China's Richest Man Urges His Employees to Have More, Longer, Sex 1

China’s richest man and the founder of Alibaba, Jack Ma, urges his employees and newlyweds to follow a “669” approach to sex.

‘At work, we emphasize the spirit of 996. In life, we should follow 669,’ Ma said. His remarks were a wordplay on the firm’s controversial 996 work schedule, which expects staff to submit to 12-hour shifts between 9am and 9pm during a six-day week.

‘What is 669? Six days, six times, with duration being the key,’ Ma said to the 102 couples dressed in wedding dresses and suits at the ceremony. In Chinese, the word ‘nine’ is a homophone with the word for ‘long’.

“996” doesn’t sound great to me, but “669” is a good recipe for building a great sex life with your spouse. Check out the frequency tag here on the blog for a bunch of posts about why having sex with your spouse frequently is important. Here’s a selection.

  • Sex quality is important, of course, but great sex only comes from frequent sex. So if you want to have better sex, start by having more sex.
  • How often should you have sex with your spouse? Create a habit of daily sex. Ma’s prescription of six-times-a-week sounds like a fine destination, but we think you should aim for daily sex. You won’t hit the mark every time, but when you don’t have sex it should be an intentional decision, not an oversight.
  • The beneficial side effects of sex last about 48 hours. Partner bonding, positive moods, and the mental and physical benefits from sex can have a huge impact on your quality of life, so don’t go more than two days without sex with your spouse.

When Ma says “duration is the key” we think he’s hinting at the importance of the wife’s orgasms. Husbands tend to climax more quickly and easily than wives, so it might take extra focus as a couple to make sure that the wife has as many orgasms as she desires. She might not want an orgasm every time you have sex, but when she wants one you should both make sure to take the time required to deliver. Learn about the female orgasm and figure out what the wife needs.

Finally, we think that the wedding ceremony is too late for Ma to be broaching his “669” idea with the newlyweds. Couples who are seriously considering each other for marriage should talk about sex long before they get to the altar. If you’re already married it isn’t too late to have this discussion about expectations and desires, but it’s harder to change course once your marriage is set in its ways. Young people should think about these things before they even get engaged.

So what do you think about “669”? What’s your approach to frequency and duration? Let us know in the comments.

Ideal Male Bodies from History 2

Most everyone agrees that the female body is more aesthetically pleasing than the male, and women are much more commonly portrayed as reifications of beauty than are men. (Perhaps the most famous exception is Michelangelo’s David, above.) Men aren’t generally depicted for their beauty, but perhaps we can learn a bit about the historical “ideal male body” by examining some artwork of men who were at the top of the social hierarchy for another reason: martial prowess.

Redditor PartyMoses writes about depictions of men in 15th century fencing manuals.

I’m going to take some time to talk about a man named Paulus Kal. Kal was a fencing master who wrote a treatise on the knightly arts, and had a long career as a knight in various capacities, served some civic functions for Nuremberg, and was sworn in service to a couple of dukes. In the 1480s (probably), he wrote his treatise, which contained a fair amount of art.

We think Kal depicted himself in the middle here, wearing the red/pink suit. He’s helping a knight (right) prepare for a duel. Take a look at Kal and a look at the anonymous knight for a moment. Kal doesn’t look the way we think of as “fit” today. He has a noticable belly, no definition of arm muscles, stout legs. He looks very similar in other images, even from (possibly) different artists. Now take a look at the arming knight: again, no muscle definition, the man in fact looks quite thin. It’s the same in most of the images throughout the treatise.

Ideal Male Bodies from History 3

Aside from these fencers, PartyMoses also points to “Kal’s Birdman”:

I have eyes like a hawk, so you do not deceive me.
I have a heart like a lion, so I strive forward.
I have feet like a hind, so I can spring to and fro.

