The Three Women of Proverbs, Part 3: The Wife of Noble Character 1

Finally, the Wife of Noble Character, the “Proverbs 31 Woman”, the final part of our series on the women of Proverbs!

This is the goal! Wouldn’t we all like our husbands to be “singing our praises at the city gates”? Here are some main points I pulled out of the passages about the Wife of Noble Character.

  1. Intoxicate him with your love. Being in a state of intoxication implies that you have been drinking. If you want to intoxicate your spouse, keep drinking love! Make sex a habit. Commit to being intentional. Sex should be maximally pleasurable for both people in the marriage. Find new things to try with each other. Make an effort!
  2. Be prudent. The definition of prudence is: having or showing careful good judgment. If you do a Bible search for prudence, no surprises, the book of Proverbs tops the charts. Here is a summary of a few verses: “doing what is right and just and fair” (1:3), holding your tongue (10:19), “fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult” (12:16), “keep their knowledge to themselves” (12:23), “act with knowledge” (13:16), “give thought to their steps” (14:15). I’m surprised what I learn about myself when I really pay attention to my actions. I want to be more prudent.
  3. Bring your husband good. This implies that you are not doing him harm. Make sure you are giving him your best. Sometimes I notice that I am willing to give my full effort to my kids, projects at work, ministries at church, etc. but at the end of the day I have nothing left to invest in El Fury. Know when you are spreading yourself too thin so that you can preserve enough of yourself at the end of the day to pour into your most important relationship.
  4. Be industrious. Reading Proverbs 31 is daunting. This woman is busy! I can’t tell you what exactly to do with your time, but I can recommend to be efficient in your time. Your time is a finite resource. It is valuable. Consider how you want to spend your time and formulate systems in your life that enable you to spend it well. Use a calendar. El Fury and I share a calendar through Google and it has been incredibly helpful, especially as our kids have gotten older and have things of their own going on. Plan your time. If you plan how you are going to spend your time you are more likely to do it. This has helped me to organize my time so that when El Fury and the kids are home I am able to be present in my time with them. Get up early. I need to tell myself this, especially during the winter months. However, the days that we are disciplined and get up early are often the best days!
  5. Refrain from idleness. This is different from being industrious, but the two go hand-in-hand. When I looked up idleness, it says: not having any real purpose or value, not having much activity. Ask yourself, what is your purpose? What are your goals? Idleness will prevent you from fulfilling your purpose and achieving your goals. When I think of idleness I think about Stephen Covey’s Importance-Urgency Matrix (see: How to Have Time and Energy for Great Sex).  In summary, your time is spent four ways. Urgent and Important (emergencies, etc.), Important but Not Urgent (this is where you want to spend your time – relationships, etc.), Urgent but Not Important (often this is what other people impose on your time), Not Urgent and Not Important (the time wasters, the phone scrolling). If you analyze your time and much of it is spent in the Not Urgent and Not Important category, consider that some of that time might be in idleness. I’m not saying that all of the time in that category is bad or idle, sometimes you need some mindless activities. However if other areas of your life are lacking you might need to reallocate your time.
  6. Fear the Lord. People often confuse the word “fear” with respect, but that sells it short. God is to be feared and respected. I touched on this already in the Adulterous Woman post. Don’t be flippant in your attitude towards God. He is a loving, good God, but He is also that same God in Hebrews that says “It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10:31)

Proverbs 5:18‭-‬19: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

Proverbs 12:4: “A wife of noble character is her husbandʼs crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”

Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”

Proverbs 19:14: “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”

Proverbs 31:10‭-‬31: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”

Other parts of this series:

The Three Women of Proverbs, Part 2: The Nagging and Quarrelsome Wife 2

Continuing this series on the women of Proverbs, we come to the nagging and quarrelsome wife. These verses are convicting. Nothing needs to be said on exactly what you are doing when you are nagging or quarreling. You know. When you are this type of wife, it is better for your husband to “live on the corner of the roof” or “in a desert”. If that doesn’t inspire self-loathing I don’t know what will! It is intolerable to be around someone that nags you and wants to pick a fight with you. According to Proverbs you would be better off living in extreme conditions than sharing a home with such a person. This makes me think twice before picking a fight with El Fury. James refers to the tongue as “a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8) We would be wise to bridle it and think twice before nagging.

