If you’ve got kids then you know how you’re spending your Halloween: trick-or-treating! But after the kids are in bed you can still make some time to enjoy the holiday with your spouse. Maybe your wife (or husband!) has a sexy costume she can put on in private, or maybe you can play a spooky game together to get your blood flowing. Here are some ideas:
- Scavenger hunt: Make a list of spooky shapes and then use water-soluble markers to draw them all over your bodies. Each person looks for the shapes on their spouse. Bonus points: both spouses scour each other at the same time, and whoever finds them all first wins!
- Mummy wrap: The age-old childrens’ classic, except your spouse isn’t wearing anything underneath the toilet paper. Your spouse can wrap you, or you can wrap yourself up and your spouse can do the unwrapping. Bonus points: wrap or unwrap without using your hands.
- Tell scary stories: Snuggle together under the sheets with a flashlight and tell some scary stories. You can take turns telling stories, or do it “popcorn”-style where each person talks for a minute or so and then the other takes over developing the same story. Bonus points: Do it naked, obviously!
- Fortune teller: Nothing occult here, don’t worry. Put the pieces from your Sexy Adult Jenga game in a bag and draw them throughout the day to tell your spouse’s fortune: how he or she is going to get lucky later that night. Each person draw a piece once per hour — him at the top of the hour, and her on the halfs. If you’re not together, text the results to each other. Bonus points: follow the instructions when you draw the piece.
- Role-playing: Halloween is a great time to do some role-playing, even if you don’t have the “right” costumes. Cop and robber? Haunted closet? Last day on earth? Bonus points: make it something spooky.
What do you and your spouse do to spice up your Halloween?
Jay Dee has conducted a survey about wives’ orgasm experiences and posted the results as a nifty infographic. After the infographic there are a bunch of tips from husbands and wives on how to help the wife to orgasm. Maybe Sexy Corte will share her perspective, but here are my tips:
- Relax! Don’t pressure yourself or each other. Men tend to be very goal-oriented, and it can be frustrating to “fail” to give your wife an orgasm when you’re really trying your best. Usually men react in one of two ways: try even harder or give up. Well, some nights she just isn’t going to get there no matter what you do, and trying harder just ramps up the pressure on her. Sometimes the right answer is to give up for the night and just enjoy being intimate… but that doesn’t mean you should give up on her orgasms forever! If she isn’t going to get there tonight, make sure she gets lots of snuggles instead.
- Communicate! Wives, you need to let your husband know what feels good to you. Most women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, but penis-in-vagina is what feels good to a man. If you don’t tell him differently he’s going to assume that’s how you orgasm too. Be brave enough to ask him to use his mouth or fingers on you, and when it feels good let him know! Most husbands greatly desire to sexually please their wives, but we can’t read your minds. I’ve discovered that using words is one of the best ways to communicate! “Harder”, “Softer”, “Faster”, “Slower”, “Touch me here”, “More lube please”, “That feels amazing!”, etc.
- Patience! Keep pursuing her orgasm, but do it low-key — it will happen when you both relax and let it happen. It takes a lot more energy and investment for a women to orgasm than for a man. If she’s tired, cranky, worried, sick, in pain, or distracted she may not want to put in the effort to have an orgasm. Husbands, you probably won’t be able to solve problems like those with a few minutes of foreplay. Wives, be patient with yourselves and your husbands. Your body is complicated! Don’t worry if it takes a while to figure it out. Enjoy your journey to the amusement park of orgasms!
A couple of months ago we reviewed the We Vibe II vibrator and we were disappointed with it overall — too bad we didn’t get a We Vibe 4! The newest version comes with an app that lets you control the vibrator with a mobile device. How fun would that be? Well, Amanda Chatel did it and helpfully writes about her experience wearing the We Vibe around town while running errands with her husband in control of the vibrator.
Once it was quite clear that my husband could control the vibrator when I was on the first floor of my apartment building (we live on the 5th), I ventured outside to do, of all things, errands. With my vibrator clipped in place and a tight pair of yoga pants for even more support, I went to get my dry-cleaning. Just as I reached in my wallet to pay for it, my husband, from back in our apartment, turned on the vibrator. I immediately went into panic mode. Could they hear the faint buzzing? Was my crotch visibly vibrating? Could they notice that I was blushing?