Ideal Male Bodies from History 4

Obviously the ideal man is not an exquisite corpse or a nightmarish fusing of animal with human, but we are supposed to understand the animal-like features of the ideal fencer. Eyes that can’t be deceived, courage that won’t falter, quick feet. But look at the body of this ideal man. No muscle tone, nearly anywhere. An exaggerated waist even with a bit of a gut, thin arms, tapering legs.

(Follow the link above for commentary and many more pictures.)

Did 15th-century women swoon over these emaciated birdmen? Unfortunately I couldn’t find any depictions of men created by women of that era… maybe someone more proficient with art history would know the answer.

Women: are you familiar with any artwork that portrays an attractive male figure? Leave a comment and let us know.

Requesting Feedback from our Readers 5

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We are eager to hear any of your feedback, but there are a few areas we’re particularly curious about. If you’d like, you can cut-and-paste the questions below into a comment and then leave your answers.

  1. What should we start, continue, or stop doing?
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  7. How has MarriedChristianSex.com affected your marriage and sex life?
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Oral Sex While Soft Creates  Amazing Intimacy 6

If you begin and end oral sex on your husband with him as hard as a rock, you’re both missing out — oral sex on a relaxed penis is an opportunity for intense pleasure and intimacy! But there’s one obvious problem, right? When a soft penis is stimulated it doesn’t stay relaxed for very long. You’ve got two options.

First, you can surprise your husband and take his penis into your mouth before he has a chance to get hard. Skip the kissing, hugging, rubbing, and whispering that might normally precede oral sex and jump straight on it before he knows what’s happening. I guarantee your husband will not object. This is a great way to kick things off, but you’ll probably only get to enjoy his soft penis for about 30 seconds, so…

The second option is to go down on your husband after he’s had an orgasm. When you’re done with sex and you’ve both climaxed, your husband is likely to be exhausted and you’ll have a longer opportunity to admire, delight, and nurture his relaxed penis. You don’t have to work hard at it, because you’re not trying to bring him to orgasm. During his refractory period your husband may start to become erect again without being ready to have another orgasm — if you continue to stimulate him slowly and gently the semi-erection may pass (and he might just fall asleep). The sensation for him will be powerfully intimate and refreshing — what a way to bless your husband with love and acceptance!

Why should you go down on your husband when he’s soft? There are a ton of benefits:

  • Intensity. When your husband’s penis is erect its nerves are spread out over a larger area, which dilutes the intensity of oral stimulation over a larger surface area. When his penis is soft its nerves are more tightly packed and stimulation will feel much more intense.
  • Take it all in. You may not be able to fit your husband’s entire erect penis in your mouth without deep-throating, but when its soft you can take it all much more easily. He will enjoy the sensation of your mouth covering his whole penis.
  • Feel it grow. Your husband will love the feeling as he gets hard inside your mouth, whether he’s had an orgasm already or not.
  • Intimacy. Men are often very goal-oriented with sex, always aiming for an orgasm. It can be difficult for a husband to appreciate and revel in the intimacy of sex apart from the orgasm, because after his penis gets soft it is banished from the area. It doesn’t have to be this way! Extend intimacy beyond your orgasms.
  • Relaxation. When you’ve already accomplished your goal, you can both relax and take things slow — let your minds wander while you play with each other and luxuriate in the sea of pleasure.
  • More sex. Eventually he’ll get hard again, so have more sex! After that his penis will really be down for the count. Probably.

So wives, what do you think about performing oral sex on your husband while he’s soft, before or after sex? Husbands, do you (or would you) enjoy it? How would it make you feel? Leave a comment below!

Leave a Comment and Share Your Recent New Sexual Experiences 7

We love to hear from readers who have recently expanded or enhanced their sex life with their spouse — especially if our blog was a catalyst for the new experience! But whether it’s because of us or not, please leave a comment below telling about a new sexual experience or accomplishment you’ve had. Here are three examples.

K and her husband tried New Faithful:

K
We finally tried this and it was incredible! You are spot on any the feedback loop- we both got super aroused in record time. Will definitely become one of our go tos. Thank you!!

El Fury
Awesome, glad to hear it. Did you finish this way or just use it for foreplay?

