sexual practice your spouse would really like to try that the two of you haven’t done yet?

10. What is your spouse’s favorite sexual fantasy?

11. What turns off your spouse quicker than anything else?

I’m sure there are a lot of other questions you can add to this!For example, on number 10, we also talked about our favorite sexual memory. You should always be a student of your spouse, and that includes learning more about them sexually.