As a means to quell my own paranoia, I immediately brushed off the vibrating sound as my phone, which I’m sure they couldn’t even hear, but you know, neuroses is a cross I have to bear, and I feverishly dug through my bag pretending to look for it. It was all very flamboyant and dramatic of me, and completely unnecessary, but then my husband turned off the vibrator, and I managed to gain some composure.
I think this is really hot, but rather than being back home I’d want to be right by my wife’s side. We don’t have a We Vibe 4, but we do have a short-range remote controlled vibrator that we could play with. It isn’t a regular part of our arsenal, so I’ll have to dust it off and make sure it works before our next date night.
Unfortunately for the We Vibe, it looks like Mrs. Chatel’s experience was similar to my wife’s:
As much as I enjoyed the wandering around doing my errands to keep things spicy and surprising, I knew the best place for me to really enjoy it would be if I went to a bar, sat down, and got a drink. I knew sitting, without the concern of the vibrator somehow wiggling it’s way out of my yoga pants, would allow for much more relaxing enjoyment … and it did. Oh, how it did. It wasn’t quite orgasm great, because I don’t think I could relax enough to climax in a public place, but it definitely felt good, and with my husband at the controls, the surprise factor was one of the best parts.
The vibration just isn’t strong enough to get her to climax. Perhaps Mrs. Chatel will give us some suggestions for using the toy more effectively in the future?
Update: Read about our experience using a secret vibrator in public.
XXX Church has a post with some tips for great sex in your marriage (thanks for the pointer, SC). There’s definitely no shortage of tips on the internet, but here are my top two from this post:
#1 Twice a week.
#5 NO More Excuses.
For #1, I think twice a week is pretty modest. I guess if you’re at twice a month then quadrupling that would seem like a bonanza (or a hassle), but really, this is a very low bar. Sexy Corte and I have young kids, jobs, hobbies, etc., and we do it 8-10 times a week. If that sounds crazy to you, then one of both of these is true:
- You don’t want to have sex that much
- Your spouse doesn’t want to have sex that much
If it’s both of you, then great. I’d still recommend having sex twice a week, but whatever. If you both want to miss out then that’s up to you.
If your spouse wants it and you don’t, then you need to check yourself before you wreck your marriage. Introspect. Maybe your spouse can “improve” something to increase your libido, but honestly, your lack of desire is primarily your problem to fix. So get on it. This is #5 above: no more excuses.
If you’re desperate for sex and your spouse isn’t interested, then maybe there are some things you can do to help the situation. Here are some basics:
- Hygiene. Seriously, are you clean? Are your sexy bits clean? Do you shower, or stink? How’s your breath? This is pretty basic, but it’s worth mentioning.
- Grooming. Do you make an effort to be attractive? Do you shave your face or legs (or balls)? Do you put on something sexy? Or do you expect your spouse to swoon for a slob?
- Attitude. Is your attitude crappy? Do you complain a lot or pick fights over stupid stuff? Are you grateful for your spouse, or bitter? Are you helpful and understanding, or dismissive and impatient? Are you like Christ?
- Enthusiasm. When you initiate sex are you demanding, resentful, whiny, desperate… or enthusiastic? Everyone loves to have fun, so be excited! “Want to try something crazy?” “Look what I just read on Married Christian Sex!” “I can’t wait till we’re alone together later….” Be flirty and fun. Build up anticipation.
- Pray! Yes, God cares about your sex life, and He wants it to be awesome. If it isn’t all you want it to be, then pray about it. Confess your sins, look inside yourself and change what needs to change. Pray that God would be at work in your spouse too. Pray that God would give you a great sex life, and that your spouse will want it as much as you. God works through prayer.
I’ve still got to write my post about enthusiasm….
Sexy Corte was digging through the toy drawer last night and found some KY Warming Liquid that she put on my night stand. We hadn’t used it for a couple of years, and the brisk fall weather this afternoon encouraged us to give it another shot. I applied it to her ladybits during foreplay and rubbed her good while she used her mouth on me, and a great time was had by all. However, the warming liquid was underwhelming.
First off, does it “warm”? Well, it warmed my hand up a little, but Sexy Corte said that she couldn’t really feel any warming on her… surprising, right? Her lips should be more sensitive than my fingers. Even after penetration it didn’t seem to do anything for her warmth-wise.
Second, it’s pretty thin as a lubricant. While I was fingering her the warming liquid was certainly better than nothing, but it wasn’t as slick as a water-based lube and I had to apply more several times. It’s not like we needed a heavy duty lube, but because of the larger quantity it was messier than lube and less effective.
It’s probably going back in the drawer for a couple more years.