K
Both! Helps that I started swallowing with your encouragement :p

Eric and his wife played Sexy Adult Jenga:

We just used your Jenga game rules last night. We had a great time! Thank you for the ideas!! Keep up the good work.

James writes that his wife has started asking permission to orgasm:

My wife just started this and I think it is great. She has always been fairly vanilla but has done this the past few weeks.

As for me and Sexy Corte, we’ve been trying two new things recently that we will write about eventually:

  1. Sexy Corte has been training herself to reach orgasm in positions other than wife-on-top.
  2. We’ve been experimenting with a little anal play.

Please share your new experiences or accomplishments in the comment section. We’d love to create a podcast episode on this topic!

(Note: You need to scroll down and click “load comments” to view the comments section.)

Best Christian Sex Links of the Week 8

We’ve removed a few links from our sidebar recently because some of the blogs we loved are no longer actively maintained. If you have a blog that you think we and our readers would enjoy, please let us know!

Unlocking her orgasm — lots of great data from a study of Finnish women… who finish. Sorry, couldn’t resist the pun.

Discover the power of words for excitement — “Just like God designed men to get excited by looking at a woman’s body , He designed women to get aroused through words.”

10 Exercise Tips for Busy Moms — these are just as good for fathers! Plus, the key to female sexual arousal is excitement, not relaxation.

If you like our podcast, you may also like these top episodes from Sex Chat for Christian Wives.

Mindfulness and meditation during sex — similarly, we’ve written about how intense focus on your senses makes sex great.

Never miss a chance to learn about the penis — and here are some tips for admiring your husband’s penis.

4 reasons to say yes to sex… even if you’d rather watch TV — you can even do both at the same time.

Personal lubrication 101the best lube is the lube you’ve got with you!

How do you know if your wife is faking orgasm?husbands can fake orgasms too!

10 weird sex problems that no one talks about

Got a link to share? Leave it in the comments!

Edge-of-the-Bed Sex Positions 9

Since posting Podcast #008: How to Make the Most of the Size You’ve Got we’ve gotten feedback from readers who love deep penetration, and we’ve also received a few questions about positions to use for more depth. It just so happens that Sexy Corte and I have been experimenting with an edge-of-the bed position that is perfect for deep penetration, and that also creates an amazing visual experience for the husband!

ChristianFriendlySexPositions calls the position “Packing the Suitcase”.

Edge-of-the-Bed Sex Positions 10

It’s a pretty simple position:

  • The wife perches on the edge of the bed (or other raised surface) and lifts her legs up, pulling her knees towards her chest.
  • The husband stands facing her and enters.

This position enables extremely deep penetration by pulling the wife’s legs far out of the way and by pushing her pelvis up and forward towards the husband. You may even get deeper than in doggy style! As always with deep positions, the husband will need to be careful not to thrust too forcefully to avoid discomfort for the wife; the wife will likely find deep penetration more enjoyable if she is thoroughly aroused.

Edge-of-the-Bed Sex Positions 11

Edge-of-the-bed positions are great for a bunch of reasons!

  • Deep penetration. As we already mentioned, these positions enable the deepest possible penetration of any face-to-face positions.
  • Access to the wife’s clitoris. These positions don’t stimulate the wife’s clitoris directly, but they do provide easy access for either spouse to use their fingers, thumb, or a vibrator. The wife’s clitoris can be hard to reach in most husband-dominant positions — which makes it hard/impossible for the wife to orgasm — so this feature enables the wife to climax while the husband is in control of the action.
  • Great visuals of penetration. Men are very visual creatures, and edge-of-the-bed positions create an opportunity for the husband to get a good look at the action as he penetrates his wife and watch the response of her whole body when she climaxes. I find these visuals to be extremely hot, and one of the best features of these positions.
  • Keep cool in the summer. Sex in the hot months of the year can be sweaty and exhausting, but edge-of-the-bed positions can help you keep cool. You won’t get as hot in these positions as when you’re lying down because your bodies aren’t in full-length contact. We find it much harder to reach orgasm if we overheat.
  • Access to the wife’s legs and breasts. Because your bodies aren’t pressed together, the husband will have lots of access to the wife’s breasts and legs during sex. Breasts are also easily accessible during wife-on-top positions, but in most positions the wife’s legs aren’t within reach. You might both enjoy having the husband pet and rub the wife’s legs and feet during sex!
  • Edging marathons. Both spouses are in pretty comfortable positions — standing straight up and lying down — so you should be able to stay on the edge-of-the-bed for a while. The wife can have a relaxing, luxurious, drawn-out experience if the husband goes slowly and focuses his attention on her.