Proverbs 14:1 is very interesting. It doesn’t speak directly about nagging and quarreling, but I included it with those verses because I thought it related well. “The wise woman builds her house.” Remember how it was during those first years of marriage? I was so attentive to our home and to El Fury’s needs. I built my house with care. I looked after others more than myself. The second part of this verse should serve as a warning. “But with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” What happens? This sounds like self-sabotage. Does this wife stop being intentional, stop tending to her marriage with care? Does her speech become characterized by nagging and quarreling?

Of course nobody wants to be the one that is tearing their home down. The problem is that your home might already be falling apart before you are willing to identify the problem. You might not even see that it is falling down until you are standing in the midst of rubble. Now, I’m not saying that it is solely the responsibility of the wife to keep her home intact. It takes two people working together to make a home thrive.

How do we identify if we are becoming nagging and quarrelsome? Watch yourself. Pay attention to what you are saying. It’s so hard to accept that you might be contributing to the problem. I can look back over the years of my marriage and see how in my pride I wanted to point the finger only at my husband. Somehow I forget that my marriage is not about keeping score and proving I’m right. The goal is peace. The goal is sharing your life in a way that builds your home in a beautifully integrated way that makes it hard to tear down.

Sex is a good reset button. Don’t withhold sex from your spouse as a means to get them to do whatever you are nagging them about. That’s manipulative and wrong. Similarly, if you are quarreling, try to follow up by being intimate. I’m not saying to forget about your problems and just have sex. Fix your problems together. Then re-engage physically. I know if El Fury and I have had an argument, I often feel like things are back to normal after we’ve had sex again.

When I find myself being nagging or quarrelsome, I try to picture El Fury standing on the corner of the roof. I don’t like it when he has to go up on our roof for anything, so this is an especially good exercise for me. The point is, I love him. Whatever it is that I’m nagging about or picking a fight with him for, if I can re-approach it from a solution minded viewpoint then the communication can become about the problem instead of the person. It takes effort! Your marriage is worth the effort.

Proverbs 14:1: “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

Proverbs 19:13: “A foolish child is a fatherʼs ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof.”

Proverbs 21:9: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Proverbs 21:19: “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”

Proverbs 25:24: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

Proverbs 27:15‭-‬16: “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.”

Other parts of this series:

The Three Women of Proverbs, Part 1: The Adulterous Woman 3

Proverbs is an amazing book, and I’ve made a habit of reading the chapter of the book that corresponds to the day of the month. There are three types of women that are highlighted in Proverbs: the adulterous woman, the quarrelsome wife, and the wife of noble character. This three-post series will examine each of these types, starting today with the Adulterous Woman.

Proverbs has a lot to say about the Adulterous Woman. She is dangerous — and no wonder. This type of woman has the capability to burn up everything you hold dear in your life. Your marriage, your family, even your career. Her house “leads down to death” and “none who go to her return or attain the paths of life”. This is a serious warning. How often have we seen this happen? How do we protect ourselves from this danger?

  1. “Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman.” Wisdom is a lifelong acquirement, so this is no easy suggestion. Proverbs 1:7 says “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” This statement could fill up a book. God is powerful, sovereign, and holy. You should have a proper fear of God, and that fear should humble you. If you live your life through that lens a lot of things will orient in a good way, including your marriage. James 1:5 says “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” Fear God, pray for wisdom, and read God’s Word which is full of wisdom.
  2. Guard your marriage. This could also be another book. Your marriage is the most important relationship in your life, and it is worth guarding. Guard your time together, guard your speech to one another and about one another. Be truthful to each other and identify problems as they arise. Do not slander one another to your friends and do not make friends with people that will entice you to engage in that sort of conversation. Trust your spouse and assume they want the best for you. People don’t typically set out to intentionally commit adultery. But if you aren’t diligently tending to your marriage you might unknowingly be taking small steps towards that path.
  3. Make sex a priority. You need this. Intimate contact creates physical and emotional bonding. The more satisfied you both are in your sex life the less likely you will be to look for satisfaction outside of your marriage.