Edge-of-the-bed positions do present one significant challenge that hindered our enjoyment of them for years: what to do with the wife’s legs? There’s nowhere to rest them (since they’re hanging off the bed), and it’s tiring for the either spouse to hold them up for long periods of time. You can take turns, but you’ve also got to pay attention to the wife’s clitoris, and thrusting, etc. Here are a few ideas for keeping the wife’s legs comfortable, but you make need to juggle between them over the course of your encounter.

  • Husband holds wife’s ankles or knees. Great for a while, but it requires both of the husband’s hands. The wife can stimulate herself while the husband holds her legs; this might work great for you, but Sexy Corte really prefers for me to stimulate her.
  • Wife holds her own legs up and back. The wife pulls her thighs up to her breasts and holds her knees with her hands. This works well and provides great access for the husband, but it can become tiring for the wife and also make her feel squished or cramped after a while.
  • Husband leans on wife’s shins with one arm. Similar to above — the husband pushes the wife’s thighs up to her breasts, folds her knees, and then leans forward against her shins with one of his arms to hold her legs. This leaves one of his hands free, but can make the wife feel squished and also negates many of the advantages listed above because their bodies will be pressed together.
  • Prop the wife’s legs up with something. Theoretically you can put two tall objects on the floor near the edge of the bed for the wife to rest her spread legs/feet on and that don’t block the husband. We’ve never been able to make this work. You’d probably need some sort of birthing table.
Edge-of-the-Bed Sex Positions 12
  • Use a bondage strap or rope. This is the approach we just discovered, and it works pretty well as an augmentation to the other techniques described above. Use one of your bondage straps or ropes (which I’m sure you already own!) to hold the wife’s legs up. You can position the strap behind her neck or shoulders, whichever she finds the most comfortable. Both spouses can take turns holding the wife’s legs to relieve the pull of the straps when desired. For example:
Edge-of-the-Bed Sex Positions 13

Once you’ve mastered the basics, here are some more edge-of-the-bed sex positions to try out. Share some of your tips or let us know what you think in the comments below!

Sex Q&A: Oral Sex Positions, Glow-in-the-Dark Tattoos, Multiple Orgasms 14

Here are a few emails from readers that are worth sharing with the community but don’t require long responses from us. (Some of these responses are from Sexy Corte, some are from El Fury, and some are from both of us.)

Reader “TH” asks:

How can I get my wife to read your site without knowing I sent it?

It’s best to cultivate an open channel of communication with your spouse! However, it can be difficult to get the ball rolling at the beginning. We suggest using Mailinator.com to send anonymous emails — you can even use this service to ask us a question if you don’t want to share your real address with! Simply make up a Mailinator address, or use marriedchristiansex@mailinator.com to send your email. (Note: Mailinator is a good way to send anonymously, but it’s hard to get a response back because the service deletes all incoming messages every hour.)

Wife “DO” asks:

Hello! I would like to ask more details on the Old Faithful position. Is it like 69? Does the wife’s butt face the husband’s face?

Just wanted to say thanks for setting up this website, it has been very informative and educational for married Christian couples who need all the help they can get.

For Old Faithful the husband lays on his back and the wife kneels to his side facing him, with her knees spread and near one of his hips. Then the wife bends down over the husband to perform oral sex. The husband reaches up between the wife’s legs to stimulate her at the same time. See also: “New Faithful”, and “Stimulate Both Spouses While One Is Performing Oral”.