Proverbs 2:16‭-‬19: “Wisdom will save you also from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.  Surely her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead.  None who go to her return or attain the paths of life.”

Proverbs 5:3‭-‬6: “For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil;  but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.  Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.  She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.”

Proverbs 6:24‭-‬29: “Keeping you from your neighborʼs wife, from the smooth talk of a wayward woman.  Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.  For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another manʼs wife preys on your very life.  Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?  Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?  So is he who sleeps with another manʼs wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.”

Proverbs 7:10‭-‬12: “Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.  (She is unruly and defiant, her feet never stay at home;  now in the street, now in the squares, at every corner she lurks.)”

Proverbs 7:26‭-‬27: “Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng.  Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death.”

Proverbs 23:27‭-‬28: “For an adulterous woman is a deep pit, and a wayward wife is a narrow well.  Like a bandit she lies in wait and multiplies the unfaithful among men.”

Other parts of this series:

Improve Your Sex Life By Tracking Your Monthly Cycle 4

Several years ago I started experiencing some sexual frustration. El Fury and I had a few kids and life was getting more complicated. I felt like there were frequent times I would be in the mood, but the stars would not align properly and the sex would be more hurried than I’d like. Or by the time we got to the end of the day I would be so worn out I wouldn’t be in the mood enough to want to put forth the energy it takes to have an orgasm. Then a few days would pass and we would have time, but I wouldn’t be in the mood anymore. Over time this could make me feel frustrated and annoyed. I decided to start tracking my cycle.

Sexual desire ebbs and flows in tune to a woman’s menstrual cycle. If you pay attention, you can figure out your peak times. Ovulation happens about mid-way through a woman’s cycle. This is when a woman is at peak fertility, so your body’s natural desire to procreate makes you experience heightened sexual desire. Take advantage of this! Make space for it in your calendar. The first day of my period I create a calendar event for two weeks ahead so that El Fury and I know that we have plans that evening. We try our best to guard that time. It’s usually a good time to try something new and to have extended sexual playtime. Cycles can differ between women, so if you’re having a hard time figuring it out pay attention to your body. To put it bluntly, you’re probably ovulating when you’re feeling horny about a week after your period.

Most of the ovulation info on the internet is for couples trying to get pregnant, but ovulation is a great time for sex even if you aren’t trying for a baby.

Unfortunately there is the other side of the cycle. PMS typically hits one or two weeks before the start of a woman’s period. For me it is one week after ovulation. Just like with my ovulation reminder, the first day of my period I go ahead and put a PMS reminder in our shared calendar (I label as “P.lease M.ake me S.mile” so that it’s a little discreet). Before I started tracking it, PMS would often catch me off guard and I would spend a few days wondering why I was so sad before I realized why. During this part of my cycle I typically do not want to be touched, and El Fury knows to give me some space. It has been helpful to both of us to know what to expect at this time of the cycle. Just knowing it’s coming gives me emotional comfort because I know that there’s a chemical reason why I’m crabby, and that I will feel better soon.

If you don’t already track your cycle, I recommend it! Tracking it and planning for it in advance has been very beneficial to me and our sex life. You can be intentional and have fun during the upswings, and brace yourself emotionally for the downswings. Does anyone else track their cycle?

A Wife's Advice for Dealing with Sexual Frustration 5

We get a lot of emails from husbands who are frustrated with the quantity and quality of sex in their marriage. I’m writing this post to capture the advice that I generally give in response to these emails. See also: husbands dealing with sexual rejection and how to talk to your spouse about sex.

It’s tough to give advice because we don’t know everything going on in each marriage, but here are some things that might help.

  • Pray. Ask God to bless your sex life. Ask to have desire for your spouse.
  • Learn each other’s love language. Then be intentional in speaking your spouse’s love language.
  • Try physical touch with your spouse with no expectation of sex. Hug, kiss, caress, but don’t try to immediately follow up. These non-sexual touches fuel me and often get me in the mood.
  • Be a student of your spouse. I love having sex with El Fury because he knows me. He makes me feel sexy and beautiful. Find out what makes your spouse feel sexy, and they will want to have sex.
  • Communication. The more you talk about sex with each other, the more comfortable you will be talking about sex with each other, and the fewer problems you will have.

Husbands, this is specifically for you. El Fury recently told me a quote: a man can’t consider himself a good lover until he can do the exact same thing for an hour without moving. This is so true. If your wife is anything like me, I take up to 45 minutes to orgasm when my husband uses his hand. If we use the vibrator during sex it’s about 20 minutes. That’s a long time. It can take a long time for a woman to orgasm. Be patient. Here are some tips:

  • Only about 30% of women can orgasm from intercourse alone. If El Fury focused on my vagina I would never have an orgasm. You have to focus stimulation around the clitoris. Combine that with vaginal stimulation and your wife will go crazy. Keep the attention on the clitoris, it’s likely your wife can’t orgasm without that. That might mean that you give your wife an orgasm before you even have penetration.
  • If you want your wife to enjoy sex, focus on her pleasure first. If she’s not having an orgasm frequently, she’s probably not enjoying sex. Make sure you are meeting her needs and she will be more enthusiastic about meeting yours.
  • Pray for your wife and her sexual needs.
Wives, this is specifically for you:
  • Pray. These are the prayers that I often pray: That I would have desire for my husband, that I would have energy in the evening or be alert in the morning, that we would have a sex life that is fulfilling to both of us.
  • Pay attention to your cycle. I especially want sex right before my period, surprisingly during my period, and about two weeks after the start of my period. I try my hardest to make sure I orgasm often during those times, and it makes a huge difference in my overall sexual satisfaction.
  • Have you ever had an orgasm? If you “think so”, then you haven’t. I still remember my first one, and there was no doubt. I had previously thought there was something wrong with my body. I had thought it would magically happen with the right position during sex. I was wrong! It happened by El Fury touching me the right way in the right spot. Since we figured out where that button was, we have learned so much more about my body, what turns me on, and what gets me to orgasm. Sex became fun!
  • Be at peace with sex. Your husband will never stop wanting to have sex with you. He will continue to pursue you. If you find out what you enjoy, his pursuit will be a good thing and not something that you will forever try to avoid.

I hope this is helpful! Leave your questions or suggestions in the comments.

"It's only a season" 6

People say it all the time: “it’s only a season”. Seasons come and go. Some are better than others. Rather than wishing time away, we need to learn how to embrace the season we are in. The light parts and the dark. Maintaining a good habit of having sex with your spouse can help shape your outlook on whatever season of life you are in.

Sometimes I’m well into a season before I realize how things have changed. Right now I think I would title the season “over”. Lately I feel a lot of “over-(blank)”. I am starting my third year of being home with three preschoolers. I love our kids like crazy, but toddlers definitely contribute a lot to the tone of a season. Often at the end of the day I feel over-touched, over-stimulated, and over-tired. However, I also feel that I’m in the best time of my life! Children are a blessing from the Lord, but they can zap your energy right out of you. So how do you keep a fulfilling sex life in the midst of raising kids?

Here are some thoughts. Please leave suggestions for what’s worked for you in the comments!

  1. Time of day. The first thing I do when I find myself in a new season of life is reevaluate the best time of day for sex. Pay attention to your body and notice when you feel that urge — be alert. If you are exhausted by the end of the day, try having sex in the morning. It takes more discipline — you need to go to bed earlier, set an alarm, and actually wake up.
  2. Pray! Do you pray for your sex life? You should! Pray for desire, satisfaction, and regularity, for both you and your spouse.
  3. Take a moment. We are all busy, whether at home or at work. By the time the kids are in bed, I am not ready to be touched for a while. Similarly, if you work at a job where you have to talk a lot or are around people all day, you need a bit of quiet when you get home. I’m amazed at how even just 15 minutes alone can rejuvenate me and prepare me to better spend time with El Fury in the evening. Most of the time, this is just a nice hot shower.
  4. Make sex a habit. If sex is a regular part of your schedule, it’s going to happen! The same way you commit yourself to exercise and brushing your teeth, you should treat sex as a priority. If you’re already in the regular habit of having sex, you’re more likely to maintain a good sex life during the different seasons of life. You are in charge of your own time, and if something is important you should be able to carve out 30 minutes for it.
  5. Be flexible. If you have kids you have constant interruptions. They have lots of demands and very little patience. Even when I wake up early, am alert, and in the mood, there are times that things have to halt because there is a tiny person crying at the (locked) door. It’s frustrating, but it’s part of having these wonderful little people in your life. Keep trying. That evening. The next morning. Just keep trying!
  6. Communicate and ask for help. For me, the hours between 4 and 6 can make or break how I feel. Making dinner and cleaning up is often intense. When EF is able to help — with either clean up or baths, or just taking the kids away so I can prep dinner, it makes a world of difference. For less stress, try some slow-cooker meals. Anything you can to make dinner time less overwhelming will help!