Wife “IJ” asks:

My husband and I have been married for ten years and our sex life is AWESOME! And while I know that my husband loves it, I am often the “initiator “ which I don’t mind but I would love for him to be the sex beggar occasionally.

He works hard and doesn’t get enough sleep sometimes so I know he’s tired and I’m a stay home mom of two and I try to do things to make it easy for him at home. For example: I have dinner ready when he gets home, I lay out his towel and washcloth and always have his clothes clean and hung up so that he doesn’t have to lift a finger at home. We were both married before (unfortunately) so I don’t know if there was a lot of rejection there, but I’ve been very open that I’m ok to do it anytime and I’ve never said no. It may just be personality because he does really love it, I want to be clear that there’s no problem there and he’s very considerate of me. I just wonder if you have any advice on how to help him initiate more. Thank you, I just found y’alls website today… I love it.

It sounds like your sex life is pretty great, so yay for you guys!

It’s common for a wife to want/expect her husband to initiate, because women tend to be more “responsive” sexually, and men tend to be more “spontaneous”. Of course, everyone is different and there’s nothing at all “wrong” with you initiating more than your husband.

So, there’s nothing “wrong”, but you’d still like your husband to do more of the initiating. The best thing you can do is tell him! You may be thinking… “but if I tell him to initiate, aren’t I the one initiating?” Maybe, but he can’t read your mind.

Here are some ideas for what to say to him (if these are true):

  1. I love our sex life. You really satisfy me.
  2. I’d love it if you would initiate more. I don’t know if you’re waiting for some signal from me, but don’t bother. I’ll never say no. Just do it and you’ll see. (If he is worried about rejection, tell him explicitly that you won’t turn him away.)
  3. Here are some ways that I’ll signal that I want you: sleep naked, secret message panties, flash my boobs, etc. Make up an “innocent” signal that tells him to hit on you.

Wife “TJ” asks:

Thank you so much for this site. It has helped me and my husband so much!  We have been married for over 24 years and we have only just begun to view sexual intimacy and pleasuring one another in the correct way. I was much too uptight and focused on being a proper, good church girl. I wouldn’t dare admit I was enjoying our sexual encounters, nor would I give him a lot of attention sexually. It’s very sad looking back. We’ve both talked very openly about this over the last few weeks and it’s like we’re on a honeymoon period!  We’re trying things on your site and it’s incredible how close our relationship has become from the sexual intimacy we’ve been sharing. So, thank you so much!

My question is this: I’m having a harder time climaxing from clitoral stimulation (or any kind of stimulation).  We have sex daily, and on most days multiple times.  I’ve talked with him and he understands that I don’t expect to have an orgasm every time we have sex, but he wants me to at least once a day.  Is this difficulty coming from us having sex so often that I can’t get aroused enough to climax, as I did when we went days (and sometimes weeks) between intercourse?

Have you encountered this before?  Do you have suggestions to help me?  Is it possible for a woman to have an orgasm daily or multiple times every day?

Sexy Corte responds:

This is our favorite type of email to receive. I will say that I’m the same, it’s hard for me to have an orgasm every day. I do alright two days in a row, but if I try for three it’s a lot of work! I do best having 2-3 orgasms per week. Other times, I’m happy to have sex without an orgasm because El Fury does want to have one every day. Also, there’s a big difference in the time required — it takes him less than 10 minutes, for me it takes 20-30. I hope this helps and that your sex life with your husband continues to be fun!

And finally, a recommendation from wife “BA”:

I recommend that you try glow in the dark temporary tattoos! I put them all over my breasts, charged them up with a cell phone flashlight, and it made quite the impression in a dark bedroom. Husband keeps searching for them on Amazon now!

We will have to check those out!

We love to hear from our readers, so drop us a line.