Your spouse deserves your best, not just whatever you have left at the end of the day. Adjust yourself and your sex lives throughout whatever season you’re in. And remember, it’s only a season!

People Are More Important than Devices 7

Our world has changed so much since I was a kid. There is so much to entertain. Sometimes we even need to be entertained while being entertained! It’s literally at our fingertips. With so much to distract, it’s easy to get into some bad habits. How often do we favor scrolling through our phone than paying attention to our spouse or children? What message are you conveying when your child needs something and you take your time to respond so you can finish reading your article or playing your game? Relationships take effort. Being present speaks volumes of love. It says, you are important, and worth my time. We have made a few decisions in our house to help us make time for being intentional with our family.

  1. No devices at the dinner table. We eat meals together as a family, and everyone sets aside their phones (or toys for the younger ones). Mealtime is probably the most important time of the day to engage with each other.
  2. No TV’s in the bedroom. This was a little more difficult to give up, but I’m so glad we did. The bedroom is for sex, and for sleeping.
  3. Play games! Board games are so different from when we were children. There are so many different kinds of games out there. El Fury and I love playing games together, and it’s a great way to engage with each other. We watch TV sometimes, but that feels more like parallel play. There are a lot of cooperative games out there too, so you can even be on the same team.
  4. We often say to our kids “people are more important” when they want to play on their tablets instead of hang out with our family. It’s a good thing for them to hear, and a good reminder for us as well.
  5. We also try not to be on our phones in the evening. After the kids go to bed it’s our time to hang out. We guard that time. We don’t get on our computers or phones, we spend time together.

When your spouse is talking to you, set your phone aside, and look them in the eye. They should be more important to you. Your relationship is with a person and not a device. At the end of your life are you going to be happy for all the time you spent with your spouse, or are you going to wish you would have spent more time on your phone?

Advent Update 8

We are over halfway through our Adult Advent Calendar, so I thought I would share an update. So far we have had a great time doing this! There have been some surprises, some overlaps, and some things we probably won’t be trying again (like having sex outside in the freezing cold!). It has been fun to see what El Fury has come up with. Every morning shortly after we wake up we both get excited about drawing a new Advent activity. Here are some of my favorite parts of this activity so far:

  • Being intentional. We draw an activity in the morning then spend the rest of the day doing that activity or thinking about how we are going to do that activity. Then when it’s time, we spend part of our evening (or afternoon) just focusing on each other. It’s nice to simply focus on each other.
  • Spicing things up. Here are some of the more interesting things we’ve done so far: Pirates and Poetry, NO panties until we have sex again, sex outside, Tattoo night, role-playing with Professor Fury, 5 Senses Sex, and sex during naptime.
  • Being romantic. Some of the other activities we have done: texting/emailing each other all day about what we plan to do to each other that night, dinner date after the kids go to bed. The texting one was fun, so we have continued doing that with the other activities we are doing.

A lot of people seem to get so busy and overwhelmed over Christmas. Make sure to give your sex life some of your best time, not just your leftover time. Anyone else trying the Adult Advent Calendar? Any fun ideas you’ve come up with?

Adult Advent Calendar 9

Want a way to spice up this Christmas season? Why not try making your own adult Advent Calendar? This year El Fury and I cut up 24 strips of paper, and each of us wrote 12 ideas on each one. We are keeping them a surprise and starting December 1st will open a new one each day until Christmas. Our thought is that we will open them in the morning so that we have the day to prepare or carry out the card. I’m not sure yet what all EF wrote, but I did a blend of sexy, relaxing and fun. Here are some ideas:

  • Wear something sexy under your clothes today
  • Play a sexy game tonight (Twister, Jenga, etc.)
  • Try a new sexual position tonight
  • Bubble bath and wine

I am really excited for December 1st so we can start. We hope you and your spouse can have fun doing your own adult Advent Calendar! Post any ideas in the comments. We will report back and let you know how it is going!