Please use the contact pages for Sexy Corte and El Fury to send us your questions. We will only share your question if you give us permission, and we’ll never reveal your name or any other identifying information. You can ask questions anonymously, or use a free anonymous email server like Mailinator.

Improve Your Marriage and Sex Life by Emphasizing Sex Differences 15

Men and women have a lot in common, but the differences between us are extremely important in our marriages.

We must stop pointing the finger at husbands as if they’re somehow cavemen. Even women with feminist attitudes prefer a conventional arrangement to an egalitarian one! That’s because study after study has shown that for most couples, something goes awry when women earn more than their husbands.

“So in 2013, the University of Chicago Booth School of Business published a paper that looked at 4,000 married couples in America,” Mona Chalabi noted on NPR. “It found that once a woman started to earn more than her husband, divorce rates increased. Surprisingly, though, this data showed that whether the wife earns a little bit more or a lot more doesn’t actually make much of a difference. So the researchers concluded from that that what really matters is the mere fact of a woman earning more.”

Even if the couple doesn’t get divorced, the sex can, and often does, wane. “The very qualities that lead to greater emotional satisfaction in peer marriages, as one sociologist calls them, may be having an unexpectedly negative impact on these couples’ sex lives,” notes Lori Gottleib in “Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?”

The point isn’t really about money — income is just one potential manifestation of the differences between men and women. I’m sure you can think of a few more without trying too hard. For example, we’ve written about how the division of labor with your household chores impacts your sex life:

Couples in which women did all of the traditional female chores had sex 1.6 times more each month than couples in which men did all of those jobs. The more cooking and cleaning a husband did, the less sex the couple had; women’s cooking and cleaning was linked with more sex. Couples in which men did more traditional male chores also had more sex; it did not seem to matter if women did more or less of those chores.

Gottleib reports the same effect, and it doesn’t seem to matter whether the wife reports wanting a more egalitarian marriage or not.

That might may sound blasphemous in today’s day and age, what with our insistence on so-called equality. But the fact remains that sexual attraction tends to be strongest when men and women are distinct from, not similar to, one another.

“The more traditional the division of labor,” adds Gottleib, “meaning the greater the husband’s share of masculine chores compared with feminine ones, the greater his wife’s reported sexual satisfaction.”

It’s also worth noting that there are physical sex differences and behavioral sex differences — they’re correlated, but not always identical. Physical sex differences include:

  • Male: Men tend to be larger than women and have penises.
  • Female: Women can bear children and have vaginas.

Behavioral sex differences tend to correlate with physical sex differences, but all people display behaviors of both types to some degree or another. These traits vary somewhat by culture, but are also grounded in biological mechanisms.

  • Masculine: Strong, courageous, independent, high sex-drive.
  • Feminine: Gentle, empathetic, social, nurturing.

The point isn’t that you can only find happiness in your marriage if you adhere to some “traditional” pattern of life. We’re just pointing out that men and women are different, and your marriage and sex life will be stronger when you play into these differences rather than ignoring them. Each individual man and woman is unique, and sometimes social pressure and expectations lead us to ignore our differences in the name of “equality”.

“Is it okay if I imagine you naked?” 16

From “Kafka on the Shore” by Haruki Murakami:

“Is it okay if I imagine you naked?”

Her hand stops and she looks me in the eyes.

“You want to imagine me naked while we’re doing this?”

“Yeah. I’ve been trying to keep from imagining that, but I can’t.”

“Really?”

“It’s like a TV you can’t turn off.”

She laughs. “I don’t get it. You didn’t have to tell me that! Why don’t you just go ahead and imagine what you want? You don’t need my permission. How can I know what’s in your head?”

“I can’t help it. Imagining something’s very important, so I thought I’d better tell you. It has nothing to do with whether you know or not.”

“You are some kind of polite boy, aren’t you,” she says, impressed. “I guess it’s nice, though, that you wanted to let me know. All right, permission granted. Go ahead and picture me nude.”

“Thanks,” I say.

Try this with your spouse and leave a comment to tell us how it goes.