Update: It’s lots of fun!

Sex During & After Pregnancy 10

Pregnancy is a special and fleeting time — although I remember while I was pregnant I felt like it would last forever! Looking back I can better appreciate how short a chapter of my life it was. During pregnancy, there are a lot of ups and downs in your sex life, and each trimester needs it’s own adjustments to keep a happy sexy time. Then after baby is born, there are even more adjustments to be made!

1st Trimester

  • When you find out that you and your spouse have made a life together, it is an incredibly intimate feeling. I felt connected to EF in a way I never had before. We shared something together that is at the most primal level of humanity, and that feeling extended into our sex.
  • Shortly after you become pregnant you start to realize that you won’t have your period for a while. This was one of my favorite parts!
  • Also shortly after you become pregnant, the hormones really kick in. For me, this is when I really started to pay attention to how I felt at different times of day. I was fortunate to not feel sick all day. Each pregnancy was different, but with each one there was a time of day that worked best for sex. So that is when we had sex! If you can be flexible and communicate you should be able to maintain an enjoyable sex life even through the more unpleasant parts of pregnancy.
  • Enjoy all the positions that you like, you aren’t really limited by your size.

2nd Trimester

  • Ah, the golden trimester for sex. El Fury loved this trimester. My libido was so high, I think I wore him out! Have sex as much as you can in this trimester.
  • For most of this trimester different positions are still comfortable. We tried to enjoy the Jockey position because we knew soon we wouldn’t be able to do it that way.
  • There isn’t a whole lot to say on this trimester, except have lots of sex and enjoy it!

3rd Trimester

  • Sex gets a little challenging during these few months. This is where I felt like I would be pregnant forever. Husbands, encourage your wives as much as you can during these months. I was super crabby the last two months of pregnancy and needed all the encouragement I could get!
  • Exercise if you are able. At this point I was only able to walk, and I think my level of activity made sex more enjoyable.
  • During this trimester we were pretty much limited sex to two positions: me on top and spooning. Sex while spooning is very comfortable when you are pregnant. The last month especially this was my favorite way to have sex. If you are unfamiliar with this position, it is exactly as it sounds: having sex while the husband spoons the wife.
  • Although it can be difficult, try to enjoy sex because after baby is born most people have to wait a little while until your body is recovered.

Postpartum

  • The first time you have sex after baby is born is pretty monumental. You haven’t had sex for a while, so both of you are pretty worked up. For the wife, it is also pretty scary (at least for me it was). Go slow and spend a lot of time on foreplay. When the husband is entering the wife, go especially slow and make sure she doesn’t have any pain through the process. EF was so gentle, and it meant the world to me that I could trust him in that way.
  • This is yet another time that you have to notice what time of day you want to have sex. Then have sex at that time! This can change rapidly, so listen to your body and embrace it when you want to have sex. Those first few months after our babies were born we had sex at all hours of the day. There were times I would come in from feeding in the middle of the night and be ready to go. EF was flexible enough that he didn’t mind waking up in the middle of the night.
  • Boob sensitivity. Before having kids, my boobs weren’t really an exciting area for me. For EF they were, but I didn’t get much pleasure out of them. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but after having babies and breastfeeding, by boobs became much more sensitive. Now I get very turned on when EF touches me there.

I love looking back and remembering our experience of pregnancy and childbirth together. EF was the only person I wanted to have in that room with me. Going through all that together brought our relationship to a new level of intimacy. I love sharing this journey with him. There are times I feel like our kids are absolutely crazy, and I can look up and catch his eye. We give each other a knowing smile. He is the only person in the world that can understand our life together, and what we’ve been through with adding these little lives to our world: their quirkiness, and the intense love we have for them. Then, when those crazy moments have turned to quiet moments after they go to bed (or in the morning before they wake up), it’s amazing to look into those same eyes while we make love. That, I believe, is how God wanted us to experience this great gift of sex and intimacy.